Nothing Is Real
by Xtyne
Summary: Ellie Cole died that night in the war against the witches. She left behind Eric Northman, the love of her life. Or did she? Ellie wakes to find herself trapped, and can only rely on herself and an annoying Reaper to decide her fate.
1. Chapter 1: If I Die Young

**Chapter One: If I Die Young**

I expected death to be different.

I expected white fluffy clouds, harps being played, golden gates leading to the Promised Land. Instead, I found myself alone in a depressing grey room. It wasn't even a room. It was like I was just floating in grey nothingness. I moved my legs, to try and walk in any direction I could, but the grey still remained. It was surrounding me with no end in sight. There were no fluffy clouds, no golden gates to heaven. There was just nothing.

Was this instead hell? Had I been punished for the lives I had taken?

But where was the blistering heat? The demons and all that was evil to rip me apart, to torture me until I screamed in agony, where was any of it? There was just nothing besides seas of grey. It was enough to want to pull my hair out in frustration.

Where the hell was I?

And then suddenly around me, everything changed. It morphed into a scene familiar to my eyes. It was the battlefield. I was back inside of that warehouse as the battle stopped, body parts and blood splayed across every inch of the room. I looked around in horror as I took everything in. I could see Sophie-Anne crying over the goo that had once been Andre. I turned in another direction to see Alcide kneeling on the ground naked, cuts and bruises littered over his body and he caught his breath. I turned again only to be stopped in my tracks. If I even had a breath, it would have been caught in my throat as I took in the sight of Eric sobbing over my lifeless form. My heart ached as I watched him grip tightly to my body, screaming at anyone that came within a foot of him. Godric was the only one allowed, the only one who knelt down beside Eric and my body. There were tears streaming down his face, staining his pale cheeks. But he held himself together as best as he could for Eric as he laid a hand on his shoulder. Eric snapped however, pulling away from his maker and holding onto me tighter. It made me want to run over there and hug him. And I even attempted to do so. But before I could reach him, everything just vanished. I turned every which way, expecting to find Eric somewhere else. But everything had just disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"What the hell." I whispered to myself, feeling the tears pooling in my eyes. I went to wipe them away when I saw another form across from me. He looked miles away, and when I opened my mouth to call out to him, I didn't have a voice. A tear slipped down my cheek and I tried to run to him. But my feet couldn't move. I was frozen to the stop, an invisible wall keeping me from moving at all.

"Don't strain yourself, phoenix." A voice left the form as he slowly walked closer.

I could see him clearly now as he stood only a few feet away. He was tall, almost as tall as Eric. His dark brown hair was cut short and his eyes were the brightest blue I had ever seen in my life. He was beautiful, I couldn't deny that. He would never match Eric's beauty, but this man was handsome in his own way. I wanted to know who he was, why he was smirking at me like that. What was he doing here? Where was here? What was going on? Shouldn't I have been dead? Was this death himself, to take me to the other side? I was so confused and all I wanted was answers.

"I'm not Death." He spoke, as if reading my mind. "Maybe someday."

I was baffled, my mouth dropping open in shock.

"Don't you just look lovely." He rolled his eyes. "What I wouldn't love to just take you."

I didn't understand what he meant by that as he passed by me, the grey nothingness changing back into the scene in the warehouse. My eyes grew wide as I looked back around until my eyes fell on Eric. I moved quickly this time, ignoring the man who had started walking around the room. My only thoughts were on Eric as I reached his side, my hand moving out to touch him. But I couldn't touch him. My hand only fell right through him, like he wasn't even there. But it wasn't him that wasn't solid. It was me. It was like I was a ghost, able to float right through him.

I could feel my tears streaming down my cheeks and I fought with all my might to touch him. I just wanted to touch him one last time. I needed to. It was an act of desperation.

"You can't touch him." the man appeared at my side again.

I spun on my heel to glare at him through my tears. "Who the hell are you? Where am I?"

"Someone is a bit moody." He rolled his eyes.

"Oh just shut up!" I went to hit him, except he just disappeared before my very eyes.

"That isn't very nice, Phoenix. I've come here on my own accord and you try and use physical force. I'm hurt." The voice sounded from behind me.

I twisted around to find him leaning against the warehouse wall. I wanted to smack the smirk off of his face, to shake away the smug look in his eyes. Who was he? Where in the world was I? I just wanted answers. I needed them.

"Who are you?" I demanded.

"Well if you must know." He sighed dramatically. "I'm the Reaper."

"Reaper?" I frowned in confusion. "As in, Death?"

"One day perhaps." He shrugged as he pushed himself away from the wall and began walking towards me. "But I'm only the Reaper."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm graced with the unfortunate pleasure of having to deal with the likes of you." He shook his head. "I wanted to snatch you right up the last time you were here. But that pesky little red head had to swoop in and ruin all my fun."

"Kyra." I breathed out, remembering seeing her after the car crash as I watched myself nearly die in that hospital bed.

"Yes, her." The Reaper's eyes roamed around the room before setting his sights on one of the dead witches. He was burnt to a crisp, and I knew he had been the one I had killed. The Reaper whistled as he knelt down to the burnt form, his head shaking as he took in his appearance. "You did a number on this one."

I watched as he laid a singer finger on his forehead before a bright light suddenly enveloped the body. I had to look away from the blinding light, shielding my eyes with my arm. the light had disappeared just as quickly as it appeared and I let my arm fall back down to my side as I watched the Reaper stand, dusting off his dark slacks.

"Where am I then?" I questioned as he began walking towards another body further away. I kept up to pace with him, needing to know the answers I sought out. When he didn't answer me, I let out a sound of frustration before jogging around him, stopping him before he could continue walking. He raised an eyebrow as he stared down at me with a bored expression on his face. I crossed my arms as I glared up at him, just wanting him to answer at least one of my questions without a snarky comment. "Well?"

"Isn't it obvious? You're in the In-Between." He answered as if it were the simplest thing in the world to comprehend.

He then moved around me and continued on his way to the next body. I stood there, not turning to follow him. I just stood there, trying to make sense of what he said. I was in the In-Between. I could vaguely remember when I had seen Kyra after the car crash, barely remembering when she had told me that exact same thing. I was caught between life and death, stuck between the world I had always known and one I was intrigued about. It was a lot to take it. I was shell shocked. A big part of me was still in that battle, still fighting for the lives of everyone I ever cared about. But it was all over now. As I glanced over to where Eric still sat, holding me to him as if I was just going to wake back up any second now, I felt my heart completely break.

That was when my I came to my senses.

I was a Phoenix. I couldn't die. It wasn't possible unless I gave my soul to another, unless there was another to continue on the legacy. I couldn't be dead. So why was I still here? I should have gone back. I should have woken back up by now. I hadn't stayed here this long when it happened the first time. Where was Kyra? Why wasn't she here to guide me back down to earth, to assure me that everything would be alright? She wasn't anywhere in sight, and instead, I was stuck with this arrogant Reaper.

"I can't die." I said suddenly, turning around to face the Reaper as he stood up from another soul he had just taken. "I just can't. I'm a Phoenix."

"Finally, you're using that pretty little head of yours." He smirked widely. "I was wondering how long it was going to take you."

"Oh just stop, you asshole." I growled. "Send me back. I want to go back. I can't be here, I need to be there. I need to wake up."

"I can't do that, Phoenix." He shook his head.

"Yes you can. Send me back. Now. I can't die."

"I can't make that decision." He shrugged, turning back away.

"Yes you can. You're a friggin Reaper! Send. Me. back!" I threw my arms up in frustration. "You can't keep me here."

"Oh I can keep you here as long as I want to, little girl."

"This isn't right. I can't be here."

"But you are here." A sly look crossed his face. "And whose fault is that?"

"Just send me back. Or take my soul. Just do your damn job!"

"I can't do that. It's not my place."

"Then who can do it? Because you can damn well call them down here and send me the hell back! Right now!" my voice began rising in hysterics. I wanted to go back. I had to go back. I needed to be with Eric. I needed him. I needed to feel him, to kiss him. I couldn't go on like this. I couldn't lose him. I couldn't be the one to lose him, I just couldn't.

"That would be me."

The voice sent a chill down my spine. It felt like my skin was ice cold the moment those four words sounded behind me. My face paled as I slowly turned around only to meet the gaze of the most terrifying man I had ever set my sights on. He was older than the Reaper, must older. He looked like he could have been centuries old, his face wrinkly and limp. His hair fell into his face in strings, looking like it hadn't been washed in decades. It was his eyes however, that caused a gasp to emit from my lips, for my legs to take a step away from this creature. His eyes were so dark. They were so dark that it felt like I was looking into death itself. They were pools of black, with just a hint of something else. It was like millions of souls were swimming in those pools of darkness, and that frightened me to the core.

"Leave us." The man spoke aloud, his voice booming.

"I was hoping to watch the show." The Reaper replied smugly.

"I said leave." The man snapped his fingers and the Reaper just suddenly disappeared.

I took another step back as my eyes grew even wider. I think I felt more frightened of him than of any other bring I had been faced with. I don't think I was truly afraid of Hallow or Mark. They had only angered me and pissed me off. I wanted them to die, and I ensured that at least Hallow met that fate. This man however, whatever it was that he was, scared me to the bone. I wanted to run away, curl up in a corner and just wish him away. I didn't want to look into those dark eyes any longer, but for some reason I just couldn't look away.

"W-who are you?" my voice was barely above a whisper.

"I am Death." He responded, his head tilting to the side as his eyes bore right into me.

Death.

He was death.

That only sent another surge of fear through me.

"Have a seat, we have much to discuss." He waved his hand in the air before two chairs suddenly appeared.

I didn't sit though. Death took his seat gracefully and stared up at me, waiting to do the same. But I couldn't. I was frozen in fear. I couldn't move a muscle. My tears had stopped and dried on my cheeks. It felt like my heart was pounding against my chest, and for a brief moment, I wondered if that was even real. Could my heart still be beating if I stood in between life and death?

"I said, have a seat." His voice sounded darker as he waved his hand and the chair behind me crashed into the back of my legs, forcing me down onto it. I tried to jump back out of it, but I found that I was restrained by invisible ropes, holding me to the chair. I struggled but it was no use. Whatever Death had done, I was stuck here.

Just like I was stuck in this hell hole.

Except that it wasn't hell. I would have even rather hell than this place, than to be able to watch the love of my life sobbing over my dead body. At that thought, I turned my head in Eric's direction, only to find him and all the others fading back to grey. I struggled some more, just wanting to see Eric's face again. I let out a noise of exasperation before falling limp in the chair, knowing that it was absolutely useless. I wasn't a part of that world anymore. I was here, in this place, sitting across from Death, and what looked to be no possible way back home.

"Send me back." I found the sudden courage to speak as I glared right at Death himself.

"I can't do that." He clasped his hands in his lap as he crossed one leg over the other.

"What? What do you mean you can't do that? You're Death! Just send me back damnit. Or take my soul. Just do something!" the tears began again, sliding down my cheeks like they had never stopped. I just wanted all of this to end. I wanted to either go back or find myself in my afterlife. Why did this have to be so difficult?

"That mark on the back of your neck ensures that I cannot do that." Death answered simply.

"What?" I asked in confusion before it dawned on me. The tattoo. I had almost forgotten all about it. It was in the form of an ancient drawing of a magnificent bird; a phoenix. I had wondered why I was given this tattoo, how it had just suddenly appeared. But I eventually just forgot about it. Why worry over something I would probably never find out about?

"I cannot take the soul of a marked Phoenix. Not until that is wiped from your body." His eyes lowered to my neck, as if he could look right through it to the tattoo itself. "It burns brightly. Yes, you are most definitely a strong one. That was evident in how you destroyed that pesky witch."

I gulped as I just stared at Death. "Send me back. You can't take my soul, so send me back."

"I cannot do that either, tiny Phoenix." He shook his head.

"Why not? You can't keep me here." I began struggling against the invisible restraints again.

"Oh I can. I can keep here as long as it takes."

"As long as what takes?" I demanded to know.

"As long as it takes for you to know what you truly desire."

"What? What are you talking about?" I was growing frustrated now. Why couldn't I just get a straight answer? I just wanted to know why I was here, why I wasn't back in my own body yet.

"You say you want to return, but I can see inside of your heart, tiny Phoenix, and I know the truth." His lips curled into a smirk.

"I want to go home. Send me back!" I ordered as if he wasn't Death, the most terrifying being anyone could possibly meet.

"You and I both know that isn't what you truly want, not entirely."

"It is. I want to go home." I was pleading now, begging for him to send me back.

"You don't know what it is you want." He sat forward, his eyes meeting mine once again. "You say one thing, but your heart says another."

"That's not true." I shook my head.

"Yes it is." He nodded, his eyes growing even darker if that was even possible. "You say you want to return to your loved ones, and part of you truly wants that. But deep within your soul, you don't ever wish to return."

My face paled. "No. That's not true. I want to go home."

"Maybe. But your heart tells me something different. You're tired of the pain. You're tired of the hurt. You're tired of the sacrifices you've made. Part of you never wants to go back. You just want to move on, to wherever that may be."

"But..." I couldn't think of a thing to say though. How could I argue with Death?

How could I argue the truth?

I didn't want what he had said to be true. I tried to fight with my own conscious. But it was true; it was as simple as that. As much as I wanted to go home, as much as I wanted to return to Eric, to kiss him all day and night, I knew a part of me didn't want that at all. I knew that a part of me did want to just move on, to find myself in heaven, to be with my parents and brother again. I felt ashamed for feeling it. I hated myself for being so selfish. But it still didn't change anything. I was confused; I didn't know what I truly wanted. And that was why was keeping me here. It wasn't the Reaper, it wasn't even Death. It was myself. I was the reason I was here, stuck in this nothingness.

"What do I do?" I asked desperately.

"You decide what it is you want." He shrugged his bony shoulders under his loose suit jacket.

"And then you'll send me back?" I asked hopefully.

"If that is what you decide, yes. I do not keep souls here, that is not my purpose. And I certainly do not keep Phoenixes to myself, even though you would round off a nice collection of mine." He chuckled to himself. It was the most frightening chuckle I've ever heard in my life. "But unfortunately, the one who created all of his precious little phoenixes wouldn't be very happy with me."

"God?" I whispered out, my eyes growing wide.

"Yes, I believe that is what you call him." he nodded.

"You...you work for God?"

"Of course not. He has no domain over me." Death shook his head, disgust on his face at the mere thought. "But he is not an entity one would like to witness angry."

I was just startled to the point that I was speechless, not knowing what to say. I just watched as Death stood out of the chair, the restraints holding me down vanishing. I didn't move from the chair however, knowing that if I stood, I wouldn't be able to hold myself up.

"Rest, tiny Phoenix. You'll need it." Death waved his hand and a four poster bed suddenly appeared to one side, dressed in stark white sheets.

"How...how do I decide?" I questioned softly, my eyes rising up to meet his.

"That's up to you." He answered before he snapped his fingers and just vanished into thin air.

It didn't take long until I was pulling myself out of the chair and throwing myself onto the bed. I couldn't stop the tears as they flowed out of me, the sobs racking my body. I cried for myself, I cried for Eric, I cried for every single person I had lost. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I ever would. I just wanted to wake up and have all of this be some horrible nightmare. This couldn't be real, it just couldn't be.

* * *

**A/N:** I couldn't be that cruel and just leave you without a sequel in the same day. well I could have been that cruel, but I have no self control and I already have the second chapter done that will be posted later tonight as well. so you don't get breathing room from this series just yet! unless you want breathing room, then I would suggest sitting out on reading these chapters for a bit. because it gets heavy quickly. Ellie is dead...but she's not really. she's stuck in the In-Between because she's confused on what she wants. either she can go back to Eric and the ones she loves, or she can rest peacefully in her after life. I know it seems silly that she would even consider it, but look at what she's been through. the thought of seeing her family again, being free of pain and heartache, it's welcoming to her. but we'll just have to see what she decides! oh, and for this Reaper character, I totally imagine Gerard Butler for some reason. and a second oh...if your new and this all sounds messed up, take yourself back to Make This Go On Forever and read on from there. this is the 4th fic in this series.


	2. Chapter 2: I Won't Let Go

**Chapter Two: I Won't Let Go**

I had hoped that when I woke up from my dreamless slumber that I would miraculously find myself next to Eric, that the battle in the warehouse had never happened. Sleeping wasn't even the word to describe it. I had simply closed my eyes, fell into a black pit of nothingness, only to wake up in this hell. Except it wasn't hell. Hell would have been a welcome sight compared to the pool of grey sounding me. I sighed as I cracked open my eyes, taking in the lack of features around me. There were no walls, not even a floor. There wasn't an end in sight. There was only the bed that I was lying on and myself. That was all.

Unfortunately, not for long however.

I yelped in surprise when the Reaper had suddenly appeared at the end of the bed, a smirk wide on his face. I scowled at him and pulled my legs up to my chest and circled my arms around them. He looked so smug as he sat down on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving mine. I wanted to yell at him to leave, to slap him and hit him as hard as I could. But I couldn't. I didn't have the strength to do so. I just felt so week and helpless. It was such a far cry from how I felt last night as I killed Hallow, burning her alive until she was nothing but dust in the wind. I had felt so strong, so powerful. And now I just felt weak.

And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

Not until I faced the truth. But I was too scared to do so. I didn't want to face the fact that I may truly not want to return, that I did really want to leave Eric all alone to suffer. So I pushed the thoughts out of my head and focused on the Reaper before me.

"What do you want?" I snapped at him.

"What, no hello?" he snickered. "That's no way to greet a friend."

"You're no friend." I narrowed my eyes.

"Oh but we'll be spending so much time together. You might as well get used to me." He winked before standing and pressing down the wrinkles in his dark grey pants. He glanced over his shoulder at me before snapping his fingers. I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing, but was soon met with the answer when the bed beneath me just suddenly vanished. I winced as my body fell onto what felt like hard concrete. I grumbled, cursing at the Reaper as I glared up at his smug face. Oh how I wanted to burn him alive as well.

"That's not a nice thought." He tilted his head to the side.

"You can read my thoughts?" I demanded to know.

"Something like that." He looked back straight ahead. "Hurry up, Phoenix. You're slowing me down."

"Where are we going?" I scrambled to my feet before the reaper could do anything else and crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"We're going to visit a friend of yours." He answered simply before waving his hand carelessly in the air.

My mouth dropped open as the greyness was whisked away, only to be replaced with a familiar bedroom; my bedroom. My face fell as I stared around the room, taking in every detail. It felt like we were really standing here, before my bed. I reached my hand out to run it over the comforter, but I was only met with air. I frowned and yanked my hand back, not liking the idea that I was almost like a ghost.

"Why are we here?" I cornered the Reaper. "Why are we in my old bedroom?"

"You'll see." He nodded to the door as it was thrown open.

I fell silent as I watched Eric storm into the room, his clothes still torn and stained with blood. Blood was dried all over his face from the tears he had cried, and that alone made my heart lurch. But then I realized that Eric was carrying my lifeless form into the room, and my heart just ached some more. I looked dead. I looked just as lifeless as I felt standing there, like a ghost, unable to reach out and grab Eric and just kiss him. And that's all I wanted to do at that moment. How was it that my heart wasn't sure what it wanted when the desire to be in his arms again was so great?

"Eric, you need to stop this." Godric entered the room after a broken Eric.

I could see stained tears on his face, but he remained strong in front of Eric. I was glad Eric had someone like Godric in his life. He would desperately need the ancient vampire if he was going to get through this at all.

"She's dead, Eric." Sookie was the last to enter the room as Eric gently laid my form on the bed, brushing the hair out of my face. "We need to plan things. Like a funeral and..."

"Don't." Eric snapped, twisting around to glare darkly at her. Sookie gulped and took a tentative step back at the terrifying look on Eric face.

"Eric, my child, this isn't healthy. She's gone. We need to bury her." Godric tried to reach out to Eric.

Eric bared his fangs down at his maker however, looking ready to attack at any moment. "She is not dead."

"She is, Eric." Sookie said sadly, tears in her eyes. "We lost her. We have to come to terms with that. What are you going to do, keep her up here, locked away? She's dead, Eric, and she's not coming back."

"Don't you dare say that." He growled so low, a look of pure fright crossed Sookie's face as she took another step back.

"Eric, calm down." Godric laid his hand on Eric's arm this time, ignoring Eric's attempts to knock it off. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But she's gone. And no amount of wishing will bring her back."

"We all wish it wasn't true. But it is. We need to give her a funeral to honour her memory." Sookie tried to reason.

"Say another word and it will be your last." Eric threatened.

Sookie's breath was caught in her throat as she sent a look of worry to Godric. "I-I think I'm going to just go."

"That would be wise. I'll see you soon." Godric nodded before watching the blonde sadly leave the room.

It was hard to watch this and I wanted to turn away. But I couldn't. The Reaper was behind me, his ice cold hands grasping my shoulders and holding me to the spot, forcing me to watch this.

"My child, please, just let us bury her. You can't keep her up here." Godric sighed.

"She. Is. Not. Dead." Eric growled each word like it was his last. There was so much anger and pain behind those words that it just sliced through my heart.

"She isn't coming back to us. She can't. She's gone now. You need to understand that and just move on."

"Do not talk to me about moving on, Godric." Eric snarled. "1400 years and you're still not over the death of the woman you love."

Godric sighed and looked down, ashamed that Eric was right. "I made a mistake. I should have moved on too many years ago. But I bore that pain for over a millennium. I wish I could take it back. Things would have been different. I wouldn't have pushed Elizabeth away like I had. But I can't change the past. You can, however, ensure that history does not repeat itself."

"She isn't dead, Godric. She's not gone." Eric clenched his fists. "I can feel her. I can still feel her."

"Maybe so but..."

"I can feel her soul, Godric. I can feel it like it's inside of me. She's not gone. She's not." Eric's voice began softening, his features breaking apart at the seams. "She can't be."

Godric looked like someone had just stolen his puppy dog. "Eric..."

"She's a Phoenix, she can't be dead." Eric reasoned, grasping for straws now. Though a part of me was ecstatic to know that Eric was still fighting for me, fighting until his last breath. He wasn't giving up on me, and that just sparked more need to come back.

"The impossible happens every day. Even with such a strong spell like the one placed on you two."

"What does that spell have to do with this?" Eric's anger returned.

"The bonding spell was much more than that. It was a heart's desire spell. It drew Elizabeth to her one true love, and that was you." Godric explained, Eric's face lighting up before falling into a million pieces. "But that spell forged you two together. You were one. Which mean that should either of you die, so would the either. Perhaps the spell was broken before her death occurred..."

"Or she isn't dead." There was a glimmer of hope in his beautiful eyes. "She isn't gone, Godric. She can't be."

"Maybe the spell was..." Godric tried to point out before Eric interrupted him.

"The spell wasn't broken until afterward, Godric. Which meant that if she truly did die, I would have as well. And I'm not dead." More and more hope began floating into Eric. "She's not gone. She can't be."

"Then where is she?" Godric sighed.

"I don't know. But she's not dead." There was a look of determination on Eric's face. "I know she isn't dead. I can feel her."

I so wanted to reach out to him then, to tell him that I was still there, that he was right. But the scene disappeared before my very eyes before I could even open my mouth, and soon the grey nothingness returned. I sighed and dropped my gaze to where the ground would have been if there appeared to even be one. It wasn't like I would have been able to communicate with him. But I still liked being in his presence, even if he didn't know I was there. I still felt comfortable and safe around him, even now.

"You've done a number to that one." The reaper shook his head with a snort.

"You're an ass." I glared up at him. "Why did you show me that?"

"Just trying to push you in the right direction so I can get through dealing with you." He replied with a long sigh. "Dead seems to think it would be amusing if I nudge you along."

"Death can go fuck himself." I muttered darkly.

"I wouldn't let him hear that, if I were you." He warned, a frown on his face. "He doesn't take lightly to unpleasant tones."

"I don't take lightly to jackass Reapers, but I don't see you disappearing." I shot back.

"Such a moody Phoenix." The smug look was back on his face. "I have a job to continue. Farewell for now, little girl."

And just like that, he was gone.

* * *

The bed had appeared shortly after the Reaper had disappeared, and I found myself curled up on it for hours. Or it could have been days, I wasn't sure. Time wasn't exactly important anymore. All that mattered was what I was now faced with. I had to decide, between life and death, and I knew I had to do it soon. I couldn't stay here, stuck in this In-Between for the rest of my life. I couldn't take dealing with that Reaper, and I would always feel like I was holding onto something that may not be there. It wasn't fair to Eric. If what he said was true, then he could still feel me. He could still feel that I was alive, no matter where that may be. If I stayed here for years, decades, maybe even centuries, he would forever feel that, knowing that I was still alive but hadn't returned to him. I needed to either go back home to him, to live our lives together, or just move on to my afterlife and let him live in peace.

But which choice was it going to be?

That I didn't know the answer to. I wanted to say it was to live, because I loved Eric so damn much. But that would be a lie. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. As much as I loved Eric, there was still a small part of me that just wanted to rest in peace, to see my parents and brother again, and to just be happy. I could be happy living a lifetime with my family, with the people I had lost so suddenly. I could be happy without pain and heartache and everything in between.

But would my heart truly be content?

If I never saw Eric's face ever again, would I truly be okay with that? I already knew the answer to that. I loved him, more than I've ever loved anything else before in my life. It was an endless love that consumed every ounce of me. It didn't make any sense, for a Phoenix to fall in love with a vampire. But it just happened. I had never expected it to, but it just did. And now I had to live with that love, the guilt if I chose to leave Eric behind. I had been so sure that if Eric had died, I wouldn't have been able to take the pain and would have died also. I never once thought about being the one to leave him, to put him through that pain.

"Decisions, decisions." The Reaper suddenly appeared beside me on the bed.

I yelped and threw myself off of it, glaring down at the Reaper as he crossed his arms behind his head.

"Why hello there, Phoenix." He flashed me a smirk. "Have we made a decision yet?"

"Fuck off." I spat.

"What have I said about being nice?" he shook his head. "You're lucky Death has a soft spot for you. I think he just enjoyed the way you smoked the annoying witch."

"I might do that to you soon." I threatened.

"You can try, but your powers don't work here." He shrugged carelessly. "But please, do try; it'll amuse me when you fail."

I screamed out in exasperation, grabbing onto my hair and turning away from him. I tried to storm away from the bed, to get away from him, but he only appeared in front of me, driving me absolutely insane.

"That isn't very nice, you know, walking away." he grasped onto my chin, turning my head from side to side. "You aren't the worst thing I've dealt with here, you know. If you want to pass the time..."

"Gross." I shoved his hand away, a look of disgust on my face.

"Oh come you, you've fucked that vampire." The Reaper shook his head with a smirk. "I'm not any worse."

"You're much worse." I shuddered at the mere thought of doing anything with this Reaper besides killing him to get him out of my hair. "Can't you just leave me in peace?"

"Sadly no." He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I would if I could, Phoenix. Believe me, you're not exactly what I want to be doing right now. There's a few souls I'd rather take a ride with..."

"You're disgusting." I groaned, turning back around and moving towards the bed. It was gone before I could reach it however, forcing me to turn and glare at the Reaper. "You are such an ass."

"Oh I know." He smirked. "But no time to doddle, Phoenix. We have things to do."

"What now?"

"You'll see."

I watched as we appeared inside of Merlotte's, though it looked nothing like I remembered. Or really, the mood didn't remind me of the happy bar I had worked in briefly so many years ago. Instead, those I could remember from the war were sitting in booths and at tables, looking solemn as they drank their beers. Sookie was behind the counter, trying to not break down, while Sam was keeping his distance. I could tell he wanted to reach out to her, to pull her into his arms. But he looked afraid and instead just looked away with a sigh.

"Who died?" The Reaper joked with a snicker before falling silent when I sent him a dark glare. "Just a joke."

"Not funny." I grumbled as I moved further into the bar, my eyes falling on everyone. It was the middle of the day, so only the Weres were here. Some still looked bruised and battered, while some actually looked like they hadn't been a part of a war at all. I sighed as I walked over to the bar, getting a good look at Sookie.

She looked so sad. She looked like she just lost her best friend; and she had. I wished I could have hugged her, promised her that everything was going to be alright. But I couldn't do that. I was nothing but a ghost at the moment. I couldn't do a damn thing except watch the people I love suffer. You would think that would make my decision even easier. But it didn't. It only made it harder. None of them would have even been put through this madness if it hadn't of been for me. It was because of me that all of these men and women were sent to war, some not coming back alive. If I had never been found in Chicago, than perhaps this would have happened. Maybe if I had died in that car crash, things would be different. Maybe if Godric had just passed by me that day outside of the bookstore in Dallas, than none of these people would have met me. Their lives would have been simpler.

"Do you really believe that?" the Reaper sat at the bar, gazing over at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Stay out of my head." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"A bit hard to, Phoenix." He rolled his eyes. "You think way too loud."

I shook my head and glared at the ground, wishing he would just disappear so I wouldn't have to deal with him.

"Oh I'm not going anywhere; you might as well just come to terms with that." He assured with a smug look. "Now, back to the matter at hand. Do you really think your life meant so little to these people that you could have not existed to them and all would be fine?"

"They wouldn't have lost lives in a meaningless war. They wouldn't feel like this." I nodded at Sookie, it physically hurting to see the pain she was in. "Eric wouldn't be in this much pain if he had never known me."

"You really are an idiot, you know that." The Reaper shook his head as he slid off the stool and came towards me. "No matter whom you are, your life means something to someone. Even if I don't like you at all."

"Can you just keep your opinion to yourself for once?" I replied bitterly. "Can we go? I don't want to see this anymore."

"Yes, let's go." I didn't like the look on his face. "I have something else to show you."


	3. Chapter 3: Haunted

**Chapter Three: Haunted**

"Where are we?" I looked around in confusion.

"You mean, you don't recognize it?" the Reaper raised an eyebrow. "You should know this place very well."

My eyebrows furrowed together as I looked around at where we were. We were standing on the roof of some building, overlooking the skyline of a city. The sky was growing lighter by the second, the sun just about to rise. I still couldn't place where we were, though I had a nagging feeling that I didn't want to remember. And then the door to the roof opened and out stepped Godric of all people.

Everything came rushing back to me. This wasn't just any roof. This wasn't just any building. This was the spot that Godric had almost met the sun. We were in Dallas, on top of the Hotel Carmilla, only minutes from when Godric was mere moments away from dying before I had stopped him. I could feel tears welling in my eyes at the thought of that night. Even though Godric had lived, I still couldn't rid myself of the complete dread and fear I had surging through me when I found out Godric was trying to meet the sun. I couldn't forget those moments I was begging for his life, pleading for him to stay. I had never been so thankful than at that moment when he had hurried down into the hotel as the sun rose completely into the sky. The moment I saw him, his burns healing quickly, I had been overjoyed that I had been able to talk him down. And I hadn't been the only one.

That was the first time Eric and I had ever made love, because he was so ecstatic his maker hadn't met the sun that morning. No, I would certainly never forget that morning, not for the life of me.

"Why are we here?" I questioned as Eric came walking out onto the roof behind Godric. I felt an ache in my heart at seeing the heartbroken look on his face. It was exactly how he had looked when I was lying in that warehouse dying. He really did love me more than anything, just like he had said he did.

"You need to see this." The Reaper answered simply.

"I know what happens." I frowned. "I stopped Godric so he wouldn't meet the sun. Why are we here?"

"You don't understand just how important you are to these people." The Reaper wouldn't meet my gaze as he watched the scene before us. Eric had just fallen to his knees, tears of blood sliding down his cheeks.

"But I saved him. What's the point of showing me something I already know?" I crossed my arms.

"Because if you hadn't existed to these people, that never would have happened." The Reaper glanced at me for a moment, a serious expression on his face for the first time since he had popped into my life.

"What do you...oh god." my eyes grew wide. "No. I don't want to see this. This isn't real. It didn't happen. I don't want to see any of this."

"You need to realize that you meant something to them." The Reaper looked back out over the scene as Eric was commanded back down into the hotel, Sookie left on the rooftop with the suicidal vampire. "If you had never entered their lives, Godric never would have lived passed this morning."

I swallowed back the lump rising in my throat as I looked out over the horizon. The sun was rising rapidly. This was when I had stormed my way onto the roof. This was when I threw myself at him, begging him to reconsider. But I was nowhere to be found. I never burst through those doors, I never interrupted Godric's suicidal attempt. All I wanted to do was turn away, to not watch what I knew was coming. I didn't want to think what would have happened if I wasn't there. I didn't want to watch one of my closest friends die, not like this. I couldn't. It was too painful.

I tried to look away, but the Reaper had grasped onto my chin, his other hand holding onto my shoulder so I couldn't move. He stood behind me, leaning his head down to whisper in my ear. I shuddered at his icy touch as I watched Godric talk with Sookie, the blonde tearing up as the sun rose even higher. I could see the smoke rising off of him and I knew it wouldn't be much longer now.

"Please don't make me watch this." I begged.

"You need to know." He whispered to me, keeping his hold on me.

I tried to squeeze my eyes shut, but the Reaper only jostled me until they opened. I was stuck there, forced to watch my best friend turn into ash. Godric sent Sookie farther back on the roof as he peeled his shirt off. I could feel the tears beginning to spill as I got a glimpse of those tattoos. I had marvelled over those tattoos so many times over the years. They had been so fascinating to me. But now, I didn't want to see them at all. Because I knew what was about to happen. And when it occurred, when the blue fire enveloped his body, a sob emitted from my lips. Within seconds he was gone, the wind whipping away the fine ashes, blowing away the man who had saved me countless of times and gave me hope.

I broke down then. The Reaper released me and I fell to my knees, crying into my hands. I never realized we were back in the grey nothingness until the Reaper pulled me up onto my feet, yanking my hands down from my face. I fought against him, not able to stop the sobs leaving me, not able to stop my shaking body.

"You matter to those people, Phoenix. Without you, Godric would have died that morning. Without you to stop him, your beloved vampire wouldn't have turned out the same way."

The greyness morphed again into another scene. This time, we were in Fangtasia. Sookie was sitting in a chair fidgeting as Russell and Eric stared down at her like she was the tastiest piece of meat in the entire world. And I suppose without knowing of me, she was the next best thing. I remembered this scene perfectly. I came crashing out of the office with the help of Pam letting me go. I persuaded the King of Mississippi that I was more worthy than Sookie, that I was more intoxicating. I had gotten Eric to drink my blood, knowing that I may just be able to save not only him, but Sookie as well. But as Russell grabbed Sookie and pulled her over the table top, I wasn't anywhere to be found. That was because to them, I didn't exist. And without me, Eric greedily sunk his teeth into Sookie's neck, sucking her delicious blood. I was horrified as I watched the two drink Sookie's blood, watching as her eyes fluttered shut, her body falling limp. I waited for them to stop. They had to stop. They would kill her if they didn't.

I gasped and let out another sob when I realized that was exactly what they were doing. They were killing her. They wanted her blood, all of it. And they didn't care if they had to drain her to do so. My stomach churned as I watched Sookie's chest rise for one last time before it became still.

"No!" I tried to rush forward, to help her.

But the scene vanished before I could even take a step. The tears continued to stream down my face and I didn't even attempt to wipe them away. I turned on the Reaper, glaring at him through my blurry eyes. There was a smug look on his face and I just snapped. I slapped him right across his face, and was surprised when the burning handprint appeared on his cheek. He had told me my powers wouldn't work here. But they had. At least something so tiny had. And I was happy for it. Because that smirk needed to be wiped off his face. None of this was funny; none of this was amusing.

"Well, well, you certainly are a powerful one." He rubbed his cheek as he turned his head to stare down at me, a glimmer of surprise in his bright blue eyes. "You're the first to actually be able to use your powers here."

"Good, maybe I can burn your ass then." I scowled. "Why did you show me that?"

"He never would have turned out the way he had if it weren't for you." The Reaper explained, rubbing away the burning hand just like that. Soon his cheek looked flawless, and that only made me scowl further. "You never touched his life. You never showed him that it was alright to be in touch with his humanity. He was a monster before you, and he would have been a monster without you."

I crossed my arms and looked away. I didn't want to think about what could have been. That never happened, therefore, why did it matter? But even I knew that was bullshit. It did matter. Because if I had never known these people, Godric never would have lived, and it wouldn't be too much longer before Sookie was murdered by the man I loved. But in that world, he wasn't the man I loved.

"What would have happened to me?" I wondered out loud after a moment, turning to look back up at him. "What would have happened to me if I never knew them?"

"You would have died that night in the alleyway." The Reaper shrugged. "No one would have found you until the morning. And by then, it would have been too late. Godric saved your life that night; without his blood, you would have died."

It was hard to believe that that one tiny moment in time, Godric coming across me, changed everything. If he hadn't found me, I would have died; I wouldn't have lived passed that night. And so many other lives would be changed for good. Some for the better, like those that died in the warehouse that night. But others, they never would even make it to that point in time. And Eric never would have been the man I fell in love with. Without me, he continued down his dark path, turned into a worse monster than I could have ever predicted.

Maybe I did matter.

"That's more like it." the Reaper rolled his eyes as a chair suddenly appeared behind him and he lounged on it. "Do you understand you're worth now?"

"What will happen? If I don't go back I mean." I bit my bottom lip.

"Couldn't tell you. That hasn't been written yet." He answered. "You need to make your decision. At the moment, all of those lives, their in stand still. There's no future to be written because you're not there. And you're not gone either. Your little vampire, he can feel you. He knows that you're alive. You're haunting him, Phoenix, and you don't even know it."

My face fell and I had to turn away, not wanting the Reaper to see the emotion on my face. But then he just appeared in front of me anyways, clasping a finger under my chin.

"I'm not here to tell you what to decide. That isn't my place. In fact, I would much rather you decide to just come with me, would make my life much easier."

"Then why are you here?" I questioned, curious as to why this Reaper was doing all of this, pushing me to make my decision. "Don't you have better things to do?"

"Oh of course I do." That smirk returned as he let my chin go. "But like I said earlier, Death has a soft spot for you. That doesn't happen very often. He sees your potential. I'm surprised he hasn't offered you a deal yet."

"A deal?" I raised an eyebrow.

His smirk grew. "How did you think I became a Reaper?"

"I have a feeling you're going to tell me even though I really don't care." I sighed.

"Story time." He looked smug as he waved his hand and we appeared in a room. I didn't recognize it however. There was a fireplace off to one side, with two chairs set in front of it. I tried to look for anything familiar, but the room just looked generic. "Sit, Phoenix."

"I'd rather stand." I shook my head.

"You don't take orders well." he snapped his fingers and suddenly I was sitting, the same invisible restrains Death had used holding me down. I grumbled a few curses, only making him look smugger. "That's more like it."

"You're an ass." I glared.

"I'm just going to ignore that little comment." He waved his hand again, and moments later, I found I didn't have a voice at all. I tried to speak, tried to yell at him, but nothing came out. My eyes grew wide and I struggled against the restraints, wanting nothing more than to just kick his ass. "Oh just keep still, annoying little one, we're bonding here."

I glared daggers at him but stopped struggling. It was no use, just like it had been useless when Death had done the exact same thing. I was stuck here listening to this asshole. I wish it was him without a voice, not me.

"Now, where should I start?" He clapped his hands together, his eyes brightening. "Once upon a time..."

When I started struggling again at the ridiculous statement, the Reaper just laughed and shook his head.

"Not a fan of fairytales? Your practically right out of one." He snickered.

I gave him the finger and hoped he knew just how much I hated him at the moment. I've seen movies where the confused characters had their own guardian angel to show them the way. And they always turned out nice and absolutely perfect. Me? I got stuck with the most annoying being of all time. And part of me even wondered if this really was his job and or just him driving me up the wall. I remember back when I had hated Eric, when I had despised every word that came out of his mouth. I was realizing now that Eric had nothing on this Reaper. I didn't want to shove my fist into his face every moment he opened his mouth. Not all the time anyways.

"Death came to me himself as I was dying centuries ago. He had seen the potential I had while alive, surviving alone in the streets, without a single penny to my name. I didn't always look this dapper, Phoenix." He held arms out wide and I merely rolled my eyes at his antics. "He offered me more than just an eternity of peacefulness. He offered immortality in a way no other could possibly imagine."

He stared at me for a moment, as if expecting me to respond. After a moment he sighed and waved his hand in the air again. "You're not nearly as much fun when you're silent."

"So you and death became fuck buddies?" I shot at him, trying out my voice and was pleased at what sprouted out.

His smirk faltered for a moment, not impressed at my comment. But the smirk was quickly fixed as he set his sights lower, and more importantly, on my breasts. I scowled, wanting to just hide them from view. But I couldn't because this annoying ass still had me restrained to this chair as he relived his past.

"No. But perhaps we could." He winked. "I would quite enjoy that."

"You're a pervert." A look of disgust crossed my face. "Go fuck yourself."

"Been there, done that. Not nearly as fun." He shrugged.

"Gross." My nose scrunched up.

"Anyways, where was I?" he clasped his hands together. "Ah right, so Death offered me immortality, and I gladly accepted. Who wouldn't want this?"

I looked around at the fake room and tried to understand why anyone would. Sure, you could see anything from the present, anything from the past. But wouldn't you rather be alive, or better yet, with the people who you love. Even hell would have been more welcoming than this place. At least there you couldn't hide from yourself, you couldn't hide from the truth and reality.

"It's simple really," he leaned forward, having heard my thoughts. "I see everything, Phoenix. I see people, I see the world. And I don't have to deal with any of it. I don't have to deal with the pain, or the heartache, or even the happiness. It's all quite relieving after awhile."

"But why?" I wondered. "Why would you want to give all of those things up?"

"Why would you?" He raised an eyebrow.

I fell silent, frowning as I tried to answer the question for myself. But I couldn't, because I was still as confused as I had been the moment I had arrived here. I didn't know what I wanted, and I wasn't sure if I ever would figure that out. I could hope I did. I could pray that one day I would just wake up, and no where my fate lie. But I couldn't be sure of that. I couldn't know for sure that would ever happen. What if I was destined to stay here, in this world of just nothing, for eternity? And with him of all people!

"I'm not all that bad." He smirked. "You just need to loosen up."

"Maybe you should let me go, that might be a start."

He chuckled but waved his hand anyways and I was able to move my body. I sighed and slowly stood, the Reaper suddenly appearing only inches away.

"You need to decide, Phoenix." He spoke in a low voice, his eyes boring into me. "Eventually you need to make a choice. You don't understand why I chose to be here, why I chose to be a Reaper. So why would you want to stay here? Why would you want to put yourself through this if you hate it here? Make a decision, and make it soon."

"What if I can't?" I asked softly, feeling the tears welling in my eyes. "What happens if I can never decide?"

"Then I guess you and I are going to be seeing a lot of each other."

* * *

I laid in the white bed surrounded by the grey nothingness for hours, just staring above me. I was getting frustrated at the lack of colour, at the lack of life around me. I was getting restless and all I wanted was to interact with another living being. Not the Reaper, and most definitely not Death, but someone living and real. But I knew that wouldn't happen. I wasn't able to talk to them, or touch them, not until I made a decision. And I was scared that I wouldn't be able to. I knew that it would torture Eric. He would forever know that I was alive somewhere and he wouldn't be able to find me. And I didn't want that. I was putting him through enough pain; I couldn't do that to him. It would be hard enough to pass on and leave him completely, but to torture him, to make him believe that I would come back, that was much harder. Why couldn't I just make up my mind? Why couldn't I just know?

"You're such a confused girl." A girl's voice interrupted my thoughts this time instead of the Reaper.

I jumped off the bed however, when I recognized the voice. My eyes grew wide when I took in the appearance of the girl that looked head to toe exactly like me. Except for the hair. The hair was a glowing red, just it had been the last time I had seen her.

"Kyra." I wanted to cry as I raced towards her, hugging her tightly. "God I've wanted to see you so badly!"

"It took me awhile to get here." She returned the hug. "I don't have much time I'm afraid. I was able to...distract the Reaper for the time being."

"Distract him?" I pulled away with an amused expression on my face. "How exactly did you distract him?"

"He gets a bit lonely sometimes. He comes into our world when he does, trying to seduce the Phoenixes." Kyra rolled her eyes. "We just happened to allow it this time so I could slip away."

"The power of a woman." I shook my head with a laugh. "I'm so glad you're here, Kyra."

"I'm glad I'm here too. It seems you need some advice." She looked at me sadly, her green eyes identical to mine searching my face. "What's going through your head, Ellie?"

I sighed and pulled her over to the bed and settled down on it. "I don't know Kyra. I just don't know what to do."

"Talk to me. I can feel the anguish you're in. Tell me about it." she took both of my hands in hers, squeezing them gently.

"I just..." a tear slipped down my cheek. "I don't know what to do. I want to go back to him, to all of them. Really I do. I love Eric so much, Kyra. I understand how you felt about Godric now. God I love him so damn much!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's just, what if I could just be happy without having to worry about all the heartache and the pain? I've just been through so much Kyra, that maybe..." I trailed off, feeling ashamed for even thinking it.

"That maybe you would be much happier on the other side than back home." She finished for me. "You want to see your family again, to live in peace."

"Yeah." I nodded. "I know it's selfish. I know the pain I'm putting Eric through. But I just...god I don't want to feel that pain again, the heartbreaks and the hurt. I just want it all to be over and done with. And I can make that happen."

"Do you really think you could be happy leaving all of that behind? Leaving your friends, your new family?" she questioned. "Look into your heart, would that really make you happy."

"I just don't know, Kyra. Part of me says yes, and the other part of me...well that part just wants to be in Eric's arms again, to feel safe." I looked down at my lap. "You all look so happy. I just want to feel that same happiness."

"None of us chose this, Ellie." Kyra frowned, lifting my gaze up with her words. "We all either gave birth to a baby girl and never had the opportunity to watch them grow, or we sacrificed ourselves for the ones we loved. None of us would be here if we had the choice. God knows I would be with Godric right now, kissing those perfect lips of his."

"What am I supposed to do, Kyra? Just tell me what I'm supposed to do. Do I go back?" I pleaded desperately.

"I can't tell you that." She shook her head, raising a hand to wipe away my tears. "I can't make that decision for you. All I can tell you is what I know from experience. Should you decide to pass on, you'll spend the rest of eternity watching over Eric. You'll watch his pain grow day by day until you yourself are feeling tortured. It's hard, Ellie. It's the hardest thing in the world to watch the one you love try and move on, only to never do so."

"Godric." I guessed.

Kyra nodded. "I watched him all those years. I watched him find Eric to try and fill the void. But I could still see that he missed me. He turned into the vampire I always knew he was, but still, there was a part of him missing. He was miserable for so long, until you came along. You gave him hope and love and a reason to live. But I can't tell you how much it hurt, however, to watch the man that I loved for so long, fawn over someone else. I could never fault either of you, especially you Ellie because you are a part of me. But it was still hard. And it would be the same for you as well to watch Eric move on after centuries of mourning your death."

"So then do I go back?"

"I won't take away your happiness and tell you what to do. Should you pass on, I will be there waiting for you. I'll help you through it. But should you find your way back to Eric, you won't regret it, Ellie."

I nodded at her words of advice, though there was still a haze of confusion hanging over me.

"Well well, if it isn't the pesky little red head." The Reaper's annoying voice interrupted us.

Kyra and I shared a groan as we looked over and saw the Reaper strolling towards us.

"If it isn't the annoying pig." Kyra shot back, frustration in her eyes. At least I wasn't the only one who hated him.

"This feels a bit like the parent trap, no? God it's scary how much you two look alike." He shuddered. "One of you causes me enough trouble. I don't need two of you. Run along red."

"Don't worry; I don't want to be in your presence longer than I have to." Kyra narrowed her eyes as we stood and glared at him.

He smirked as he looked down at us, towering over our small frames. "You know, you might want to be a little nicer to me one of these days, Kyra. Personally I think there's just too much sexual tension between us."

"Oh my god." Kyra rolled her eyes as she turned to me. "I'm sorry I cannot stay longer but I fear I will do something that may land me in Death's bad books."

"Oh I understand perfectly." I nodded, watching the Reaper out the corner of my eye. "Thank you for coming. I really do appreciate it."

"Just listen to your heart, Ellie. Never fear it. You'll know what to do one day, and when you do, follow it completely." She pulled me in for an embrace. "Just know that death may be much easier than living, but it's nowhere near as rewarding."

I was left pondering that statement as she disappeared within seconds of our goodbyes, leaving the Reaper and I alone much to my dismay.

"So, any possibility of a three way?"


	4. Chapter 4: By Your Side

**Chapter Four: By Your Side**

Days were passing by and I still didn't know what I wanted. The Reaper had left me alone the majority of the time, much to my surprise. Death never appeared, which I was thankful of. While the Reaper was a royal pain in the ass, I wasn't the least bit scared of him or what he could do. Death though, he just made me want to cower beneath the bed sheets and never surface. A chill ran up my spine at the mere thought of him.

"Thinking about Death, are we? I was hoping I would at least be on your mind." The Reaper appeared suddenly, sitting on the edge of the bed as I sighed and sat up.

"In your dreams." I muttered, running a hand through my hair. I realized that even though I spent days here, doing absolutely nothing, I never desired the essentials. My hair was always silky smooth, I never began to smell from not having a shower. In fact, I didn't even have an appetite. And none of that seemed to bother me. I wasn't really alive, nor was I dead. But I simply was just...here. What did bother me, however, were the clothes I had worn since appearing here. I had to look down at the blood stained shirt and remember the details of that night so clearly. It haunted me every time I closed my eyes.

"I can fix that." He Reaper snapped his fingers, and the next thing I knew, I was wearing a flowing emerald green dress to match my eyes. "Much better."

His eyes were staring at my chest again, and I quickly crossed my arms over them and glared at him. "What do you want?"

"Just taking in the view." He smirked.

"Can you not be serious for at least one minute?" I pushed myself off the bed. "What do you want?"

He rolled his eyes as he stood as well, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "We have more to see, Phoenix."

"No. I'm tired of your little games. Just let me figure this out in peace." I shook my head.

"Well I can't do that, you see. Where would the fun in that be?" He snickered, holding out a hand. "Come on, Phoenix, you can't tell me you aren't a tad bit curious as to what your beloved ones are up to."

I eyed his hand and hated myself for actually wanting to agree with his statement. I did wonder how Eric was, how Godric and Sookie were doing. I didn't want to think of them, but how could I not? They were a part of me, they were my friends. There wasn't a moment that I didn't think of them, think how my death was affecting them. Especially Eric. He may feel that I'm alive, but I still wasn't there. From what I was told when I had been gone those two years, Eric hadn't reacted well. I knew this time would be even worse. He knew I wasn't just missing. He had my body just lying there in my bedroom, for him to see every single day and know that I would just never wake up. It must have been torturing for him, and I hated that with all my might.

"Come on, you know you want to."

I groaned but placed my hand in his icy cold hand, pulling a face when he grasped it tightly before the grey nothingness around us morphed into what appeared to be Fangtasia. The bar was in full swing as I turned every which way, taking in everything that I possibly could before I was pulled back into that lifeless pool. I could see Chow at the bar, mixing drinks as always, while Pam strutted around the room with a frown on her face. She glanced over at Eric's throne every so often, her eyes softening with worry every time she did. I snuck a glance over to where Eric usually sat, and my heart just ached when I saw the solemn look on his face. He looked tortured, just like I had expected. His eyes appeared hollow, like there was just no one home. He looked like a shell of his former self and I knew that was all my fault.

"You haven't eaten." Godric appeared beside Eric as I moved closer to the stage, wanting to hear their conversation, to hear their voices. "You hardly sleep, my child. This isn't healthy."

"I'll do what I want, when I want to." Eric's voice sounded deadpan.

"I'll command you, if need be." Godric threatened, hoping for a reaction.

But there was none. Eric just continued to stare straight ahead, his eyes not blinking as a drop of blood trickled down his ear, a sign of the bleeds. It hurt to know that he was putting himself through this, that he was hurting himself because I wasn't there. I closed my eyes for a moment, to try and calm my emotions, but it was just no use. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I quickly brushed it away. I didn't want the Reaper to notice my weakness. Speaking of the annoying ass, when I turned to find him, I rolled my eyes when I located him at the bar, eying up some blonde fangbanger. I shook my head in disgust before turning my attention back to Eric and Godric.

"Please, Eric." Godric pleaded with Eric. "Just eat. I can't bear to see you like this."

Eric slowly moved his gaze up to his maker, and for a moment, there was a flicker of life back in those eyes. It was gone in a mere flash however, though Eric still nodded and proceeded to stand. His eyes roamed over the room before his eyes fell on one of the dancers I remember Eric bringing home after we had come back from Dallas. I frowned as he slowly walked down the stairs of the stage and towards the exotic dancer, whispering in her ear. She giggled like a teenager while nodded rapidly. I watched as Eric led her towards the door beside the bar and I quickly hurried behind.

"Are you sure you want to watch this?" the Reaper's voice was in my ear as we stood in Eric's office.

I ignored him and watched as Eric all but threw the exotic dancer on top of his desk, ripping the very few clothes off of her. My face dropped when I realized what he was about to do. He wasn't just going to simply feed from her, he was going to have sex as well. And that felt like a knife to my heart. I had only died days ago and he was already having sex with others. I had no right to hate him for it, I was gone after all. But the pain I felt in my heart watching this, it was almost too much. This was exactly what Kyra had told me about, that I would find it torture to watch Eric be with others. I just hadn't expected it to be so soon. Godric spent over a millennium mourning over Kyra's death while Eric spent days. I knew he was still hurting, but did he have to hurt like this?

"Told you." The Reaper snickered from beside me. "Though, he is hung well..."

I glared up at him as he smirked and wanted to slap him for a second time, but was stopped by a chilling scream. It wasn't a scream of pleasure however, but instead, a scream of pure agony. My eyes grew as wide as saucers as I spun around to find Eric plunging his fangs deep within the dancer's neck, an animalistic hunger in his wild eyes.

"Now we're getting to the good part." The Reaper rubbed his hands together in delight. "Maybe I'll have a job tonight after all."

"You're sick." I muttered under my breath as I watched Eric feed from the dancer hungrily, not caring that he was taking far too much to just quench his hunger.

The screams filled the room, but were drowned out by the pounding base of the music in the other room. Anyone who could hear the screams, would only assume they were out of ecstasy and not fear. But I knew, and I wanted to stop him. What was he doing? Why was he doing this? Why was the man I loved so deeply hurting this girl this way? While I didn't give a care in the world about the dancer, she was still a human being. She still had a family somewhere in the world. She dressed like a slut, and danced for vampires for a living, but that didn't mean her life wasn't worth something. She hadn't expected to be led into this room only to never walk back out. I had died. I had felt that feeling, seen the light. I knew exactly how this girl must have been feeling, and I wished for it to stop. Eric wasn't a murderer. Not to the innocent that is.

"Come on, Eric, don't do this." I pleaded, though I knew he couldn't hear me.

Thankfully however, hope was not lost as Godric came barging into the room, his fangs extended as he rushed at Eric, yanking him off of the dancer.

"What do you think you're doing?" Godric growled as he shoved him against a wall, Pam hurrying into the room to check on the unconscious dancer.

"You told me to feed." Eric replied simply, the blank expression returning to his face.

"Not to kill an innocent girl!" Godric held his hand around Eric's neck, though it didn't look like it was necessary as Eric didn't even bother to fight."What's the matter with you?"

Eric didn't answer and just stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused. I glanced over to where Pam was laying the girl on the couch, her eyes filled with worry. But it wasn't for the girl, and instead, for her maker.

"You need to go home, Eric." Godric shook his head. "You need to go home and deal with Ellie's death. And let us bury her body."

"She's not dead." There was finally some emotion in his voice as he growled.

"She is, Eric. And she's not coming back. You need to move on. You need to come to terms with this. For your own sake." Godric pleaded with him. "Please, Eric. You need to just let us help you."

"I don't need your help." Eric narrowed his eyes and shoved his maker away from him. "I don't want your help. I want her back."

"She's not coming back." Pam spoke softly from across the room.

"One day." Eric shook his head. "One day she will."

"It's impossible, Eric. She won't come back to us. She's gone." Godric sighed. "Please just listen to us, listen to reason. Bury the body. We'll make the funeral beautiful."

"No. Don't you touch her, Godric." Eric towered over Godric with ease. "Don't you dare think about taking her from me."

"She's already been taken from you, Eric." Godric replied sadly.

"I don't want to see this anymore." I glanced over at the Reaper. "I get it. He's hurting. Just stop it. I don't want to see this."

The Reaper looked like he wanted to say something witty like he always did, but something crossed his face and he remained quiet. I was surprised, but thankful as the scene returned back to the grey nothingness, leaving me feeling more alone than I thought was possible.

"I'll be back, Phoenix. Sit tight." The Reaper turned away and was about to just vanish.

I stopped him though. I don't know why, but for some reason my hand grasped onto his arm before he could leave. His gaze fell to where my hand was on his arm before he glanced over his shoulder at me.

"It's all real right?" I asked in a soft voice. "Everything you're showing me, it's all real."

"Every last second of it." he nodded before he faded away right before my eyes.

I closed my eyes as I walked over to the bed and slid against it onto what would have been the ground. I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them to me as I just cried, wishing with all my might that I had never been killed in that warehouse. Everything would have been much simpler if I just hadn't been killed.

* * *

"Looking good, hot stuff."

"You just can't leave me alone, can you?" I groaned as I rolled onto my side on the bed to glare at the Reaper as he lay beside me, a smirk planted on his face.

"Course not." He winked. "Are you read for some more?"

"No." I frowned, turning onto my back. "I just want to think."

"I don't think so. You're thinking hasn't done a damn thing. You've been here far too long for my liking. I'm starting to get tired of you." The Reaper threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood. "Come on, my annoying little Phoenix, let's get moving."

"Where are we going this time?" I didn't move from the bed, not wanting to see whatever he wanted me to see.

"You'll see." He reached down and grabbed my arm, yanking me off of the bed. "Time to go."

"What if I don't want to..." I trailed off as seconds later I found we were standing in my old bedroom. My heart skipped a beat as I glanced at my lifeless body. I noticed that it looked like I had been cleaned and put into clean clothes. _His_ clothes. At the sight of my body wrapped in one of Eric's shirts, it felt like someone had just grabbed onto my heart and squeezed. "Why are we here again?"

"Because of him." the Reaper nodded at the bedroom door as it opened.

I couldn't help myself as I found myself gravitating towards Eric as he swept into the room. Just because I was here, trapped in this In-Between, it didn't change the fact how I felt about him, how I needed him desperately. That never changed. It never would. I loved him with all of my heart. I loved every single thing about like. Like the way his hair would fall into his eyes after we would just wake up. Like the way his eyes would stare at me like I was the only one in the room. Like the way his arms fit perfectly around me and made me feel safer than I ever had before. Like the way that even now, as I lay in that bed without even a heartbeat, he still spoke those three little words that sparked even more love inside me.

"I love you, Ellie." He leaned over my form, laying a soft kiss on my forehead before settling down on a chair beside the bed. His fingers danced down my shoulder, tracing invisible designs on my arms before stopping at my fingertips. He sighed as he intertwined his fingers with my, grasping my hand gently in his. He lifted our clasped hands to his chest, directly above where his heart was. He held them there for the longest time, not saying a word. He just stared down at me, his eyes pleading me to wake up.

"Wake up." He whispered, reaching out to caress my cheek. "Wake up for me, baby."

I was standing beside his chair as he said this and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and promise him that everything would be alright, that I was right there beside him. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't promise him things that not even I knew. I didn't know if it was going to be alright. I didn't know if it would ever be alright. What if I chose to pass on? What if I chose to leave him forever? He would never forgive me. I wasn't sure if he would ever get over me. I could see it in his eyes that he didn't care about that dancer he had nearly killed. He just wanted to fill the void, to feel a little less pain. I hated myself for knowing that my confusion was the reason for his pain. I could have known within seconds of my death. I could have been sent back right away. But I wasn't. I had put him through this torture for days, and I didn't know if there was an end in sight. There were still so many things I wasn't sure of. There were still so many things I had to decide.

"You know, you could go back to him. Right now even." The Reaper spoke, coming to stand beside me. "The moment you know what you want, you feel it in your heart, you'll be sent back. It could be right now. You could wake up and be with him."

"I wish it was that easy." I sighed. "I wish I just knew."

He didn't say anything else as he took a step away. I continued to watch Eric as he gently caressed my body, still holding our hands to his heart. It was such a simple gesture, but it meant the world to me.

"I'll forever love you." Eric leaned forward so our foreheads were touching. "I'll forever call you mine, my sweet little Phoenix. Come back to me."

"Oh Eric." I bowed my head, feeling the tears pop into my eyes.

"Please just come back to me. Come home. I know you're not dead. I can feel you. I can feel you inside of me. Please, Ellie. Please just come back to me." he pleaded, his hand gripping my hand as if my body was just going to fade away.

"I'm sorry for all the pain I put you through." He lifted our hands so he could kiss the top of mine. "I'm sorry for what I've done to you. I'll treat you better. I'll give you the life you deserve. Just come back to me. Come back."

I had to squeeze my eyes shut to will the tears away. But it was no use; one by one the tears slid down my cheeks. I wanted to just go back to him so badly. I wanted to take away his pain. I wanted to wipe away the tears streaming down his own face. I wanted to see his smile, to see that spark in his eyes. I wanted for his arms to wrap around me, to hug me to him for all eternity. So why couldn't I? Why couldn't I just decide? What was wrong with me? I had this man that loved me so much and yet I couldn't decide what I wanted. Eric would die for me, I knew that much. He would throw himself in front of bullets if he had to. I knew with all my heart that he would rather he was lying on this bed instead of me. He would do anything for me and yet I couldn't even do this for him. I could go back to him, not yet.

I felt like the worse person in the world. It wasn't him who didn't deserve me; I didn't deserve him, not for one second. He was too good to me. I didn't care about the past. I didn't care about what he had done years ago. It didn't matter when it was the man you loved, when it was your soul mate. And that's exactly what he was. He was my other half. Godric had said it himself; Eric was my heart's desire in every single way. I could have been bonded to anyone. It could have been anyone in the world. But it had been him. It had always been him.

"Be mine, again, Ellie. Be my one and only." He begged, his lips hovering over mine. "I love you, my sweet, please come back to me."

"Oh I love you too, Eric." I couldn't stop from saying as my hand reached out to him. I knew I couldn't touch him, but that didn't stop me as I ghosted the backs of my fingers over his cheek, wishing I could just feel his smooth skin.

I jumped back in surprise, my hand ripping away when Eric's head snapped towards me. It was like he was staring right at me, like he could actually see me. His eyes were wide, just as mine were as I stepped back in surprise.

"Ellie?" he whispered, his eyes scanning the room.

Had he felt that? Had he felt my fingers dancing on his skin?

"He can feel you. All of you, Phoenix. He knows you're here with him, in this room." the Reaper answered.

I wanted to reach out to him again, but the sound of the door opening pulled my attention away. I moved to the side as I watched Sookie enter the room, Alcide and Sam following in behind her.

"Eric we need to talk." Sookie inhaled sharply as she glanced over her shoulder at the Were and Shifter. They both nodded at her, Sam giving her a smile in encouragement. "We need to talk about Ellie's body."

Eric growled as he stood from the chair, one hand clenched at his side while he still kept our hands clasped together. "Don't even think about it."

"This isn't healthy, Eric. This isn't healthy for anyone." Sookie tried to reason with him. "She needs to be buried. You need to allow us to do that."

"No." Eric snapped, his eyes narrowing. "Do not touch her."

"Godric agrees with me, so does Pam. She isn't coming back, Eric. We need to let her go. You need to let her go." Sookie tried to reach out to him but he pushed her hand away. "Eric we're only trying to help."

"Get out." He ordered, towering over the blonde dangerously. "Get out now."

"Back off, Northman." Alcide stood behind Sookie, a glare on his face. "She's only trying to help."

"I don't want help. Do not come near her." Eric stood his ground, as if protecting my body. That act alone made me want to cry all over again. Even when I was dead he was still protecting me.

"We're taking her, Eric." Sam stepped forward. "We're going to bury her. You can either come to the funeral or not, but it's going to happen."

"Touch her Shifter, and I will kill you with my bare hands." Eric threatened, his fangs clicking out.

"She's not your property, Northman." Alcide's muscles tensed as if he was ready for a fight. "She was a friend to all of us. She was important to each one of us. Now get out of the way."

Alcide couldn't take a step forward however, as Eric grabbed him by the front of his shirt and threw him across the room. Sookie yelped in surprise, her hands covering her gaping mouth before she ran over to Alcide as he slid to the ground. Sam took that moment to try and move around Eric, but he only met the same fate as Alcide did. I stood there against the wall, watching as Eric stood in front of my lifeless body, warding off any potential threat. I loved Alcide and Sam for caring so much, but I couldn't help but feel grateful for Eric at that very moment. I wasn't sure what would happen if I chose to return and was buried in the ground. Would I wake up in a casket and be forced to claw my way through the dirt? I wasn't so sure I could do that. So I mentally cheered Eric on as he growled and leapt at Alcide as he tried to tackle Eric to the ground.

"Eric stop!" Sookie called from across the room as she checked on Sam who looked to be knocked out from being thrown into the wall.

"Don't make me hurt you, Northman."

"Don't make me kill you, mutt." There was a darkness in Eric's eyes that I knew he really would kill Alcide if he came within a foot of my body. If I didn't think he loved me before, I certainly knew now.

"Eric just let us take her." Sookie stood, hurrying over to the two and putting herself between them.

"That girl has a death wish." The Reaper whistled from beside me.

"Oh just shut up." I glared at him darkly before turning back to the scene before us.

"Please, Eric." Sookie stared up at him pleadingly. "Just let us bury her. We'll make her funeral nice."

"No." Eric growled.

"She wouldn't want this, Eric. She wouldn't want you to do this. She would want to be..." she never finished however as Eric grabbed her roughly by the neck and shoved her up against the wall right beside us.

My eyes widened as I watched Eric grasp her throat so tightly her face was turning red quickly. She was fighting tooth and nail, her fingers clawing at his one hand, trying to break free of his death grip.

"You don't know anything." Eric snarled, his white razor sharp incisors glaring down at her.

"Eric!" Alcide tried to pull Eric off of Sookie, but even I knew that the strength of a Were couldn't compare to that of a thousand year old Vampire. "Let her go!"

"You don't know a damn thing." Eric only pushed Alcide away as he gripped her throat tighter. "She isn't dead. She isn't gone. She'll come back to me."

"You're crazy!" Alcide continued to push at Eric, trying to make the vampire budge. "She's going to..."

"She _will_ come back to me. You will not touch her. You will not take her from me. She's mine. She always will be." Eric ignored the Were as he pressed into Sookie harder.

She was barely conscious, and for a split second, I remembered the Eric from when the Reaper showed me what could have been. That same look was in his eyes, that same look of a killer. He didn't care if he snapped her neck at that very moment. He didn't care at all. And that tore me to pieces.

"Eric, don't." I pleaded softly, wishing that just this once, he would hear me.

And somehow he must have.

Surprising both Sookie and Alcide, Eric just pulled away from the blonde and the wall. Sookie fell to the ground as Alcide cradled her against him, glaring up at the vampire as he glanced around the room wildly.

"Ellie?" he whispered, his eyes brimming with bloody tears.

"She's gone, Northman. She's gone." Alcide shook his head. "You need to realize that before you lose everyone around you."

Eric inched backwards until the back of his legs met with the bed. He spun around, his eyes falling on my lifeless form. I shook my head sadly as I watched him, watched as he grasped my hand again and kissed my lips so softly I wasn't even sure if they had even touched.

"You will. You will come back to me. I know it."


	5. Chapter 5: Superhuman Touch

**Chapter Five: Superhuman Touch**

Nearly an hour passed since the Reaper and I were back in the endless pit of grey. He had yet to leave, and instead lounged in a chair that had appeared after we arrived. He picked at his nails, whistling the most annoying tunes, but I barely paid him any attention. All I could think about as I sat in the middle of the white bed was the fact that Eric had heard me. He had felt my touch! How was it at all possible? How could he suddenly hear and feel me? It wasn't possible. I was just a ghost to the living. That was it, plain and simple. He wasn't supposed to hear me plead with him to stop. He wasn't supposed to feel the caress to his cheek. None of that was supposed to happen. Why couldn't anything just stay simple? Why couldn't things just stay the way they were supposed to? I wasn't supposed to die, but I did. And now he wasn't supposed to know I was still alive, but he did. This didn't make anything easier, not at all. If anything, it only made everything so much harder.

"How did he hear me?" I asked with a sigh, hoping the Reaper would have the answers I sought out.

"Hm?" He raised an eyebrow, glancing over at me from the chair. "What was that, Phoenix?"

"You heard me." I shifted to the edge of the bed, letting my legs dangle over the side. "He heard me. He felt me. How is that possible?"

The Reaper just stared at me, a crease in his forehead. It seemed that not even he knew how it could have been possible. First I had been able to use my powers here, and now this. What was next?

"Maybe he's straight out of The Sixth Sense." He shrugged.

"This isn't a movie, asshole." I rolled my eyes. "Aren't you supposed to have all the answers?"

"Even I'm stumped with this one, Ph0oenix." He admitted, rising out of the chair and pressing down the creases in his pants.

"So the Great Reaper doesn't know everything. Shocking." I snickered.

"Don't worry, annoying one, it doesn't happen all that often." He offered me a smirk. "Well I have much more exciting things to do."

"Oh? Like what exactly?" I tilted my head to the side. "What could you possibly have to do other than drag my ass around for your own amusement?"

"Well I could be using that ass for something else, if you'd like." He winked.

"You're impossible." I groaned and shook my head in disgust.

"Maybe I'll work on one of those other Phoenixes. Do you think Red would go for me? I thought we had the whole sexual tension thing going on." His smirk widened.

"You're a pig. And no, Kyra would never go for such an arrogant asshole like you." I shot at him. "She has a bit better taste than that."

"That's right, you two have the same taste in men...or should I say vampires."

"Better than you at least." I snorted. "Just go away."

"Won't you miss me?" He pouted. "I'm not feeling the love at all. Do we have sexual tension that needs to be addressed?"

"We will never have sexual tension, asshole." I pushed myself onto my feet and placed my hands on my hips. "Trust me; you are definitely not my type."

"What, charming and irresistible?" he snickered. "Don't worry, sweetheart, you're not my type either."

"What's your type exactly? Dead and easy?"

"Ouch, sweetheart, that hurt." He mocked wiping away a tear, though the smirk was still in place on his lips. "As much as I'm enjoying this, I really must go."

"Great, go away and never come back."

"You wish." He winked one last time before just disappearing.

I sighed and plopped back onto the bed, shaking my head at the audacity of the Reaper. I was half expecting him to come back and drag me around, and was pleasantly surprised when I found myself completely alone. There was almost an eerie silence that fell around me. I didn't like it at all as I fidgeted, trying to think of something to do in this pit of hell. I would almost rather that the Reaper be here. While he was annoying and I wanted to just punch him every thirty seconds, he was at least company. It didn't exactly look like I was going to be getting any other visitors, so I was stuck with him. And when I wasn't with him, I was all alone, in amidst the pool of nothingness, with only my thoughts to keep me occupied.

And thinking was the last thing on my mind.

I didn't want to think about Eric, or what I wanted to do. But there was nothing to take my mind off of it. I had to decide, but I just couldn't. I thought that I wanted to be home, with him, in his arms. I half expected to just wake up at any moment and see his beautiful face staring down at me. But as I kept waiting and waiting, it was obvious that that wasn't going to happen. Something was holding me back, and before I could think about deciding on what my fate might be, I needed to face what I was so scared of.

So what was it? Why was I so scared to just live?

* * *

"Your moping is getting annoying, Phoenix."

I groaned as I propped myself up on my elbows to find the Reaper standing at the end of the bed. "What do you want now?"

"We have a busy day head of us." He clapped his hands together. "Time to get your ass off that bed and get to work."

"I think you secretly enjoying having me around." I sighed as I pushed myself up into a sitting position. "You're amused by all of this way too much."

"What can I say, I get attached easily." He smirked. "Now get a move on."

I rolled my eyes but stood anyways. There wasn't any point in fighting. He would only make the bed disappear like he had done before. I was stuck with him, and sadly, I wasn't so disappointed by it. There really must have been something wrong with me.

"No fighting, I'm shocked. Are you starting to enjoy our little adventures?" he chuckled.

"Not at all." I shot him a glare as I stepped closer to him. "Let's just get this over with already, so I can get as far away as possible from you."

"Oh I'm just feeling the love!"

I shook my head before closing my eyes as I felt the setting around me change. First the first time in I don't even know how long, I heard birds chirping. My eyes snapped open and I was welcomed with the sight of a kitchen I knew all too well. I couldn't help but smile as I gazed around the Stackhouse kitchen, the sun shining through the kitchen window. When my eyes fell on Sookie however, I immediately frowned. There she sat, in the middle of the room at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in her hands. But it was her appearance that shook me. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail, though strands of hair fell into her face. Her eyes were rimmed with tears, dark splotches under her usually bright eyes. Her dishevelled appearance just broke my heart. I hated seeing Sookie like this. She was the last person who needed to lose another person in her life. She lost her parents at a young age, just like I had, and then lost her Gran only a few years ago. Add in Bill's betrayal, and she didn't need another ounce of pain in her life. And yet I was just adding even more. I hated myself for this.

"Well doesn't she just look lovely." The Reaper commented with a snort.

"Leave her alone." I snapped at him. "She's allowed to look like a mess."

He held his hands up as he took a step back, almost as if giving us some privacy. I took the chance and found myself in a seat across from Sookie. I just wished I could touch her, talk to her even, and tell her everything was alright. I desperately wished I could take away her pain, to ease this for my best friend. She had been there for me when no one else understood what I was going through. We were so similar, having gifts and a legacy that no one in the world could understand. She was part fae and could read the minds of others while I was the Phoenix and could move objects with my mind. They were impossible abilities, and yet somehow, we had been chosen out of billions to be the ones to receive them. And we found one another to share our worries, our fears, our pain and hurt with. That was just torn away however, when I died, when I left that world and entered this In-Between.

This was my fault and I couldn't even right that wrong.

"You can." The Reaper mused as he leaned against the kitchen counter. "Go back and not a single one of these people will be in this pain."

"Well then send me back already." I glared over my shoulder at him. "Just send me back."

"You and I both know you aren't ready. Not yet anyways." He suddenly straightened, a frown on his face. "I'm getting called elsewhere."

"I don't want to leave, not yet." I shook my head. "Please, I need more time."

"For what? To just sit here?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Please." I pleaded with him. "Just a little bit longer."

He sighed, and for a moment I thought Sookie's kitchen was going to fade back into the grey nothingness. But I was surprised when the Reaper instead nodded and stepped forward.

"I'll be back." He disappeared only seconds later.

"Thank you." I whispered to no one before turning my attention back onto the frayed blonde. I sighed and reached a hand over the table, ghosting it over hers and just wishing I could grasp her hand and squeeze it in assurance. I couldn't though, and was only met with air. "Oh Sookie, I'm so sorry for all of this."

What I wasn't expecting was for Sookie's hands to suddenly stop shaking, for them to grip her coffee mug tightly as her eyes grew wide. I frowned at her actions, wondering what was wrong. Was someone outside? Was there some danger near that I wasn't aware of? What was wrong with my best friend that was suddenly spooking her so much? She almost looked like she had seen a ghost.

"What's up, Sookie?" I muttered as I stood and looked around the kitchen, ready to ward off any threat. Which was a ridiculous idea as I was worse than a mere ghost and wouldn't be able to do a damn thing. But my instincts were still intact. I was still the same girl from days ago. I wanted nothing more than to protect those I loved. I would die for them, and I feel like I had. That was the only positive thing that came out of my death. I had died for them, and I would do it over and over again if I had to.

"I'm dreaming." Sookie's voice was hushed as she rubbed at her tired eyes. "I need more sleep."

When I realized that nothing seemed out of place, I turned back to Sookie and watched as she stood up from the table and walked to the sink, dumping the rest of her coffee down the drain. I sighed and leaned against the counter, just watching as Sookie stayed across the room from me, her hands grasping the edge of the counter until her knuckles turned white.

"Why did you have to die, Ellie?" Sookie whispered, her voice wavering. One of her hands reached up to wipe at her eyes and I knew she was crying.

"I'm so sorry, Sookie." I bowed my head, the guilt weighing on my shoulders. "I wish I could fix this."

"You can't."

It took a moment for both of us to realize what came out of Sookie's mouth. My mouth dropped open, my eyes growing wider than ever before. I was absolutely frozen by pure surprise. I could see that Sookie was reacting in the same way as her shoulder's squared, her arms tensing. Her head snapped up and I could just imagine the look on her face right now.

What the hell just happened? Was I imagining things? I had to be imagining things, that was the only possible explanation for what just happened seconds ago. Sookie couldn't have heard me. That was absolutely impossible. Eric I could somewhat understand hearing me, we had a connection that couldn't even be explained. We were bonded so deeply with our blood that it made sense. But Sookie? That had to be impossible. This had to be some trick of my mind, I was just hearing things. That had to be it.

"What the hell?" Sookie finally moved, her hand running over her hair and tugging the elastic from her blonde locks. "What the hell just happened?"

"You can say that again." I ran a hand down my face, trying to clear my head. I had to of been hearing things. Or I was dreaming. Maybe that was it. Maybe this was all some dream concocted by the Reaper.

My heart was pounding in my chest as Sookie suddenly just spun around, her eyes wide out of fear. Her face had paled and her body was shaking. It really was like she had seen a ghost.

Well maybe just heard one.

How was this at all possible though? It made absolutely no sense.

"I'm going crazy." She mumbled, her eyes scanning the room. "I have to be going crazy."

"You and me both." I stepped forward slowly, taking one step after another until I was only a couple feet away from her. "This is impossible."

"Completely impossible." She breathed out before her hand slapped down over her mouth in shock.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to start bawling or jump up and down.

She could hear me. Sookie could hear me. How, I had absolutely no idea, but somehow she could hear me. It was completely impossible, and part of me still thought I was dreaming or just imagining all of this. But another part of me thought of just how possible it could be. Sookie was a telepath after all. She could hear the thoughts of all humans, and a good handful of supernatural beings. She had never been able to read mine because of the mental walls that were just naturally built up, but the moment they were torn down, she could hear my thoughts just like any other human. So could it really be completely insane for her to be able to hear me now? Maybe in some aspect, it was like she was hearing my thoughts. My physical body was just lying in my old bed at home. This form of me, it was something else entirely. Maybe my consciousness was with me at this very moment, and because of that, she was able to hear everything I was saying to her. It sounded absolutely insane and impossible, but somehow, it was actually true.

"Sookie? Can you hear me?" I asked in confirmation, praying that she would nod her head yes.

She just stood there however, for the longest time. She just stared around the room, as if expecting for me to jump out and scream 'surprise!' at any moment. When she realized that wasn't about to happen, she shakily moved towards the closest chair and fell into it. She was breathing heavily and I could almost hear her heart beating from where I stood.

"This is impossible. This is crazy." She shook her head wildly, not believing that she could in fact hear me. "I'm just tired. That's it. I just need to get some sleep and..."

"Sookie you aren't crazy." I knelt down in front of her. "You aren't crazy at all."

Her eyes seemed to transfix themselves on mine, as if she could actually see me. I knew that she couldn't, but maybe she could hear where my voice was coming from, or maybe she just had an intuition. Whatever it was, our eyes were just staring into one another. I could see the fear mixing with the disbelief. But there was a hint of hope. It was small, just a small glimmer, but it was still there. Maybe this is what I needed. Maybe I needed someone who could hear me, who would just listen to me with reason. I knew if I tried to talk to Eric it would only pain him more. He was too vulnerable right now, too fragile. I had seen just how spooked he had been when he felt me, when he heard me. He may believe I was still alive, but hearing me would only make things worse. But Sookie had always had a clear head, always had a good head on her shoulders. Maybe she could help me.

"Sookie, please, you have to believe that it's me." I pleaded with her.

"Ellie?" Sookie sounded like she wanted to cry, and looked it as the tears welled in her eyes. "This...this can't be real. You can't be..."

"I'm alive." I promised her. "Well sort of. You have to believe me. Please believe me."

I watched as her chest rose up and down rapidly, a single tear sliding down her cheek. Subconsciously I raised a hand up to wipe away the tear, and I gasped in surprise when my fingers lightly touched her cheek. Sookie had nearly the same reaction as she gasped and scrambled out of the chair, knocking it down. I quickly got to my feet as Sookie began inching away from where I stood, her back hitting into the kitchen counter.

"No. This isn't...this isn't possible. You can't be..."

"I'm here Sookie. I swear to you, I'm here." I wanted to reach out to her again but knew it would be risky. I didn't want to frighten her off; I only wanted to talk to my best friend again. "This is completely crazy, I know, and I have no idea how this is possible, but it is."

Another tear slid down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away. "It can't be."

"It is, you have to believe me Sook. I'm here, I'm really here."

"Oh my god." she shook her head, her mouth falling open. "Oh my god."

"Oh my god is right."

"It's really you, Ellie?" her eyes scanned the room again. "I'm not just dreaming?"

"Not at all, Sookie. It's really me." I smiled to myself, happy that she believed me.

"Oh my god!" she cried out, her gaping mouth turning into a smile as her tears flowed freely. "Eric was right all along, you are alive!"

"Sort of." I found myself sitting at the table as I tried to make sense of this just as I'm sure she was as well. "I'm as alive as I could possibly be."

"How? How is this possible?"

"I have no idea. But you're a telepath, Sookie, maybe somehow it's possible. I don't know. I'm just so happy you can hear me." I felt my own tear slip down my cheek but I didn't bother wiping it away. I was sure I would be crying many more tears soon enough.

"Where are you?" She questioned as she ran a hand through her hair.

"It's what they call the In-Between."

"The In-Between?"

"I'm stuck between life and death." I explain. "It's pretty much just nothing, Sookie."

"Why can't I see you?" she wondered.

"I don't know. I guess because I'm not really here. My body is still in my old bedroom..."

"Oh my god!" her hand found its way back over her mouth as she interrupted me. "I wanted to bury you. And you're still alive! Oh god!"

"Oh Sookie." I couldn't help but laugh. Of all the things that could possibly pop into her head right now knowing that her best friend was actually alive, it was that. "It's okay, really."

"No it's not." She shook her head. "I wanted to bury you. And then you would have been...oh god."

"You didn't know." I stood and slowly inched towards her.

"But Eric did." Her eyebrows furrowed. "Eric knew you were alive. Does that mean he can..."

"I'm not sure about that." I admitted. "He felt and heard me when you, Alcide and Sam wanted to take my body. I think it was just the blood bond."

"You were there for that?" she frowned.

I nodded before remembering she couldn't see me. "Yeah. The Reaper brought me there."

"The what?" her eyes grew wider.

"The..." I never had a chance to finish however, as a hand came clamping down over my mouth from behind me.

"That's quite enough, Phoenix." The Reaper growled.

"Ellie?" Sookie looked concerned as she began looking around wildly. "Ellie are you still there?"

I tried to pull the hand away, to be able to talk to Sookie at least one last time. But the scene faded around me before I could, Sookie disappearing before my very eyes. I wanted to cry as I was pulled back into the grey nothingness. My only shot to talk to Sookie was ripped away from me by this damn Reaper. I just wanted to talk to her, to try and make sense of everything. Maybe she could help me. Maybe she could tell me something that would make me want to go back in a heartbeat. I just wanted to be able to talk to her, to my best friend. It could have been the last time I ever talked to her, and I never even got the chance to tell her how much she meant to me.

"I hate you!" I screamed out the moment the Reaper removed his hand from my mouth and appeared before me. I glared daggers at him, wanting to just slap him repeatedly. And I almost even did. I raised my hand, and I could just feel the burning in my hand waiting to mark this Reaper with my powers. Before the blow could connect however, the Reaper grabbed onto my wrist and twisted it painfully. I yelped out in pain as I was brought down to my knees by the sheer intensity he was twisting my wrist. I was sure it was going to just snap off.

"What the hell were you thinking, you stupid little girl?" He snarled, his once bright blue eyes turning the darkest shade of black I've ever seen. His eyes resembled that of Deaths, and that frightened me.

"She can hear me...let go, you're hurting me!" I pleaded, whimpering as he twisted my wrist even more. "Please!"

"You are such an idiot. Can you not play by the damn rules?" his dark eyes narrowed as he suddenly yanked me up onto my feet only to shove me into what felt like a wall. I winced at the impact, my eyes squeezing shut as the back of my head hit with the solid wall.

"I...I don't know what I did wrong."

He gripped onto my arms so tightly, I thought they were going to be ripped off. There would certainly be bruises in the form of hands there soon enough. I just didn't understand why this usually annoying and witty Reaper was so angry. He had never raised his voice to me the entire time he had popped in and out. But suddenly, all from being able to talk to Sookie, something had snapped inside of him.

And I certainly didn't like this side of him.

At that very moment in time, he was more frightening than Death himself, and I didn't think that was even possible.

But there was an anger bubbling deep inside of me. He had just pulled me away from Sookie, ripped away the only hope I had left. And that pissed me off. That pissed me off so much that I could feel that familiar warmth spreading throughout my body. I knew what was coming. I knew what was about to happen and I had absolutely no idea how it was possible when I was here. But I didn't care. It didn't seem like any of the rules were applying to me here. And I was glad about that. As the Reaper's grip tightened even further around my arms, I could feel the warmth meet my fingertips. Without any warning, the Reaper was suddenly just thrown across the grey nothingness. I was so surprised that I just stood there, pressed against the wall, with a faint glow around my hands, up my arms, and surrounding my chest. The Reaper had taken notice, and if possible, his eyes had grown even darker as he slowly stood, brushing off any dirt on his pants.

And that's when I couldn't breathe.

It felt like my throat had been grabbed by the hands of death and was squeezing the life out of me. And I suppose in one way, that was exactly what was happening. My eyes grew wide as I tried to gasp in oxygen. My hands flew to my throat, to try and claw at the invisible hold there. I watched as the Reaper's lips curled into such an evil smirk as he slowly stepped forward. My vision was blurring and my legs felt like jelly as I fell down to my knees. He came to stand in front of me and just stared down at me in a mocking fashion. I tried to glare at him, tried to use my powers to force him to stop. But it just wouldn't work. The invisible force had an impossible grip around my throat and I could feel the life leaving my body.

"You may be the most powerful being on earth, little girl." He knelt down beside me, his hand reaching out to grab my chin, forcing me to look up into his eyes. "But here, you're nothing but a little mosquito bite."

The iron grip around my throat suddenly disappeared, leaving me gasping in as much oxygen as possible.

"Remember that the next time you try and use your pathetic little powers on me." his eyes were narrowed into slits.

"What..." I tried to rasp out, my eyes still blurry with black dots. "...did I do?"

"You're breaking all the rules, Phoenix. You're changing the game." His grasp on my chin tightened and I winced in pain. "Think about using any one of your little powers again, and I won't hesitate to rip your soul into a million pieces. And then you'll never leave this place."

He let my chin go before standing, looking down at me in pure disgust. "I'm tired of playing around with you, Phoenix. Talking with the living...that isn't allowed. I let it slide with your precious little vampire, but don't think you can possible get one pass me, little girl. You will decide this the hard way, and you better make that decision quickly."

I glared up at him with all the hate in the world. "I hope you rot in hell."

"Oh sweetheart, don't you understand?" he shook his head. "I'll never rot in hell. I'll never be joyous in heaven. This is my domain. This is my utopia. Death may oversee everything, but I run this place. And I'm tired of you. The fun is over Phoenix. The next time I see you, you better have made a decision. Or else."

And then he was gone, and I was left shaking in fright at what he meant.


	6. Chapter 6: Family Ties

**Chapter Six: Family Ties**

The bed had disappeared with the Reaper.

I grumpily had to lie on the rather hard and uncomfortable ground just to get any sort of rest. I was cursing his name, waiting for the moment that I could just burn him to a crisp with my powers. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that. No matter how angry I was with him, no matter how much pain I wanted to cause him, it just didn't matter. As he had said, this was his world, not mine. What I tried to do to him, he could hurt me twice as much. And that's what scared me. I didn't think I would find myself scared of the Reaper, but for those few minutes, I had been petrified of him. I still didn't fully understand why he had snapped so suddenly. Why was it so terrible that I could talk to Sookie? Why was it so horrible that my powers could be used here? I just didn't understand any of it.

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself as I sat up, cracking my back as I did so.

My eyes grew wide however, when I found a single red door staring straight at me. That had certainly not been there minutes ago. I shot up onto my feet, my eyes scanning around me for any potential threat. But there was no one there, only me and this mysterious red door. There were warning bells going off in my head, telling me that opening that door would just be a bad idea. But I was never one to listen to reason. Hell, I was in the god damn In-Between!

So against all my better judgement, I walked right up to that door and grasped the shiny silver handle. Inhaling sharply, I pulled the door open and stepped through. I was surprised when I found myself in a plain hallway. As I stepped forward and looked over my shoulder to the door, I found that it was no longer there. Frowning, I pulled my attention forward as I slowly began down the hallway. There were closed doors to my left and right as I passed them, but I didn't dare open them. Part of me was scared something was just going to jump out of me, but another part of me knew that none of these doors held what I was seeking. I didn't know what that was, but as a set of stairs came into view, I began to wonder where the hell I was.

That all changed however, when I took the first step down the stairs and was met with a picture on the wall.

A picture of me.

My eyes were as wide as saucers as I raised a hand to the picture of myself when I was only a little girl. I was sitting on what appeared to be these very stairs, a wide grin on my face. I looked so happy back then, so carefree. I wished I could go back to when I was only a child, back to when everything was so much simpler. I didn't have to worry about any powers back then. I didn't have to worry about love when I was a kid. And I certainly didn't have to worry about anything supernatural.

As I slowly made my way down the rest of the stairs, my eyes remained on the wall of pictures. In each one I seemed to get older, some focusing on just me, and others of me and my older brother. I smiled as I stared at one from my high school graduation near the bottom of the stairs. My brother's arm was thrown around me, a proud smile on his face as I hugged him tightly. I remembered that day like it was yesterday. He had been there every second of it, clapping louder than any of the parents and friends of my classmates. I loved him for it. He knew it was a day I wished our parents could have been there for, and he made it an even more special day than it already was. It was just one of the many reasons I loved my brother.

"You were so happy that day."

I thought my heart had stopped at that voice. My face had paled considerably as I spun on the second to last stair, nearly tumbling over as my eyes took in the figure waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Matt?" I breathed out, my eyes so wide they were aching.

There standing before me, looking solid and as real as can be, was my brother. I didn't think it was possible. I was sure I would never see him again, not until I passed on. But there he was, standing there before my very eyes. He wore the same grin that had soothed me to sleep so many nights, those dazzling blue eyes full of life even though he was dead. His short blonde hair was as I remembered it, as was the stumble on his chin. He looked exactly like he had the weeks leading up to his death. Except he looked lively, he looked like he could have been alive. I knew that he wasn't. I knew that this had to be some dream, or some trick by the Reaper or Death. Matt just couldn't be real, it wasn't possible. It was less possible than Sookie being able to hear me.

"Hey, little sister. Did you miss me?" his grin widened as he pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning on. He opened his arms, expecting me to just run into them.

He knew me all too well.

I all but jumped down those last few steps and ran straight into his arms. They circled me the moment our bodies collided and I just broke down. I clutched onto him, afraid he would just suddenly disappear.

"Hey now, Ellie, none of that." He hugged me tightly, running a hand up and down my back. "You know I hate it when you cry."

But I just couldn't stop. He was here. I don't know how, I don't know for how long, but he was here. Maybe I had just suddenly passed over and this was heaven, but at that moment, I didn't care at all. I had waited for the day I would see my brother again. He had just been taken from me, ripped out of my life, and I never had a chance to say a proper goodbye. I remember sitting in class when the Dean had walked in, informing me that my brother had passed. I had been so distraught as I raced to the hospital, hoping it had been a mistake. But it hadn't been. He was lying there dead, not a single breath leaving his body. I had cried for hours, days even, after he had been buried. It was worse than when my parents had died. I was only a little girl then, I didn't understand what was going on. And I hadn't been alone. But I was alone that day. I didn't have my brother to hold my hand, to promise me everything was going to be okay. That truly was one of the hardest days of my life.

"Come on, little sister, I'm here now, enough of that." He put me at arm's length, smiling down at me as he wiped away my tears. "Where's that smile I love so much?"

I tried to smile, but it only failed as the tears continued to stream down my face. Matt only chuckled and pulled me back in for an embrace.

"I'll take this as you're happy to see me."

We stood there for what felt like every, just hugging one another. Eventually, after I had been able to get my emotions under control, I was able to peel myself away from him and look up into those blue eyes.

"How are you here, Matty?" I questioned softly, using the palms of my hands to rub away my tears.

"You've gotten yourself in quite a lot of trouble, kiddo." He sighed, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. "I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"But how? Why?" I wanted to know, my eyes roaming over him to take in every possible feature to memorize.

"Your charming friend came to visit me." Matt rolled his eyes. "Ripped me right out of Heaven in fact."

"Ripped you out of heaven?" My face paled.

"It's not as bad as it sounds." He assured, laying a hand on my shoulder. "I'm here to try and help you out."

"Help me?" I frowned. "Help me how?"

"You have a decision to make, El, and you need to make that decision soon."

My face fell. "Do we have to talk about that? There's so many things I want to talk to you about. I mean...it's really you Matty!"

"I know, Ellie, and I wish I could be with you for hours. Hell, I wish I could come back with you. But I can't." He explained sadly. "I only have so much time with you."

"Oh." I ducked my head, feeling the tears return to my eyes.

"But hey, let's not waste a moment of it, alright?" He lifted my gaze with a single finger under my chin. "I love you so much, kiddo. You have no idea how much I wish I could have been there for you. You've just gone through so much."

"You don't know that half of it." I muttered.

"I think I do." His smile made me frown further. "You don't honestly think I haven't been keeping an eye on you, do you? I promised you I would always look out for you, even from heaven."

"So you...you know everything?" I began fidgeting with my hands. "You know that I'm..."

"That you're a Phoenix? Yeah, I do." He nodded. "That was quite a lot to process. But it made sense after awhile."

"Made sense?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You've always been a special one, kiddo." His smile widened. "Even as a kid, you've always been just a little bit different from everyone else. I saw it, so I'm sure everyone else saw it. I knew you were bound for greatness."

"Just never figured it would be this."

"To be honest, I was thrown for a loop when I found out about vampires." He laughed. "And then my little sister falls in love with one."

My cheeks grew red. "Yeah...that..."

"Hey, never be ashamed of who you love." His eyes met mine. "I never got the chance to love. It was just never something that fell in my lap. But you were lucky enough to find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Granted, he is a thousand years old, but he seems like a good guy."

"You really think so?" I was surprised and showed it.

"I do." He nodded. "He loves you. You have no idea how much he loves you. And that's all that matters. Sure, if I was still alive, there'd be a few bones I'd pick with him. But he would give you the entire world if it was possible. He risked his life for you time and time again. For that alone, I approve."

I don't know why I wanted to cry at that, but I did. Maybe it was because my brother's approval meant the world to me, but knowing that he was alright with Eric, that he approved of our loved, it meant more to me than anyone could ever possibly know. Matt was not only my brother, but he acted like a father to me. He was only a kid himself when he was forced to look after me. No, forced wasn't the right word. He never had to. He could have just let strangers take me in. But he never let that happen. He put his life on hold for me, to ensure that I had the life I deserved. He had given me everything he possibly could, gave me advice whenever I needed it, and supported me even in my darkest days. He was the only family I could truly remember, the only one whose opinion mattered to me. So to know that he approved of Eric and my relationship, it made me extremely happy.

"You've ah...had quite the experiences though." The embarrassment was in his face for even bringing it up.

I groaned, knowing exactly what he was talking about. I hid my face behind my hand, knowing my entire face had turned beet red.

"Alright, enough embarrassing you. You and I need to have a serious talk." He threw his arm around my shoulders and began leading me down the hallway and into what appeared to be the exact living room I had grown up in so many years ago.

"Where are we?" I asked as we both sat on the couch.

"Our old house, before I passed away." Matt smiled fondly. "This was your favourite place in the entire world."

"I used to love it here." I nodded, gazing around the room and taking in the pictures on the wall.

"You and I both." He nodded. "This place held a lot of memories."

"Do you remember when we moved in here?" I couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"You just couldn't decide where anything should go. We were sitting on the floor for days." He nudged me in the side with a chuckle.

"Hey, it turned out pretty nice in the end." I nudged him back.

"That's true. Without you, this place would have looked...well bare." He admitted.

"I gave it the feminine touch." I looked over at him before my smile fell into a frown. "How long do we have?"

"Not long. A few hours maybe?" he sighed with a shrug. "Just enough time for us to try and get you to decide."

"Do I have to?" I groaned. "Can't you just decide for me?"

"Sorry, Ellie, but I can't. You know this is your decision. This is your life on the line, not mine." He reached over to grasp my hand. "I love you Ellie, which is why I'm here. I'm going to get you through this. Together we're going to figure this out, I promise."

* * *

"I really don't see what the problem is here." Matt voiced his opinion from the couch as I paced the length of the living room. "You love Eric and you have friends that care about you, why wouldn't you want to go back?"

"Because!" I threw my arms up in frustration. "It's just...it's too hard, Matt."

Matt sighed as he leaned forward. "It's life, Ellie, of course it's hard. That doesn't mean you shouldn't live."

"But..." I trailed off, pulling myself to a stop and turned to stare at him. "I'm tired of it all."

"Of what?" He stood and moved towards me. "What are you so tired of?"

"Of everything." I looked down to the ground. "Ever since you've been gone, nothing has gone right. Everything has just been so horrible. I'm tired of it. I just want to be happy."

"You looked pretty happy with Eric." He reminded me.

"A little tiny bit of happiness doesn't take away all the pain and sacrifice."

"No, but it does make living just that much easier." He offered a smile as he laid his hands down on my shoulder. "I know it's hard, and I know you've been to hell and back, but it does get easier, Ellie."

"When?" I looked up at him, tears welling in my eyes. "When does it get easier?"

"I can't answer that, kiddo. I'm not exactly the expert of living, now am I?" he sighed. "I know it's been tough, and I know you've been through more pain than anyone possible should. But look at you; it's only made you stronger."

"Except I'm dead, Matt." I pointed out.

"Not yet." He shook his head. "You're not dead yet. Only you can decide that. No one else."

"Maybe I just want to die then." I crossed my arms. "It would be easier. I could be happy. I could be with you, and mom and dad. I never knew them, Matty; I could finally get to know them."

"Not like this, Ellie. We don't want you to be with us like this. You have a long life ahead of you, you should go live it."

"Why can't I be with you? Why can't I be with my family?" I tried to protest.

"Because they're your family now, Ellie." He smiled sadly, wiping away the tear that slid down my cheek. "Eric, Godric, Sookie, those are the people you should be living for."

"But I want you. It's not fair." I shook my head.

He sighed and pulled me into a tight embrace. "I know, Ellie. But life isn't fair. Believe me, Death is easy, it's living that's hard."

"I don't want to do it. I want to stay with you."

"Please, Ellie. Do what I couldn't; have a future. Love. Just live life." He cupped my cheek. "You deserve that. If not for yourself, do it for me little sister."

The tears fell down my cheek, one after another, and didn't seem to be stopping. Seeing my brother, being able to actually touch him, to hear his voice, it only made me want to pass on that much more. I missed my brother so much. I missed my family. Why couldn't I be with them? I knew it was selfish. I knew I would be leaving behind the man who loved me and all of my friends. But after everything I've been put through over the last few years, didn't I deserve a slice of happiness? Didn't I deserve to be a bit selfish? I just wanted to be happy, to not live my life in fear and pain. That wasn't so much to ask for. I couldn't get that if I went back. It was impossible; the world was a cruel and horrible place most of the time. Sure Eric had made me happier than I've been in a long time, and the single thought of the vampire made me shudder in glee, but how long would that last? How long would it be until the next threat came for our lives? I was the Phoenix and he was a powerful vampire, it was unrealistic to think that we could live a long happy filled life together without any hardships. Who's to say that in a year's time, all of this won't happen again?

"Go home, Ellie. You need to just go home." He whispered to me. "I never had the chance to love; I never had the chance to live the rest of my life. But you have that chance. You have the ability to make things better."

"But I don't want to be in any more pain." I shook my head as I pulled away from him. "I'll always be in pain; I'll always have to fight for my life."

"Some people don't have that chance, Ellie." He cradled my head in his hands. "I never had the opportunity to fight. I just went unexpectedly. But you, god Ellie, you can fight. You are the strongest girl I know, and I knew that long before you ever became a Phoenix."

"But..."

"No buts, Ellie." He shook his head, a look of determination in his eyes. "Live, Ellie. Love with all of your heart. We'll be here waiting for you when the day comes that you are meant to pass on. We'll always be waiting for you, that will never change. But little sister, today isn't your day. You're supposed to live. So do just that. Pick life, always pick life."

My bottom lip began to tremble as the tears flowed freely. Matt sighed and pulled me in for another embrace, kissing the top of my head as he did so.

"I love you so much Ellie. You're my little sister; I just want what's best for you, and this is what's best. You need to believe in your heart that living is the right choice. Because it is, Ellie. I would give anything to be able to just wake up and be alive again. So would thousands of others. But you have that chance. Don't let it go to waste."

I held onto him tighter, but for some reason, he didn't feel as solid as he did before. My heart dropped as I knew it was time. Matt couldn't stay here forever; he couldn't guide me the entire way. All he was able to do was kick me in the right direction and hope I went the rest of the way.

"I have to go now, Ellie." He put me at arm's length, a sad smile on his face. "I love you so much, always remember that. So do Mom and Dad. They're so proud of you, Ellie. And I'll always be proud, no matter what. Go live life, go love that vampire of yours, and never stop living. Life is the greatest gift you could possibly have. Cherish it, little sister."

"I don't want you to go."

"I have to." he tried brushing away my tears. "But I'm always with you Ellie, I'm always watching over you and I'm always in your heart." He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I love you kiddo, make the right choice. I believe in you."

And without another word to be spoken, he was gone.

I broke down as the house I desperately wished I could have stayed in for the rest of my life, just vanished and I was returned to the lifeless grey nothingness. I fell to my knees as my hands covered my face, the tears pouring down my cheeks. I wished I could have called him back, to see him just for a few more minutes. But part of me knew that I would see him again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not for another hundred years, but I knew one day it would happen.

And part of me knew it in my heart exactly what I wanted to do.


	7. Chapter 7: Just A Dream

**Chapter Seven: Just A Dream**

Sookie hurried across the parking lot of Fangtasia, barely even paying attention to Chow as she passed him and the long line of patrons waiting for the chance to go inside. She heard the complaints, but Chow didn't even attempt to stop her as she entered the bar, her eyes scanning the entire crowded room. She frowned when she couldn't spot the vampire she was searching for and quickly made her way over to the bar.

"Where's Eric?" Sookie demanded to know.

The bartender raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Where's Eric?" She repeated, her nails tapping impatiently on the surface of the bar. "Where's Eric, I need to see him."

"He's not coming in tonight." the familiar female voice spoke from behind her.

Sookie spun around and was relieved to see Pam standing there. "Is Godric here?"

Pam raised an eyebrow. "What's this about?"

"Just tell me if he's here or not or where I can find Eric. It's urgent." Sookie sighed, her patience wearing thin. She needed to talk to Eric or Godric now, before too much time could pass and the thoughts of her being crazy only grew. "I need to see one of them like yesterday."

A look of worry crossed Pam's eyes as she nodded and led the way to the door beside the bar. Sookie followed silently, her eyes never leaving Pam's back as they manoeuvred through the crowd. Once they were in the back hallway, Pam walked right up to the office and opened the door, motioning her in with a wave. Sookie nodded and slipped into the room, finding Godric sitting behind the desk with his eyes closed, a look of pain on his face. The moment she entered however, his eyes popped open and the mask he had been wearing since Ellie's death was once again replacing his emotions. It broke her heart to see Godric hiding away the pain that she knew they all felt. He was trying to be strong, for Eric's sake, but Sookie knew just how hard it was to keep emotions in. After awhile, Godric was just going to have to let it all go, whether he was alright with that or not. It wasn't like they had lost just anyone. This was Ellie. Ellie was...

But she wasn't gone. That had been proven that morning when she found herself going crazy by talking to Ellie herself. Sookie still wasn't sure if it had been real or not. Maybe she was just dreaming at the time. But part of her knew that wasn't true. She had been tired and stressed, but she knew she hadn't been hearing things. That very morning she had been talking to the best friend who she had thought was dead. She had seen her body; there was no heartbeat to be found. And yet, she had talked with Ellie like she had been in the room.

And maybe she had been. Maybe in some messed up way, she had been in that room.

But how?

Ellie tried to explain where she was, but Sookie didn't understand it. She was stuck between life and death? What did that mean? If she was alive then why wasn't she there with them? It just didn't make sense.

And that's why she was here. She needed to talk to Eric and Godric, to try and understand what in the world was going on.

"Is something wrong?" Godric frowned as he stood and walked around the desk. "You look like you've seen a ghost, Sookie."

"I think I have." She admitted as she could feel her hands beginning to shake. She shook her head to get a hold of herself as she walked over to the couch and sat down. "Or at least, I think I heard one."

"You heard a ghost?" Pam raised an eyebrow as she closed the door of the office and leaned against it. "I may only be a century old, but I do know when someone sounds a bit crazy."

"I'm not crazy." Sookie snapped, glaring at Pam before turning her attention back to the older vampire. "I'm not crazy, Godric."

"I don't think you are." He assured, sending Pam a look before walking over to sit beside Sookie on the couch. "Why don't you tell me what happened. When did you hear this...ghost?"

"This morning." Sookie clasped her hands tightly together as she recounted the events from that morning. "I was just drinking coffee and then I could...I could hear her."

"Hear who?" Godric wondered.

Sookie's bottom lip trembled as she looked Godric dead in the eye, praying that he would believe her. "Ellie. I heard Ellie."

The silence in the room rattled Sookie. She could see the look of disbelief in Godric's eyes, she could see that he didn't believe her. But she knew it was true. She knew it in her heart that she wasn't going crazy. She had heard Ellie that morning, whether these two wanted to believe it or not.

"I heard her, Godric."

"Perhaps you were only hearing things." He bowed his head.

"I'm not crazy, Godric. I know what I heard. And I heard her." Sookie insisted. "I was just sitting there and then suddenly I could hear her."

"Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"

"Yes Godric, I was wide awake." Sookie sighed. "I felt her at one point. I think that was when I knew it was really her. Godric I swear to you, I'm telling the truth. Ellie isn't..."

"Don't." Godric shook his head, standing up suddenly. "She's gone, Sookie. Elizabeth is dead. It's unhealthy to believe anything else. Eric is...Eric is a mess because he refuses to believe that she's gone. You cannot think the same way, Sookie."

"But Godric!" Sookie jumped to her feet, wishing the vampire would just listen to her. "I'm not just hearing things. She was there, in my kitchen!"

"Did you see her?" Godric raised an eyebrow.

"Well no..."

"Then I suspect you were only hearing things. I'm sorry, Sookie. But we both know the truth. She's gone. The sooner everyone believes that, the sooner we can all move on with our lives." He patted her shoulder sadly before moving passed her and back to the desk.

"The sooner you just listen to me, the sooner we can figure this all out!" Sookie cried out in exasperation. "She's alive, Godric. I know it. I heard her; she told me herself that she was alive."

"How? How could she possibly be alive, Sookie?" Godric turned towards her once behind the desk. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides as he spoke with a strained voice. "I watched her die. I was there."

"She said she was stuck." Sookie stepped forward, her heart pounding as she hurriedly tried to get Godric to just believe her. "She said something about the In-Between, that she was stuck there between life and death."

"It's impossible." He shook his head. "She's gone, Sookie. Look at her body, it's just lying there. She's not breathing; she has no heart beat..."

"And she's not decaying either." Sookie pointed out, realizing it for the first time. "Shouldn't her body be doing something? She's dead, she should...well she should look it, shouldn't she?"

"She's a Phoenix, perhaps..."

"That's just it, Godric!" Sookie threw her arms up into the air. "She's a Phoenix! She can't die!"

"She can. Kyra died." Godric crossed his arms, still not believing the blonde.

"But she offered you her soul and you denied it. That's how she died." Sookie wanted to just shake the vampire. "Ellie didn't do that, did she? She didn't offer her soul. She's stuck, Godric, and we might just be the only ones who can help her."

"Sookie, I'm sorry, I truly am. I know how much she means to you. But she's gone. I cannot let myself think in any other way. We're all mourning. I understand you want to believe that there's hope, but there is none, Sookie. She's dead." Godric turned away. "I'm sorry, I can't help you Sookie."

"But Godric..."

"I have many things to look after tonight." Godric cleared his throat. "Pam, will you see Ms. Stackhouse out?"

"Yes, Godric." Pam nodded her head.

Sookie sighed but knew there was no hope in getting Godric to believe her. She turned to face Pam, and when she saw the look on the other vampire's face, there was a tiny bit of hope still left in her. Pam motioned her out, and the moment they were back inside of the loud bar, Pam turned to her.

"You need to speak with Eric immediately about this." There was a look on Pam's face that told Sookie she may just have someone who believed her.

"You believe me?" Sookie asked hopefully.

"Eric is my maker. I know how much pain he is in. If there's even a little bit of hope that she could be..." Pam sighed and shook her head. "Just go talk to him."

"Thanks Pam." Sookie offered a smile. "And I know this sounds crazy but...I know it in my heart that she's still alive."

"I believe you."

* * *

Godric sighed as he sat at the desk, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He hated himself for how short he had been with Sookie, but he just couldn't allow himself to believe something that wasn't true. Ellie was dead, she was gone. He had watched her die before his very eyes. Yes, she was a Phoenix, and somehow Eric was still alive even though the spell bonding the two would have destroyed him as well, but it wasn't possible for Ellie to still be alive. She had escaped death one too many times. Eventually, luck wouldn't be on her side, and it hadn't been inside of that warehouse.

Red tears pricked at his eyes as he thought of that night. He remembered how proud he was of her for killing Hallow. She had shown her true powers that night as she protected those she loved. She had destroyed Hallow once and for all. But he was forced to watch as Mark appeared out of nowhere and shoved that dagger straight through Ellie. He had been frozen to the spot as he watched Ellie crumple to the ground, the blood pouring out of her. He was only able to move once he witnessed Eric attacking Mark, pounding into him, nearly killing the witch. Godric had swept into action, forcing Eric off of him. They couldn't kill Mark, not until after the spell was lifted. But it seemed that the spell didn't even matter anymore, as Ellie just died in Eric's arms. He had never seen his child so distraught. Not even when he was planning on meeting the sun, had he seen Eric react in such a way. It was evident that Eric loved Ellie more than anything, and that only tore Godric to pieces to know that he had lost the woman he loved just like he had 1400 years ago.

"I'm sorry I failed you, Elizabeth." Godric closed his eyes, wishing he could go back in time and save Ellie like he had always promised her that he would.

But he couldn't. What's done was done. She was gone and there was nothing that could change that. Everyone just needed to understand that Ellie was dead. She was gone and she wasn't coming back.

"Godric."

Godric's eyes snapped open at the sudden voice calling his name. It sounded familiar, and yet, he just couldn't place it. When he realized that he was no longer in the office in Fangtasia anymore, Godric stood and twisted around, searching for any potential threat. When he heard a melodic laugh that sounded all too familiar, Godric slowed to a stop, his eyes settling on the one form he thought he would never get to see again.

"Kyra..." he whispered out, his eyes widening.

There standing only a few feet away, was the woman who had sacrificed herself for him 1400 years ago. But this couldn't be possible. How was it that he could see her? This had to be some sort of dream. But as she stepped forward, raising her hand to cup his cheek, she felt as real as she had when they had made love all those centuries ago. His eyes roamed over every inch of her, looking for something to be wrong. But she was perfect, just like she had always been. It was amazing how he could be able to pick out the many differences between Kyra and Ellie. They looked so much alike, and yet he knew Kyra better than he even knew himself. He could close her eyes and have her features absolutely perfect without having even seen her. Those bright green eyes that was just a shade darker than Ellie's, her lips that were just a bit plumper. And that hair. Those silky locks of red hair that he had spent so much time weaving his hands through.

"I'm dreaming." He murmured, his hand reaching up to twirl a strand of her hair around his finger.

"You are." She nodded, both of her hands cupping his cheeks now as tears were brought to her eyes.

"How? How are you here, my love?" he questioned, his voice barely above a whisper as he stared into those green eyes he still dreamed about every single night.

"I needed to speak to you." Her fingers danced across his cheek, bringing a smile to Godric's face at her soft touch. His eyes closed for a moment, just enjoying the chance to stand before the woman he still harboured feelings for even after all this time. "Godric we don't have much time."

Godric nodded as he opened his eyes, noticing the look of concern in Kyra's face. "Why are you here?"

"Oh Godric." She sighed, shaking her head as she went to take a step away from him. Godric however, wouldn't allow it, and held onto her hips to keep her in place. She stared up at him with a longing in her eyes, having not seen Godric in the flesh for so long. "You have no idea how much I've missed you, my love."

"And I you." His voice was soft as he drew her even closer, one hand moving up to cup her cheek, his thumb caressing the smooth flawless skin. "You look just as beautiful as I remember."

The smile broke across her lips as she stood on the tips of her toes, her lips lightly brushing against his. He drew his hand up from her hip to the small of her back, pressing her body against his and deepening the kiss. It felt like fireworks were going off around them, like the world beneath their feet was no longer there. He felt like he was floating, just like he had felt every single time he had kissed Kyra in the past. His love for her remained true as he weaved a hand through her hair, caressing her features in an act of memorization. But he remembered her perfectly. She was still the same girl he had saved, the same girl who had offered him love when no other would ever think to love the monster that he was. She had given him his humanity back. No matter what horrible things he may find himself doing, she stood by him, assuring him that her love for him would always remain strong. He would have spent eternity with her had they had the chance. He would have kept her as his, protected her and loved her till the end of days.

But she had been ripped from him. And all because she had felt the need to sacrifice herself for him. He would never rid himself of the guilt, knowing he was the one who had killed her. She never should have saved him. She should have lived to her true potential.

"You are such a fool." He cupped her cheeks as he pulled his lips away from hers. "Why did you have to save me, my sweet Kyra? You could have lived."

"And you would have died." She placed her hands over his. "And I wouldn't have allowed that to happen. I couldn't have lived without you, Godric. I loved you too much to spend a moment without you. You were my everything."

"And you were mine."

"You knew how to live without me, Godric." She reasoned with him. "And you did. You were bound for greatness and I was not going to let you die, for the good I saw in you to go to waste."

"I hardly did any good." He sighed as he dropped his hands and looked away.

"That isn't true." she cupped his cheek this time, turning his gaze back to hers. "You've changed many lives, Godric. You've saved lives; you've given hope to those that had lost all will to live. You've done much more than you could even possibly imagine, my love. And without you, there would not be another Phoenix."

A dark red tear appeared in the corner of Godric's eyes at the mention of Ellie.

"I failed her. Just as I failed you." There was a sadness in his tone that broke Kyra's heart.

"Oh Godric, don't you see?" her eyes met his. "She's not gone, Godric."

"She is. I watched her die. Just as I watched you die." Her shook his head and pulled away from her. "I let you down. I let you sacrifice yourself for me when it should have been me that died. I should have protected you better, both of you."

"It was my choice, Godric. I chose between life and death because your life was on the line. I didn't care that I was going to die, I truly didn't. I knew what was waiting for me. I knew my fate. Your life meant more to me than my own. I gave my life for you, Godric, but not for you to weep and mourn your entire existence." There was a fire behind her eyes. "Don't you dare blame yourself for what you had no part in."

"I should wake up now." Godric turned his back to her. It pained him to hair this. He didn't want to recount her death, for the guilt to grow even more. He had killed her, it had been his fault. Just like he hadn't done a thing to save Ellie. He hadn't stopped Mark before he killed her. He hadn't forced Ellie to stay back. He just led her into war and she died. He would never forgive himself for the deaths that occurred because of him. He had half a mind to walk right out into the sunlight, to end this grief.

"I swear to you, Godric, should you even think of acting that desire out, I will find you in your true death and never let you forget the pain you caused me." she grabbed onto his arm and pulled him back around. Her eyes were flashing in anger, and he had nearly forgotten Kyra's temper. It was more ferocious than Ellie's, and he even had found himself missing the anger and rage that boiled inside of his precious Phoenix. "I've watched you mourn for 1400 years. Do you know how hard that has been? Do you not understand the pain you've caused me to see you blame yourself? It has killed me, Godric. This was not your fault. None of this was your fault."

"But it was." He spoke softly.

"No it wasn't."

"You died, and so did Ellie. I've failed you all." He bowed his head in sadness.

"She isn't dead, Godric." Kyra shook her head. "She's very much alive."

"She's not."

"Yes she is!" Kyra was having just about enough of their sweet sentiments and his guilt. She had come to him not to argue with him, but to help him understand what needed to be done. They couldn't waste time with this. Godric needed to understand that Ellie was alive and needed help. Kyra could feel Ellie beginning to sway, her mind beginning to set on her decision. The only way to ensure Ellie returned back home was to help her, to give her reason to live.

"I watched her..."

"Godric, I love you dearly. I will forever love you, even in death. But if you continue to be this stubborn, hard headed vampire, I swear to go I'm going to kick your ass!" Kyra exclaimed as she slapped at his chest. Not hard enough to do much more than tickle the vampire, but it was enough to grab his attention. "Will you just listen to me?"

Godric was surprised by Kyra's outburst, and couldn't help but agree to listen to what she had to say. He had been on the receiving end of Kyra's anger on more than one account. And he was certain that even in death, Kyra could still find ways to kick his ass just as she had done while they were both alive and together.

"Are we going to listen?" she raised an eyebrow, her hands planted on her hips. After Godric nodded, Kyra sighed in relief. "Thank you, Godric."

"What is this all about?" Godric frowned, searching her face for answers.

"Ellie isn't dead, Godric. She's stuck in the In-Between." She explained.

"But the In-Between is only a myth." He shook his head. "It's not possible for it to be real."

"It's very possible, Godric. She's been there once before, after the car accident. That was when I first marked her, to ensure that no matter what, she wouldn't be snatched by a Reaper when she was supposed to live."

"But how? How is she there now?"

"You can't honestly tell me you've lost a few of those brain cells over the years." Kyra rolled her eyes. "She's a Phoenix, Godric, unless there's another to continue on the legacy, unless her soul is offered and either accepted or denied, she cannot die."

"But I watched her..." his eyebrows furrowed. "I don't understand."

"Every Phoenix finds themselves in the In-Between. I have myself multiple times. Usually we don't spend much time there, as we always choose to live. None of us have chosen the other path."

"Is she being held there?" Godric's features changed at the thought of someone holding Ellie prisoner.

"No." Kyra shook her head sadly. "She's...Ellie's confused Godric."

"What do you mean, confused?"

"She doesn't know what she wants." Kyra sighed. "Her soul cannot be taken by the Reaper or Death because she's a marked Phoenix. All they can do is wait until she makes a decision."

"A decision?" Godric frowned. "As in..."

"Should she choose life, her soul will be returned to her body. But if she chooses death..." she trailed off. Her eyes watering with tears.

"She'll be gone forever." Godric whispered, his eyes widening. "No..."

"She's swaying, Godric. She's close to making her decision and the only way to make sure she chooses life is if we help her. I've tried talking to her, but...other things have come to my attention."

Godric shook his head as he tried to make sense of it all. Ellie was alive. She was actually alive, or as alive as she could possibly be trapped between life and death. He had never thought the myths of the In-Between were real. It was a realm ruled by Death and his Reapers. He had only heard stories of the other world, not even Kyra had told him about it and it seemed she had been there. He didn't think it was possible for Ellie to possibly be there. But it seemed that she was. And she was there by choice. Knowing that, it broke his heart. She was there not because she was forced to stay in that realm, not because she was being held as a prisoner, but because it was her own choosing. She could have been home by now, with her loved ones, but she wasn't. She was conflicted, and knowing that destroyed Godric. Had they brought so much pain upon her, that she no longer wanted them?

"She loves you all, so very much. She just...she's tired of it all, Godric. She just wants to be happy and live in peace. I can't say I blame her." Kyra admitted. "When I found myself in the realm of Phoenixes, it was purely amazing. We live for centuries, Godric. We go through so many hardships that eventually we just want peace. She's gone through much more than even I've gone through. I understand her pain."

"Eric loves her." Godric just didn't understand. "Eric loves her more than anything."

"And she feels the same way." Kyra nodded before her expression hardened. "But none of that will even matter if she chooses to pass on. Because if she chooses that path, she won't find herself in heaven."

"Surely she wouldn't be sent to hell."

"No, no this would be much much worse than hell."

"Kyra?" Godric saw the fright in her eyes and cupped her cheek. "What is it, my love?"

"Godric, she wouldn't pass on. She wouldn't find peace. Death wants her. He wants her for his collection. He's never had the pleasure of taking a Phoenix before. But he'll take her the moment she offers her soul to the other side. She won't live in happiness, but instead, she'll be a simple trophy to Death and be put through worse pain than she could even imagine."

Godric's face paled. "What?"

"The Reaper came to me, told me Death's plans." Kyra shuddered at the thought of the annoying reaper. "As much as I would like to just punch him half of the time, he truly hates Death as much as the rest of us. He's been trying to help Ellie."

"Why would a Reaper help her?"

"Because he wants out, Godric. He wants out. He thinks if he can help persuade Ellie to go home, so Death loses what he desires, that he'll be set free of his duties." Kyra explained. "So he came to me for help. He saw that Ellie was swaying her decision and...and it's not good, Godric. Death brought her brother to her, he gave her what she truly desires. She wants her family and he just about hand fed her."

"Surely her brother wouldn't want her to choose death." Godric ran a hand down his face.

"He doesn't. But Ellie...she had a taste of being with him, of seeing her family again, and now she wants it. She wants more time." Kyra shook her head. "We're losing her, Godric."

"What can we do?" something flashed across Godric's eyes. "What do you want me to do?"

"The Reaper was able to give me some time. But I know she won't listen to me." Kyra tucked her hair behind her ears. "I'll only be able to give you a few minutes."

It took a moment for Godric to realize what Kyra was trying to tell him, but once it had settled in, his eyes grew wide. "You want me to go to her."

"You're the only one who can talk reason into her." Kyra laid her hands on his chest. "You need to make her choose life, Godric. It's not her time. She's not supposed to die."

"How?"

"It's you, Godric." She couldn't help but smile slightly. "You could have talked even me out of death."

It wasn't a matter of deciding for Godric. He knew what he had to do. If Death was seeking to capture Ellie the moment she crossed over, there was no hope for her at all. Even if he could never have her return to them, he would never forgive himself he let her fall into this trap. He didn't understand why a Reaper who worked for Death would defy him, but Godric didn't care. Ellie's life was more important than even his own at the moment. He needed to rescue her, in any way possible. She had to come home, if not for any of them, then at least to escape the horrifying fate she could find herself in.

"Send me, Kyra. I'll bring her home." Godric vowed.

"I knew you'd be willing." Kyra's smile widened before she leaned up and captured his lips with her own. She parted from him before he could even think of deepening the kiss, too much at stake to possibly get distracted. "You'll only have five minutes, Godric, use them wisely."

"I will."

"I love you, Godric. Always remember that. I'll never stop loving you."

Godric cupped her cheeks and dipped his head down, crashing his lips against hers. He forgot momentarily about Ellie, just for the last chance to kiss his beloved. He brushed his tongue across her lips, just for a quick taste, before he forced himself away.

"I'm ready."

* * *

**A/N:** whoa...so Kyra appeared to Godric and now he knows that Ellie isn't dead. but now Death really just wants Ellie to choose death because he wants her for his collected. and the Reaper came to Kyra for help? (that gets explained in the next chapter) so much craziness! it will be interesting what will happen once Godric is there with Ellie. will he be able to help her make up her mind for once and for all?


	8. Chapter 8: Bring Her Home

**Chapter Eight: Bring her Home**

I sat in the middle of the grey nothingness, just waiting for the Reaper or Death to appear. I could feel my decision being shaped. I could feel my heart beginning to change. I knew my brother would hate me for what I wanted to do, but how could I possibly think of doing anything else? I had spent only an hour with my brother, only an hour talking with the one person who I wished was still alive. I wanted to spend days with him, to have that force back in my life. But that couldn't be if I chose to live. I couldn't see my family again, I couldn't see Matt again. I just wanted to be happy, like I had been for that small amount of time I spent with Matt. So was it wrong of me to want to pass on, to choose to go over to the other side? I knew many would be disappointed in me, and I knew I was leaving behind Eric, the man I loved. But he would understand, wouldn't he? He would understand my desire for peace and happiness.

"Elizabeth."

My head snapped up at the sound of my name. My eyes grew as wide as saucers as I found Godric standing before me, a look of pure sadness on his face as he stared down at me. I scrambled onto my feet as I stared at him in shock. What was Godric doing here? How in the world was this even possible?

"Oh Elizabeth." He shook his head and stepped forward. "What are you doing?"

"What are you doing here?" I questioned.

"I'm here to bring you home." He frowned. "But I fear that's not what you desire."

"I want to be with my family." I crossed my arms, hoping he wouldn't judge me. "I just want to be happy, Godric."

"You can be happy with us." Godric tried to reason, stepping even closer. "Eric loves you more than anything. He can make you happy."

"But there will always be pain and suffering. And I'm tired of it." I shook my head. "I just want to be happy. I want to be with my family again."

"But don't you understand? That will never be." He sighed. "You will never see your family; you'll never live in peace."

"What are you saying, Godric?" I frowned. "If I pass on, I can go to heaven and...how are you even here?"

"Kyra brought me here." He drew even closer until his hand was cupping my cheek. "Oh Elizabeth, you cannot choose death."

"Why not?" I pulled away from him. "This is my choice, this is..."

"This is a trap." He interrupted, his eyes boring into mine. "Death only wants you to be a part of his collection."

"What are you talking about?"

"The moment you offer your soul to him, he won't bring you to heaven, he won't bring you to your family. Instead, he'll keep you for himself, for his collection. You'll never be free, you'll never be happy." He explained. "My dear Elizabeth, you need to choose life, for if you don't, I fear you'll only suffer greatly."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I could hardly even believe that Godric was here, before me, talking to me. Was what he was saying true? Was Death really trying to trap me, for me to choose death so he could collect me for some collection of his? Could that really be true, or was it just some trick Godric was trying to play on me to choose to go home? I wasn't sure, I just felt completely confused. Minutes ago I knew exactly what I wanted, and now I wasn't so sure anymore. Can't these people just leave me alone to decide my fate?

"Elizabeth, you need to believe me. I understand you want to be happy, I understand you want to live in peace and see your family again. I truly understand that. If I were in your position, all I would want would be to see Kyra. But you cannot choose death, Elizabeth." Godric pleaded with me. "It's a trap. You won't find yourself in heaven, you'll only find yourself in worse pain than even the witches placed upon you. You must believe me."

I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I stared into those blue green eyes. He had never led me astray before. Sure, he had lied to me, but those times felt trivial compared to now. Would he really lie to me just for me to come home? I wasn't so sure, and I found myself believing him more and more by the second.

"I don't have much time. I just need you to believe me." he caressed my cheek. "Eric loves you, Elizabeth. Eric treasures you. Think of him. Think of what this will do to him."

"I know Godric." I sighed, lowering my gaze to the ground. "I've seen just how heartbroken he's been. It's just been...it's been hard. I don't know what to do."

"Choose life." he begged. "If you don't, you won't be finding peace, only a place worse than hell. Please just believe me, Elizabeth, you must believe..."

"Godric you're nearly out of time." Kyra's voice suddenly popped up beside me.

I jumped, my eyes growing even wider as I turned to find Kyra standing beside me. Her eyes met mine and her expression softened.

"Ellie, he's telling you the truth. I brought him here because you need to understand the truth. Death only wants to trap you." She laid her hand on my arm. "You need to believe us."

"I..." I tried to say before I felt another presence in the pool of grey.

"Well it seems you're not completely incompetent, Red."

I spun around only to find the Reaper standing behind us, a smirk on his face. I couldn't help the strike of fear that shot through me. I backed away from him as his eyes rested on mine, and only managed to hit into Godric's chest.

"I'm surprised I actually scared you, Phoenix." He titled his head to the side before his eyes moved over to Kyra's. "Your time is nearly up."

"I know." She snapped at him. "We would have a bit longer if you hadn't interrupted us."

"Blah blah blah." He waved his hand in the air with an eye roll.

"Oh I really want to hit you." Kyra muttered darkly before turning towards Godric and me.

I only had eyes for the Reaper however, trying to understand the sudden change in him. His eyes were back to the bright blue they had been before he had snapped. He was acting like the usual asshole I had known him to be. But what had suddenly caused the change? I couldn't help the fact that a part of me still feared him. I had seen him when he was angry; I had seen what he could do to me. And that frightened me. Especially now knowing that Death only wanted to use me, to snatch me up for his own amusements. This was a Reaper, he ran the In-Between for Death. Surely he wanted the same things.

"It's okay, Elizabeth." Godric whispered into my ear in assurance.

"Yes, it's perfectly alright, Phoenix." The Reaper's smirk widened. "Really though, you're actually scared of me. That amuses me more than your desire to slap me."

"Maybe you gave her a reason to fear you." Kyra accused. "What did you do to her?"

"What did you do to her?" Godric growled, his protectiveness coming out as his arm circled around my waist, keeping me at his side. "If you've hurt her, I'll..."

I watched at the Reaper simply snapped his finger and Godric's words were stopped mid sentence. I frowned and looked up at Godric, only to find that he looked frozen, his eyes not blinking at all. I nudged him, trying to get him to do or say anything, but nothing was happening. I looked over to Kyra for help, but found she looked just as frozen. My eyes grew wide as my head snapped towards the Reaper.

"What did you do?"

"I was getting impatient. Much better this way, don't you agree?" He waved his hand in the air and two chairs appeared. "Come, Phoenix, have a seat."

"I'm not sitting." I kept myself at Godric's side. "Undo whatever you've done to them."

"I will, after we've had our little chat." He motioned to the chair. "Do I need to force you into the chair, Phoenix?"

"I'm not talking with you. I have nothing to say." I shook my head. "I know what Death wants. I know he just wants to keep me for his collection. I know now, and it's not going to happen. You can go tell your little boss that he can go..."

"I don't want what he does." The Reaper interrupted me with a sigh. "What he desires is the furthest from what I want."

"You're his butt boy; of course you want what he wants. Why else would you be dragging me around trying to make me decide?"

"Because I don't want what he does." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Why do you think I've been trying to push you into a decision, to go back home?"

"I don't know, why did you snap and attack me?" I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Phoenix." He frowned as he stood, waving his hand for the chairs to disappear, knowing I was too stubborn to possibly sit with him. "You just don't understand how frustrating you can be. If you only followed the plan..."

"What plan?" I demanded to know. "What friggin plan?"

"Can we talk in a civilized manner?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know, can we?" I shot back.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and in that split second, he actually looked human. He looked frustrated like any other human would be. And it was for that human emotion that I actually felt myself wondering if what he was saying was true. Godric did try and assure me that I was safe, even with the Reaper there. Maybe what he was saying was true, maybe the Reaper wasn't trying to hand me over to Death. But why? Why would the Reaper want to defy the terrifying Death? It made no sense at all.

"I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you about how I came to be a Reaper." His eyes opened, and I found raw emotions in those blue eyes. He actually looked...sad? "I was approached in death, but not in the way I told you."

"Well then?"

"My wife and child...a young daughter...they were murdered before me." the Reaper looked away. "They were taken from me and I...I found no reason to continue on. I planned on killing myself. I held a gun to my head, with every intent in the world to join my beautiful wife and daughter once again."

My mouth dropped open. I knew at some point, this Reaper had indeed been human in his past life. But I never knew his story. I never imagined it to be so...so horrible. I knew what it was like to lose those I loved. I had lost everyone, my parents, my brother. It was the reason why I wanted to pass on. I understood the Reapers desire to just die, to see his beloveds again. How could anyone possibly fault him for that?

"Death came to me that night, he offered me a deal." the Reaper's gaze returned to mine. "He promised to bring me to my wife and daughter himself, just as long as I served him."

"Why would you do that?" I wondered.

"Because I would have been condemned to hell." The Reaper admitted. "The act of suicide...it's a sin, one that cannot be forgiven. I would have met my fate in hell while my family lived in heaven for eternity. Death knew this, he knew what I wanted, and promised to send me to heaven if I worked under him for a hundred years."

I could see the traces of tears in the Reaper's eyes, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. I could feel my own tears in my eyes and I quickly blinked them away. How had I gone from being frightened and angry with this Reaper to feeling sorry for him?

"I agreed, and the moment I shot that bullet through my skull, I was here." The Reaper looked around at the grey nothingness. "I've detested this place even more than you have, Phoenix. I've been stuck here, in this realm that is worse than hell itself, for much longer than my sentence."

"You mean..." I trailed off, my eyes softening as I realized what he meant. Death never followed through with his promise.

"I've been here for nearly three centuries." There was such sadness in the Reaper that I almost wanted to hug him. Almost that is. "I continue to ask for my release, but Death...he is a monster, worse than any creature you've ever met before. He's kept me trapped in this hell, refusing to let me leave."

"So that's why you want to defy him." it was all making sense now.

"He's caused me to suffer for long enough." The Reaper clenched his hands at his sides. "He's forced me here for long enough. If I cannot escape, than I can at least cause him just as much misery as he's caused me. He wants you, Phoenix. I've watched him bring innocent souls into his layer, into his torturing cells. He destroys souls in there. I've heard the screams, I've heard the pleas to be let go. It's worse than being on the rack in hell."

My face paled, my eyes growing wide. That was the fate waiting for me should I hand my soul over to Death. It almost made me sick to my stomach that I had even been considering it.

"I've wanted you to choose life, Phoenix. I've been doing everything in my power to persuade you to make the right decision. I cannot let another soul suffer like I have, not anymore." He looked me dead in the eye. "I don't wish to cause you harm, only release you from his holds."

"Why did you get so...so angry when I was able to speak with Sookie?" I questioned, still not understanding why he had snapped.

"Because why would you wish to leave if you knew you could still communicate with them?" he stepped forward. "I knew that you were swaying, that the moment you knew you could communicate with the living, you were making your decision. And it would have been the wrong choice."

"What about my brother?"

"That was Death's doing. He's become suspicious of my time spent with you. He sent your brother to you, to tempt you with what you truly desire. It seemed to have work." His nodded in Kyra's direction. "I went to her, seeking her help. I knew if I gave her enough time, she would be able to convince you to make the right decision. I wasn't exactly expecting her to bring the vampire along, of course."

I looked over at Kyra and Godric, still trying to understand everything. My brother had been a trick all along. I was so close to choosing death, to choose to spend the rest of my life with my brother and parents. And I only would have found myself in Death's clutches, in more pain that I had even felt with the witches. I shuddered at the mere thought of it. Using my own brother to tempt me into his hold, it only made me want to spite Death even more than the Reaper.

"Can I go home now?" I looked up at Godric, wondering if I could just go back with him.

"Not yet, Phoenix." The Reaper shook his head.

"But..." I frowned, not understanding. "I get it now; I know that I want to go back. There is no way I'm giving myself to that asshole."

"Your heart still needs to believe that you truly want to go back for the right reasons." He explained. "I can feel it burning inside of you, but you're still not quite there yet."

"But..."

"Do not fear, Phoenix." His voice softened. "I'm not going to allow Death to take you. I will not let him have his amusements."

"I just want to go home." I could feel the tears popping into my eyes and I looked down at my feet.

"There's one last thing you must see before you decide. I can't, however, be the one to show you."

My head snapped back up, my surprised eyes looking into his remorse filled orbs. "What?"

"Death is calling me, even now. I must go to him, I don't have much time. But I will return. The moment your heart wishes to return, I'll return to send you home." He assured. "Until then, another will come to see you. She is trustworthy; she is trapped here just as I am. Look to her for guidance, she will show you what you need to see."

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and nodded. I was scared. What if I couldn't make my heart believe that going home was what I wanted? What if Death came along and tried to trick me again? I knew that if my parents suddenly just appeared, I would be confused all over again. Even knowing the truth, the thought of being with my brother still blinded me to the truth. I had to remember, to remind myself, that Death was a sneaky bastard, that I couldn't believe anything anymore.

So could I really trust the Reaper? What if he was only tricking me as well? What if no matter what I decide, I was stuck here, I was only going to walk right into the trap planned out for me by Death? I was petrified just thinking about it. I wanted to go home. I understood that now. I wanted to go, not be some trophy waiting to be tortured by Death. If returning home, returning to the pain and suffering was the only way to save myself from meeting an even worse fate, than I was willing to do so. At least at home, in amidst of all the pain and hurt, was the man I loved. The thought of being able to see Eric made my heart flutter, a sensation I hadn't felt in almost far too long. I loved him, I really did. He was what I wanted; he was all that I needed. I just needed to get home to him, to be in his arms forever.

"Soon, Phoenix." The Reaper promised. "I must go now. Don't allow Death to tempt you, whatever you do. You must go home, it's the only way."

"I know." I nodded in determination. "I understand now...thank you."

The Reaper's sadness quickly disappeared and was masked by a smirk. "My little annoying Phoenix actually thanking me, hell must have frozen over."

"Oh don't be an asshole right now." I rolled my eyes. "Just take it and leave."

He nodded and winked before snapping his fingers. And then he was gone, and I was left alone with both Kyra and Godric.

"...kill you myself." The words came sprouting out as Godric and Kyra were unfrozen. I watched almost in amusement as confusion crossed his face, both him and Kyra looking around wildly for the Reaper. "Where is he?"

"He left." I explained, turning to hug Godric. "I'm so sorry, Godric."

It took a moment for Godric to shake himself of the confusion, but soon enough, his arms were wrapping around me, hugging me to him tightly.

"Hush, Elizabeth. I'm only happy that you're alive." He kissed the top of my head as he ran a hand up and down my back. "I didn't want to believe Sookie, but seeing you with my own eyes, I realize that she and Eric had been right all along."

"I should have just gone straight back. I'm an idiot. I've put you all through so much pain."

"It's alright now, Elizabeth. Everything will be alright now, I promise you." He assured.

"We need to go, I'm sorry." Kyra voiced from beside us.

I sighed as I slowly parted from Godric, my teary eyes staring up at him. "I'm sorry for giving up on you all. I'm sorry for giving up on Eric."

"You'll come home to us, you will. And all will be well." he brushed way the tear that slid down my cheek. "We'll all be together again soon."

I nodded. "We will. Really soon, I promise."

"I can feel it." Kyra smiled. "I can feel your desire to return home. And I'm happy for that decision. Live a long and beautiful life, Ellie. That is your destiny, to be happy, to be loved. That is where your fate lies."

I nodded before reaching out to hug her. "Thank you for not giving up on me, Kyra. You've always believed in me."

"And I always will." She promised. "We're on in the same, Ellie. I am you and you are me. That will forever remain true. Should you ever need guidance, I'm always here, waiting to help you."

"Thank you. Thank you for everything. I hope I see you again."

"We will." She assured before glancing at Godric. "We really must go though, and I'm afraid that I will not be able to see you again, perhaps ever."

I saw the crestfallen look on his face and my heart broke. I could see that, despite how he may have felt towards me, he loved Kyra more than anything in the world. He loved her just like I loved Eric. I could only hope that our love would last as long as theirs has.

"I love you, Kyra." Godric's arms were around her in an instant and I took a step away, allowing the two a moment alone.

I spied them out the corner of my eyes and I couldn't help but smile as they shared a sweet kiss. It was full of so much passion, that I wondered if this was how Eric and I treated one another when we were together and in love. Was he this gentle with me? Was I always trying to feel every part of him I possibly could? Did we hold one another like it was our last kiss?

"I'll always love you, Godric, forever and always." There were tears escaping both of their eyes as they bid their goodbyes, something neither had the opportunity of doing the first time they were forced apart.

"You'll always be my one and only." He nodded, brushing away her tears with a small smile. "You'll forever be the love of my life."

I could feel my own tears in my eyes as I could see both of them slowly turn transparent. I didn't bother to say goodbye to either of them, knowing that unlike the couple before me, I would have the gift of seeing both of them eventually. I only wished Godric had the chance to see Kyra again, to be able to be with the woman he loved. I understood the power of love now, I understood how torturous it was to be apart from the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

"I love you." They both whispered to one another in unison before they each faded away, leaving me alone to weep for their losses of one another.


	9. Chapter 9: Sweet Silver Lining

**Chapter Nine: Sweet Silver Lining**

"Eric? It's Sookie, your front door was open and I just wanted to talk with you." Sookie slowly drew open the door of Ellie's former bedroom, a nervous expression on her face. She wasn't sure how Eric would react to her being there. The last time they had been in this room, he had been minutes away from choking the life out of her. Not that she could entirely blame him for doing so. He was only protecting Ellie, and rightfully so. Ellie wasn't dead, and Sookie could have kicked herself for wanting to bury her best friend. She should have just listened to Eric all along. He had a connection with Ellie that none of them could possibly understand. Of course he would be able to tell if she was alive or not. They all should have just trusted the Viking.

"Get out." Eric immediately growled the moment she stepped into the room. He sat by Ellie's lifeless form, his hand tightly grasping hers. His glare was on Sookie however, looking absolutely murderous. "I won't hesitate to kill you."

"Look, Eric, I just want to talk." Sookie held out her hands in defence. "I don't want to take Ellie's body away, that's the furthest thing on my mind."

"I said get out." Eric stood, his eyes narrowing. "Before I do something I may or may not regret."

"Eric..." Sookie started before a sudden gust of wind entered the room and a second vampire stood between her and Eric. Sookie raised an eyebrow in surprise as she blinked and focused her eyes on Godric, not expecting to see the older vampire here. "Godric?"

"I'd like to speak with you Sookie." Godric glanced over his shoulder at Eric before back at Sookie.

"I'd really like to speak to Eric." Sookie crossed her arms with a frown. "I'm telling him, Godric."

"I'd really like to speak with you Ms. Stackhouse." Godric's voice lowered, his eyes boring into the blonde girl.

Sookie opened her mouth to argue, but one look into those eyes, and she immediately nodded. Talking to Eric could wait, at least for a few minutes.

"Outside." Godric nodded at the door.

Sookie sighed but nodded, turning around and exiting the room. Godric followed close behind as they made their way down the stairs and back outside the house. The moment the front door was closed behind them, Sookie turned towards Godric, the frown still settled on her face.

"I know you don't believe me, but I'm going to tell Eric." She informed him determinedly.

"That would not be wise." Godric shook his head. "And I do believe you, Sookie."

"He deserves to know that...wait, you believe me?" Sookie's eyes widened. "But you said..."

"I know what I said, and I was wrong. I apologize for how I acted." He offered a small smile before continuing. "But you cannot tell Eric."

"Why not, he deserves to know that Ellie is alive." Sookie pointed out.

"It's not as simple as that." Godric sighed, moving over to the porch railing and leaning against it.

"What do you mean?" the frown returned on Sookie's face.

"After you left Fangtasia, I had a dream."

"A dream, can you all even dream?"

"It's rare, especially during the hours of the night, but yes, there are times we're able to dream." Godric nodded. "I saw Kyra in this dream."

"Kyra? As in previous Phoenix, former love of your life, Kyra?" Sookie looked stunned.

"Yes, that Kyra." A moment of sadness swept across his eyes. "She told me that Ellie was alive. She took me to her in fact."

"You saw Ellie!" Sookie's mouth dropped open. "You actually saw her?"

"I did." Godric confirmed. "She is in the In-Between, just as she told you. It's a realm from mythological tales, not even I thought it was possible to exist. But it does."

"So she really is stuck between life and death?" Sookie leaned against the side of the house. "How is that even possible?"

"She's a Phoenix, remember. She cannot die. I should have realized that." Godric shook his head. "I was not thinking. She's marked; I've seen the tattoo myself."

"The one on the back of her neck." Sookie remembered seeing the mysterious tattoo herself and wondered how Ellie had gotten it.

"It's the mark of the Phoenix. Her soul cannot pass on while that tattoo is still marking her body. She is trapped in the In-Between until she decides on whether she wishes to return home or to pass on." Godric looked down at the porch sadly.

"Wait, what does that mean? She's just trapped there until...she decides?" she ran a hand through her hair.

"The only thing trapping her there is herself. Unfortunately, that is not the only problem at the moment." Godric let out another sigh. "Death himself is attempting to lure her into passing over to the other side."

Sookie's face paled. "Death?"

Godric nodded. "He rules the In-Between. It's his realm. He and his reapers are the ones who collect the souls to bring to either heaven or hell. Those that are lost, like Ellie's, remain in the In-Between until a decision can be made."

"What did you mean Death was luring her into passing over? Why would he want that?" Sookie tried to understand everything Godric was telling her.

"He wants her for his own collection. He doesn't have any intention on sending her to heaven. The moment she gives herself to him to pass over, he'll snatch her soul and enslave her for the rest of her eternal life."

Sookie was speechless. Everything Godric was telling her sounded absolutely insane. How could any of this even be possible? How could Death be real, how could this other realm even exist? Sookie just wanted to pinch herself and wake up from this dream. She wanted to have Ellie back with them and have none of this happening. But that wasn't what was going to happen. This was the reality of it all. Ellie was trapped in this whole other world, trapped because she was...confused? And now Death wanted to capture her. It sounded insane no matter how many times Sookie went over it.

"So you're telling me that Ellie is trapped in this whole other world, where Death is trying to lure her to choosing death but will really capture her if she decides that?" Sookie's heart began to race. "This is just all insane, Godric."

"I know. But it's the truth." Godric nodded sadly, a hand running down his tired face. "Ellie understands this, she knows the risks now. I believe she'll make the right choice, it's just the matter of waiting."

"So why can't we tell any of this to Eric? He knows she's alive, why don't we just tell him." Sookie insisted.

"Sookie, you have to understand...Ellie herself is the only reason she's there." Godric looked Sookie dead in the eye. "She could have been back the moment she died; she could have made the decision to live that easily. But she grew confused. For almost two weeks now, she's been trapped there by nothing but herself."

"But if she knows what will happen if she chooses death, then she'll come back to us." Sookie reasoned.

"Think of Eric, Sookie. How do you think he will react knowing that Ellie didn't come back to him sooner?"

"Oh." Sookie's heart broke just thinking of how Eric would take knowing that Ellie has taken this long to decide what she's wanted. She understood that it was Ellie's decision, and she was allowed to choose what she truly desired. But Eric loved Ellie more than life itself. If it had been him, Sookie knew he would have chosen life in an instant to be with Ellie. Sookie didn't judge Ellie at all, but she did understand what Godric was saying. Eric would be heartbroken to know the truth.

"He's gone through enough pain since her death. We cannot do that to him." Godric pushed himself away from the railing. "She'll come back to us, I know it. We just have to wait. Until then, we cannot tell Eric this. This will only destroy him."

"I understand." Sookie nodded sadly. "I hate keeping this from him, but you're right. He's been put through enough; this will only make things worse. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?"

* * *

I sat fidgeting on the white bed that had appeared after Godric and Kyra faded away. It felt like hours had passed, though I was sure it was only minutes. I just wanted to wake up from this. I wanted to go home. I didn't have a choice anymore. If I chose death, I would be enslaved for eternity. I wouldn't find the happiness and peace I sought out. I would be condemned for my entire life. I didn't want that. I only wanted to pass on to see my brother and parents again. So the decision was clear now. I needed to go home. I needed to go back to Eric, to be in his arms again, to feel his kisses. So why wasn't I there already? Why did the Reaper insist I wasn't ready to leave yet? I knew what I wanted; I knew what my heart desired. What else was there to see to help make up my mind?

"You'll be home soon enough, Phoenix." A woman's voice broke through my thoughts.

My head snapped up and stared at the woman standing at the end of the bed. I had never seen her before in my life. She was absolutely beautiful. She had dark hair that fell to her shoulders and framed her oval face. Her eyes were a hazel brown and seemed to have a life of their own. She wore a tailored suit, something that seemed to be the dress code around here. But the business attire didn't hinder her looks at all. I wondered how or why she would ever choose to be a Reaper.

"Lucrative deals." The woman smiled sadly as she walked around the bed and sat on the edge. "John and I have similar stories."

"John?" I raised an eyebrow before realizing she was talking about my least favourite Reaper. "Really, that's his name?"

"It is." She nodded.

"Never expected for him to have such a...normal name." I admitted.

"We were all humans once, you have to remember." She reminded me.

"Who are you exactly?" I wondered.

"My name is Catherine. John sent me." she explained, folding one leg over another.

"To see whatever it is he thinks I need to see." I guessed.

She nodded. "That's right."

"Well then let's go." I went to get off the bed but she held up a hand to stop me. "I just want to get home. So whatever we have to see, I want to see it."

"And you will, patience Phoenix. I wanted to share something with you before we go." She offered a smile. "Do you know exactly what it is we do?"

"You help souls pass over." I shrugged.

"Yes, I suppose you could call it that." She turned completely towards me. "We help aid souls in the right direction, whether it be heaven or hell. When a human, or a Supe for that matter, die, their soul is still intact. Nothing can destroy a soul, not for the living that is. A soul cannot truly die. Even in heaven or hell, they are still alive. It's only the physical body that dies, that is forever lost to the world."

I curled my legs underneath me, knowing this was going to be a longer story than I was hoping for.

"A vampire's soul, however, is much different. The moment a human is turned, has begun the changing process, their soul is ripped into so many pieces that not even a reaper can force it back together." She went on to explain. "We cannot take the souls of vampires; we cannot pass them over to whichever path is theirs."

"So vampires do have souls then?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Essentially, yes. However, their souls are damaged, they're destroyed. It's nearly impossible for a vampire's soul to re-form."

"Nearly impossible? Which means it's still somewhat possible then." I found myself leaning forward in interest.

"It's very rare for a vampire to regain their soul completely, but it has happened."

"Really?" my eyes grew wide.

"You know two of those very vampires." She smiled warmly.

"Godric and Eric?" I covered my gaping mouth with a hand, too shocked to even speak.

"Godric's soul began to piece itself together over the time he was in love with the previous Phoenix. His soul was nearly formed completely when she sacrificed herself for him. The loss of a loved one, it tore his soul back apart." She shook her head sadly. "He was heartbroken and did some terrible things I'm afraid."

"He always called himself a monster." I mumbled.

"He was. But he did change over time. His love for Eric, for his progeny, helped with that. And eventually, his soul began gluing itself back together."

"How? If falling in love with Kyra did it the first time, then how did it happen again?" I questioned.

"He found hope the morning you talked him down from the roof in Dallas. He found a new reason to live; he had a new purpose, a new desire. His soul was repaired that morning."

"Wow." I sat back, completely stunned. "So Godric has his soul back."

"Indeed. But that morning gave another vampire their soul back as well." Catherine's smile grew.

"Eric." I guessed.

"Exactly." She reached over to grasp my hand. "That morning his soul was fixed, it was re-formed just like Godric's."

"Because Godric lived."

"No, not at all." She shook her head. "It pieced itself back together because of you, Phoenix."

"Me?" I was completely shocked now. "But how?"

"He fell in love with you that morning. He may not have admitted it, or wanted it to be true. But his soul and heart knew the truth. That was the morning you first made love, and it was the morning that he knew he loved you." She squeezed my hand. "It seems you, and the one who you look like, have quite the history of repairing the souls of vampires."

"Oh my god." I breathed out, not believing everything I was hearing. But it did make sense. I always did believe that Godric and Eric had souls. Eric could be cruel and heartless at times, but deep down, I did know that he cared, that he would do whatever he had to to ensure the ones he loved kept out of harm's way. He was anything but soulless, that much I had always known.

"And with that, I believe it's time to show you what you need to see." The Reaper stood and held out a hand to me.

I excitedly slid my hand into hers and stood. The moment my feet were on the ground, the grey nothingness transformed back into my former room. I looked around sadly, wanting to just be there in the flesh right that moment instead of looking on like a ghost. Eric's slumped over form in the chair beside the bed caught my eye, and my heart just broke a little bit more. It was heartbreaking to see just how truly destroyed he was at my death. It was evident that he did love me, or else he wouldn't be grasping my hand so tightly, he wouldn't be caressing my cheek so gingerly. There was love in every single action, every single word that came out of his mouth. There was nothing more that I wanted than to just be with him again. I wanted to kiss him, to feel every inch of his body. I wanted to make love to him, I wanted to spend all day in bed, just talking and laughing, like we had before the war with the witches. Those few days leading up to the battle I hadn't survived had been both traumatic and some of the best days of my life.

"I'll leave you to watch this alone." She patted my shoulder gently before disappearing all together.

I barely paid her any attention as I found myself moving closer to where Eric sat, wanting to be as close to him as possible. I refrained from reaching out to touch him, knowing it would only bring Eric more pain if he knew I was there. I didn't want to see the pain in his eyes any longer. I wanted to see that annoying smirk. I wanted to see those eyes full of mischief and life. I wanted to hear some witty comment emit from his lips. I didn't want to see those dried bloody tears on his cheeks, staining his pale complexion. It was agonizing to see just how much pain I had put Eric through.

"My sweet, Ellie." He brushed his lips lightly over my forehead as he spoke. "Why won't you come back to me?"

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes and I had to look away to try and control myself. Something caught my eye however, and I glanced down into Eric's hand. My eyes grew wide with surprise when I spied the small black velvet box in his grasp.

Was that...

No, it couldn't be...

"You've always been mine." Eric whispered as he toyed with the velvet box, gazing down at it for the longest time before sighing. "I never wanted another like I want you."

A single red tear formed in the corner of his eye but he didn't bother to dab it away. It slowly slid down his cheek and joined the remnants of his past tears.

"I had despised you for so long. You were nothing but a bratty little girl when I was forced to look after you." He rubbed the palm of my hand with his thumb. "I thought it was the end of the world when Godric asked me to take you for that month. I never realized just how special you truly were."

I swallowed back the lump in my throat as I gravitated closer towards him, now watching him from his side. I wondered if he could feel me there. I made sure not to make contact, but I still wondered if he knew I was there, beside him in this room.

"You were so much more than just a Phoenix." He moved his hand from mine and trailed his fingers up my arm. "You were so full of life that I found myself envying you. I wanted to feel all that you could. It was one of the reasons I wanted to deepen our bond."

I closed my eyes for a moment as I felt a tear begin to slide down my cheek. This felt like torture. This pain was worse than the witches could ever force on me. This pain resided in my heart.

"I was an idiot for not realizing it before. I was an idiot for not seeing what you had done to me." his fingers stopped at the base of my neck, gently caressing the once pulsing vein. "I had never loved another being, not even in my human years. I thought love was some pathetic useless emotion. How wrong I was."

"Oh Eric." I whispered, another tear slid down my cheek.

"I fell in love with you, Ellie. You made me feel things I never thought were possible for a monster." He dipped his head down to lay a soft kiss on my neck. I watched as he sniffed, as if trying to smell my scent. When he pulled away, another tear rolling down his cheek, I knew that he hadn't. To him, I was dead. My heart didn't beat; my veins weren't pulsing with blood. My body was simply lying there lifelessly.

But I wasn't gone. Not really. I was still here. And I would be back there soon.

"You silly humans claim each other so differently than my kind." He sighed and fiddled with the velvet box. My breath was caught in my throat as I watched him slowly open the box, revealing a dazzling white gold diamond ring. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. I was fascinated by the ring because of its beauty and the meaning behind it.

"I was going to give this to you, to truly claim you as my one and only." He admitted, lightly gliding a single finger over the ring delicately.

I didn't believe it at first.

Eric Northman was a vampire. He was supposed to be a monster. He had made it clear the first time we met that he despised me, that he wanted nothing to do with me. Those first few weeks staying with him had been a nightmare. He treated me like the dirt on his shoes and he just didn't care. And then somewhere along the way, we bonded. He actually acted like he cared once we were in Dallas. After I had gotten shot, and he demanded for me not to die, I knew that the hate he once had for me had disappeared, just like that. When we made love for that first time the morning I had saved Godric, it was a moment I would never forget. It was the greatest morning of my life. After we had gotten back to Louisiana, he went back to not caring, or at least, he tried to show that he couldn't have cared less. But the moment my life had been threatened, he let that other side of him show. He put his life on the line for me, and that's when I knew that I loved him. I never once thought he could ever feel the same way. Before I had left, I wasn't even sure if I had wanted him to. But even without my memory of the past, he had wormed his way back into my heart and I fell for him all over again. I knew that I never wanted to be with another single soul for the rest of my life. I wanted him and only him. He was my everything, my other half. I would never truly be whole without him.

But not in a million years, did I ever expect this.

He had bought a ring.

"I love you more than you can possibly imagine, Ellie." His lips lightly grazed mine. "I wish it was me lying on this bed and not you."

I couldn't stop the stream of tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Come back to me, lover. Be mine again." He pleaded, his voice barely above a whisper. "Please just open those beautiful eyes, Ellie. Come home."

My legs felt weak. If it weren't for the strong hands that had suddenly appeared on my shoulders to steady me, I surely would have fallen. I knew what I wanted. I knew it in my heart. Seeing Eric like this, seeing that ring in his hands, hearing his pleas, I knew what I wanted more than anything.

"You're choosing the right path, Phoenix." The Reaper's voice sounded in my ear, his voice void of any sarcasm. "It's time for you to go home."

I nodded, knowing that in my heart, this was what I wanted all along. I just needed hope; I needed a reason to continue on. And I had that reason. Eric was my hope. He was everything to me and all I wanted was to be back with him right now.

"I'm going to miss having you around." the annoying as ever Reaper smirked as he appeared in front of me, his hands still on my shoulders. "You were starting to grow on me."

"Just send me home, you asshole." I rolled my teary eyes with a smile.

"With pleasure."


	10. Chapter 10: Come Home

_Come home, Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long, for so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
So come home_

_- Onerepublic_

**Chapter Ten: Come Home**

Eric stared down at Ellie's lifeless body, willing her to just open those beautiful green eyes. But she didn't move an inch. Those eyelids didn't flutter. Her chest didn't rise up with life. She was just dead, just as she had been for the past few weeks. All he wanted in the world was for her to come back to him. He knew she was still alive. He could feel it in his heart. Their blood bond was thicker than any other he had ever created. His heart belonged to hers; they were forged together in a way that not even he could completely comprehend the strength of it. But as the days began to pass, as the hours wore on, that bond was slowly beginning to thin. He wanted to grasp onto it, to hold the pieces together, for her to just come back home. But he couldn't. He had to sit there, night after night, waiting hopelessly for a miracle to occur.

And suddenly, without any warning, the bond just ceased. The feeling of life he felt inside of him vanished as if it had never been there in the first place. Eric grew rigid as he stared down at Ellie's body, praying this was all some horrible nightmare he was bound to wake up from. He searched within himself, seeking out the bond he knew had to still be there. He had felt it for weeks; he had felt it even as her heart ceased to be working. But now it was just...gone. It was different than the last time he had lost his bond with her two years ago. This was finale. Her bond, and her life, was truly gone.

Eric couldn't stop the tears that pooled around his eyes before falling steadily down his cheeks. She was gone. Ellie was truly gone now. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to react. All he had wanted all this time was for her to return to him, for everyone to understand that he had been right all along. But he knew now, he could feel it now, that she was never coming back to him. It was impossible.

Ellie was dead.

She was gone and she was never coming back.

And that destroyed Eric. He clenched his hands together so tightly, he drew blood in the palm of his hands. He threw the velvet box away angrily, the ring sliding out of its holder and tumbling to the floor. He didn't care for it. Not any longer. There was no point in the ring if there was no finger to slide it onto. He didn't know why he had bought it in the first place. It had been a year after Ellie had left and he made the whim purchase of buying that ring, a small part of him hoping that she would come back to him one day, that he could prove to her how much he cared. And she had. She had come back to him. Only to be ripped right back away before they could even spend time together. They had a few nights together, that was all. He wanted weeks. He wanted months. He wanted centuries. He wanted memories for a lifetime. He wanted to be with her for the rest of their immortal lives. She was supposed to be his one and only, _his_ human. She was supposed to be his, and only his. But she was gone now, and he was destined to be alone.

But he wouldn't be. He couldn't. He had lived a thousand years alone. He had his maker and his child, but it was not the same. He didn't realize until Ellie came along just how desperately he had wanted another soul to be his for all of eternity. She had worked her way into his life and turned it upside down. He couldn't imagine a world without her in it. He couldn't imagine his own life without her innocent smile and contagious laugh. She was supposed to be his, and now she was nothing but a memory.

He couldn't take it.

The agony, the pain he felt within his dead heart, it was tearing him apart. He stood from the chair and proceeded to throw it across the room, needing to do something to ease the pain. But nothing worked. No matter how many pieces of furniture he destroyed, no matter how many curses he yelled, the agony only grew worse. He had lost the love of his life, the one woman he couldn't see himself without. What was he supposed to do without her? How was he supposed to continue on knowing what his life had been like with her in it?

After the majority of the room had been destroyed by his hands, Eric found himself on the bed beside Ellie's lifeless body. He pulled her towards him, cradling her body in his arms as he sobbed into her silky hair. His bloody tears stained her brown locks but he couldn't care. She wasn't coming back. She couldn't. She was truly dead, gone just like everyone knew she was. But he had been hopeful. He had felt her. And just like that, it all just disappeared. Her life had vanished without him even knowing it. Just like inside of that warehouse. He had been powerless to stop it. If he could go back in time to save her, he would. But he couldn't. It was impossible. Ellie was gone.

"I can't do this without you." He held her tightly to him. "Why did you leave me? Why? What am I supposed to do now? I can't live without you!"

And he knew that he couldn't. The pain inside of him, the agony shooting through his body, it was too much for him. He could not handle the pain of losing a loved one. It had taken 1400 years for Godric to get over Kyra, and he still hadn't managed to do so. How was he supposed to move on from the love of his life that he only had a few days to be with? She was ripped away from him far too soon. And now he was alone. He couldn't do this. He couldn't take this.

* * *

"What's that sound?" Sookie gazed up at the house.

"Eric." Godric closed his eyes, a look of pain crossing his face. "He's hurting."

"We should just tell him, Godric." Sookie sighed, not liking that they were putting Eric through this even though they knew Ellie was coming back to them eventually.

"We'll be putting him through worse pain if we do." Godric shook his head.

"Could it possibly be worse than this?" She waved her hand at the house. They could hear Eric even from outside the house as he destroyed whatever he could find. It broke Sookie's heart to know they could ease his pain, but couldn't because they could risk hurting him even more. But was it possible to do more damage to the Viking? This was tearing him apart. He thought no one believed him. He knew she was alive, and yet no one believed him. But they did. They knew she was alive too. But they couldn't tell him. He had to remain alone, to be in this pain, until Ellie finally made her decision to return to them.

"She'll come back to us soon, I can feel it." Godric assured her.

"What if she doesn't?" Sookie voiced her concern. "What if it takes longer than we think?"

"All we can do is hope that it will be soon."

"I don't have enough faith." Sookie sighed, feeling the tears welling in her eyes. "Why did this have to happen, Godric? Ellie didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this."

"Cruel fates happen to the kindest of people." Godric replied sadly, his gaze turned towards the house. "Neither of them deserves this. They were in love, they deserved to be happy."

"They will be happy again, won't they?" she asked hopefully.

"They will." Godric nodded. "It will just take time. They're soul mates, they're meant for one another."

"I hope so. They need each other. I've never seen either of them so happy before. Even with the spell the witches put on Ellie, they were so happy together for those few days. I want to see them like that again."

"We just need be strong for them." Godric offered her an encouraging smile. "One day, this will all be in the past. They will be happy, they will be in love. That's all we can look forward to now."

Sookie nodded as she strained to hear what was happening back inside of the house. All she heard was silence though, and wondered just how destroyed Eric was at the moment. She wanted to rush back into the house, to hug him, to assure him that Ellie was alive. But part of her agreed with Godric. Knowing the truth, why Ellie had yet to return to them, it would destroy Eric even more. He didn't need any added pain. He was being put through the worst agony one could possibly be put through. It would just be cruel to tell him the truth. She had a feeling he would find out one way or another. But hopefully by then, Ellie will be back and none of it will matter. Until then, Sookie could only hope that Ellie would return to them soon. Eric needed her. They all needed her. She wasn't so sure how much longer Eric could be put through this before he broke completely.

"Dear god." Godric suddenly whispered, his eyes growing wide.

"What?" Sookie gazed up at him in confusion. "What's wrong?"

The tiniest smile appeared on his lips and he was gone in a flash, leaving Sookie completely alone outside on the porch. Wondering what could have brought a smile to Godric's face, Sookie hurried into the house in search of answers.

* * *

"We were supposed to be together." Eric murmured into Ellie's hair, his eyes closed as he kept her against him, refusing to let her lifeless body go. "You were supposed to be with me for all of eternity."

He couldn't believe that he had lost her. This wasn't supposed to happen. He had lost her time and time again, but this time, they were supposed to be together. He had promised her that over and over again. He hadn't expected her to die. If anything, he thought it would be him. He thought it would be his fate to meet the true death. She was never supposed to die. She was never supposed to leave him. He couldn't be without her, he realized that now. He couldn't be with another, he couldn't be alone. He needed her and only her. No one would ever be able to compare to his beautiful Phoenix.

"Why did you have to leave me?" his hand caressed her cheek, her skin smooth and flawless, just like he remembered. "I loved you. I would have always loved you."

He wanted this to be a dream. He wanted to wake up and have her beside him, that beautiful smile on her face, her eyes bright with life. He wanted her to be alive. Or he at least wanted to feel like she was still there with him, somewhere and somehow. But that bond, it was gone. It had vanished like their blood bond had never even existed. But it had. And that bond had brought so much love and passion into his life. He hadn't thought it was possible to love a human, to love anyone at all. But he fell in love with her without even knowing it, without even truly wanting it. But now she was all he wanted, all he desired. It was only her blood he wished to taste, it was only her lovely body he was urged to ravish. Without her, he was nothing but a cold, heartless monster. She had made him see otherwise. She had made him realize that he was more than a bloodthirsty vampire.

But now she was gone. And he would never even get the chance to hear her sweet voice ever again.

And that destroyed him.

"My sweet love." He closed his eyes as his hold tightened around Ellie's body. "My sweet sweet love."

He sat there, in that bed, with tears staining his pale cheeks. He no longer cared about anything. He could have ended his life at that very moment and he wouldn't have cared. Ellie was the only thing that mattered to him. He was a thousand year old Viking, and he had been brought down by a mere human girl's death. He would be forever called weak and pathetic. But he couldn't have cared less. How could he when that mere human girl was Elizabeth Cole, the woman he loved and always would until the day he died.

Eric was so deep within his mourning that he never felt the stirring in his arms. Even with his acute hearing, he never registered the gasp of breath that was not his. His eyes were still closed, his arms wrapped tightly around the form that was slowly but surely beginning to move. First a single digit twitched as the gasp of life emitted between two cracked lips. And then another finger, and another, until Ellie's whole hand was shakily moving to Eric's. Her eyelids fluttered, a soft and barely audible moan followed the gasp for oxygen as her eyes began opening. Blurred and unfocused, two green orbs blinked rapidly until she could take in the man's face she thought she would never see again. She could feel his arms around her and it took all of her strength not to kiss him right there.

"I will always love you." He muttered in a low voice, still not realizing that the woman he once thought was dead was now wide awake and alive.

"...forever and always." She croaked out in the softest voice.

It was then that Eric realized that the woman he held was no longer lifeless. In one swift movement, Eric was off of the bed, his back flat against the wall as he stared at the form on the bed. With a struggle and another moan, Ellie shakily pulled herself up onto her elbows, her head tilting towards him. Eric looked nearly transparent by how pale he turned at seeing Ellie awake and alive. He had felt their bond vanish. He had felt her leave him. And yet there she was, on that bed, her green orbs staring back at him.

"Ellie?" he whispered, afraid that this was all some sort of hallucination his mind had created.

"Eric." Ellie couldn't stop her lips from twisting into a smile.

Ellie watched Eric closely, watched the emotions that crossed his face. She could tell that he didn't believe this was real, like she was just going to disappear in a matter of seconds. But she wasn't. She was back, just like the Reaper had promised her. It had taken longer than it should have, and she prayed Eric never found out she had been the sole reason she had been stuck in the In-Between, but she was here now, alive and well. She and Eric could be together for their eternal lives. They would have centuries between them, thousands of years if she had her way. She would never leave him again, she couldn't. She knew the pain now of being apart from him, of dying with the possibility of not returning. She couldn't do that again, she couldn't put him through that again. She was here to stay with her beloved, her one and only.

"Impossible." He shook his head in disbelief. "You're dead."

"I'm alive, Eric." Ellie assured him as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. She looked down at herself, trying out her limbs one by one. She laid a hand over abdomen where there should have been a wound, but she felt absolutely no pain. She wondered if that had been the Reaper's doing, or possibly Eric's blood. Either way, she felt like a whole new person. She felt a bit disoriented from being shoved back into her body, but other than that, nothing seemed to be wrong. Her arms and legs ached from not moving, but as she threw her legs over the side of the bed and slowly brought herself to her feet, it was like she had never left her own body. Her smile only widened as she stood on her own two feet. Her legs were shaky, and she nearly fell to the ground, but it felt heavenly to have this body back, to not be a ghostly figure.

"This is not possible." he still refused to believe that she was there before him. Ellie couldn't be alive. It was impossible. He had felt her leave him. He couldn't feel their bond at all.

But just like that, the bond he had lost only moments ago had returned. It felt stronger than it ever had before, flourishing in ways he never thought possible. It nearly knocked him over when he felt the love flowing through their bond, the true and raw desire and passion between them.

"I'm right here, Eric. I'm alive." She began to take a step forward.

Before she could however, Eric was before her in a flash, his lips crashing against hers. Ellie moaned in delight as Eric pressed a hand into the middle of her back, forcing her body against his. She had waited for this moment for the longest time. She had yearned for his kisses, for his touch. And now she had both. She couldn't have been happier. One hand curled around the back of his neck as the kiss was deepened, his tongue brushing across her lips. Her tongue met with his, dancing in unison at their reunion. Ellie wanted to be closer to him. She wanted to feel every inch of his body as her hands began exploring Eric, remembering every part of him. She thought she would never see him again. She thought she would never have the chance to kiss him passionately. And here they were, together again, proving that nothing could tear their love apart.

"How?" his voice vibrated against her lips as he pulled back and laid his forehead against hers.

"Long story." Her eyes gazed up into those electric blue eyes and her heart melted. Ellie was grinning from ear to ear, causing Eric to grin in response. "But I'm here now. And I will never leave you again."

"Never." He growled before his lips attacked her neck with desire. He could smell her. He could smell the scent he had been craving for, the blood that was pumping inside of those delicate veins. He wanted to sink his fangs into her neck at that very moment, to remind himself of her taste. It had been so long since he had fed from her; it was all he could think about.

Ellie could feel his desire through their bond. She could feel how he yearned for her, both her body and her blood. And all she wanted was to give herself to him, in every possible way. She tilted her head to the side, her hair falling off of her shoulder and revealing her slender neck. She heard another growl emit from Eric as his hands went straight to her hips, gripping them tightly as he tugged her against him. She moaned as she felt his erection and she wanted to tear off his pants right then and there. She controlled herself however, as she heard the distinct click of Eric's fangs extending, grazing against the curve of her neck. Her eyes fluttered closed as she waited for the initial pinch of pain, but it never came.

"No." Eric shook his head as he pulled away. His fangs retracted as his eyes were filled with an emotion Ellie had never seen before.

"Eric?" she frowned worriedly. She laid her hands on his chest, wondering what was wrong with her Viking.

"I cannot taint your beautiful body." His hands rose up her sides slowly, causing her to shudder at the feel of his ice cold fingers. All she wore was one of his t-shirts and nothing else. She just wanted to tear it off of her, to be with him in every way. "Not yet. Not now."

Her heart swelled as her arms wrapped around his middle tightly, never wanting to be out of his embrace. His hands moved around to her back, pressing her against him even more. She inhaled his own scent, loving the way the thousand year old vampire smelt. Her eyes closed as she enjoyed that moment, never wanting it to end.

But it did end, much to both of their displeasure as a knock sounded on the bedroom door. Ellie peeked around Eric onto to find Godric standing in the doorway, bloody tears brimming in his eyes as he watched their display of affection. She smiled to him, remembering the last time she had seen him not too long ago.

"You're back." He whispered, taking a step into the room. "You came back to us."

She nodded before gazing up at Eric to see a tear sliding down both of his cheeks. But she knew it was not in pain or agony like she had watched from afar before. This time, he was crying out of happiness. He was happy she was back, ecstatic. And she couldn't help her own tears from appearing. Being with Eric was the only thing that mattered to her. She forgot about her desire to see her family again; this was her family now, her brother had been right. Godric was like a brother to her, despite their slight detour into an intimate relationship. And Sookie, she was like the sister Ellie never had. Eric though, Eric was the light of her life. He was her hope, her desire to continue on living. She knew deep in her heart that even without knowing Death would enslave her, after seeing Eric's true love being presented in a ring, she would have chosen to return home. She knew at that exact moment that all she wanted was for their love to flourish, to spend her immortal life with her other half.

"Oh Ellie!" Sookie's voice broke Ellie's gaze. "Thank god! I was so scared you wouldn't choose to come back!"

Ellie's head snapped towards Sookie, her eyes widening slightly. When Sookie realized what she had blurted out, her hand clamped down over her mouth in shock.

"What?" Ellie could feel Eric's arm's tense around her.

"Nothing, Eric." Ellie turned her gaze back to Eric, shaking her head and trying to distract her Viking. "I'm back now, that's all that matters. I love you."

"And I love you." A frown settled on Eric's lips. "But what did she mean?"

"Nothing, I meant nothing. I didn't mean it like that." Sookie shook her head wildly.

"Tell me." his frown deepened.

"Eric, it's nothing." Godric's voice was strained. "Elizabeth is back now. Let's just be happy."

"You two don't look surprised." Eric's eyes narrowed as he glanced at Godric and Sookie. They should have been more surprised for two people who didn't believe him all this time. He had known she was still alive. He had felt her; he had known all along that she had been alive. But they did not. They tried to take her body away. And now they were standing there, not shocked at all that Ellie was alive and well. Something was not sitting right with the blonde vampire.

"We're happy she's back, that's all." Sookie reasoned.

"Eric, I love you. I'm here, that's all that matters." Ellie pulled his attention back down to her. She offered him a smile, leaning up to lay a kiss on his lips.

Eric pulled away however, his arms dropping down to his side as he stared into those green eyes. She was hiding something from him. They were all hiding something. He should have been happy she was back, that she was alive. And he was. He couldn't have been happier. But he knew something was wrong. He could feel it.

"Tell me what's going on. Now." He demanded.

"Eric..." Ellie tried to reach out to him.

"Tell me." he growled.

Ellie sighed as she glanced over to Godric and Sookie for help.

"Eric, leave it be. Let's just rejoice in the fact that Ellie is alive." Godric stepped forward.

"Where were you?" Eric ignored Godric. "Where were you all this time?"

"I..." Ellie wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to lie to Eric, she couldn't. But she was hesitant to tell him the truth. It would only bring him more pain, and she couldn't bear to do that to him.

"You weren't dead. I could feel you. I felt that you were alive. Where were you?" he crossed his arms over his broad chest, his eyes boring into her. "Where. Were. You."

"Eric just calm down, please." Her face fell at his tone. He was already getting angry. This wasn't how she was expecting their reunion. They were supposed to be kissing, holding one another like they had been only moments ago. They weren't supposed to be angry, to be fighting. This was going all wrong.

"Tell me Ellie."

Sighing, Ellie knew she had no other choice. "I was in what they call the In-Between. I was stuck between..."

"Life and death." He finished for her.

Ellie nodded. "Pretty much. I was stuck there for...I don't even know how long I've been there for."

"Over two weeks." Godric was the one to answer her.

"Really?" she sounded amazed. "It felt like so much longer."

"Why were you there?" Eric didn't waste a moment, wanting to know everything. "Why were you stuck there?"

"I'm a Phoenix; I can't truly die, not like that anyways." Ellie explained. "I'm marked."

Eric's eyes went to her neck, remembering the tattoo that he found himself marvelled by the times they had made love.

"I was stuck there until I could make a decision." Ellie spoke without thinking. She immediately wanted to hit herself for using that choice of words.

"A decision?" he raised an eyebrow. "What decision?"

"Eric, I really don't think knowing this is necessary." Godric tried to intervene.

"I want to know." Eric glared at his maker. "I deserve to know."

"He's right." Ellie nodded sadly. She wished she didn't have to tell him, but Eric did have a right to know where she had been this entire time, even if she didn't like it. "I had to make a decision whether to live or to pass on; to die."

Eric stared down at her for the longest time, his piercing blue eyes searching her green orbs for answers. When he found nothing that he was looking for, a look of hurt crossed his face. He stepped back away from Ellie, his arms falling back down to his sides as he looked away. He couldn't look at her any longer. He couldn't stare into those eyes he had wanted to see for so long.

"Eric..." Ellie saw the sadness in his eyes and it broke her heart. "Let me explain."

"Two weeks." Eric's voice was strained and she could hear the emotion in his tone. "You were there for two weeks."

"I know, and it was the longest two weeks of my life." she moved forward, hoping to close the distance between them.

"It took you two weeks to decide." Eric could feel the anger surging through him, mixing with the sadness he felt. "It took you two excruciating long weeks for you to decide whether you wanted to live or die."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that, I really am. I was just confused and...everything was so much clearer after I realized that if I chose to pass on, Death would have enslaved me for himself." Ellie blurted out.

His head snapped back towards her, and she could see just how furious he was. But she saw a hint of pain in those blue eyes, and that tore her to pieces. She didn't want to put him through anymore pain, but she was. This was going to destroy him, to know it took this long to make a decision. In the long run it had been to be with him, but there had been that brief time when all she had wanted was to be with her brother and family again. She felt ashamed for even wanting that now. How could she have traded Eric for anyone else?

"You didn't want this, did you?" he accused.

"What?"

"You chose this," he nodded between them. "Only because you had no other choice."

"No, Eric that's not true." She shook her head. And partially it wasn't true. She had known it in her heart that she wanted to return. She didn't need to know Death's plans to know what she had wanted in the end. "I came back for you. I love you more than anything; I came back because of that. You have no idea how hard it's been. But I came back, Eric. I came back for you."

"It took you two weeks." His hands clenched at his sides. "It took you two fucking weeks to decide that."

"I was confused..."

"Confused about what, Ellie?" she could see a hint of fangs and her heart began racing.

"Eric, please." She stepped forward again, wishing she could just be in his arms again. "I'm sorry. I should have known right away. I hate myself for that. But I'm here now, that's what counts. I love you, Eric. I love you with all of my heart."

"But it took you two weeks and a threat of enslavement for you to make that decision." He growled so lowly, Ellie actually found herself afraid.

"Eric, leave her be. She's back now, leave it at that." Godric was at their side, laying a hand on Eric's arm.

But he only shook Godric's hand away as he glared down at Ellie angrily.

"I would have given anything to have you back. I would have given my _life_ to be with you again. And it took you _two fucking weeks_ to decide." His eyes grew a few shades darker.

"I'm so sorry, Eric." Ellie could feel the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks and fought to keep them at bay. "Please, you have to believe me when I tell you that I did come back for you. Not because of some threat, not because of anyone else. I came back purely for you. I love you so much, Eric. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I love you."

She placed a hand on his chest and knew immediately it had been a mistake. If Godric hadn't of pulled her hand off of Eric, she was certain he would have ripped the limp right off of her body. He began backing away from her, moving towards the door. A tear slipped down her cheek and she tried to stop him. But she knew that no matter what she said, it wouldn't erase the truth. She wished she could take it all back. She wished she could go back in time and make her decision the moment she woke up in the In-Between. But she couldn't. She would forever live with knowing she had put everyone she loved through this pain.

"Do not leave, Eric." Godric's voice was low as he spoke, demanding even.

"I can't do this." Eric shook his head, refusing to look Ellie in the eye. "If you treasure your life, Ellie, you will not be here when I return."

And just like that, Eric was gone. Ellie could feel a sob rising up her throat but she forced it back down. She couldn't blame him for reacting this way. She knew he would be angry, that he would hate her for taking so long to make a decision. He had every right to act this way, she couldn't be surprised at all.

"I'm so sorry, Ellie." Sookie was at her side, looking like she was about to cry herself. "It just slipped out and..."

"It's fine." Ellie's voice wavered as she glanced over to her best friend. "He was going to find out eventually."

"He shouldn't have acted in that manner." Godric shook his head.

"Yes he should have." Ellie sighed. "I hurt him, Godric. I hurt him by not knowing the moment I died that I wanted to return. And I will always hate myself for not knowing that. He's allowed to be angry."

"You're here now. None of that matters." He insisted.

"He's allowed to be angry." Ellie repeated with a sad smile. "He wouldn't be angry if he didn't love me. And I love him. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. He'll get over this, I know it. I just have to give him time."

"But what if..." Sookie trailed off.

"He just needs to cool off, Sookie." Ellie shook her head. "Once he realizes I'm here and that I'm not leaving him, he'll realize that the love I have for him overrides everything else."

"I hope so. I have a feeling Eric is going to be unbearable for awhile." Sookie glanced over to the door where Eric had just left through. "I'm glad your back home though, Ellie."

"Me too, Sookie, me too."

* * *

**A/N:** and here is the REAL chapter 10! I'm coming out from behind my couch, so I hope all the sharp objects have been put away for now. I know, I'm a cruel horrible person for playing such a mean april fools joke with that fake chapter and Eric dying, but I just couldn't help myself. I got the idea the moment i woke up this morning and I couldn't help but go along with it. I usually never do anything for april fools, and even when I do, most of them fail horrible. So I give myself props for this one lol. for anyone who didn't see the fake chapter, be happy, or else you'd probably be hating on me as well. I promise no more fake chapters...until next year anyways ;)


	11. Chapter 11: In Love With A Girl

**Chapter Eleven: In Love With A Girl**

"You shouldn't be so hard on her." Godric shook his head as he stood across from Eric. "She loves you. Should you not be happy that she is back?"

Eric refused to look up at his maker as he stared down at his desk. He didn't want to talk about this. He didn't even want to think about any of it. How was he supposed to? He was supposed to be joyous that Ellie was back, that she had come back to him. He had felt her leave him, felt their bond just vanish. And then just like that, she had woken up as if she had only been sleeping this entire time. She came back to him, came home just like he had prayed for every single night and day for the past two weeks. But that was just it. It had been two weeks. Two long weeks that had destroyed him. He was not the same vampire he had been when he had entered that warehouse. A part of him died when Ellie had, and that was a part of him that he would never get back. They all told him to move on, to come to terms with her death. But he knew. He just knew that she was still alive. He just never realized just how right he had been. She had been alive. She had been stuck in the In-between, a myth that even he had been told as a child in his human years. Ellie was a Phoenix, and unless there was another to continue on the line of Phoenix, she could not die. She was a marked Phoenix, and only her decision could decide her fate.

And it had taken two fucking weeks for her to decide.

Eric was furious. But not only that, it felt like someone had shoved their fist into his chest and began squeezing his still heart painfully. How could it take two weeks for the love of his life to decide to live? If it had been him, there would be no question of the matter. He would have chosen life. He would have chosen to spend an eternity with Ellie. But she did not feel the same. For whatever reason, she hadn't felt the desire to live, to be with him. She may have been back, but Eric couldn't help but feel like it was only because she had no other choice. If she had chosen to die, Death would have enslaved her. So she had to choose to come back, to be with him.

That alone killed him.

"She loves you, Eric. I saw her there, she loved you. She never stopped loving you." Godric tried to reason with him. "Does it matter how it occurred? She's here now, that's all that matters."

"She didn't come back for me." Eric snapped, his eyes glaring up at his maker. "She didn't come back because of me."

"Eric, that's not true." Godric shook his head.

"Yes it is." Eric stood so quickly, his chair fell backwards. "If she chose death, she would have been enslaved. Of course she chose to live. But it wasn't what she wanted, was it?"

"She wanted to be with you, I truly believe that."

"But she wanted to die just that much more." Eric shook his head, the anger mixing with the pain in his heart. He had been willing to die for her during the war with the witches. He had been willing to take his life just for her to live. He loved her. He loved her more than he had every loved any other. How was it possible that he found himself loving her more than she would ever love him? "I want this to be dropped, Godric."

"Eric, you need to talk with her. You can't just..."

"I can." Eric clenched his fists at his sides. "I have work to do."

"Eric..."

"Godric, I respect you, you are my maker. But I cannot do this right now." Eric's gaze travelled back to Godric. "I have work to do."

Godric sighed, shaking his head sadly. "I'll leave you tonight, my child. But this will be addressed. You cannot push her away. You are tied together. She is your other half. I was not given a second chance with Kyra, but you're being given a second chance with Ellie. Don't let it go to waste."

Eric looked away as Godric left the office in a mere flash, leaving the Viking to his own thoughts. He growled lowly, trying to rid himself of his thoughts. He didn't want to think about Ellie, about the heartbreak he felt. He was a vampire, a thousand year old Viking, he wasn't supposed to fall in love and have his once beating heart broken. It was pathetic. It was very human of him. And he wasn't human. He was the furthest thing from a human. He was a bloodthirsty monster, and he should behave as one. Not like some lovesick teenager. He had never let a human get to him like this before. He had only used them for sex and blood bags, and that was all. But now he had found himself in a place he had never wanted to be. He needed out. He needed to remember who he was.

If only to ease the pain he was in.

* * *

"Thanks for letting me stay here." I offered Sookie a smile as I sat in the spare bedroom of her house.

"Don't even mention it." She shook her head as she leaned against the doorway with a smile on her face. "I'm just happy you're back, Ellie. I wish some other people would be just as happy."

"Eric's allowed to be angry, Sookie." I shrugged. "He has every right in the world to be pissed off. I'm pissed off at myself."

"But why?" she wondered as she pushed herself away from the door and entered the room. "You're back. That's all that matters."

"It's not that easy, unfortunately." I sighed and ran a hand through my long hair. "I can't exactly blame him for acting this way when he has a right to. It took me two weeks to come back, two weeks to realize that I wanted to live. If I were him, I would be just as angry. Hell, I am!"

"But you're back." She insisted with a frown, settling down beside me on the bed. "You're back. I don't care what you say, that means something to me. You came back, you're here right now. Forget about everything else, you're here and everything else doesn't matter. We thought you were dead, we all thought this was impossible. He should care that you're alive, not how you got here."

"But this is Eric Northman we're talking about." I couldn't help but smile as his name rolled off my tongue. "He's as stubborn as a mule, possibly even more. I don't blame him at all, and you shouldn't either. It took me two weeks to figure everything out, two weeks longer than it should have."

"You're allowed to be confused, to be given time to think." Sookie reasoned.

"Maybe." I nodded. "But when I think about it, it was just selfish. Eric...well he would have died for me in that warehouse. Heck, he walked into that fight thinking he was going to be the one to die. And he would have done so in a heartbeat if it meant that I could live. He would have died for me, Sookie, the least I could have done was live for him."

We fell silent for a moment, my gaze falling to my lap as the sadness swept over me. I hated myself for doing this to Eric, for putting him through pain while I was dead, and still continuing to do so while alive. I just wanted for him to be happy, to see that smile on his face, to hear his words of love. But I couldn't hold it against him for acting this way. I had been selfish when I couldn't make up my mind. If it had been him, he would have come back to me in mere seconds. But I had been selfish enough to consider not doing that. I almost passed on; I almost left him beyond to an eternity of agony. That destroyed me, knowing that I could have been there for him instead of hurting him like I did.

"Can I ask you a question?" Sookie asked softly after a moment.

"Sure." I nodded, raising my gaze up to meet her sad round eyes.

"Why did you...you know, want to pass on?" she played with her hands and I could tell she was uncomfortable asking me about this.

"Truthfully?" I laid back on the bed, my eyes resting on the stark white ceiling. "I was just tired of it all."

"Tired of what?"

"Just of everything. My entire life, I've been put through hell. My parents died at a young age, my brother died unexpectedly. I've almost been murdered more times than I can count, not to mention nearly raped and put in a dozen of other dangerous situations. There was just so much pain and agony and sacrifice involved with living. I just didn't want to be put through it anymore." I told her honestly, my eyes closing as the tears welled in my eyes.

"I get it." her whispered. "My parents died when I was little, and my Gran was killed by a serial killer that was meant to kill me. Ever since getting involved with vampires, my whole world has been thrown upside down. So I get it, Ellie, I really do."

"I saw him," I propped myself up onto my elbows, raising a hand to rub at my eyes. "My brother, I mean. Death sent him to me in a ploy for me to choose to pass on. I guess he never figured that my brother would urge me to live."

"What was it like?" Sookie shifted closer, a look of wonder on her face at the idea of seeing a loved one from the other side. "I couldn't even imagine being able to talk with my parents or Gran for a few minutes."

"It was...it was amazing, Sook. But it killed me." I admitted, pushing myself back up into a sitting position. "I'm happy I had the chance to see him again, to say goodbye. But it was hard, to know that he was there, but he wasn't at the same time."

"What did you two talk about?"

"He told me to go back. That Eric loved me and that I loved him, and I couldn't let that go to waste." A tear slipped down my cheek as I thought about my brother, wishing he was there with me at that moment. But in a way, I knew that he was. I had always known he had been there, watching over me.

"What did he think about Eric?" Sookie shook her head with a chuckle. "I'm sure he's not thrilled you fell in love with a vampire."

"He didn't seem to mind. He told me he approved actually." The smile spread across my lips, happy that my brother had approved of Eric. It would have killed me to know that he didn't like the one man that I loved more than anything. "Eric isn't perfect, he's far from it. But who is? He tries, he really does. I think he wants to be a better person, he just never knew it was okay for him to."

"And then you came along." Sookie smiled, reaching out and grasping my hand. "He loves you so much, Ellie."

"I know, and knowing that makes me want to hate myself even more." I sighed. "I just want to be with him. I want to spend the rest of my eternal life with him, that's all I want in life. I know it's going to take some time to get back to how we were, but I want him and only him, and I don't care how long it takes for me to get him back."

"And that just proves how much you love him." she squeezed my hand. "Is spending time away from him the right way to go though?"

"If sleeping in a different place helps, then I'll do it. Don't think I'm not going to do everything in my power to make him forgive me, Sookie, because damnit, I'll do everything and anything to get that man back." There was a determination in my green orbs, a determination that only a woman in love could possibly understand. I wasn't about to lose Eric over this. He was my everything, I came back for him.

"I should let you get some sleep; it's been a long night." Sookie suggested, pulling herself off of the bed. "I work the afternoon shift tomorrow, but I thought we could go shopping before that. I'm sure you don't want to wear my clothes the entire time you're here."

"Good thinking." I nodded. "I think I'll come with you to Merlotte's tomorrow, if you don't mind. It'd be nice to see Sam again."

"He is going to freak out when he sees you." Sookie laughed at the thought. "Oh this could be fun."

"Scaring the living hell out of him?" I grinned. "Yeah, that could definitely be fun."

* * *

"How freaked out is he going to be?" I leaned against Sookie's car after she had parked in the Merlotte's parking lot the next afternoon.

"Considering the last time he saw you you were lying dead in a bed, pretty freaked out." Sookie was grinning from ear to ear as she shut her door, her purse in her hands as she adjusted her uniform. "Did you want to come in with me or wait a few minutes?"

"I'll wait a few minutes." I grinned wickedly. "Oh this is going to be so much fun!"

"We are far too amused by this." She rolled her eyes but laughed anyways. "I'll see you in there."

I winked as she turned and headed on into the bar, leaving me alone in the parking lot. Merlotte's didn't look too busy, as it was just after the lunch rush, and wouldn't be busy until later. It was a perfect time to pop in to see Sam. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face. We may not have known one another for that long, but I knew he was a good friend, someone who I could count on. He was just that kind of person. And it was evident he cared about Sookie, and that went a long way with me. Sookie deserved to be happy, and I knew from the looks that Sam and Alcide sent her that they both had feelings for the blonde. I hadn't brought it up to her yet, but I made a mental note to question her about her love life. My relationship with Eric may be rocky right now, but it didn't mean I couldn't help nudge Sookie in the right direction. What Bill had done to her had been rotten, and if I ever saw him walking around, I was certain I would fry the bastard to a crisp. Sam and Alcide were good guys; they would treat her in the way that she deserved. I wanted her to be happy; I wanted her to fall in love. She just needed a friendly shove.

"Here goes nothing." I pushed myself away from the small yellow car, my grin widening as I made my way to the bar. I couldn't wait to see Sam's reaction.

I was still grinning as I pushed open the front door and stepped into the small bar. It smelt like bear and French fries, with a hint of another stench that I wasn't really sure I wanted to question. I spotted Sookie coming out from the back tying an apron around her waist. She caught my eye and nodded to the bar before grinning and hurrying off to a table of road workers. My eyes landed on Sam where he stood behind the bar, filling up a pitcher of beer. I slowly made my way over, careful not to make too much noise. It wasn't until I slid onto a bar stood directly across from him, that Sam finally raised his gaze. I almost burst out laughing at the expression on his face. The smile had been wiped off his face, his tan complexion turning pale immediately. His hand slipped around the handle of the pitcher and it went crashing to the ground. I leaned over the bar, gazing down to where the beer was soaking the floor and couldn't help but laugh loudly.

"Well that's just a waste of good beer, Sam." I settled back on the stool and grinned at the owner of the bar.

He was just staring at me, his eyes as wide as saucers as his eyes roamed over me. I just sat there, letting it soak in that I was actually in his bar, alive and well.

"I'm seeing things." He whispered as Sookie came around the bar with a cloth and began wiping up the spilt beer.

"Afraid not, Sam." Sookie patted his arm while flashing me a smirk.

"You're a ghost." He even went as far as to reach over the counter and poke me in the arm. "Or not."

"I'm not a ghost, Sam. and I'm not a zombie before you ask. I hear those ones are a bit disfigured." I chuckled.

"Impossible." He shook his head in disbelief. "You were...you _are_ dead."

"Surprise!" I waved my hands out in front of me with the widest grin on my face. "Guess who came back from the dead!"

"You're horrible." Sookie rolled her eyes.

"Eh, what can I say?" I shrugged, the grin still plastered across my face. "But really Sam, I'm alive."

"but...how?" he still looked unsure and proceeded to poke me a few more times as if to make sure that I really was solid.

"Well for one, poking someone is rude." I stuck my tongue out at him. "And secondly, I'm full of surprises."

"But..."

"I'll tell you another time, I promise." I eyed the customers that were watching us closely, forgetting their drinks and food and solely focusing on Sam and I. "When we don't have an audience maybe."

Sam went right into action. He moved around Sookie to the other side of the bar and grabbed my arm. I quickly hopped off the stool before my arm was ripped right off of my body and let the man drag me into the back. I was trying my hardest not to burst out laughing again, but was failing miserably. The moment we were inside of his office, the door closed behind us, Sam had me in a bone crushing hug. As he was a shape shifter, he was just a tad stronger than a normal human, something I reminded him as he cut off my ability to breathe. I was laughing still as he pulled away, his hands on my shoulders as he inspected every inch of me as if expecting that I was just going to disappear at any moment.

"I'm really alive, Sam." I assured him. "I wasn't even really dead. I was stuck...well let's just say I was stuck in a place that is only slightly better than Hell."

"How? I watched you die."

"I'm a Phoenix, a marked one at that." I tapped the back of my neck. "I was stuck in this In-Between place, between life and death, and was there until I made a decision."

"A decision?" his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to make sense of it all.

"I had to decide whether to live or die." I explained. "Of course, if I chose to die, Death himself was going to enslave me, so that made the choice a little bit easier."

"Holy..." Sam trailed off as he ran a hand through his full head of hair while shaking his head. "This is..."

"Insane? Yeah I know." I offered a smile. "But I'm here; I'm back and feel better than ever."

"Wow." Was all he said, and I couldn't exactly blame him. Sookie had known I was alive because she had heard me. Godric had been sent to me, and Eric had our bond to rely on. But to Sam, I was just a dead body. I had been dead to him and to everyone else in that warehouse. It was definitely hard to comprehend that I hadn't really been dead at all, just stuck and absolutely confused. But I was back now, and I was determined to set everything right again. We all deserved a break, time away from all the drama and insanity that the supernatural world had brought us.

"I hope that wow is a good wow." I teased him, trying to lighten the mood.

"Of course it is." A smile broke out across his face as I was engulfed in another hug. "This is impossible, but damn it, Ellie, I'm glad you're alive."

"Me too." I grinned right back at him as I held onto him. My grin morphed into a smirk after a moment however, and I pulled away just enough so I could stare up at him. "So, Sam..."

"Why do I already not like that look?" He asked suspiciously with a frown, though his eyes were still bright with happiness.

"No reason." I replied innocently as I walked around him and over to his desk. I hopped up onto it and let my legs dangle beneath me. "I was just wondering...how do you feel about Sookie?"

There was a look of surprise that swept across his face before he quickly masked it. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away, a sure sign that he most definitely liked my best friend.

"Silence speaks wonders, Sam." my smirk grew. "I've seen the way you look at her. You really like her don't you?"

"I don't think I ever stopped." He admitted with a sigh, looking down to the ground. "But she was with Bill."

"She isn't anymore." I pointed out. "She's free game."

"She's head over heels for Alcide." He shook his head sadly. "I've seen the way she's looked at him. She likes him."

"Maybe that's true, but I think she likes you too. In fact, I'm pretty sure about that." I tilted my head to the side, about to say more when both Sam and I heard a commotion back in the bar. I raised an eyebrow and slid down off of the desk. "Is that Sookie?"

* * *

Sookie swept up the pieces of glass from the pitcher Sam had dropped, humming a tune to herself. All of her customers looked happy and content, leaving her to her own devices as she cleaned up the mess. The look on Sam's face still brought a smile to hers. It had been humorous to see the way he had reacted to Ellie being alive. She didn't blame him at all; she had been just as surprised when she had heard Ellie that day in her kitchen. It had been impossible, it shouldn't have even happened. But somehow, Ellie was back with them, and that's all that mattered.

As she was dumping the pieces of glass into the garbage pail behind the bar, she heard the door open and a heavy pair of feet enter. The footsteps sounded familiar and Sookie glanced over excitedly, only to find Alcide standing in the doorway with a wolfish grin on his face. Even after everything that happened, she still found the man attractive. He had a scar just above his eyebrow from the war with the witches, but it only managed to add to his handsomeness.

"Alcide." Sookie smiled happily. "I'm glad you came."

"You said it was important." He shrugged his large shoulders as he stepped over to the bar. His warm eyes roamed over her and she blushed, ducking her head to pretend she was busy. "How are you doing, Sook?"

"Great actually. We got some exciting news last night." Her gaze lifted to meet his, only to look away again. She couldn't look into those captivating eyes without wanting to melt. She could already feel her legs becoming weak and she had to grab onto the bar counter to keep herself upright.

"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow. "You look happy. I haven't seen that beautiful smile on your face for awhile."

Her cheeks grew a rosy colour as she waved his comment off. She went to tell him about Ellie being alive when the creaking bar door stopped her. She glanced up and nearly lost her lunch at the sight of Debbie Pelt standing inside of Merlotte's. She looked worse than Sookie remembered, her reddish hair looking ridiculous and as if she hadn't washed it in days. Her eyes looked wild, and Sookie wondered if she was still finding vampire blood to drink. If at all possible, the Were looked skinnier than the last time Sookie had seen her when she had the other Weres had attacked her house.

"Alcide," Sookie tried to remain calm as her expression hardened. "Why did you bring garbage into the bar?"

"Who are you calling garbage, bitch?" Debbie snapped defensively, her eyes narrowing as she stormed up to the bar and looked like she was about to dive right over it and attack Sookie.

Sookie braced herself, not standing down from the Were. She could take Debbie. She may have been a Were, but she had found out so much about herself since their last encounter. Sookie knew that if she needed to, she would be able to protect herself against this Were-Bitch.

"Debbie." Alcide stood and immediately put himself in front of the crazed woman. "I told you to stay in the truck."

"What is she doing here?" Sookie demanded, her eyes glaring at Debbie with hatred.

"I wanted to see what this shithole had to offer." Debbie sneered as she pushed past Alcide.

"Get her out of here, Alcide." Sookie warned him, gripping the bar counter so tightly her knuckles were turning white. "Before I do something I probably won't regret."

"Just try it, you fucking fang banging whore!" Debbie screeched, ready to just climb right over the bar. Alcide grabbed her around her waist however, and yanked her backwards.

Sookie could feel the anger building up inside of her. She knew that if Debbie didn't leave soon, she was going to do something she didn't want the residents of Bon Temps to witness. She could already feel the warmth in her fingertips. She had to clench her hands tightly, trying to cease the growing desire to get rid of Debbie once and for all. She had been a thorn in her side for too long. But she could see the eyes of her customers watching them all closely, as if they were being given a free show along with their meal.

"Just get her out of here, Alcide." Sookie hissed, turning her gaze onto her tables. "And y'all can just go back to eating; there isn't anything here for you to see."

"Oh, I'll give them hicks something to talk about." Debbie fought against Alcide, and while she may have been a Were, not even she could match Alcide's strength.

"Get a hold of yourself, Debbie." Alcide ordered gruffly.

"That fucking bitch deserves to get a new face." Debbie refused to stop struggling.

Sookie opened her mouth to retort, but was relieved when Sam and Ellie came bounding out of the back hallway. Ellie was at her side in a flash, her eyes narrowed at the Were fighting against Alcide. She had absolutely no idea who this woman was, but Ellie already disliked her. She had heard the threats she threw at Sookie, and Ellie wasn't happy at all. With a flick of her pinkie finger she could destroy this screeching woman who looked like she needed to eat a sandwich. The only thing holding her back was the patrons in the bar who looked more interested in the ruckus rather than their food.

"What's going on here?" Sam stood on the other side of Sookie, anger swelling in his eyes.

"Sookie asked me to come by; she said she had something to..." Alcide's eyes focused on the girl beside Sookie and the arms holding Debbie fell to his side in awe. "Ellie?"

"Yeah yeah, I'm alive, surprise." Ellie didn't even glance at Alcide, keeping her eyes glued to the Were who looked like she was ready to tear someone's face off. Debbie went to leap over the bar, but Ellie immediately threw herself in front of Sookie protectively. Her eyes were shining an even brighter green than normal, the warmth spreading through her like a wildflower. "Don't even think about it."

"I'll fuck you both up." Debbie threatened.

"Just try it, bitch, I dare you." Ellie growled, her fists clenched at her sides, her eyes narrowing into slits.

"Take her outside, Alcide." Sam put an arm around Sookie's tense form. "Now."

Alcide sighed and nodded, holding his hands up in defence as he grabbed onto Debbie and threw her over his shoulder.

"Let me fucking go! I want to kill those bitches!" Debbie clawed at Alcide's back, trying to break his hold.

She was unable to as Alcide pushed through the bar door and left the building. The moment he was out of sight Ellie could feel the anger vibrating out of the woman behind her. She turned and her expression softened at the look on Sookie's face.

"Why was she with him?" Sookie asked in the quietest voice, sounding like a little girl who just had their favourite doll stolen.

"I'll be back." Ellie stormed around the bar and right out into the cool afternoon.

Ellie was enraged. She had been sure Alcide would have been a great match for Sookie, besides Sam that is. he was a good guy who would treat her well. And then he had to come walking into Sookie's place of work with some bitch she didn't even know. She could tell that Sookie knew her, and by the way they had been interacting, she immediately disliked the woman. She could feel something different about her, and figured out herself that she must be a Were. She had the same aura that she felt from Alcide, though his was stronger.

"You're...You're alive." Alcide's voice broke her thoughts.

She shook her head and gazed over at the large Were. She looked behind him at the truck Debbie had been stuffed into and her rage only grew.

"What the hell, Alcide!" Ellie's voice rose as she stomped over to him and hit him as hard as she could in the chest. She knew her strength couldn't match that of even a Were, but she didn't care. She pushed at the Were, angry that he would hurt her best friend like that. She didn't know the relation between Alcide and the Were-bitch, but it was enough to upset Sookie. That was all it took for her to be pissed off. "What the hell do you think you're doing Alcide! I don't know who she is, but you bringing her here has Sookie all upset!"

"I'm sorry." Alcide bowed his head.

"What the hell!" Ellie pushed at his chest again, seething. Her eyes were nearly glowing, and Alcide took a step away at the look on her face.

"I've had to look after her for a bit now." He tried to explain. "Her parents, they were worried about her after what happened two years ago, and asked if I could look out for her."

"And you had to bring her here?" Ellie crossed her arms, glaring at the Were darkly. "Sookie likes you, Alcide. It would take an idiot not to know that."

"I...I like her to." Alcide insisted. "But...it's Debbie. It's complicated."

"Complicated or not, Sookie does not deserve this. She had her heart broken by an asshole once before, she doesn't deserve it done by one of the good guys."

"I'm sorry." Alcide sighed. "I do like her, Ellie, I do. But..."

"Look, whatever the hell is going on with you and the psycho in the truck, I don't really give a crap. But Sookie...that girl is my best friend, she's my sister. I'm alive, and I'm damn well going to make sure she isn't led on by some ass who can't control some were-bitch."

"I know, you're right. She doesn't deserve me, I know." Alcide bowed his head. "I was hoping to tell Sookie that I won't be around for awhile. Debbie needs help and I'm the only one who can help her."

"Whatever, Alcide, do what you have to do. I can tell that you feel it's your responsibility." Ellie let out a loud sigh. "Just don't call Sookie, or come around until you have that all figured out. Or else I won't just be hitting you."

He nodded solemnly, his eyes falling on the building behind the furious woman. "I'm glad you're alive. I don't know how the hell it happened, but I'm glad. Sookie needs you in her life."

"She needed someone like you too." Ellie held her head up, catching Alcide's gaze. "But she has Sam, so I guess she is well off."

"I hope she's happy." Alcide looked away, gazing at the truck before sighing once again. "I'll see you around Ellie."

"Goodbye, Alcide." She stood her place as the Were slowly turned and began towards the truck with the still screaming woman inside. "And it was nice to see you."

"You too." He flashed her a small smile before sliding into the truck and revving up the engine.

Ellie shook her head as she watched the truck reverse before taking off out of the parking lot. She glanced over her shoulder where she found Sookie slipping out of the bar. Their eyes caught, and the moment they did, Sookie bowed her head sadly and raised a hand to wipe away a tear. Her hand was brushed away by Sam however, as he wiped away her tears delicately, pulling her against him. Despite what just happened, Ellie couldn't help but smile at the scene before her. She had a feeling about Sam the moment she had met him. Sookie deserves someone to love her, just like Eric loved her.

Or at least, Ellie could only hope Eric still loved her.


	12. Chapter 12: Broken Strings

**Chapter Twelve: Broken Strings**

Godric raised an eyebrow as two women left Eric's office, dazed looks in their eyes as they passed him. He shook his head in disapproval as he slipped into the office, his eyes resting on his progeny. Eric leaned against his desk, a satisfactory smirk on his face as he licked the blood from his lips. Godric had hoped that once he arrived at Fangtasia that night, Eric's attitude might have changed. But it seemed that the truth behind Ellie's return had destroyed the Viking more than Godric could have predicted.

"These women will not take Elizabeth's place in your heart." Godric crossed his arms and gazed at the blonde.

"What heart, Godric?" Eric raised an eyebrow. "We're vampires, we don't have hearts."

Shaking his head, Godric stepped forward. "You and I both know that is the furthest from the truth. Just because our hearts don't beat, it doesn't mean that we can't..."

"Don't." Eric narrowed his eyes as he straightened. "We don't love, Godric. It's not natural."

"We can still love, Eric." Godric gave his child a pointed stare. "You love Elizabeth, I know you do. I can see right through this facade. I can _feel_ the love you have for her."

"And look where that's got me, Godric!" Eric bellowed angrily. "She died in my arms only to return to me two weeks later because she was confused? What the hell does that mean?"

"Why don't you let her explain that to you?" Godric urged.

"No. I don't wish to see her. Ever." Eric growled, his eyes displaying the emotions that were overtaking the vampire. "I don't want to speak of this."

"I understand what you are going through, Eric. I lost Kyra, I understand..."

"You understand nothing!" Eric's fists clenched at his sides. "She loved you. She never stopped loving you. Ellie...she doesn't care. And neither do I."

"She loves you very much, Eric." Godric sighed.

"Two weeks! She took two fucking weeks!" without warning Eric grabbed one of the chairs beside his desk and threw it against the wall.

Godric watched the chair crumble to the ground in pieces, sadness sweeping across his face. He could feel the pain Eric was in through their bond. It was nearly unbearable for even him to take. But he had to remain strong for his progeny. He couldn't exactly blame him for how he was reacting. Ellie had taken two weeks to decide her fate, and even he was wondering if she had come back only because of Death's threat. He didn't want to believe that, he wanted to believe that Ellie returned on her own accord, that she wanted to be with Eric. But as time wore on, the doubt was beginning to grow.

"Leave." Eric demanded of his maker.

Had it of been anyone else, Godric wouldn't had taken the demand lightly. He was over two thousand years old, and this vampire before him was his child, not his maker. But he knew Eric better than any other. He knew his temper, he knew his pain and how he dealt with it. While he wished Eric would just go to Ellie, for the two to work this out, Godric knew it was hopeless.

"Control your urges, Eric." Godric advised. "You may be hurting, Eric, but you still love her, and I truly believe she still loves you."

Eric's jaw clenched as Godric shook his head and began out of the room. Eric would not go to Ellie, but perhaps he could, perhaps he could get the answers they were both seeking.

* * *

I sat on Sookie's porch that night, gazing up at the cloudless sky. Sookie was still at work and would be for the next few hours. Thankfully Sam would be there to comfort her after the debacle that afternoon. I still couldn't believe that Alcide had brought that bitch with him to Merlotte's. Whether he still had feelings for her or not, he still shouldn't have brought her anywhere near Sookie. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that Sookie didn't like her one bit. I didn't want to believe it, but maybe I had been wrong about Alcide. Maybe he wasn't one of the good guys.

But Sam was. That was evident in the way he comforted her once Alcide left, how he held her and even offered her the day off. Sookie had declined of course and went right back to work, pretending as if nothing ever happened. I tried to talk with her about it, but she only brushed the subject off and offered me her car if I wanted to head back to the house. Sam had offered to drive her home after work, and before I knew it, I was driving the streets of Bon Temps, trying to remember the way to Sookie's. I found the white house easily enough and found myself sitting out on the porch for the last few hours. It was peaceful out here, with only the stars to keep me company.

Before my thoughts could travel to a certain blonde hair vampire, I was alerted to another presence. I went to stand, to brace myself in case it was a threat, but the moment my eyes fell on Godric, I smiled and settled back on the bench leaning against the side of the house.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people, Godric." I wagged my finger at him as I patted the space beside me on the bench.

He offered a strained smile as he whisked over and sat beside me in a blink of an eye. I watched him closely, noting the look of worry in his blue green eyes. They were unfocused as they stared out into the night, his gaze not yet reaching mine.

"Is everything alright?" I asked worriedly.

He sighed and he turned his head towards me. "It's Eric."

"How is he?" My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name. Even when he was angry with me, even though we were parted, he still made my heart feel like it was on a trampoline.

"I'm afraid he's reverting back to the vampire he once was." Godric informed, a sadness in his eyes.

My face dropped. "What?"

"You need to speak with him, Elizabeth. That's why I'm here." He clasped his hands together in his lap. "You need to go there, to Fangtasia. He needs to see you."

"I thought maybe waiting a few days would be better, you know to give him time." I shrugged.

"You need to see him now." Godric shook his head. "Eric is allowing the beast from within to come out. He's already fed on two humans tonight. I fear what he may do if he continues down this path."

"I only got back last night." I shook my head in amazement at the quick turnaround the vampire made. One moment he was practically proposing to my lifeless form, and the next he was returning to the monster he once was. "I hate myself for this. This is all my fault."

"It is." Godric didn't try and hide the truth. "I won't deny that, Elizabeth. It took you two weeks to decide to return to us. I can understand to an extent why you were so afraid, but Elizabeth, Eric loved you more than anything."

"I know." I bowed my head in shame. "I wish I could go back in time and change that."

"So do I." Godric sighed. "You hurt him, Elizabeth. You truly destroyed him."

"I get it Godric." I pursed my lips together. "I hurt him, and I'm always going to live with that guilt. You don't need to remind me."

"Perhaps I do." Godric looked back out into the night.

I raised an eyebrow and stared at him. I could hear the edginess in his tone, and I knew he was upset with me. I could understand it; Eric was his progeny and all. I was sure Godric could feel the pain Eric was going through. He had closed his bond off to me, that I had realized the moment I left the house last night. But Godric, he could feel it all. I didn't blame him one bit for being upset with me.

"I'm sorry, Godric. I really am." I leaned my head back against the side of the house. "I never meant for this to happen. I was just...confused."

"But he loved you." Godric couldn't comprehend how I could possibly be confused. And to be honest, I was beginning to wonder that myself. "He would have given his life for you, Ellie."

"And I would do the same. Hell, I did." I closed my eyes, feeling the emotions beginning to rise inside of me. "I can't change the past, Godric. But I can fix things, and I do plan on doing that."

"I hope so. Eric is becoming the vampire I turned so long ago." I could hear the displeasure in his voice. "He had evolved greatly since you came into his life. It would be a shame for all of that to go to waste."

"Don't hold anything back, Godric." I muttered, my eyes opening as I frowned at the vampire beside me.

"I love you, Elizabeth. I treasure you like I've never treasured another human. But Eric is a part of me. He is my kin." There was disappointment on his face, and that almost made me was to burst out crying. "His attitude is wrong, I will admit to that. He should be forgiving you, not pushing you away. He is given a second chance when I wasn't. But his actions are justifiable. And I will always be on his side, no matter what."

"I came back, Godric. I came back for him." I insisted.

"Did you?" He questioned. "Or did you merely come back because of your fate if you had chosen to pass over?"

I looked at him in disbelief. How could he possibly even think that? How could anyone think that I came back for any other reason than for Eric? I loved him with all of my heart. Yes, I had been confused, and yes, a part of me had wanted to pass over to be with my family once again. But that changed, and it wasn't because of Death's threat. The moment I saw Eric with that ring, I knew what I wanted, I knew it in my heart. I wanted Eric and only Eric. I wanted to be with him for eternity. Why was it that no one believed that?

"I can't believe you just asked me that, Godric." I stood, a look of hurt crossing my face. I crossed my arms as I stood against the porch railing, my back to the vampire. "I love him."

"I know you do, Elizabeth. But the timing, it does seem a bit..."

"Don't." I snapped, spinning around to glare at him. "I love him Godric, that's why I came back. That's the only reason."

He nodded, but I could tell that he still didn't completely believe me. And that hurt. I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes as I turned back away.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Elizabeth." Godric sighed behind me.

"I don't get it Godric. You wanted me to come back. You showed up and begged me to go back, and yet now that I'm here, you're questioning it." my shoulders slumped forward. "I just don't get it."

"Eric is a mess, Elizabeth. I only want to ensure that your intentions are for the right reason. Two weeks...that's a long time to be confused. You told me yourself that you wanted to die, that you wanted to pass on." He reminded. "And once you know what would occur should you choose that path, you suddenly come back to us."

"You're a hypocrite." I spun back around, my hands firmly planted on my hips. "You wanted to meet the sun in Dallas."

I watched the sadness cross his face but I just didn't care. Why couldn't he just believe that I came back for Eric, that I loved him? I thought he was on my side, I thought he understood that. But it appeared that he didn't. And I got that Eric was more important to him than anyone else, and that he was worried about his progeny. But I was here because of Eric. I was here because of the man I loved. I just wish someone would believe me.

"You wanted to die that morning, Godric. You were perfectly alright with leaving Eric and I behind. But the moment I want to escape everything, that's the worst thing in the world." I shook my head. "You're a hypocrite."

"And I regret that morning every single day." Godric stood with a haunted look in his eyes. "I regret ever putting you and Eric through that. If I could, I would erase that moment from history. But I cannot, and I have to live with that guilt. You could have chosen a different path, Elizabeth. You could have come back to us much sooner."

"I'm sorry I'm human, I'm sorry I made a mistake and was confused." I frowned. "Aren't I allowed to make mistakes? Or is it because I'm a Phoenix, that's never allowed to happen? I'm not perfect, and neither are you or Eric. So don't preach to me, Godric."

"I only came here to ask you to speak with him, I didn't intend for this at all." He shook his head sadly.

"Maybe you shouldn't have doubted me."

Godric didn't utter a word as he made his way to the porch stairs. I didn't want to feel like this, to be angry with Godric, and I was sure he didn't want to doubt me. So why was he? I know it looked bad, but I really had come back for Eric.

"Just consider what I told you, Elizabeth. Go see him. He needs to see you." Godric advised, stopping on the last step. He glanced over his shoulder at me and I slowly raised my gaze to meet his. "I only want you two to be happy."

And just like that, he was gone and I was left feeling worse than I already had.

* * *

I left the confines of Sookie's car only an hour later, stepping out into the packed Fangtasia parking lot. I knew Godric had been right, or at least partially right. I needed to see Eric, and I had to do it tonight. He was slowly slipping back into the vampire he had once been, and I knew firsthand what kind of vampire that was. I didn't want him to revert to his old ways. He had worked so hard to become the man that he was, and I knew that I was part of the reason for that change. But without me, just like I had seen with the Reaper, Eric was someone who I couldn't recognize. I couldn't let that monster take a hold of the man I loved. He may not forgive me after a simple sorry, but hopefully it would help restore the good that was inside of him.

Inhaling sharply, I pushed the door closed and began towards the building. There was a line of fangbangers just waiting for a chance to enter the bar, and each and every one of them shot me dirty looks as I walked right on by them up to the doorman. He recognized me immediately and stepped aside. I offered him a smile before slipping into the bar. I could tell the moment I stepped into the loud bar that it was busy, and I knew that would work to my advantage. I knew my bond with Eric was still closed off, meaning Eric had no idea that I was here and wouldn't until I was practically on top of him. I was thankful for that, because I knew the minute he or Pam caught sight of me, they would try and kick me out. I needed at least a few minutes to say what I came here to say before that happened.

I manoeuvred the best I could around the many bodies. From the looks I was being thrown, I was beginning to think wearing a short dress to a vampire bar wasn't exactly a bright idea. But I had hoped that if Eric wouldn't listen to me, then maybe he would get distracted by the tight, short dress I just happened to buy especially for him. He may be angry with me, but I knew he couldn't resist my body, and I was damn well going to use that to my advantage.

I caught sight of Eric before he even noticed me. I scoffed at the dancer at the pole located before him on the stage, frowning as I caught sight of the fang marks on her neck. I wondered if she had been one of the women Godric had informed me of. I felt a rush of jealousy surge through me and had a sudden desire to tackle the barely clothed woman. But I restrained myself from doing so. Eric was only acting this was because he was angry with me, and that meant he cared. So with that, I pushed past the last few bodies between me and the stage, and finally reached _my_ vampire. I stood there, below the stage, just waiting for him to acknowledge my presence. I knew he knew I was there. His lips had twisted into a frown, and his expression hardened. But he didn't once look at me. His eyes were boring into the dancer and that only annoyed me further. I stomped right on up the few stairs onto the stage and tapped the dancer on the shoulder, stopping her before she could do some sort of move around the pole that I was sure if I tried I would end up breaking something.

"Leave." I ordered.

She glanced at me, raising an eyebrow before tossing her hair over her bony shoulder and continued her dancing. Eric still refused to meet my gaze, leaving me to take matters into my own hands.

"Either you leave or I set you on fire" I threatened, my green eyes glowing in anger.

The dancer froze, looking at me with slight fear in her eyes.

"If you value your job, you will stay." Eric spoke finally, the sound of his voice sending chills of pure pleasure up my spine.

I ignored the desire to walk up to him and rip his clothes right off of him, and instead planted my hands on my hips and glared darkly at the dancer. "If you value your life, you would leave."

The dancer looked unsure, caught between not wanting to lose her job and not wanting to lose her life. I wouldn't really kill her, or even use my powers. I couldn't risk doing that in a room full of vampires and humans who would just love to get their hands on me. But this anorexic little thing didn't need to know that. It was my jealousy talking after all, but I wasn't about to step down. Eric and I needed to talk, and without the distraction of this dancing slut.

Much to my pleasure, the dancer decided her life was much more valuable than her job, and scurried down off of the stage.

"And eat a sandwich." I muttered before shaking my head and turning my gaze onto Eric.

He was finally looking at me. Those beautiful blue eyes that I had fallen in love with were staring at me with so much hate that I nearly took a step back from the intensity. But I didn't. I held his gaze and slowly began to move over to his chair, stopping only a foot away.

"We need to talk, Eric." I was proud of how confident I sounded.

"Get out." He demanded with a low growl.

"No." I shook my head. "We need to talk Eric. You need to know that..."

"I said get out." His hands gripped at the arms of his throne. His eyes were narrowing and I could feel the anger and rage emitting from him. But I didn't run away like a sane person would have. I stood there, staring back at him without any hesitation. Eric Northman didn't scare me one bit, not anymore. I knew he loved me. He wouldn't be acting this way if he didn't. So he could yell at me all he wanted, but it was never going to change the fact that I loved him, that I wanted to be with only him.

"I'm not leaving, Eric." I stepped forward, finding myself between his long legs. I watched as he tensed, his eyes darkening as I drew closer to him. I set both of my hands on his, only for him to swipe his away. I kept my hands planted firmly on the arms of the throne, my eyes never once leaving his. I bent just enough so our gazes were level, and I was surprised he had yet to do anything radical. Had this been anyone else, he would have pushed them away or ripped their heads off. I forced back the desire to smile at that fact and instead focused on what I had planned on saying to him. "I love you, Eric Northman, you need to know that."

"Leave." He growled dangerously low.

"No." I refused. "You can tell me to leave, hell you can physically remove me from the building, but it's not going to stop me from what I need to say."

The look on his face was murderous. For a brief moment, I thought he might just snap my neck right then and there. And while his fingers twitched, and I knew that was the desire of the animal from within, the love he had for me stopped him from doing anything drastic. Instead, he just sat there as I inched even closer.

"I came back for you, Eric. I came back because I love you, and only you. Don't you dare think anything else. I love you more than anything." I spoke in an even tone. "I love you, Eric. I love you. How many times do I need to say that before you'll forgive me? I made a mistake, I'm..."

"Don't." He finally reacted, his hands grabbing onto my wrists and in a flash he was towering over me. His hands held onto my wrists, all but crushing them in his grasps. "Get. Out."

"No." I glared up at him. "I'm not going anywhere, Eric. Either you can hear me out, or I'll just wait here until you decide to grow the hell up."

I knew he wasn't happy. He was the furthest thing from happy. But he didn't say another word and instead let my wrists go. He turned his head away and sat back in his throne, refusing to meet my gaze.

"I'm going to go to the bar and have a drink. When you decide to be an adult, let me know." I turned and began towards the stairs. I stopped before taking a step down however, glancing back over my shoulder at him. "But I'm not leaving Eric. I will never leave you."

Eric's gaze met mine for the briefest of seconds before he looked back away. I sighed and stepped down the stairs. I realized that the patrons of the bar had been listening to everything we had been saying, and were now parting like the red sea as I made my way over to the bar. I shook my head and slid onto a bar stool, catching the gaze of Chow.

"Shot of vodka." I ordered, knowing I was going to need hard liquor in me if I was going to get through the rest of the night.

And that's what I did for what felt like ages. I just sat there, occasionally taking a shot or two before I switched over to water. I didn't want to be drunk for the talk I was determined to have with Eric. I didn't care if I had to wait till dawn and force him to hear me out; he was going to listen to what I had to say one way or another. I wasn't going to leave this bar until I did.

"You should be talking with him, not drinking." Godric mused as he sat beside me, his eyes falling on the shot glasses Chow were taking away.

"And you should go away." I grumbled, taking a sip of water.

"Elizabeth, I didn't advise you to come here just to..."

"Okay just stop." I twisted on the stool, glaring daggers at the ancient vampire. "Just stop, Godric. I understand that you care, about the both of us, but just shut up please."

He looked surprised at my outburst, but I just didn't care. I loved Godric; he was my rock, the one person I knew I could always count on. But right now, I couldn't handle whatever he had to say. He had made it perfectly clear what he thought earlier. And I was here, wasn't I? I was trying. I wasn't giving up, I wasn't throwing in the towel. I was here, waiting to talk with Eric. Didn't that mean anything?

"I'm only trying to help."

"And I love you for that, Godric, I really do." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "But I just can't do this right now. I'm here; I'm not the one who doesn't want to set things straight."

"You shouldn't give up then."

"I'm not!" I threw my hands up in the air. "I'm not giving up, Godric. I'm sitting here, waiting until he's mature enough to let me explain everything."

Godric shook his head as he stood. "You and I both know Eric will not talk to you willingly."

"Well maybe he will. People can shock you." My eyes narrowed. "Take right now for instance. The one person who I thought I could always count on thinks I'm some horrible person. Yeah, people can certainly shock you alright."

Before Godric could even utter a word, a gust of wind caught my hair before a hand grabbed me tightly around the back of my neck. I yelped as I was yanked to my feet. I knew it was Eric instantly, and didn't even try to fight him.

"Eric." Godric gave his progeny a pointed look.

"I don't care what the hell is going on between us," Eric hissed in my ear. "You will not disrespect my maker, is that understood?"

He squeezed the back of my neck and I let out a wince of pain.

"I said, is that understood?" he growled, the sound of his fangs extending ringing in my ear.

I nodded silently, not knowing what else to do. When I was sure he was just going to let me go and continue brooding up on the stage, he surprised me by pushing me around the bar and into the back hallway. I nearly tripped over my own two feet as I was shoved into his office. I tried to steady myself as I stood in the middle of the room, my eyes slowly rising to meet his. He was before me in a flash, towering over me much like he had not too long ago. I didn't avert my gaze and stared up at him, waiting for him to make the first move. We just stood there, neither of us saying a word or moving a muscle. I did however, realize just how close we were, and I felt the heat between my legs. I felt embarrassed for getting aroused at a time like this, but I couldn't help it. No matter how angry Eric may be, no matter what he may say or do, I still loved him and god knows I was still attracted to him. That was certainly never going to change. So as we stood there, closer than we probably should have been, all I wanted was to rip that black tank off of him, to run my hands over those tense muscles.

"Eric, I..."

"Don't." His eyes narrowed.

"But I'm..."

I never had a chance to finish however. Before I even knew what was happening, I was being pushed up against the side of the desk, Eric's hands gripping my hips tightly. I gulped at the look in his eyes and knew speaking another word was just a death wish. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sure he could feel it as he pressed against me, his fingers digging into my hips. I felt a pinch of pain but I didn't let it known as I just stared up at him. He was seething, that I understood perfectly. I was certain that if I spoke, he just might actually rip my head off. But I couldn't just be quiet. I couldn't just stand there and wait for his anger to pass because I knew that it never would.

"Eric, I'm sorry." I blurted out before he could stop me.

He growled and I wondered if maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut that time. He drew even closer, his face lowering down until his fangs grazed against my pulsing vein. I held my breath as those razor sharp fangs glided up and down my neck. If I moved the slightest, I knew he would draw blood. And part of me didn't care if he did. I loved Eric, and I wanted to give him every single part of me. And that included my blood. I trusted him more than I've ever trusted anyone.

"Eric..." I whispered out as he flicked his tongue out, licking the length of my neck. His hands tightened on my hips, grinding me against him. I could feel his erection pressing against me and I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips. Oh how I wanted to forget talking with him and just let him ravish me. I knew that was what he wanted. It was obvious in the arousal both of us were feeling. As angry as he was with me, it was evident that he wanted me right then and there.

And I would gladly give myself to him.

Over and over again.

My chest was rising rapidly as my eyes fluttered closed. I had to remind myself to breathe, he was just too close. My hands had a mind of their own as they held onto his strong arms. I was sure that if he just stepped away, I would fall over because of how weak in the knees I was right now.

"Eric, please..." I wasn't sure what I was pleading from him. Part of me did want to talk, to work things out. But the other part of me, the part that was currently in overdrive, just wanted him to rip my clothes off and ravish me already. I wanted him at that very moment and I didn't give a crap that there was a bar full of people just beyond that closed door. Eric was the only one in the world that I cared about right now, and that would always remain true.

As one of his hands slid down from my hip to the bottom of my dress, slowly drawing the fabric upwards over my thighs, I knew that talking was the furthest thing from my mind. I needed this. I had craved this for so long. I wanted Eric Northman and I wanted him right now.

"I love you." I breathed out as his long fingers caressed over my panties.

Another growl emitted from the back of his throat, and I knew I shouldn't have spoken. Without any warning, Eric's fangs sunk into my neck. My eyes snapped open as my mouth opened to let out a yelp of pain. But the words were caught in my throat as he sucked at my neck, hungrily drinking the blood I knew he had been yearning for. Unlike the many times he had fed from me while we had made love, this time he was doing so painfully. I could feel every ounce of blood that he drank from that pulsing vein. I could feel the life force leaving my body and entering his. When I did manage to let out a wince of pain, his fangs only dove deeper into my neck. I cried out in pain this time, my hands curling around his arms in an attempt to get him to stop.

"Eric..." I managed out his name before squeezing my eyes shut as the pain washed over me.

Something must have clicked inside of him as his fangs suddenly drew out of me. I felt his lips crash down on mine the next minute and I sighed in relief. My grip on his arms loosened as I returned the kiss, tasting my blood on his lips. I didn't care however, and instead pressed up against him even more. That sent him over the edge and the next thing I knew, he was pulling his jeans off in the quickest second. I felt an arm snaked around my waist as he lifted me up onto the desk, holding me on the edge as he knocked my thighs farther apart. I moaned into our kiss, his tongue diving into my mouth to meet mine. I barely even noticed Eric ripping my panties right off of me, but I certainly felt when his erection was pressed against me. This was unlike any other time we've had sex. This was raw, animalistic desire. I needed him just as much as needed me in that very moment. We didn't care about anything else in the world except each other. I wanted him more than I've ever wanted any other man.

I let out a gasp of pleasure the moment Eric slid in me. It felt like heaven. I had almost forgotten how truly amazing this felt. It had been two long weeks since I had been able to even touch Eric. I had wanted him so much. I just wanted a touch. And now I had every single part of him. I couldn't have been happier. In that moment, as Eric thrust into me in an increasing speed, I didn't think of anything else. At that moment, our relationship was nothing but perfect. I knew it wasn't the truth, and the moment this was over Eric would return to how he had been only minutes ago. But I just didn't care. Because for those few minutes, his walls had crumbled and our bond was flowing freely. I could feel the love he had for me. I could feel the desires, the urges. I could feel it all. And I sent all of my love back. There was no denying our feelings for one another in that moment. We were two souls that were connected, that had been brought together and never wished to part. Whatever our problems may be after this, it just didn't matter right now. I loved him, and I knew that he loved me. I could feel it. And that to me, was better than the earth shattering orgasm I knew was coming.

And it did come. As Eric slid into me at a rapid speed, I felt my orgasm approaching. I didn't even try to muffle the sounds of pleasure emitting my lips. I threw my head back as Eric and I broke out kiss, and his fangs returned to my neck. I hardly even felt as he sunk them back into my neck, feeding off of my wound once again. I was just riding my climax as Eric continued to thrust into me, the pleasure reaching a height I never thought was possible.

"I love you." I mumbled out, not thinking as the words just spurted out.

Just like that, everything just stopped.

Eric's fangs retracted, his erection being pulled out of me. I blinked, barely even knowing what was going on as Eric quickly pulled on his jeans. I opened my mouth to say something, reaching out to him. But he pulled away, our bond already closed off once again. My face fell as his expression hardened, the love that I had just felt slipping out of his eyes.

"Eric, please, I'm sorry." I slid off of the desk. "I love you, I do. Please, just..."

But within seconds, he was gone. Within seconds, those few moments of pure ecstasy were ripped away from me and I was left wanting to burst out crying right there in his office.


	13. Chapter 13: I'll Be Waiting

**Chapter Thirteen: I'll Be Waiting**

"Oh Eric." I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I stared longingly at the closed office door.

I wasn't sure how long I stood there, silently praying that he would return and we would work things out. I knew it was a lost shot. Eric was stubborn, that was evident the moment he stomped out. I knew things wouldn't have magically changed just because Eric hadn't been able to resist me. But damn, did I ever hope.

"Back to square one." I mumbled, pushing down the bottom of my dress and gazing around to where my ripped panties had been tossed.

My eyes roamed across the floor of the room, and once they landed on a pair of panties, I shuffled over to them. I knelt down, my hand reaching out to them. My hand froze in mid air however, when I realized that the ripped panties splayed on the ground weren't mine. My face fell, my heart feeling as if it was being squeezed tightly as I scooped the pair of panties up. The green monster was raging instead of me as I curled my hand around the panties. It seemed that not only did Eric feed from women that weren't me, he also indulged in other acts. It had never bothered me where he had found his blood in the past. While to me, feeding was a much more sensual act than anything, I knew that a vampire like Eric would rather feed from a human than to drink True Blood. I never expected him to only take blood from me, especially since for two years, I hadn't even been present. But to know that he had been with another woman since we had 'gotten together', that hurt. Just because he was hurt, just because he was in pain, it didn't give him a right to go fucking anything with two legs.

I felt tears spring to my eyes as I clenched my hands at my sides, the pair of panties still in my one hand. I tried to force back the tears that were threatening to spill down my cheeks. I didn't want to end up crying in Eric's office, for him to come back and find me in this state. But I couldn't help the emotions taking over me. It destroyed me to know that Eric would even consider being with another woman, especially after seeing just how much of a mess Eric had been while I was dead. But just like that, the moment Eric Northman doesn't like something, he reverts back to his old ways, not caring who he hurt along the way.

But that was just fine. Because I knew deep down that whatever he did, whoever he might try and be with, they would never replace my place in his heart. I knew he loved me. I had felt it in those few moments that our bond had flowed. The amount of love he held for me, that wasn't something he could just wipe away at a whim. He could fuck every single girl in this bar and he would still love me, that I knew for certain.

However, that didn't make it hurt any less. Not at all.

"How could you, Eric." I closed my eyes as tear slipped down my cheek.

I quickly brushed it away however, rubbing at my eyes to rid myself of tears. The sadness I felt was slowly turning into anger as I just stood there in his office, the panties that weren't mine clasped in my hand. The anger swelled to such a level that I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I was just so angry at Eric. Not because of the fact he cheated, but because he was pushing me away. He loved me, I knew that, and deep down inside, Eric had to know that I loved him too. But he was doing all of this, destroying our relationship all on his own.

But if he thought for one minute that this attitude of his was going to break this relationship, he truly was an idiot. Nothing he was going to do was going to push me away. I wasn't going to just disappear, to give up on him. I loved Eric more than anything, and I knew he felt the same. He had bought me a ring for god sake!

I didn't think twice as I stormed out of Eric's office on a mission. I tore open the door leading into the bar and was thankful that the patrons seemed to part in my favour for a second time that night. Eric didn't even realize I had reached the stage until I was stomping up the stairs. My eyes narrowed when I found the slut of a dancer on Eric's lap, a look of hunger in his eyes. I growled as I ripped her off of him, pushing her down onto the stage and off of _my Viking_. She let out a string of curses, or at least that's what I believed came spurting out of my mouth in her foreign language. Eric too didn't look pleased that I had interrupted them, but I couldn't have cared less.

"I think these belong to your little slut." I pushed the panties into Eric's chest, my eyes raging. "You shouldn't fuck your dancers in your office if you don't want me to find out about it."

His eyes narrowed into slits, his hands clenching together in his lap. He looked like he was going to jump up and rip me apart, limb by limb, but that didn't lessen my anger one bit. I was pissed off. I was beyond pissed. I wanted to yell, to scream, to let him know exactly what I thought of him. And I didn't hold back one bit.

"You can go fuck whoever you want, Eric. You can feed from them, you can stick your dick into whatever slut that has two legs. I don't give a fucking crap." My heart was pounding as my chest rose up and down rapidly. "Because no matter what you do, I'm not going anywhere."

Eric looked indifferent as I said this, and I think that just made me even angrier.

"I'm not giving up on us, Eric. I love you. I love you more than anything and I know you feel the same. So go ahead, do whatever the hell you want, because I'm going to still be here." I assured him, my voice growing low as I drew even closer to the Viking. "I'm going to be here every single night for the next century if it comes to that. Because you and I, we're meant to be together. We're soul mates, Eric, and I truly believe that one day, you're going to get your head out of your ass and forgive me."

"Ellie." He hissed, his knuckles turning white. His fangs had extended, and I saw the desire to just snap my neck at that moment. But there was just something in his eyes, something that gave me hope. I could see the lust behind the rage. I could see the love he still had for me.

"This isn't over, Eric. I'm here. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." I leaned down, my hands firmly planted on top of his knees as my face became level with his. "I came back for you, Eric. You may not want to hear that, but I did. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I made a mistake, I did, and I'm sorry for that. But I'm here damnit, and nothing you say or do is going to change the fact that I'm not fucking going anywhere."

Eric didn't move a muscle as I leaned in even closer, our eyes never breaking contact.

"You might not believe me, and that's fine. You might think this relationship is over, but it's not. I love you, Eric Northman, and I will forever love you. You and are have an eternity ahead of us, so don't think for one minute I'm going to let you go. Push me away all you like because I'm just going to keep coming back, night after night. I'll stand out in the parking lot if I have to, just to prove that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Leave Ellie, before I do something I might regret." He growled so low I almost didn't catch it.

I knew he was being serious, but I just couldn't leave yet, not until he knew everything.

"I saw that ring, Eric. I saw the ring you bought for me." I was pleased at the look of pure surprise that swept across his face. "And I'm going to be the girl who gets the guy and the ring. I'm going to be the girl that you spend an eternity with, if you believe that or not. You may hate me right now, and that's just fine. But just remember the next time you go off fucking some other slut, she's never going to take my place. She's never going to erase me from your heart. You love me, Eric, whether you want to admit that or not. One day, you and I are going to live happily ever after. I don't care if I have to wait a century or two for that happy ending, but it will happen."

I straightened and took a step back before Eric could even react to what I had said. I twisted around on my heel, glared at the dancer that was still on the stage, and began for the stairs.

"I'll see you tomorrow Eric, and all the tomorrows after that." I called over my shoulder as I stepped down off of the stage. I glanced over my shoulder at him, watching as he stood and stared down at me with an unreadable expression on his face. "I do love you, Eric. You know that in your heart. So just stop being an ass already so we can get back to the sex part."

I knew every single person in that bar had been listening to my tirade, but I didn't give a crap. I stormed my way across the bar and to the exit, my eyes catching Pam's for a moment. I was surprised to find the smirk on her face as she nodded at me. I had expected her to reflect Eric's hatred, but it seemed that I may just have someone else on my side after all.

It seemed, however, that the moment I stepped out into the cool night, my calm and collected demeanour disappeared just like that. I could feel the lump in my throat rising as I hurried across the parking lot to Sookie's car. I pulled the keys out of the pocket in my dress, thankful they hadn't been discarded during my escapade with Eric. It would have been embarrassing to have to go back inside after my stellar exit. My hands however, they weren't cooperating at all. I could feel the emotions growing stronger with every passing second, and a part of me wanted to burst out crying. I tried to calm myself down. I tried to breathe deeply, to stop my hands from shaking just long enough so I could open the car door and at least break down inside of the small car and not in the middle of the parking lot. But my hands just weren't working at all. I ended up dropping the keys on the ground and let out a whimper out of annoyance. Before I could kneel down to pick them up however, I felt a hovering presence behind me. I eyed the shadow that fell over the car and I felt immediately on edge. Not a word was spoken, not even a breath emitting from the figure, alerting me to the fact that whoever it was, they weren't human. Not taking a chance, I twisted around and held my hand out, throwing the form with my telekinesis powers across the parking lot and shocking the few patrons that were still awaiting their chance inside the bar.

"Oh crap." I groaned when I realized that it wasn't just any old vampire that had been behind me. "Shit, I'm sorry Godric."

I took a step forward to help the vampire up, but he was on his feet in mere seconds and flashed before me. I offered him an embarrassed smile as I shyly looked down at the ground. Just because I was angry at Godric, it didn't mean I wanted to hurt him. He was still the closest thing I had to a family, even if we didn't exactly see eye to eye at the moment.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"I shouldn't have been sneaking up behind you." A finger clasped under my chin and forced my gaze to meet his. I noted the change in his eyes from earlier and I felt comforted by those blue green orbs staring down into mine. "Are you alright, Elizabeth?"

"I'm fine." I nodded, though I knew that was a lie. While I meant every single word I had said to Eric, there was still that small part of me that was hurt and destroyed over the fact that Eric had slept with another woman. I knew it had meant nothing to him, but the act alone still pained me.

"You're lying." He observed.

"I'm not." I was lying through my teeth. I don't know why I was, this was Godric after all. But knowing that he doubted me, it made me hesitate to tell him my problems.

"Elizabeth." Godric sighed as he drew closer, one arm sliding around my waist. "I know that you are lying. You and I have a bond, don't you remember?"

My shoulders slumped forward and my gaze fell to the small space between us. I felt the tears watering in my eyes and I pleaded for them not to fall. I didn't want to cry, not here, not now. But even when I found myself angry with Godric, I couldn't hold back how I felt. He had always been the one to comfort me, to hold me when I was upset or scared. He had been that way since he had first saved my life, and even now, that hadn't changed. He may have doubted me, he may not believe a word that came out of my mouth, but he was still my rock, he was still the one person I found myself needing when my whole world felt like it was crashing down around me. Without a second of hesitation, my arms drew around Godric, holding myself against him as the tears fell down my cheeks willingly. I felt his arms circle around me, pressing me to him as I cried into his chest. He lightly rubbed my back up and down, gently drawing circles in the curve of my back just like he had done so many years ago when I had first broken down in front of him.

* * *

_I stared around the darkened room in fear, my memory of the previous night wavering. I wasn't sure if this was death, or if the men had taken me. When I felt a cool hand pressing down on my shoulder, I whimpered and tried to scramble away from the form I felt beside me. But the hand stayed on my shoulder, like a calming force, and refused to move. Another whimper escaped from my lips as my legs curled up against my chest, the tears already spilling down my cheeks. I was scared. I didn't know where I was, who was beside me. I was just frightened. My body was shaking, but the hand remained on my shoulder. I almost wished for the lights to come on, only to see the face of whoever was there. I prayed that by some miracle, I had been saved, but a part of me still feared I was in the presence of those horrible men._

"_You are safe now, little one." A soft voice assured through the darkness, the hand on my shoulder slowly moving down my back and rested in the middle. _

_My body continued to shake as I squeezed my eyes shut, silently praying that this was all some horrible nightmare. I could feel the hand rubbing small circles on the curve of my back, and I wanted to pull away so badly. But I didn't. For some reason, that little act by this stranger had struck me with a sense of calm and comfort. I didn't even know whose hand it belonged to, whose voice had assured me, but I suddenly felt like I was safe, like nothing and no one was going to hurt me._

"_You are safe." The voice repeated as the hand continued to rub my back soothingly._

_I let out a small sigh as my muscles relaxed, my arms falling from around my knees to my side. I felt the bed beneath me shift and soon found another hand cupping my cheek, the touch cool and yet baring safety._

"_I will not harm you, little one." The voice continued to assure._

_I couldn't recognize the voice, but it was almost as soothing as the hand that remained on my back. Without a single ounce of restraint, I felt myself beginning to draw closer to the form beside me until I felt my cheek pressed against a chest. My fear had left me the moment he had spoken, disappearing just like the pain had. I hadn't realized until now that I didn't feel a single ounce of pain. From the beating, from the lashing I had received from those men, I had expected to be in tremendous pain. But there was none. In fact, I felt better than I ever had in my life._

"_I will never let another soul harm you." The voice vowed as the hand on my cheek was removed, only for that arm to circle around me and draw me even closer to him._

_I didn't even know who this was, if he was a friend or foe, but I believed him. There was something about the way that he spoke, about the way that he comforted me, that I felt absolutely and completely safe. I never wanted to leave his arms I found, and I yearned to hear his voice again._

"_W-who are you?" I rasped out in a wavering tone._

"_A friend." He offered as he continued to hold me to him. I found my own arms wrapping around him, wanting to be even closer to him than I already was._

_And then I remembered. _

_I remembered the soft voice, those blue green eyes that had looked down upon me before I had fallen unconscious. The boy had looked no older than I was, and had been so strong and assuring. It had been his voice that had led me to a peaceful slumber, knowing that somehow, everything was going to be alright. And as I thought about it now, that voice was the same as the one speaking to me now. I felt a great sense of comfort overcoming me as I realized this, my arms tightening around his form._

"_What is your name, little one?" he asked curiously, his one hand still drawing circles on my back._

"_Elizabeth." I voiced. "...Ellie."_

"_Elizabeth is a beautiful name." I felt soothed by his mere words._

"_What's your name?" I asked in a small voice, wondering the name of my saviour._

"_Godric." The name left his lips. _

"_You saved my life, Godric." I tried out his name, liking the way it rolled off my tongue._

"_And I always will, should you allow me that pleasure, Elizabeth."_

* * *

"Elizabeth?" Godric's voice brought me back to the present.

"Sorry." I mumbled, forcing myself out of Godric's embrace. I snuck a glance up at him and felt my cheeks begin to heat up. "Sorry for throwing you across the parking lot."

"I apologize for sneaking up on you." He caressed the tips of my hair with a small comforting smile on his lips. "Tell me, Elizabeth, the reason for your tears."

"It's nothing." I shook my head. "I should get going. Sookie is probably home by now and wondering where her car is."

"Perhaps I should drive." He took a hold of my hands, squeezing them gently. "You don't appear to be able to drive at the moment."

"I'll be fine." I shrugged.

"Allow me this, Elizabeth, for I'll worry if I let you drive off all alone."

I looked up into those eyes that had saved me so long ago and I couldn't help but nod. His smile widened as he swiped the keys off of the ground and led me around the car to the passenger door. He held it open as I slid in, and even squeezed my shoulder in comfort before closing the door and entering the driver's seat before I could even blink. I stared out the window in silence as Godric drive out of the parking lot, beginning the descent to Bon Temps. We didn't speak at first, not until we had left the city limits.

"Elizabeth?" Godric shot me a questioning glance, his hand reaching over to clasp mine. "Talk to me. You've never had a problem telling me what was on your mind before."

"That was before you doubted me." I mumbled honestly, my eyes still gazing through the window.

I heard Godric sigh as he turned his gaze back onto the road. We sat in silence for a few more minutes before Godric sighed once again and squeezed my hand.

"I heard what you said to Eric. I heard the conviction and determination in your voice." He voice was soft as he spoke. "I realize now that I made a grave mistake ever doubting you. You truly love him."

"You really shouldn't have doubted me." I turned my head towards him, a frown settled on my lips. "How could you even think that I didn't?"

"I never doubted that you loved him, Elizabeth." He shook his head. "I was merely concerned about the reason you returned to us."

"Just because it happened so quickly after I was told about Death's plan, it doesn't mean that was why I came back." I pointed out.

"I understand that."

"Because it's not." I turned towards him in my seat, my hand holding onto his for dear life. "I came back for Eric, not because I was afraid of the outcome of passing over. I love him, and I want to be with him."

"I know that now."

"The fact that you didn't completely trust me, that really hurt Godric." I expressed, feeling the tears returning to my eyes. "You've always been on my side before. And I get that Eric is your progeny, and you'll always protect him, but I thought I meant something to you."

"You mean the world to me, Ellie." He assured, glancing at me sadly. "Ever since that day I brought you to my home and healed your wounds, you've meant everything to me. You changed me that night, without even realizing it."

"Then why doubt me, Godric?" I shook my head and turned back away. "You really hurt me."

Godric didn't respond, and I wasn't sure what else to say. I glanced back out the window, watching as the trees passed by. I blinked back the tears, not wanting to show any more emotion that night. I wanted to be strong, like I had been in Fangtasia. I didn't want to break down, yet again, in front of the vampire beside me. But it was like fighting a war against millions. He had always been able to bring my weaker side out. He had always been able to stir emotions out of me that I never wanted to face. He had been my rock for so long that a part of me didn't want to think otherwise. I just wanted everything to go back to how it used to be. I wanted to be by Eric's side and I wanted Godric to always be there, for the both of us, without question. I just wasn't sure how I was supposed to make that happen.

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth, I truly am. It was never my intention to hurt you." His hand continued to grasp onto mine, as if he was worried that if he let go, he would lose me forever.

My gaze fell to our clasped hands and a tear fell down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away however, though I knew he had already seen it.

"Please tell me what I can do to heal the wounds I've created." He pleaded softly.

"You're supposed to believe me, Godric." I voiced in a whisper. "You're supposed to just believe me."

"I do. I do believe you, Elizabeth."

"Now you do." I found myself attempting to pry my hand away from his. "Now you believe me, but you didn't earlier."

"And I'm sorry for that, I truly am." He fought to keep our hands connected, going as far as swerving to the side of the road and stopping the car. Before I could even utter a word, he had both of my hands clasped in his, his eyes exploring my face. "I lost Kyra, I cannot lose you too because I was in the wrong. I don't think I could bear losing both of the Phoenixes I had grown to care so much about."

I tried to look away, but found that I couldn't. Another tear slid down my cheek and he released my hands, only to wipe away the tears that were freely falling down my cheeks now.

"Please, Elizabeth, forgive me. I was a fool for not believing you. I can see now that your intentions are pure."

My eyes closed and I felt him drawing me closer. As uncomfortable as the embrace was in the small little car, his arms and his cool lips pressing against my forehead seemed to heal the wounds, little by little. We stayed like that, locked in an embrace for I don't even know how long. Neither of us spoke, neither of us wanting to break the moment between us. Eventually we parted, and eventually Godric began driving again, working our way to Sookie's home. I kept my gaze out the window, though Godric refused to let go of my one hand. And I was perfectly okay with that. While a part of me was still angry at Godric for not believing me in the first place, I knew that I wasn't about to lose him anytime soon. I needed Godric in my life, especially now. The more people that believed me, that were on my side, maybe Eric would start to realize that I was here for him and only him.

"I am truly sorry, Elizabeth." Godric spoke again as he pulled into Sookie's driveway.

I snuck a glance over at him and nodded, not sure what to say. Godric sighed and gazed at the steering wheel as his fingers slowly parted from mine.

"Sleep well, little one." He whispered.

"Thanks for the drive." I muttered as I climbed out of the car, Godric doing so as well.

I could feel his eyes falling on me, but I found that I couldn't return the gaze. Instead, I slowly began my way up the driveway and towards the porch. Before I stepped up onto it however, and before Godric could rush away, I found that I couldn't just leave things there. I couldn't just leave everything in the air. Not when that vampire was so damn important to me, not when he was my shoulder to cry on, not when he was the solid rock that kept me grounded. So without a second thought, I twisted around and ran at Godric. I just about threw myself at him, glad that he had enough sense to catch me as I wrapped my arms around him tightly, never wanting to let go.

"I forgive you." I mumbled into his chest, though I knew he had heard me. "I can't lose you either, Godric."

"I will always be on your side, my sweet one." He promised, kissing the top of my head as he tightened his arms around me. "I am truly sorry I ever caused you any pain."

As I held onto him, I knew he was speaking the truth. I knew I could trust every single word that came out of his mouth. This was Godric after all; he had saved my life all those years ago, and continued to do so even now. And I knew, without having to question him at all, that he would always continue to sweep in and save the day. That was just who Godric was. He was always saving everyone else, always acting like the superhero I needed him to be.


	14. Chapter 14: Give Me Strength

**Chapter Fourteen: Give Me Strength**

I dragged myself out of bed the next morning with mixed emotions. Part of me was still upset that Eric had cheated, while the other part of me felt relieved that I had worked things out with Godric. I really needed him and Sookie right now if I was going to get through this. I knew I had hurt them all by taking two weeks to make a decision, but I was trying to mend those wounds and move on. I knew it would take time with Eric, more time than any sane person would think about giving him. But a sane person wouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place. I don't think I ever really planned to even like Eric Northman. He had been so rotten to me on so many levels that I didn't want to think of him in that way. But somehow, my heart had warmed up to him and I had fallen absolutely and completely in love with that vampire. And nothing was going to change that. Not some Reaper, not Death, not some dancing slut, and certainly not Eric's attitude. We were going to spend our lives together, that much I knew.

After a nice long warm shower and a fresh batch of clothes that I was happy to have bought yesterday, I worked my way out of the spare bedroom and found my way into the kitchen. I offered Sookie a smile as she waved me to the table and set a steaming mug of coffee in front of me.

"You weren't here when I got home last night." She mused as she sat across from me. "Was everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just had to see Eric, I hope you don't mind." I gingerly took a sip of the coffee and groaned as the warm liquid worked its little magic.

"Not at all. Did you two work anything out?" she wondered hopefully.

I sighed and shook my head. "I yelled, we had great sex, and I yelled some more. So no, nothing was worked out."

"I'm sorry." She reached over to pat my hand. "Just give him time. He loves you, he'll come around eventually."

"I know." I nodded. "And I'm not giving up on us. I told him that last night. I'll go to the bar every single night if I have to, we will be together again."

"And I think knowing that you aren't going anywhere will help him." she agreed. "He just needs to know that you're here for good. I think he's scared of losing you again."

"I'm not going anywhere." There was a look of determination in my eyes.

"I know that, but I think he's scared about it." she shrugged, settling back in her chair. "He lost you twice now. In his mind, you died twice. He thought you were dead for those two years, and then having you back for that short amount of time, only to watch you die in his arms, it really destroyed him."

"I know." I sighed, gazing down at the mug of coffee. "And I hate that he had to go through that. I just wish he wouldn't push me away and just believe that I love him."

"I don't even think he's angry that it took you two weeks to come back." Sookie's words pulled my gazed back up to meet hers.

"What do you mean?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I think he's scared of losing you again. I think he's scared of feeling vulnerable again. He's a vampire; he never expected to fall in love. I'm sure he didn't even think it was possible for a vampire to. But then you came along and everything changed. I knew him before you came into his life, and he was pretty horrible, Ellie. The moment he came around, he changed so drastically. He let you in, he let his guard down and he ended up falling in love with you without even knowing it." Sookie smiled with a shake of her head. "He really loved you."

"I know." I couldn't help but smile as well. I remember the way he had looked at me during those few days leading up to the war with the witches. There had been so much love in those eyes that it was almost overwhelming.

"When you died, he was an absolute mess. For those two weeks, he wasn't some strong vampire; he was just a vulnerable man who lost the woman he loved. I think he's scared of becoming that person again." Sookie explained.

I nodded in understanding. It did make sense. Eric despised showing any sort of emotion. I had been surprised he freely allowed himself to love me. But the moment he turned into a vulnerable version of himself, he was scared right back into being the vampire he used to be. And I couldn't blame him for that. My own emotions scared the hell out of me sometimes. It frightened me to think that I had been so willing to die. I knew now that I would never want to leave Eric, but there was a short amount of time that not even the love I had for Eric had made me want to live.

"He's scared of losing you again, of being that person he never wanted to become. So I think he's pushing you away so that will never happen. I think he's doing all of this just so you two can't be close, so he won't feel the pain of losing you if something should ever happen to you again." she shook her head sadly. "I don't agree with it at all, but I do understand it. For the longest time, I didn't want to let myself fall in love with anyone after what Bill did to me. It was just easier to be alone, to push everyone away, then to potentially get hurt again. And I have a feeling that's exactly what Eric is doing."

"I don't blame him for that." I set the mug of coffee on the table before running a hand through my hair. "I understand all of that, I really do."

"He loves you, that much I know. He wouldn't be pushing you away if he didn't." Sookie took my hand in hers, squeezing it gently. "You two will work things out, I know you will. I think he just needs to know that you aren't going anywhere, that this won't happen again."

"And it won't." I nodded with certainty. This wouldn't happen again, that much I knew. Because if I ever found myself in the In-Between, it would only take seconds before my decision was made. I could never leave Eric's side again. He was too important to me to ever lose. And that was why I had to fight so hard to get him back. Any other girl would have given up after finding another woman's pair of panties. While I was upset and hurt, I knew what I felt was nothing in comparison to what Eric had gone through, what he was currently going through. I had been completely honest last night with him. I was going to be there every single night, even if I had to stand out in the cold, until he realized that I wasn't going anywhere, that I loved him more than anything.

"I know it won't. It's obvious that you love him." she smiled brightly at me. "I'm off today, so if you need backup at Fangtasia tonight, you know I'll be there with you in a heartbeat."

"Thanks." I smiled in return. "I might need you there just so I don't kill the skanky hoe of a dancer."

Sookie laughed, rolling her eyes as she stood and made her way over to the sink with her mug. "That I would actually pay to see."

"Well you just might soon." I shook my head, a scowl crossing my face as I thought of the dancer that had been all over _my_ vampire. I wanted to just set those fake breasts on fire for even being near Eric.

"Don't worry, whatever he may say or do, you'll always be the one he wakes up thinking about." She assured.

"And he's the one I go to bed dreaming about." I remembered the many dreams I found myself having of Eric last night, a slight blush crossing my cheeks at the content of some of them.

"I don't even want to know what is going through that dirty mind of yours." She chuckled.

"You probably don't"

* * *

"Are you sure I don't look too slutty?" I asked nervously as Sookie and I left the safety of her car that night.

"You look the perfect amount of slutty to catch Eric's eye." She assured, patting my shoulder as we made our way towards the front door of Fangtasia.

I nodded but was still unsure of how the black fitted dress looked. It hugged my curves in all the right places, and while I was sure I looked amazing, I felt no better than that slutty dancer with how short the dress was. I tried to push the fabric down further, but that only resulted in more cleavage being shown. I was just thankful for the leather jacket I was adorning, covering my naked shoulders. Sookie had insisted on my hair being pulled up into a pony tail tonight, to display my neck for Eric. She knew Eric wouldn't be able to resist me if he smelt my blood, even without a drop of it being spilt. And I knew she was right. He had always been unable to resist my blood, even back when we despised one another.

"Well look who's back." Pam was working the door tonight, her eyebrows rising as Sookie and I approached. "You look even more fetching than you did last night. If my maker doesn't want you, I'll gladly have a taste."

"We don't have time for your lesbian weirdness, Pam." Sookie rolled her eyes.

Pam smirked and I couldn't help but chuckle. She and I both knew that she would never get within an inch of me without Eric blowing a gasket.

"Have fun." Pam licked her lips with a wink. "But not too much fun. You're both looking delectable tonight."

Before Sookie could say another word, I pulled her into the bar and away from Pam's witty comments. My attention was immediately drawn to Eric's throne, and I was pleased to find him sitting up on the stage without any slutty dancers in sight. Part of me wanted to hurry on over to him, but I knew that was the wrong thing to do. I couldn't just piss him right off, that wouldn't get us anywhere. I didn't need to make my presence known to him, his eyes were alright falling on me. I felt his glare on me the entire time Sookie and I manoeuvred our way over to the bar and ordered our drinks. I wasn't sure how this night was going to pan out; I didn't even know what I planned to do. I just knew that being here was the first step. By showing him that I wasn't going anywhere, by showing him that no matter what may happen, I was always going to be there, eventually he was going to believe that. Or at least I hoped so.

"Eric isn't pleased that you're wearing that dress." A voice spoke from behind us.

I grinned as I turned to find Godric standing behind us, a frown settled on his lips.

"And I can say that neither am I." His eyes roamed over my body before meeting my gaze. "You are aware of how desirable you appear in that dress, are you not?"

"Just as long as he thinks so." I nodded behind him to where Eric sat on the stage. Our eyes met briefly, and I saw the lust that lay beneath the anger. And that sparked my hope just a little bit more. It was obvious that he had no self control when it came to my body.

Godric shook his head with a chuckle as my gaze met his once again. I offered him a smile as he took a seat on the other side of me while Sookie gazed around the room in interest. The three of us sat there in silence for the longest time, but in thankfully in content. A word wasn't needed to be spoken as we enjoyed the little peace and quiet we had, even though we were in a bar filled to the brim with vampires and fangbangers. Not to mention the very livid looking Viking that hadn't taken his eyes off of me since I had entered. And that pleased me. He may be angry, but he wanted me, I could tell that by the look on his face.

"He's growing angrier every second you're in here." Godric mused as he spoke of the bond he and Eric shared.

"Good. The angrier he gets, the more he cares." I couldn't help but smile as I glanced over at Godric.

"Well then he certainly cares." Godric gazed over at Eric before he froze suddenly.

I raised an eyebrow as I sent him a look of concern. The smile that had once been on his face was now replaced with a smile as he stood and placed himself between me and Sookie.

"Godric, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"Nothing." He turned towards me hurriedly, trying to mask the emotions displayed in his eyes. But he hadn't been able to do so quick enough.

My heart was racing as I looked passed him and up to Eric. It felt like a knife was being shoved into my chest at the sight of Eric kissing the exact dancer from last night. The lump was already forming in my throat as I felt tears pricking my eyes. Right in front of me. He was kissing another girl right in front of me. The least he could do was go into his office before he started practically fucking another woman in plain sight. But that was exactly what he was doing. The dancer was on his lap, sucking face with _my_ Viking. I was caught between wanting to run out of the bar and the desire to rip her face off. The anger bubbling inside of me won in the end as I slid off the stool, my hands clenching into fists.

"I'm going to kill her." I growled, taking a step forward.

Godric however, stood firmly in front of me, ensuring that I didn't go off and do something stupid. I tried to move past him, but he only stepped in my path and refused to move.

"Godric, move." I was glaring at the stage over Godric's shoulder, my mind reeling. How could he? How could he honestly do this? I knew he was only doing this to push me away, so that he wouldn't find himself in that vulnerable position again. But did he really have to do this? He could have done a thousand other things, but this? This was just hurtful and mean.

"Maybe we should leave." Sookie suggested, at my side in an instant and laid her hand on my arm.

"He is expecting that." Godric shook his head. "Perhaps we should step into the office until you can cool off, Elizabeth."

"But I want to _kill_ her." I could already feel the warmth growing inside of me, starting with the tips of my toes and slowly moving to my finger tips. Godric must have known this and quickly grabbed me by the shoulders and twisted me around. I tried to fight him, but it was no use as he forced me around the bar and to the door leading to the back hallway. By the time we were settled in his office, my glare focused on the now closed and locked office door, the anger was vibrating off of me.

"Calm down, Elizabeth." Godric stood before me, his hands still on my shoulders as he attempted to calm me down. He clasped onto my chin, jostling it until my gaze moved from the door onto him. "Calm down before you do something you will surely regret."

I could see my hands beginning to glow from the corner of my eye and I knew he was right. My anger was getting the better of me. And when I was angry, my powers were the strongest. Unless I wanted everyone in that bar to know what I could do, then I needed to calm down, just like Godric had said. I didn't like it one bit of course. All I wanted was to rip that bitch apart, limb by limb, and then rip Eric a new hole for hurting me like this. But I knew that this was what he was expecting to happen. He wanted me to get angry. He wanted me to get so angry that I would leave and not come back. Well that certainly wasn't going to happen, not tonight and not ever. He can pull whatever tricks he'd like, but I wasn't giving up on us.

* * *

A good hour later and I was calm enough to leave the office. Or at least excuse myself and use the bathroom. I don't think any of us thought I was calm enough to go back out into the bar. I was pretty certain that if it wasn't the dancer's face I was going to rip off, then it was going to be Eric's. And his face was just too pretty to destroy.

I made my way along the hallway, Godric keeping a watchful eye on me from the doorway to the office before I slipped into the bathroom. I noticed I was alone and was thankful as I went and did my business. However, my luck didn't continue as I heard the bathroom door open while I was in the stall, and by the click of heels, I had a sickening feeling who had just walked in. And my gut feeling had been right. As I exited the stall and made a beeline for the sinks, I had the unfortunate pleasure of being in the same vicinity as that slut of a dancer. I'm sure Godric hadn't been expecting this to occur, or else he would have made sure to accompany me inside the bathroom. I turned on the tap so hard that I was surprised it didn't just fly off. Though the image of that happening and hitting the dancer in the face did earn a smirk across my face.

I took that long and awkward moment to eye the dancer up. She seemed to be ignoring me as she fixed her blood red lipstick that I was sure to find the remains on Eric later. That only made me angrier. Somehow, however, I managed to control myself, just for the time being. Her hair was bleached blonde, her dark roots showing on top of her head. The long locks looked nearly as dead as the man she had been dancing for from being bleached so many times. I was pretty sure that if I tugged on her hair, it would just fall out. And the image of the slut being bald caused me to stifle a laugh. That drew her attention however, and she glared down at me, using her tall, and far too slim, stature to her advantage.

"Do you have something to say?" she asked in clear English. Whatever language she had spoken the night before, it certainly didn't hinder her English at all

"Nope, not at all." I rolled my eyes and turned the tap back off after I washed my hands. I grabbed a few paper towels before drying my hands off and adding a quick little snub under my breath. "Slut."

"What was that?" her eyes narrowed as she turned to me, her hands on her bony hips.

"I didn't say anything." I forced on an innocent smile. Oh how I would enjoy ripping her hair off of her head.

"I think you did." She stepped forward, thinking she could intimidate me. How wrong she was. If Eric Northman couldn't intimidate me, than she most definitely couldn't. She looked like she would fall over if I simply blew on her. "But then again, I think you're just jealous?"

"Of what?" I raised an eyebrow. "Of the bad dye job, or the fact that you look like you could eat a sandwich or two?"

Her expression turned into one of pure hatred and I matched it with my own. I didn't like her one bit. If I had it my way, she wouldn't be leaving this bathroom. But I knew that if I did anything, I would have a lot of people to answer to, not to mention Eric would find himself in trouble with the American Vampire league and even the human authorities for a dead body in his establishment. So I held back the desire to kill her, even thought that was what I truly truly wanted.

"You're jealous that Eric isn't paying you any attention." She stared smugly down at me. "But why would he when he could have someone of my calibre."

"You mean being a slutbag whore?" I shook my head with a smirk. "No, sorry, I don't think that impresses him either."

"He didn't complain last night."

And at that comment, I was seeing red. I couldn't control myself as I slapped her right across the face with so much force, she stumbled backwards and fell over her own two feet. I was seething and I could feel the familiar warmth begin to envelop my body. I did what I could to control it, to ensure my powers didn't just burst out of me, but I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself for much longer.

"You bitch!" She screeched, scrambling to her feet and running at me.

I wasn't expecting her to be as strong as she was and she ended up knocking both of us down as she tackled me. I grunted as the hard surface of the ground met with my spine, pain shooting up my back. I quickly ignored it however, as the bitch on top of me started clawing at my face, pulling at every strand of hair she could get her grimy hands on.

"Get the hell off of me!" I roared as I used my own strength to roll us so I was on top. I grabbed onto her wrists and pinned them to the ground. Her long legs nearly threw me right off of her and somehow I only managed to end up on the bottom. I could burn a witch alive without hesitation, but it seemed I wasn't exactly skilled in cat fighting.

"You're precious little Eric told me all about you." One of her long nails caught my cheek, scratching right down the skin and drawing blood.

"Shut the fuck up, you bitch!" I attempted to fight back, to scratch her, to punch her, to do anything really. For a skinny ass bitch whose ribs I could see, she certainly could kick some ass.

"You're just a skank that use vampires." She sneered in my face, grabbing a fistful of hair and pulling it. I let out a cry of pain as she just pulled and pulled before letting my hair go. "You act like some poor little girl, but I see right through your little act."

"You're one to talk." I struggled underneath her, finally able to get some sort of offence in as I kneed her in the gut. She rolled off of me and I took that opportunity to get on top of her, making sure not to make the mistake I made the last time and kept her legs under control. "You're just a gold digging whore. Eric doesn't care about you. He loves me bitch, so go find some other bloodsucker to fuck."

The dancer, with strength I didn't think a little thing like her could have, pushed me off to the side. I cried out in pain as the side of my head met with the edge of the sink and I let myself fall to the ground holding my head in pain. I didn't have a moment to prepare myself as the bitch grabbed my hair and yanked me to my feet, only to push me into one of the stall doors. As I crumbled to the ground and looked up at her, she looked murderous. I thought of screaming out for Godric, but before I could, the bathroom door was thrown open and the very same vampire was in plain sight. But he wasn't alone. Oh no, there right behind him was none other than Eric, and he looked livid. He looked like he wanted to rip someone's head off, and I wasn't sure at that moment if it that desired head was mine or the dancer's.

"Enough!" Eric roared, his fangs extending.

A look of fear flashed across the dancer's face as she immediately stepped away, backing right up into the wall. Godric made his way over to me as I shakily stood up and exited the stall I had just been thrown into. I didn't even attempt to look at Eric. I didn't want to see the anger displayed in those beautiful blue orbs.

"I want you out now. Both of you." He ordered, pure venom in his tone.

Neither the dancer nor I made a move to leave, not until Eric hissed dangerously low. Godric laid a hand on my back and I took that as my signal to go. I glared darkly at the dancer before I ducked my head and took a step towards the door. Eric was standing before it and didn't move a muscle as I grew closer, forcing me to move around him. Our arms brushed and I felt that familiar electric shock shoot through me from the mere touch.

"I'm glad your family is dead. They don't have to know the skank their daughter became." The dancer sneered.

That was what did it. I burst at that moment, at that single statement. It felt like my blood was on fire as it boiled inside of me. I snapped back around, my eyes glowing as my hands twitched in anger. At that moment, I didn't give a crap where I was or whose presence I was in. All I wanted was to tear this woman apart and to make her suffer. I wanted to hear her scream. I wanted to watch as she withered on the ground in agony. I vaguely heard Godric ordering me not to do anything, to just leave. But I didn't listen. I ignored everything and just snapped. I jumped at her, grabbing her around the shoulders and bringing her with me to the ground. I didn't give her a chance to respond however, and punched at whatever orifice I could find. I was pleased when I felt her flailing limbs. There was a surge of joy when I heard the snapping of her nose as I broke it with my fist, the blood pouring down her face. I just kept hitting her in whatever way I possibly could before a strong arm wrapped around my waist and yanked me right off of her. My feet didn't even touch the ground as I was being pulled away, another hand coming around me and grasping my neck in an iron grip.

"Stop." Eric's voice entered my ear and I knew it was him who was holding onto me. "Stop this right now."

My entire body was shaking in anger as Godric moved around us to check on the dancer. I was happy when I realized that she was unconscious. She was alive unfortunately, but unconscious and bleeding. That nearly brought a smile to my face. But as Eric's arm tightened around me, his hand gripping onto my neck so tightly I almost couldn't breathe, I thought against smiling at the moment. No one had won here, even if I had gotten the upper hand in this little cat fight. I knew Eric was angry, angrier than he had ever been, and I knew this wasn't helping me at all. I should have just restrained myself and left the bathroom without starting a fight. But I hadn't been able to control myself, and now look where that got me.

"Pam." Eric spoke in an icy tone. A single second passed before the blonde entered the bathroom, her eyes widening at the sight before her. "Deal with her." He nodded at the unconscious form of the dancer.

Pam snickered but nodded as she walked over to the bleeding form and pulled her into her arms. Seconds later she was gone, leaving me alone with one enraged vampire and the other severely disappointed.

"Elizabeth..." Godric began but was interrupted by Eric.

"Leave us. We need to have a little chat." Eric's voice scared me to the core.

Godric looked unsure, but I gave him a slight nod, though part of me wanted him to stay to ensure that no one lost their temper. But I knew Eric and I needed to hash things out, even if I really really didn't want to. I loved Eric, and I knew he wouldn't hurt me on purpose, but I knew angry Eric far too well. I knew what he was capable of when he was blinded by the rage. I certainly didn't want to be stuck in the crossfire.

"Be careful what you do, Eric." Godric warned him pointedly before taking his leave.

I gulped the moment Eric and I were alone. I felt his grip on me loosen before he let go of me completely. I stumbled as my feet touched the floor, but I wasn't fortunate enough to get far enough away before Eric grabbed me by the arm and twisted me around. I was afraid to stare up into those enraged eyes, and instead stared down at my shoes. My heart was pounding, and I knew he could hear it clear as day. I wondered for a moment what he was going to do. Was he just going to shout, to lecture me? Or was he going to use physical force? My breathing quickened as I thought of the possibilities.

"You attacked my employer, in my place of business." Eric growled, his hand tightening around my arm. "You drew blood and could have drawn the attention of any of the vampires in the bar."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, looking at my shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

"You could have killed her." He hissed. "One wrong move and you could have used your powers and killed her. Do you know what would have happened if that occurred? Do you understand the problems that would have arisen should that have happened? The entire world doesn't revolve around you, Ellie."

I felt the tears pop into my eyes and I merely nodded, not able to utter a word.

"This is a punishable offence." His fingers squeezed into my arm and I knew I would have a bruise there, only adding to the scratches and bruises from the cat fight with the dancer.

A tear slipped down my cheek and I looked to the side. I wasn't sure if I was crying because I knew Eric had a legitimate reason to be angry with me right now, or if I was crying at the dancer's last words. They were just ringing in my ears and I wanted to just burst out crying right then and there. I felt myself begin to shake as the emotions took over me, a whimper escaping my lips. I don't think Eric knew what was going on as his grip on me disappeared. I brought my hands up to my face to hide the tears that were freely flowing down my cheeks, not wanting Eric to see me like this.

"Don't do that." Eric's anger only seemed to grow. "Do not cry."

But I couldn't help myself. I just bawled my eyes out right in front of him and I couldn't stop. The emotions just flooded right out of me, as if days of built up pain and anger was just exploding inside of me. I wasn't even sure how long I was standing there crying, or if Eric was still even there. He could have left and I probably would have been happy, at least then he wouldn't see me in this state. But I was surprised as could be when I felt two arms work their way around me, tugging me against a familiar chest.

"Stop that." Eric's voice had softened significantly. "You know I hate it when you cry."

The tears didn't stop, but my mind was beginning to clear as he just stood there holding me. He was actually holding me. He didn't walk away, he didn't yell at me to stop at once. He just held me, like he would have done weeks ago. It was like those two weeks hadn't even happened. It was like those two weeks just didn't exist. He held onto me, his arms wrapped around me in a caring and loving way as I cried into his chest. My own arms found their way around him, never wanting to let him go again. I knew that this would end sooner rather than later, that Eric would hate me all over again. But at that moment, he was just the man that I loved, comforting me and holding me like he truly did love me.


	15. Chapter 15: You Give Me Something

**Chapter Fifteen: You Give Me Something**

I found myself sitting in Eric's office only minutes later, fidgeting on the leather couch as I waited for him to return. I wasn't sure what he was doing, if he was even going to come back, but it felt like it was taking forever. My one leg wouldn't stop shaking and my hands were clasped together so tightly, my knuckles were beginning to turn white. I bit down on my bottom lip as I stared longingly at the door, hoping he would hurry up already. It was nerve racking, not knowing where he had gone or if he was going to return. Maybe he was just going to leave me in here until I got the hint and left. But I was hopeful he would come back, and much to my relief, minutes later the door opened and Eric stepped back into the room.

"Eric, I'm..."

"Don't." He shook his head as he closed the door behind him and approached the couch. He knelt down before me and without uttering a single word, he inspected the scratch wound on my cheek. It stung, but I've been in a lot worse pain in the past few years that I had hardly even remembered it was there. "Must you find trouble everywhere you go?"

"Yes." I mumbled, my gaze falling to my lap as my leg continued to shake up and down.

Eric sighed as he laid a hand on my knee, holding it down and in place. I could feel his eyes on me but I just couldn't look up at him. I felt embarrassed for how I acted in the bathroom. I reacted like a teenager would have. I've never gotten into a cat fight in my life. I had always been too mature for silly little things. But there I was, a Phoenix, the most powerful being on this planet, and I found myself stuck in a cat fight with some slutty dancer that really needed to eat a sandwich.

"Ellie." He spoke, his voice sending chills down my spine. I closed my eyes as I let his voice wash over me, instantly calming me. He had always had that effect on me, and I was certain he always would. "You are a foolish girl, getting into a fight with my dancer."

I didn't like how he called her his dancer. I must have shown the displeasure on my face as I could hear the snicker emitting from him. My head snapped up, my eyes opening to glare at him.

"I wouldn't have gotten into a fight with her if someone hadn't practically been fucking her in front of me." I spat at him, the anger building inside of me.

"I was hoping you would leave." He replied honestly with a careless shrug before his hand reached up to caress my cheek.

"I told you I wasn't going to leave, no matter what stupid things you might do." I crossed my arms and continued to glare at him.

He shook his head with an unreadable expression on his face as a finger lightly ran over the scratch. I hissed in pain as he did so, and he only snickered again.

"You've fought and killed a powerful witch, and yet a simple scratch pains you." He looked amused.

"She had really sharp fake nails." I defended bitterly.

"Do you not know how to participate in a cat fight?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I'm a good Texas girl, of course I don't." I shot back. "I never had to in the past because I didn't have extremely annoying boyfriends who drove me insane."

"I am not your boyfriend." His expression hardened suddenly, his finger pressing harder into the scratch wound.

I let out a small whimper as he did so, my eyes falling downcast in sadness. I felt the urge to burst out crying again, but I managed to suppress it at least long enough so I wouldn't do so in front of him. I'd wait until I was safe in bed before crying my eyes out until I fell asleep exhausted from doing so. It was just one of those nights.

"You shouldn't come here any longer." His tone was strained. "We are nothing, Ellie."

"That's not true." I whispered, shaking my head but keeping my eyes lowered as I spoke. "You love me, Eric."

"I don't. Not anymore." Hearing him say that, even though I knew it wasn't true, it still tore me up inside.

"No." My bottom lip began to tremble. "I know that's not true. Yesterday I could feel that you loved me through our bond."

"You felt wrong." He stood, his hands dropping to his side. "I don't love you, Ellie. You lost that when you took two fucking weeks to decide to come back to me. And you didn't even want that."

"That's not true!" My gaze shot up towards his. "I came back for you, Eric! Why won't you just listen to me!"

He turned away and began towards his desk and my anger just grew.

"You're so infuriating!" I jumped to my feet, my eyes blazing. "Just listen to what the fuck I have to say, Eric!"

"Sit down, Ellie." He turned back around, his eyes boring through me. His fangs had extended but they didn't intimidate me one bit. I just got into a cat fight; I could handle just about anything right now.

"No, I'm not going to sit down. Why the hell won't you just listen to me! I love you Eric, and I came back for you! Will you just..."

Eric was before me in only a blink of an eye, his hand wrapping tightly around my neck. He forced me back down onto the couch, pressing his hand even harder around my throat.

"I said sit down." He growled, his eyes narrowing into slits. "I do not want to deal with some emotional little girl right now. So you will close your mouth and sit there until I'm ready to deal with you."

"Eric..."

"Speak again, for any reason, and I won't hesitate to rip that pretty little throat out." He threatened, squeezing my neck tightly. "Do I make myself clear?"

I thought against speaking and just nodded my head, knowing Eric was being completely serious at the moment. Once he knew for certain I wasn't going to start talking back, he let my throat go and straightened. I watched with sad eyes as Eric strode over to his desk and sat behind it. We spent the rest of the night just like that. Eric worked diligently at his desk without uttering a word or even glancing in my direction, and I just sat there on the couch, stuck between wanting to cry and the sudden urge to just set Eric on fire. But I did neither. I just waited and waited until Eric decided what he was going to do with me. Part of me hoped Godric would come back and drive me back to Sookie's, but I had a feeling that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't that lucky.

As time wore on, the minutes turning into hours, I found myself becoming tired. A yawn emitted from my lips unwillingly and I froze the moment it occurred. I spied Eric out the corner of my eye and saw that he too had frozen behind the desk. His head snapped up, his eyes falling on me and I quickly looked down at my lap, praying that a yawn I couldn't help wouldn't send him over the edge.

"Get up." He finally spoke, rising out of the chair and moving around the desk.

I followed his order, surprising myself at my sudden obedience. But I've had a long night, another one for the record books, and really all I wanted was to fall into bed and never leave.

"I wish I could glamour you." He walked towards me, stopping just before my fidgeting form. "Then I could be rid of you for good."

I was just itching to say something, but I knew better than to. Eric was angry enough as it was. I didn't need to push him even further.

"You would do well to not come here again." he raised a hand, cupping my cheek while his thumb caressed the skin right beside the scratch. I shuddered at his touch, but kept my thoughts to myself. "I don't love you anymore, Ellie."

I knew he was lying. I may not be able to feel our bond, and I may not be able to read the expression on his face right now, but I just knew he was lying. You couldn't just stop loving someone just like that. It didn't happen. He loved me, that much I knew. I just needed to find a way to get him back. How that was going to happen, I wasn't sure. But I wasn't about to just give up on us because of what happened tonight. This wasn't over, not by a long shot.

"Godric is waiting for you in the bar." He informed.

I was relieved to hear that, though part of me was sad that Eric wouldn't be the one to take me home tonight.

"Don't come back, Ellie. You're only going to find trouble here." He warned, taking a step forward so he was towering over me.

I craned my neck just to look into those blue eyes. Once I had, I knew I couldn't keep quiet.

"No." I shook my head. "I'm not going away, Eric. I'm not going to pretend that I don't love you, not like you are. Because I know you love me. I know that we're going to be together again. You can push me away all that you like, but it's going to happen one day. So no, I won't stay away. I'll be back here tomorrow. And the next day, and the day after that until one day you finally forgive me."

I couldn't read the expression on his face. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, whether or not he wanted to attack me or not. But he didn't. He just stepped aside and motioned me towards the door with a look of indifference crossing his face. He acted like he didn't care, but I knew differently. He did care, and that's what mattered.

"I love you, Eric." I whispered to him before making my way to the door. As I was opening it, I glanced over my shoulder at the blonde vampire, desperately wishing he would just forgive me already. "And I will never stop loving you."

I left the room then, hoping with all of my might that my words would get through to him one day.

* * *

"I hear you had a rough night last night." Sam's cheerful voice only caused me to groan as I lifted my head up out of my arms and glared at the man. "That look tells me you need a beer."

I just grunted in response, letting my head fall back into my folded arms on top of the bar in Merlotte's. I had come in with Sookie for her early shift the next day after the hectic evening we had, though part of me had wanted to stay hidden under the covers. Sookie had dragged me out of bed however, and just about forced me to come with her to work to get out of the house. I knew I was going to have to face Eric again tonight, as I wasn't about to give up on us yet. I was just worried about what would happen once I walked into the bar. What would occur with that slut of a dancer? Did Pam glamour her to forget what happened? Would the dancer be gunning for me? Or would she finally get the picture and leave Eric alone? There were just too many possibilities, one too many in my opinion. Why couldn't anything just be easy in my life?

"Here, drink this, it'll help." Sam placed a bottle of beer in front of me and patted my arm before taking the order of another customer.

I sighed as I lifted my head and gulped down a good portion of the beer.

"Don't drink that too fast; you don't want to be drunk tonight." Sookie advised as she hurried passed me with an arm full of orders.

"Couldn't be worse than last night." I muttered, finishing off the beer and pushing it aside before slumping back in my seat.

"Want to talk about it?" Sam made his way back over with an encouraging smile on his face. "I've been told I'm a good listener."

I shrugged, setting my chin in the palm of my hand as I stared at the owner of the bar. "Sookie told you everything, didn't she?" once Sam nodded I continued. "Well then if you can find a way to turn back time so that doesn't happen, that would be great."

"Sorry, Ellie." He smiled sympathetically. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

"You weren't there Sam, it was horrible." I groaned. "We had a cat fight in the bathroom!"

"And you got a little beat up." He nodded at the scratch still prominent on my cheek.

"I kicked her ass eventually." I mumbled with a frown.

"That's all that matters." He chuckled. "I would bet on you any day."

I snorted but not even his comment was able to change the bad mood I was in. I needed another half a dozen beers and a few shots and then maybe I'd be able to take tonight.

"Well just remember, you're doing all of this for love." Sam reminded.

"I didn't sign on for bitchy sluts." I grumbled.

"None of us ever do." Sookie commented as she hurried back towards the kitchen window.

"That's incredibly true." Sam nodded, remembering the last time Sookie and I had been in here and what had occurred with Alcide and Debbie Pelt. I really didn't think that Sookie and I were ever going to have a nice and simple relationship. Ever.

"Speaking of which, Sam, when are you going to ask Sookie out?" I tried to focus on a love life that wasn't mine.

Sam's face went beet red as he busied himself behind the bar. I shook my head with a chuckle as I glanced across the room to where Sookie was laughing along with the customers at her table. Sam had noticed too and the moment I caught the stare he was throwing her, I just knew that he was madly in love with my blonde friend. He longed her for; he wanted every part of her. He loved the way she laughed, how she moved as she bounced through the bar with a cheerfulness I didn't think was possible. He didn't judge her because of what she was, and he had always been there for her no matter what. He loved her unconditionally, even without Sookie even knowing at all. But that was going to change. I might not be able to change my own love life at the moment, but I can certainly fix their love lives. I wanted to see Sookie happy, and I just knew that she would be happy with Sam. he didn't come along with baggage, not like Alcide did. He was perfect in every possible way. I just needed to get Sam to realize that so he could get off his ass and sweep Sookie off her feet already.

"You're madly in love with her." I grinned from ear to ear.

He didn't try to deny it, and instead, mumbled some excuse and headed into the back. I laughed to myself as Sookie came around the bar looking for Sam.

"I think he went into the back. I think you should follow him and get him to ask you out already."

Sookie blushed just as much as Sam did and it was clear that she had feelings for the man just as he did for her. Maybe it wasn't love, as she was still too reserved from her past relationship with that bastard Bill. But it was definitely something. All Sam needed to do was remind her that not all men were like Bill and treat her like she deserved to be and she'll be eating out of his hand. They both just needed to stop hiding from their feelings or else they're never going to be happy.

"Come on Sookie, you like him don't you?" I pried.

"It doesn't matter." She shrugged as she began wiping down the bar counter.

"Yes it does. You like him, I can tell. And he certainly likes you." I slipped off the stool and slid around the bar. I took Sookie by the shoulders and stopped her from the meek task and looked her dead in the eye. "You're allowed to be happy again, Sookie. What Bill did to you was horrible, but Sam isn't like that."

"I know." She sighed, tugging her ponytail even tighter. "I'm just...I'm just scared, Ellie."

"Love is a scary thing." I nodded in understanding. Hell, I was scared of my own feelings for Eric sometimes. But you can't hide from your feelings forever. Because if you do, one day that one person you love just might not be there anymore. I knew that perfectly. Maybe if Eric and I hadn't beaten around the bush, maybe if we both just admitted to ourselves and each other that we cared for one another, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe we would have been together two years ago and I never would have been in that car crash and had amnesia, and hell, maybe those witches wouldn't have tried to steal my soul. But unfortunately, Eric and I had been too scared and now look where we are. Our relationship was holding on by threads and I was worried it might just never mend itself. I didn't want the same thing to happen to Sookie and Sam. they deserved to be happy, and to live their rest of their lives together in love.

"I just don't want to get hurt again." She admitted with teary eyes. "Bill just hurt me so much, I just...I don't want that to happen again."

"And it won't." I shook my head. "Sam is nothing like Bill. He's sweet, caring, and the way he looks at you...god he would treasure you, Sook. You just need to let him."

"You really think he likes me?" there was a spark of hope in her eyes as she blinked away the tears.

"Oh I know he does. He wouldn't have run off into the back if he didn't." I chuckled. "You just need to trust him. I know it's hard, considering your past, but Sam isn't going to hurt you, not like Bill did. The way he looks at you...it's the exact way that Eric looked at me for those few days. He loves you Sookie, and I think he always has."

She looked down in contemplation, and I wished at that moment that I was the telepath out of the two of us. I just wanted to know what was on her mind, what she could possibly be thinking. Thankfully, after a moment, she looked up at me with a smile adorning her face, her eyes sparkling. I grinned right back at her, knowing that she knew I was right.

"What do I do now?" She asked shyly.

"Go get him." I nodded towards the back.

"But my customers..." Sookie looked around the bar.

As if by miracle, in came Holly through the front door of the bar. "Hey Holly, do you mind watching Sookie's tables while she goes into the back and makes out with Sam?"

Holly looked amused as she burst out laughing, shaking her head as she worked her way over and leaned against the bar.

"Go get him, Sookie." Holly winked.

Holly and I shared a grin before I quickly untied Sookie's apron and tossed it at Holly. She put it on at once and got straight to work as I grabbed Sookie by the arm and pulled her into the back hallway. She was dragging her feet and I knew she was nervous. She and I were a lot alike. Before Bill and Eric had come along, we hadn't really had serious relationships. To her, her telepathy didn't give her the luxury of dating whomever she pleased. And for me, well love and relationships wasn't exactly on the top of my to do list. But then those damn vampires came along and made things just a little bit easier, and we fell in love. Unfortunately Bill didn't seem to be the man we all thought him to be, but Sookie was getting a second chance at love. And if she didn't take it now, then she was never going to find true happiness.

"What am I supposed to say?" she whispered as we came to a stop in front of Sam's office.

"Just walk up to him and kiss him, that'll tell him everything he needs to know." I nudged her towards the closed door.

"But..."

"Look Sook, that boy is head over heels for you. You could say the most idiotic thing in the world and he would still love you." I encouraged her. "Just tell him how you feel. Or kiss him. Or get in his pants. He'll get the message eventually"

Sookie was blushing a bright red, but I could tell in her eyes that she didn't mind the idea at all. And that only made me grin wider. Without another word spoken between us, I grabbed onto the door handle and pushed the door open. I shoved Sookie into the room before she could change her mind and quickly closed the door, holding onto the handle to ensure she couldn't just walk back out. I pressed my ear up against the door, wanting to hear everything that was about to happen between those two. Unless Sookie went for the naked, wild monkey sex route.

"Everything alright, Sookie?" Sam was the first to speak.

"I...er...I was just...um..." Sookie rambled, and I could just imagine the look on her face right now.

"Sook?" Sam sounded concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, I just..." Sookie trailed off. "It's just...well..."

I tapped my foot impatiently as I listened in. silence erupted in the room and I was beginning to believe that this just wasn't going to happen. Both were stubborn souls that weren't about to make the first move. But by god, someone had to!

"It's just, you're a good friend Sam and I...well I don't want to ruin the friendship we have..." If I was a vampire, I was sure I would have been able to hear her racing heart. "But I...well you see..."

"Tell me what's on your mind, Sookie." Sam encouraged her.

"I'm not really sure how to say this...I probably shouldn't even say it. I mean we're friends. We're really good friends and we have something really good here." Sookie's voice raised a few octaves. "You know what, just forget it, I'm going to get back to work."

I shook my head in disbelief. These two were incredible. They both liked one another; they both sent each other longing stares and blushed like mad whenever I brought up the other. And yet neither of them could muster up enough courage to just tell each other how they feel. I just couldn't get it. Had I been this blind to love like they both were?

"Sorry, I was just...just never mind." I could hear Sookie's footsteps growing closer to the door.

I knew I had to do something. These two needed to get together and pronto. They both deserved to be happy, and I knew it in my heart that neither of them were going to be truly happy and fulfilled until they had one another completely. So without hesitation, I threw open the office door and stepped into the room much to the surprise of its two occupants.

"You two are a handful." I shook my head. "For the love of god Sam, Sookie likes you!"

Sam and Sookie both froze while I just stood there smugly, my hands on my hips, and staring at the two just waiting for them to make out already. When no one made a single sound, I threw my hands up in the air in frustration.

"Seriously, you two are worse than teenagers, honestly!" I stormed right up to Sookie, grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her over to Sam. She stumbled into him and he caught her around the waist as I took a step back, glaring at them the moment they tried to part from one another. "Sam, you like Sookie, do you not?"

He looked away and his face was practically on fire.

"Sam?" I tapped my foot.

"Yes." He mumbled.

I grinned. "See, that wasn't so hard. Sookie, do you like Sam?"

She bit her bottom lip but nodded.

"Well then could you two make out already? Because Holly is the only one out there right now and I'm guessing she could use some help."

The two just stared at one another for the longest time, and I was afraid nothing was going to happen. But then Sam reached around Sookie and grabbed an apron from off of his desk and threw it at me, hitting me directly in the face. I raised an eyebrow as I held onto the apron, confused at his actions.

"You might as well go help her." A wide smile spread across Sam's lips. "This might take awhile."

Sookie's eyes widened, as did mine. I grinned cheekily as I winked and quickly hurried out of the room. As I was closing the door behind me, I spied Sam crashing his lips down upon Sookie's and I silently cheered as I pulled the door shut and gave the two some privacy.

"Finally!"

* * *

I arrived at Fangtasia alone that night. Sookie had given me her car again while I suspected she and Sam were having a much needed night alone together. Seeing the love they had for one another, that pure chemical attraction that they had, it gave me hope for the future of my own relationship. I only hoped that one day, Eric and I would be able to work things out. Because I knew there wasn't another single soul out in the world who I could bear to be with besides Eric. It had been proven by that bonding spell by the witches; Eric and I were meant for one another. He was the only one my heart desired, the only one who could bring happiness into my life. And I knew he felt the same way, he was just too scared to admit it. But one day, one day it was going to happen, I know it. I couldn't even think of the possibility of what could happen if it didn't.

"Back again." Pam was working the door again tonight, an amused expression crossing her face the moment she caught sight of me. "Try and keep the bloodshed down to a minimum tonight."

"As long as the skank isn't in there, I'll be fine." I replied honestly. I wasn't exactly sure what I would do if I saw the dancer again, but I knew my emotions would somehow end up getting the best of me again.

"Now why do you have to hate on that beautiful little thing." Pam winked. "She has quite nice attributes."

"Great, you keep her then." I rolled my eyes as I passed Pam and entered the bar.

I inhaled sharply as I began my way over to the bar. I glanced over to the stage, wondering about Eric's reaction when he noticed me, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the pole was now missing from the stage. I stood there, in the middle of the bar, shocked to the bone that Eric had actually gotten rid of that pole. He may have assured me last night that he didn't care, that he no longer loved me, but the fact that he had gotten rid of the pole, and in the end, that dancer, it showed just how much he did in fact love me. He wouldn't have done so if he didn't. He wouldn't have ensured that no other woman would be on that stage, dancing all over him in front of me if he didn't truly love me still. And that brought the biggest grin to my face, destroying all reservations I had about coming tonight.

As Eric's gaze began to fall on me, I quickly made my way over to the bar. I didn't want him to find me just gawking at him. I felt his eyes on me the entire journey to the bar where I ordered water, knowing that Sookie had been right about one thing; I didn't want to end up drunk tonight. Especially considering my inhibitions when I was sober last night. I could just imagine what I would have done if I had been drunk. Not a pretty sight.

I sat at the bar for the longest time, and surprisingly, nothing happened. Eric never ordered me to leave, no dancer happened to pop up on the stage, and absolutely no other drama appeared. I just sat there, favouring my bottle of water as I paid little attention to what was going on around me. I was lost in thought thinking about Sookie and Sam, wondering what they were doing right that moment. I quickly shook that thought away however, scarred by the mental images of them both naked and getting it on. Then again, the mental image I had of Sam naked wasn't all that horrible.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?" a southern accent broke through my thoughts.

I raised an eyebrow as I glanced to my right to find a wannabe cowboy leaning against the bar, flashing his fangs in my direction as if he thought it added to his appeal. And I'm sure to many of the women in here, it did. But I only had one man on my mind right now, and this vampire certainly wasn't it. He actually reminded me of Stan, and that brought a bitter taste to my mouth as I remembered the vampire from Dallas. Thank the heavens he had died in that fellowship of the sun bombing at Godric's nest.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he offered, winking down at me.

"No, thank you." I responded as kindly as I possibly could before turning my gaze straight ahead. I was hoping he would get the hint, but I suppose just because you were a vampire, it didn't necessarily mean you were a smart one.

"Are you sure?" he shifted closer, his hand beginning to glide down my arm.

My eyes snapped to where his hand was and my annoyance began growing. "I think I made myself perfectly clear."

His hand was removed from my arm, but he only moved closer to me, his gaze trying to catch mine. I knew he was attempting to glamour me, hoping that I would become some obedient servant that he could feed from. Well he certainly picked the wrong woman tonight.

"You want to leave with me, don't you sweetheart." His eyes met mine, his charm level attempting to rise only to fail miserably.

"No, I really don't think I do." I wasn't amused at all by this vampire. He wasn't even all that good looking. His hair was a bit too long, and the cowboy hat just looked displaced in this bar. He was trying to act like he was the most desired vampire in this bar, and that was just furthest from the truth. Everyone, even the vampires, knew that Eric was the oldest, and the most gorgeous thing to exist in Fangtasia.

"I think you do." He continued to attempt to glamour me. He just kept trying and trying, his frustrations beginning to show on his face.

I just about jumped off the bar stool when I felt his hand on my leg, slowly trying to move its way up my thigh and to the bottom of my dress. I was appalled. Did he really think that without glamouring someone, these little tricks were going to work? He was a disgusting vampire, and I was sure he was just as disgusting as a human. Before I could say anything or push his wandering hand away, another hand came into view and grabbed the wrist of the annoying vampire. My head snapped up only to find Eric standing between us, crushing the hand of the cowboy in his much larger and stronger hand. I couldn't help but grin at the sight of Eric jumping in to save the day from this persistent vampire. He may say one thing, but his actions certainly said another.

"Do not touch her." Eric growled, his eyes narrowing as he twisted the other vampire's hand, a loud snap sounding in the bar as everyone grew silent at the spectacle. "She's mine."

My heart swelled. I was his. He may say that he didn't love me; he may say that he couldn't have cared less about me, but there he was, claiming me as his.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know!" the cowboy's eyes had grown wide as Eric broke his hand and wrist without even blinking.

"You will leave and never return." Eric warned, twisting the hand even more.

The cowboy nodded wildly, just wanting Eric to let him go. Once he had, it didn't even take a full minute before he was out of sight, and I expected, half way out of the city already. I couldn't help the smile that just continued to grow on my face. I felt like the happiest girl in the world. At one point, I had despised when Eric claimed me as his. I hated his possessive attitude, the way he thought he owned me. But knowing that he still saw me as his, and only his, it certainly gave me hope for the future.

"Thanks." I thanked him after a moment of silence passed between us. He slowly turned around, his eyes boring down into mine. His expression was unreadable, but that didn't matter to me. he loved me, I knew that more than ever now.

"You're mine." He hissed. "No one is to touch you. No one."

"Is someone jealous?" I teased with a smirk.

"I do not get jealous." He planted one hand on the bar counter as he leaned down, his gaze levelling with mine. "You should not wear such revealing dresses, Ellie. You are irresistible."

"To you?" there was a spark in my eyes as I spoke.

"To everyone."

"But I don't care about everyone else." I inched closer to him, our faces barely even an inch apart. "Do you find me irresistible?"

He didn't answer, and that spoke wonders to me.

"So much for not loving me, Eric." I whispered as my gaze fell to those perfect lips I wouldn't mind feeling against mine right now.

"I don't." He argued.

"Oh I think you do." My lips brushed against his as I spoke. "And I know you want me right now. I'm irresistible, remember?"

His other hand immediately went to my hip and my smirk grew. Oh he definitely wanted me, that was for sure.

"But..." I knew exactly what I was doing as I pushed his hand away and slipped off the stool, putting distance between us. He growled lowly as he took a step forward but I held my hand out, placing it on his very firm chest. "But you are just going to have to suck it up, Mr. Northman, because you aren't getting any of this," I motioned down my body. "Until you get your head out of your ass and forgive me already."

I could tell he wasn't very happy, and that was exactly what I had been expecting. His hands went straight to my hips but I was able to hold him back just enough so he couldn't get a hold of me.

"So just forgive me, already Eric. Because I desperately want to have mind blowing sex with you." I stepped forward, leaning up to place a single kiss on his cheek and scurried back out of his reach before he could do anything. I saw the lust and desire in his eyes, mixing with the hunger and anger that was building up inside of him. "I love you Eric, and I know you love me too. But the sex, yeah, that isn't going to happen until you just admit that to the both of us."

I gave him a teasing wave before I turned on my heel and began across the bar to the exit. I could feel his eyes glued to me the entire time and I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. Eric Northman was going to fall madly in love with me again, one way or another.


	16. Chapter 16: Do You Wanna Touch Me

**Chapter Sixteen: Do You Wanna Touch Me**

I watched with an amused expression on my face as Sookie rushed around the house a few nights later, her nerves getting the better of her as she waited for Sam to pick her up for their first official date as a couple. She had changed at least three times, though I had assured her she had looked perfect in each and every outfit. Her hair style had changed every time she came back rushing down the stairs, only to hurry back up and rearrange everything once again. By the time Sam arrived, knocking on the door, Sookie was an absolute mess.

"I'm not ready!" she squealed down from her bedroom.

"I'll keep him busy." I assured her as I pulled myself off of the couch and wandered over to the front door. I opened it and smiled at Sam, moving aside to let him enter. "Sookie will be right down, she's just freaking out a little bit."

Sam chuckled as we both walked into the living room and we sat on the couch. We fell into a comfortable silence, and I was almost afraid of breaking that smile that had crossed his lips the moment he had walked into the house, knowing that he was going to see the love of his life at any moment. The moment she stepped down the stairs, Sam was on his feet to meet her, complete adoration in his eyes. I stayed seated on the couch as I watched the two. They acted like a shy teenaged couple going on their first date, and it was just too adorable to handle. I snuck out my phone, and without either of them knowing, I got a picture of the two so I could tease Sookie about it later. Those two just looked perfect together, the complete opposite of Sookie and Bill. They were just too much of a contrast, where Sookie and Sam just fit well together. And the way that he placed his hand in the middle of her back, gently leading her out of the house and to his truck, it was just the sweetest thing.

Once I heard Sam's truck leaving the driveway, I settled back on the couch and grabbed the TV remote, thinking about what I was going to do that evening until Sookie came home and we could gossip all night long. I had taken a short break from Fangtasia after the last time I had been there a few nights ago. I knew it would drive Eric completely insane if I teased him and then distanced myself, at least for a few days. I knew Godric was relaying things back to him from our phone calls, so he knew I wasn't just abandoning him. I was only driving him a little more insane than I already had. I liked the position I was in. I liked being in the driver's seat, dictating it all. I knew better than anyone that Eric couldn't keep his hands off of what he wanted. And I was what he wanted, and had been for quite some time. Before we even admitted we loved one another he had been possessive, always wanting my body all to himself. So to tease him, to withhold sex from him, I knew it was a perfect way to get him crawling back to me, for him to admit that he loved me. I knew there were still many hurdles to overcome, but at least we were making some sort of progress, that was all I could ask for.

An hour passed before I found myself growing bored, thinking I may just end the drought and head on over to Fangtasia. Thankfully, before I made any definite plans, there was a knock at the front door. Wondering who it could possibly be, I pushed myself off of the couch and headed back over to the door.

"Oh, hey Godric." I smiled at the ancient vampire, waving him into the house.

"I hope you don't mind me coming by unannounced." He stepped into the house.

"I'm actually glad you came by. Sookie is out with Sam on a date and I'm bored out of my mind." I led him into the living room and plopped back down on the couch. I patted the cushion beside me for him to join me and it didn't even take a second for him to appear beside me on the couch.

"Sookie and the shifter?" Godric raised an eyebrow. "That is certainly an interesting turn of events."

"A far better match than Bill." My nose scrunched up as that bastard's name passed through my lips. "I hope he burns in hell. Or maybe I can just cause him to burn, either way really."

Godric chuckled as he shook his head. "You are something else, Elizabeth."

"A good something else I hope." I wagged my finger at him, earning another chuckle from the vampire. "Not that I don't love your company, but was there a reason you popped by?"

"Can a friend not come see another friend without a reason?" he asked innocently, though I could tell he had come here for a definite reason.

"Only you, no one else." I winked. "But seriously, is something up?"

"Nothing, I merely came to talk. And to enjoy quality time with my dear Phoenix." He smiled warmly at me.

"And..." I prompted, knowing this wasn't just a random visit. While I loved spending time with Godric, and I wasn't about to let him leave until my boredom subsided, I could tell that he had come here for more than just a few hours of laughter. "Come on, Godric, I wasn't born yesterday. Is it Eric?"

"He told me about the other night." Godric finally confessed. "About how you teased him."

"Oh yes, that night." I grinned wickedly as I remembered the look on his face when I told Eric he wasn't going to be getting any sex until he admitted he still loved me. "That was a fun night alright."

"You certainly know how to get a rise out of him." Godric shook his head. "He's been bitter for days now."

"Someone is a little too attached to sex I think." I chuckled. "Perhaps he needs a support group."

"You wouldn't by chance be doing this in order to hurry the process along, would you?" he gazed at me knowingly.

"Of course I am." I shrugged, settling back on the couch. "I know he can't resist me, I know he wants me. He just proved that the other night when he got jealous and possessive that some other man was touching me. If withholding sex from him will make him come back to me that much quicker, then of course I'll do it."

"Do you really think you'll be able to go through with this?" He raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion. "I'm not the one who's going to suffer because of this."

"Are you sure about that, Elizabeth?"

"What are you saying, Godric?" I shook my head, not understanding what Godric was trying to tell me.

"You and I have been together, in every possible way, Elizabeth." He spoke fondly of the memory of those few nights we spent together in Chicago while I merely blushed at the thought of having sex with Godric. "You weren't innocent by any means."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I crossed my arms over my chest and let my hair fall into my face, hiding my rosy cheeks.

"I just don't think either Eric or you will be able to follow through with this." He shrugged as he lifted a hand and tucked the hair behind my ear. "The last time you introduced a no sex rule, the sexual tension seemed rather suffocating, did it not?"

My face was burning up now as he brought up the no sex rule I had introduced back when I had been confused about my feelings for both Eric and Godric. However, on that occasion, I had been able to keep a strong front, and hadn't slept with either one of the two, not completely, until after all the chaos. But this time, everything was different. This time I knew exactly what I wanted, who I wanted, I just needed them to want me back. I could do this though. I could go without sex for as long as I had to until Eric came around and admitted that he loved me. It wouldn't be all that hard. Eric wanted me more than I wanted him.

But that was a blatant lie. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. Maybe even a little bit more. I had spent two weeks watching him from afar, not able to truly touch him. But now I was home and I could have my way with him. Except I couldn't. We had had quite the sexual moment that first night I went to Fangtasia, and to be honest, I hadn't wanted that night to ever end. That had been hot, animalistic sex and I had loved every minute of it. I wanted to feel every inch of his body, to run my hands over his chiselled muscles, to feel his erection slide into me...

Oh god, I needed to stop. I was squirming on the couch now, feeling the warmth beginning to grow between my legs. I knew Godric could smell my arousal as I thought about Eric in that context, and that only embarrassed me further. Godric was staring at me with that smirk plastered across his face, a knowing look in his eyes, and all I could do was hide my face in my hands. I was no worse than Eric was. I had urges, I had desires, and they all included that blonde Viking. Hell, I seemed to have more sexual dreams of Eric lately then I've ever had in my life. And then there I go, withholding the one thing I desperately wanted.

God I was an idiot, wasn't I?

"Would you like to be alone, Elizabeth?" Godric asked wickedly.

"No, no, that's alright." I mumbled behind my hands. "You just stay there while I go have a cold shower."

I went to stand up but Godric only grabbed my wrist and tugged me back down beside him. I groaned and dove my head into his chest, too embarrassed to look at him. Godric only laughed and wrapped an arm around me, knowing perfectly well what it was like to desire something you just couldn't have.

"This is going to be torture, isn't it?" I pouted after a moment, gazing up at Godric and wishing he would just tell me I was an idiot and should end this little game.

"It will. But I do believe it will hurry matters along." he voiced his opinion. "Unless someone happens to break and ends up jumping the other."

"It won't be me." I decided, though I knew that if anyone was going to snap, at the moment it looked like it was going to be me. I groaned again and shook my head. I was such an idiot for thinking this was going to work. This was so not going to work! "I'm so screwed."

"You wish." Godric teased.

"Oh I hate you." I grumbled. "Can we talk about something else now?"

"What would you like to talk about, my little Phoenix?"

"Whatever doesn't have to do with sex." I glanced around the room, searching for an appropriate distraction. When my eyes fell on the TV an idea came to mind. "Want to watch a movie? It'll be like the good old days, you know when I didn't know Eric and didn't have to suffer like I am right now."

Godric laughed. "A movie sounds wonderful, Elizabeth."

"Great!" I hopped off the couch and walked over to the movie cabinet. "Just one without sex, or else Eric is going to get extremely pissed off when I jump you..."

* * *

"...Elizabeth?"

I moaned as I felt a cool finger glide over my cheek. I moved closer into the embrace of the vampire I was curled up against, not wanting to open my eyes. I had fallen asleep during the nicely rated PG movie we had started watching, and I wasn't even sure what time it was. It still had to be early enough that Sookie hadn't come home yet, and the sun wasn't nearly ready to rise or else Godric would have been long gone by now. As the finger began tapping me on the cheek, I waved it away and snuggled up against Godric, enjoying just how comfortable it felt to be near him. There were no romantic feelings between us, not anymore. But that didn't mean he didn't prove to be a very nice pillow.

"Elizabeth, wake up." His soft voice prodded, his finger consistently tapping at my cheek in an annoying fashion.

"Go away." I mumbled, keeping my eyes squeezed shut. I didn't want to wake up. I was having a nice lovely dream about Eric and...

I immediately snapped up, my eyes growing wide as I realized what I had been dreaming about. And as I was curled up against his maker of all people! Oh god! If I wasn't embarrassed earlier, I certainly was now. I hid my face in my hands as I shook my head. I don't think I've ever been this embarrassed before in my life. Didn't I have any self control?

"Don't fret, Elizabeth, you didn't talk too much in your sleep." Godric assured me as he patted my shoulder. "It was mostly incoherent moans."

"Oh god." I groaned. "This can never leave this room, Godric!"

"Of course not." He nodded, though there was a mischievous spark in his eyes that told me he was lying.

"Godric!" I slapped his chest. "Don't you dare tell Eric about this. He doesn't need to know I've been having dreams about him. Got it?"

"Whatever you'd like, Elizabeth." He held his hands up in defence. "My lips are sealed."

"Why don't I believe you?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"I have absolutely no idea why, my dear one."

"You vampires are going to be the death of me, I swear." I moaned, falling back against the couch, throwing my arm over my eyes. "You're just as bad as Eric is."

"He had to learn it from somewhere." Godric reminded with a snicker.

"Oh shut up, Godric." I nudged him before letting my arm fell down to my side. "Was there a reason you woke me up?"

"I apologize, were you enjoying your dream too much?" he smirked at me.

"Godric!"

"You received a phone call." Godric pointed to the phone that was lying on the coffee table. "Pam would like to speak with you."

"Wait..." I glanced at the phone and when I realized that it had been on the entire time, I let out an embarrassed moan. "It's been on this entire time, hasn't it?"

"It has." The smirk never once left his face.

"Oh I so hate you." I stuck my tongue out at him before grabbing the phone and bringing it to my ear. "Hello, Pam?"

"Dreaming about my maker, are you?" her voice was full of amusement. "How wonderful. I didn't happen to be in your dreams, was I?"

"No, Pam." I shook my head in disbelief. "Why did you call?"

Pam sighed and I knew we were passed the time for joking. "You need to come in tonight."

"I wasn't planning on it." I answered.

"You really need to come in tonight, Ellie." She pressed.

"Why? What's going on?" I frowned, hoping everything was alright. "Is everything okay there? Is something wrong?"

"Oh everything is just peachy." Pam replied sarcastically. "If you can call a bitter thousand year old Viking scaring off all the customers peachy."

I raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with Eric?"

"He's been acting like this since you've stopped showing you face here." She explained.

"He made it perfectly clear that he didn't want me to even be there." I pointed out, though even I knew that he hadn't meant that. It actually sent a surge of happiness right through me to know that Eric had been in a miserable attitude since I had seen him last. That meant that he missed seeing me, even if he didn't want to admit it.

"We all know that's bullshit."

"True, but it wasn't like I was never going to go back. I was just..." I trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Teasing him." Pam finished for me. "Well end your little game and get your pretty little ass over here."

"Why?" I asked. "Godric and I are having a nice evening in. I'm not going to get all dressed up just for him to give me attitude."

"I'll come over there myself and personally ensure that you come in tonight." Pam threatened. "We're losing business. He's scaring off all of our business and I just can't deal with him anymore. Get. Over. Here."

I was surprised by her persistence. Pam rarely got so frustrated by Eric that she had to beg. But here she was, pleading for me to solve her problem with her maker, a problem that only I could really fix. And I did want to see him. Thanks to the conversation with Godric earlier, and that damn dream of mine, Eric was now constantly on my mind. Maybe it would ease the desire if I at least saw him. Then again, I might just be tempted to jump him right then and there.

"Go." Godric urged from beside me. "Go see him, it can't hurt."

"Oh fine." I sighed. "I'll be there soon."

"Good. And wear something sexy." Pam insisted before hanging up.

I rolled my eyes as I shook my head and set the phone back on the coffee table.

"Perhaps you shouldn't wear something too sexy." Godric advised with a smirk. "Unless you would like to end this little game with him."

"You are seriously worse than Eric, you know that." I mumbled, though I was smiling as I stood and moved around Godric and the couch. "I'll be back down in a few minutes, don't go anywhere."

"A few minutes, or a little bit longer? From those moans while you were sleeping, you sounded very in need." Godric teased.

My face flushed as I quickly hurried upstairs, not offering Godric an answer, too embarrassed to even speak. Godric and Eric were truly going to be the end of me one of these days. Like maker like child.

* * *

I was surprised at how dead Fangtasia was when Godric and I arrived later that night. Pam hadn't been joking; Eric really had been scaring off their business. Besides a few vampires here and there, the fangbangers were very few, only the usual regulars who were used to Eric's outbursts. Eric himself was seated on his throne, a bitter and miserable expression on his face. I almost burst out laughing at how unhappy he appeared, but stopped myself from doing so. Almost the moment Godric and I entered the bar, Eric's eyes fell on me. And to my pleasure, there was a spark in his eyes as he stared at me. That happiness left however, when he frowned and curled a finger at me.

"He's summoning you." Pam appeared behind Godric and me.

I jumped in surprise at her appearance, glancing over my shoulder at her before gazing back up at Eric. "Maybe he should actually ask me nicely instead of assuming I'll just go to him."

As Eric began waving me over in annoyance, I knew that I really didn't have much other choice than to just approach him, not unless I wanted to witness heads rolling.

"Just go to him." Pam nudged me. "Before I find a stake and drive it through his heart. He's going to be the death of me."

"Amen to that." I muttered with a shake of my head before inhaling sharply. "Wish me luck."

"Try not to jump him, Elizabeth." Godric winked.

"Seriously, Godric, seriously?" I groaned, slapping his arm before starting the short jaunt over to the stage.

Godric flashed me a smile of encouragement as I moved through the nearly empty bar. I couldn't remember a time Fangtasia had ever been this dead over the course of the time I've known Eric. It's always been booming with business, usually with a line waiting outside with eager fangbangers that just couldn't wait to come inside. But the parking lot had been deserted when Godric drove up in his car, and the line must have been invisible. It did make me happy though, to know that he was taking my absence to the heart. Even though he told me he didn't want me around, it was evident that he had grown accustomed to me popping up every night. And that made me feel like there was hope with us. My attempts weren't futile, they seemed to be working, even if the process was going slower than I would have liked.

As I approached the stage, I noticed Eric had straightened in his chair. I was still pleased to see the pole was missing from the stage, evidence that Eric cared more about me than he said he did.

"Pam isn't very pleased with you, you know." I spoke as I stepped up onto the stage and stood before Eric, my hands planted on my hips. "Scaring off business isn't a good thing."

His eyes were narrowed and were glaring right through me. "Where have you been?"

I tried to hide the smile on my face, though I knew I was failing horribly. "And why would you care, Eric? I thought you didn't want me here."

"I don't." He responded flatly.

"Hm, that seems like a lie to me." I glanced out over the bar. "By the way, I like the lack of decoration up here."

"It was tasteless." He defended the removal of the pole, refusing to admit the real reason for it.

"Right, it was tasteless, of course." I rolled my eyes.

"What are you wearing?" I could feel his eyes roaming all over me and I turned my attention back onto the vampire.

"Clothes last time I checked." I glanced down at the skin tight black jeans I was adorning with the lace camisole top underneath my leather jacket. It wasn't exactly hiding my body, but at least I wasn't flaunting my skin around like I had been the last few nights. I had a feeling that neither of us would be able to control ourselves if I had fewer clothes on. At least with the jeans and top it would take longer for anything to occur. And more time for me to come to my senses before anything happened. Not that anything would happen; I was going to have perfect self control tonight. But just in case, it's always good to be prepared.

"I liked you better in your previous attire." He spoke without emotion in his voice, but as I looked into those eyes, I saw the lust and desire.

"Hm, did you now? I'll keep that in consideration." I smirked wildly, loving this control. "So are you finished acting like a five year old having a temper tantrum?"

"I was not having a tantrum." He replied bitterly.

"No, of course not, you just scared everyone away with your bright and cheery attitude." I snorted.

"Why are you even here, Ellie?" he demanded sourly.

"Because Pam asked me to come." I shrugged, taking a step closer to the vampire. "I fear she may have attempted to murder you if I didn't come."

"She wouldn't have."

"I don't know, she sounded quite desperate on the phone." My legs brushed against his and I could feel him tense. "So if you could stop scaring everyone off, that would be great."

He just stared at me, not uttering a word. My smirk only grew as I stepped between his long legs and bent down just low enough so my lips brushed across his cheek.

"I'm going to go sit with Godric now. I can't stay long; I'm exhausted from the evening with Godric." I knew that would annoy him from my suggestive tone, and that was exactly what I was hoping for.

As I stood and went to step back away from Eric, he grabbed onto my wrist and refused to let me move.

"You and my maker were...together?" his eyebrows furrowed together and I could see the anger in his eyes.

"We were just talking and watching a movie." I assured him, my smirk morphing into a smile. "But I appreciate the jealousy. Green is a cute colour on you."

"I'm not jealous." He insisted, though he hadn't let go of my wrist yet.

"Yes you are, but that's alright." I bent back down so our gazes were level. "I mean, I was jealous of that slut dancer after all. Though if you and Godric want to roll around on the ground, I would most definitely like to watch that."

He growled and I knew he wasn't amused.

"It was just a joke, Eric." I chuckled, my eyes never leaving his. "You know you're the only man I want to see rolling on the ground, preferably with me and without any clothes on."

His hand flew to my hip and before I knew it, I was on his lap, his lips crashing down on mine. My eyes grew wide at the sudden desire Eric expressed but quickly melted into the passionate kiss. My eyes closed as one of my hands curled around the back of his neck, tugging him closer. I moaned as his tongue brushed across my bottom lip, asking for access. I denied him however, and began to draw away. He wasn't going to have any of that however, and gripped onto my hips tightly. I couldn't budge at all as I was trapped on his lap, and I found that I couldn't have cared less. There weren't many people in the bar to judge me, and I would only have Godric to tease me about this later. Right now, I was going to enjoy this rare moment between Eric and I. And hopefully keep my clothes on.

That seemed to prove difficult as one of Eric's hands began to rise underneath my jacket and camisole, his ice cold fingers dancing across my side. I was brought back to my senses before his hand could rise any higher however, and used as much strength as I could possibly muster to pull myself away. I scrambled off of his lap, which seemed to be harder for me to do then for him to let me leave. Damn I really wanted him right now. But I had told him that he wasn't going to get my body until he accepted every part of me. I couldn't just fold this early into it. Not until he said those three little words I so desperately wanted to hear come out of his mouth.

"Not until you forgive me, Eric." I stood, adjusting my shirt as I tried to control myself from leaping back on him. "Only then can you have me; all of me."

He growled and stood, but before he could lay a single finger on me, I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you, Eric, but I'm not budging. Forgive me, because I am truly sorry. But I'm here for you; deep down inside you know that's true." I took a step back, inching towards the stairs and putting as much distance as possible between us. "You just need to realize that I'm not going anywhere."

"Ellie." He growled, his eyes darkening.

"Forgive me, Eric, and then maybe we could return to that." I winked before twisting around and hurrying down the stairs and over to the booth Godric was sitting in. I glanced over my shoulder at the blonde vampire and was pleased to find he was still watching me, his fangs extending as he licked his lips.

"Are you sure you're going to be able to do this?" Godric questioned as I slid into the booth across from him.

"Yes." I nodded, my eyes never leaving Eric. "I think."

* * *

**A/N:** I apologize if I've bombarded you with chapters. I never meant for there to be three chapters posted today. the first was supposed to go up last night before the site decided to annoy me and not work. and today I just haven't been able to stop writing. and I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews, you are all so amazing. I seriously get the biggest grin when I see a review in my inbox, they just make my day. i'm so glad everyone has stuck by for 4 fics, that's just amazing and just proves how dedicated you all to this series. so a big thanks to everyone, even to just the readers and those that put this fic on their favorites or alert lists. I appreciate each and every one of you.


	17. Chapter 17: Words I Couldn't Say

**Chapter Seventeen: Words I Couldn't Say**

"Can I ask you a question?" if glanced across the table at Godric.

"Of course, Elizabeth." Godric nodded, encouraging me to continue.

I nodded and spied a look in Eric's direction. When I saw that he was significantly distracted by Pam, I turned back to Godric. "I was just...I was just wondering what happened after..."

"After what?" he raised an eyebrow.

"After I...well you know." I ducked my head, my finger drawing imaginary circles on the surface of the table. "After I died."

"Oh." A frown settled on Godric's face, and I wasn't sure if I should have brought the topic up. But I couldn't help but find myself curious as to what happened. I had only seen certain things when the Reaper had seen fit. But there were so many things I didn't know that I still wondered about.

"I don't mean to bring it up, I was just curious." I shifted under his gaze. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, I will. You deserve to know after all." Godric assured, reaching over the table to clasp my hand in his. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"I do, I think anyways. Sookie gets emotional just thinking about and Eric...well clearly Eric isn't going to talk to me about it and I wouldn't even think about putting him through even more pain." I shot a glance at the blonde, and was surprised to find that he was gazing over at our table, a sad expression on his face. The moment he realized I was staring at him however, the emotion was wiped from his face and he turned back towards Pam.

"What would you like to know exactly?" Godric asked as he pulled my attention back onto him.

"Well what happened to Mark?" I asked curiously. "Obviously the spell was broken."

"It took a few hours, but yes, he eventually reversed the spell. Though it didn't appear to hinder either of you in those few hours." He explained. "Should either of you had died, the other one would have as well. But you weren't truly dead, were you?"

"No, I guess I wasn't." I shook my head. "What happened to him, after the spell was reversed?"

"Eric killed him." Godric stated simply. "Rather creatively if you ask me."

"I have a feeling I don't want to know the details." I pulled a face, though there was a surge of pride inside of me knowing that Eric had put that bastard through the same amount of torture and pain that they had put us through. He had met a fate just like his sister, and I was glad for that.

"Did many of our guys die?" I asked, hoping for the best. I knew we had lost a few, but I was hoping it hadn't been many.

"Only a few." He squeezed my hand gently. "A few Weres and a few vampires, that was it. They were the causalities, not us."

"That's good." I nodded before remembering one of the deaths I had witnessed before my own. "How is Sophie-Anne doing?"

"She returned to New Orleans shortly afterwards. From what I've heard from her associates, she's not faring too well." Godric answered sadly.

I bowed my head as the guilt began eating away at me. I hated that Andre had to die, and because of me. That war had been started because of me; lives had been taken all because they were trying to keep me safe. My good friend, and the progeny of someone I would always have a close connection with, died because he came to my aid. And that killed me. He would still be alive and with Sophie-Anne right now if it hadn't of been for me. No matter how happy I may ever get, I would always know that I took their happiness away from them, that guilt would never leave me.

"It wasn't your fault." Godric seemed to read my mind. "Andre's death was not your fault at all."

"Yes it was." I mumbled, blinking back the tears as they welled in my eyes. "If it hadn't of been for me, they wouldn't have gotten involved."

"Sophie-Anne and Andre came here to help you because you meant a great deal to them. Either of them would have died for you and found it to be a great honour." Godric assured me, though it didn't help my guilt at all.

"But..."

"Sophie-Anne does not blame you. She was mourning your death as well, Elizabeth. No one blames you for what happened that night, not a single person, do you understand me?" he gave me a long stern look.

I didn't respond as I looked down at my lap, not feeling any better about myself.

"I think she would like to hear from you. I've spoken to those in her court to inform her that you are alive, but she would love to talk with you I'm sure." Godric suggested. "Reaching out to her might help you."

"I think I might do that." I nodded, though I knew no matter what I said or did, it would never heal that part of her that lost Andre. I wasn't sure how painful it was to lose a progeny, but I knew how painful it was to lose a member of your family. I lost my parents and my brother, and that absolutely destroyed me. I could only imagine how Sophie-Anne must be feeling after losing the child she had created centuries ago.

"Just don't blame yourself, Elizabeth. No one else does." He offered a smile before releasing my hand and sitting back in the booth.

"Thanks, Godric." I tried to return the smile but failed miserably. "Do you mind driving me back to Sookie's? I'm feeling a bit tired."

"Of course, my dear one." Godric nodded, sliding out of the booth and offering me a helping hand.

I took it gratefully and slid out of the booth as well. The moment I had moved, I felt Eric's gaze back on me and I couldn't help the chill that ran up my spine as his eyes pierced right through me.

"Did you want to say goodbye before we left?" Godric nodded in Eric's direction.

"Probably should I guess, or else he'll throw another tantrum." I nodded. "I'll be right back."

"I'll wait for you at the door." Godric nudged me towards the stage. "Take as long as you need, Elizabeth."

"I won't be long." I assured before mustering up my courage and beginning towards the stage.

Eric was watching me the entire time, our eyes locking as I reached the stage and stepped up the stairs. The moment I was before him, his hands reached for my hips and drew me back down onto his lap. I didn't resist at all, liking the feel of him against me, his hands holding me against him. It felt like old times as I sat there, neither of us speaking at first, and it felt nice. I missed this. I missed just being with him, having him hold me, not needing to speak. I just hoped that one day, we would be able to return to how we used to be.

"Godric was going to take me home." I spoke after a moment, my eyes rising up to meet his.

He nodded, but I could tell he wasn't happy about that. I wasn't sure if it was because he didn't want me to leave, or because it was Godric who was going to drive me.

"Godric and I are friends, Eric." I reminded him softly. "That's not going to change."

"You spend too much time with my maker." He grunted.

"Because we're friends." I rolled my eyes. "I'm allowed to spend time with my friends, Eric."

He glared at me and my patience was wearing thin. I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed and sleep. I hadn't even planned to come here in the first place, but had because Pam asked me to. That wasn't the complete truth of course, part of me wanted to come here just to see Eric, just to be close to him. The few days I had spent a part from him, while intentional, had been rather brutal. I liked being able to see Eric's face every night, even if he wasn't happy to see me. Even if he was yelling at me, assuring me he didn't care, I still liked being in his presence. There was just something about him that calmed me, that gave me strength. And I felt like I needed strength right now, especially tonight as I thought about those that we've lost. If Eric and I had been in a better position, I was sure I would end up crying in his arms until his soft words soothed me back into the calm woman I had been when I had walked into this bar. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't just let my emotions flow freely in front of him, not just yet. I think that was the hardest thing about this whole ordeal. I just wanted to be with him. Not even for the sex, just be able to be in his arms and hear his soothing voice. That was all I wanted.

"I should go." I made an attempt to get off of his lap, feeling the lump rising in my throat. "It's getting late."

He wouldn't let me go however, and my frustration was beginning to build.

"Are you planning on ever forgiving me?" I wondered as I held his gaze.

"No." He answered simply.

"Okay then." I mumbled, pushing away the arm that had circled around my waist. But he held onto me stubbornly, like a child that didn't want to give up a toy. "Let me go Eric, I'm tired and don't really want to do this right now."

"You're upset." He mused, his eyes boring into mine as the tears began to build.

"I'm fine. I just want to go home." I looked away, not realizing how true that statement was until now. But it wasn't Sookie's house I wanted to go to, it was Eric's. His house had become my own, it had become my sanctuary. I felt safer in that house than any other. Maybe it was because Eric was there, or maybe I had just grown accustomed to it. But whatever it was, I missed it. I loved spending time with Sookie, and I think it was good for Eric and I to not be breathing down one another's necks right now, but that didn't change the longing I had to just be home. I wanted to lie in Eric's bed, with him beside me, and to not have to question anything. I just wanted everything to go back to how it used to be. But I knew that wasn't going to happen, not for awhile.

"Ellie..." he voice softened as a hand came up to cup my cheek.

"I need to go, Eric." My voice was strained as I spoke. I didn't want to break down crying in front of him, that wouldn't get us anywhere. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

He finally allowed me to get off of his lap. I stood and adjusted myself before beginning over to the stairs.

"Stop." He called to me, standing and stepping up behind me.

I sighed as I turned and craned my neck just to stare up at him. "What, Eric?"

His hands found their way up to my cheeks, cradling my head in his large and comforting hands. He dipped his face down until his lips gently brushed across mine. My knees felt weak at that simple kiss, and I so wanted to throw my arms around him and deepen the kiss. But I couldn't. Because if that happened then I wouldn't be able to stop myself from giving him every single part of me. And I couldn't let that happen.

"Please forgive me, Eric." I pleaded softly as I pulled away. "I just want to be with you."

He sighed and took a step back, his hands falling back down to his sides. I ducked my head as I felt a tear beginning to slide down my cheek. I hurried down the stairs and over to the exit, Godric's arm immediately wrapping around me as I reached him. Neither of us spoke as we left the bar, and I was thankful for Godric's patience. I just didn't want to talk right now, because I was pretty I would only break down if I did.

* * *

Godric let out a sigh as he walked through the front door of Eric's home after dropping Ellie off at Sookie's. It had broken his heart to see the silent tears slipping down her cheeks the entire drive to Bon Temps. She hadn't spoken a word and he hadn't pushed her. He knew just how hard this was for her. She had gone through an ordeal that not a single soul could understand. She never had a chance to come to terms with everything that's happened since the war with the witches. The moment she returned, she had fought to preserve her relationship with Eric. But she had died, she had been tested and tried during those two weeks, and now she was finally back and had to deal with the pain and agony of living. He was glad she had returned to them, but even he could see the pain she was going through. She was trying to silently deal with her own pain while fighting like hell to get Eric back. Godric could see it was all beginning to take a toll on the girl, and that killed him. He wished he could just hold her, promise her everything was going to be alright, but he couldn't. He didn't know what the future held. He couldn't predict what his own progeny was going to do. He wished Eric would simply forgive Ellie already, but he wasn't a fool; Eric was stubborn and would drag this out for as long as he deemed appropriate. Godric was just afraid that eventually Ellie was going to give up on him.

"Godric." Eric greeted as he entered the living room.

Godric glanced up and narrowed his eyes as his gaze fell on a woman he had never seen before. She wore practically nothing, and there were two red fang wounds on her neck. He was appalled by Eric's actions. Ellie had nearly burst out crying tonight right in front of Eric, and now he was with another woman. Godric just could not understand what was going through his child's head. Wasn't he happy Ellie was alive? Wasn't he happy to have her back?

"Eric, what have you done?" Godric glared at the woman, hissing at her as she hurried by and exited the house. "How many women do you have to sleep with until you realize no one will measure up to Elizabeth?"

Eric raised an eyebrow as he licked the blood from his lips. "I haven't slept with anyone, Godric."

Godric didn't believe his child and folded his arms over one another.

"I was merely hungry, Godric." Eric leaned back on the couch he was sitting on, placing his feet on the coffee table. "She was a bit too revolting for my taste, but she tasted adequate enough."

Godric sighed as he entered the room and sat in the chair across from Eric. He wasn't sure if he entirely believed Eric, but he fought to. He didn't want to believe that Eric could sleep with another woman only hours after he had seen Ellie.

"You know I detest the taste of True Blood." Eric couldn't understand what his maker's problem was. "I'd rather feed from a disgusting human than take a single sip of that crap."

"What about the other woman." Godric asked suddenly, ignoring Eric's comment.

"What other woman?" Eric frowned.

"The one who owned the pair of panties Elizabeth found in your office." Godric reminded with a pointed look.

Eric snorted with a shake of his head. "I never slept with anyone."

"That's not what it looked like."

"I'm not the only one who uses that office, Godric." Eric's feet fell from the coffee table as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I never slept with anyone."

"You never told Elizabeth any differently." Godric was confused now, not sure what to believe.

"And I never confessed to anything either." Eric shrugged. "She assumed what she wanted."

"She told me the dancer had mentioned sleeping with you."

"I cannot help what delusions some slut is going to come up with." Eric clasped his hands together, looking his maker dead in the eye. "But I did not sleep with another woman. I haven't been with anyone other than Ellie for...well for awhile."

Godric was surprised, and wasn't afraid to show it. He sat back in his chair and thought over what his child had just told him. Eric hadn't slept with that dancer Ellie had gotten into the fight with. Eric hadn't slept with anyone but Ellie since they had gotten together. Godric should have known better, he should have given Eric the benefit of the doubt. But everything had looked so suspicious. All the evidence was there, and yet what they all thought to be the truth was in fact, a lie. It relieved him. There was hope after all. Eric had always had no problem sleeping with whomever he liked. The fact that he hadn't bed anyone besides Ellie, that gave Godric hope that the two would be able to work things out eventually.

"You doubted me." Eric smirked.

"You have to admit, Eric, it all looked a bit suspicious." Godric commented.

"Maybe, but none of it was true." Eric leaned back against the couch.

"You love her, don't you?" Godric titled his head to the side. "You've always loved her."

Eric looked way but as he sat before his maker, the one person who knew him better than anyone else possibly could, he didn't try to deny it.

"I do." Eric admitted, refusing to meet Godric's gaze. "I never stopped."

"Why haven't you told her this? Why tell her that you stopped loving her?" Godric's eyebrows furrowed.

"It's easier this way." Eric shrugged.

"How? How is it possibly easier to make her believe you don't care?" Godric shook his head in exasperation. "She loves you, Eric."

"I don't doubt that." Eric sighed as he finally turned his head back towards his maker, their eyes meeting. "I know she loves me. I can feel it."

"She told me you've closed off your bond with her."

"Just enough so she couldn't feel me." Eric nodded. "I didn't want her to...I just wanted to keep things to myself. But I've felt her since the moment she came back to me."

"Why are you doing all of this? She loves you, and you love her. Why can't you just accept her and be happy. That's all I want for the two of you." Godric sighed. "She's home now. She's alive and you don't seem to care at all."

"I do care." Eric's tone turned to ice at the mere suggestion that he didn't care, that he wasn't happy about Ellie's return. "I've never been so happy the moment those beautiful green eyes opened."

"Then why continue with this facade?"

"It's something I need to do." Eric answered cryptically. "I don't want to talk about this Godric."

"We need to talk about it. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of sitting here in the middle, watching the two people I care about carry on miserably instead of being happy together." Godric rose from the chair. "Talk to me, my child. Tell me why you are doing this."

Eric shook his head and gritted his teeth. He couldn't. He couldn't tell Godric of his weakness. He couldn't tell his own maker that had always taught him to be strong and ruthless, that he was just a coward. How could he admit that to the boy who had once been a savage, who had destroyed villages at his side, that had drained humans for sport? How could he admit his weakness to the vampire who had turned him for how he behaved on the battle field? How could he admit that he was scared, that he feared love to the one who had taught him everything? Godric had always been so strong. Even as he had changed over the years to the vampire he was today, there was still that hint of ruthlessness inside of him. Godric would kill without thinking if it was to protect those he cared about. Eric had seen that inside of the warehouse. Godric showed no mercy to those witches for threatening his and Ellie's life. How was he supposed to express how he felt, what he needed to do, without seeming weak and pathetic, just like the humans they had killed over their many centuries together?

"Eric." Godric was surprised at the emotions that had passed over Eric's face. He had always been able to read Eric like a book. Without their blood bond, he would have known every emotion that lay inside of the tall Viking he had turned a thousand years ago. "Tell me, my son."

Eric's eyes closed as he clenched his fists in his lap. He didn't want to express how he felt. He should have just slept with the human he had fed from, it would have been easier. But he knew he couldn't have been able to. He hadn't been able to look at another woman in that way besides Ellie. She was perfect in every possible way, from the way her hips would sway, to the soft lips he yearned to feel. There was no one else; there was no one who could possibly compare to Ellie. She was beautiful in every shape and form, on the outside and on the inside. She had seen something inside of him when no one else did. She believed in him, pushed him to his limits, only to see the man that she knew he was. He was a monster, a bloodthirsty vampire, and yet to her, he was only another man, the one she had fallen in love with.

"You can show no weakness by admitting the truth, Eric." Godric encouraged, understanding the turmoil inside of his child. He could feel it, but more importantly, he could see it on his face.

Eric's eyes opened, blood forming in the corner of his eyes as he stared at the vampire across from him. "I can't lose her again. I can't."

"She isn't going anywhere." Godric shook his head. "Elizabeth is right here, Eric. She's here. She's not about to leave you again."

"I can't take that chance." Eric shook his own head. "I can't become that person again."

Godric was beginning to understand now. He had watched Eric evolve into a vampire that he almost didn't even recognize. But it was not for the worse, not in his eyes. The vulnerable state Eric had been in, it was refreshing to see. It was not a weakness, not one that Godric cared about anyways. Love was never a weakness; love was never anything to be ashamed of or something that anyone should hide away from. Loving another, it should be cherished with all of your heart. There were many that never found their soul mates, or like him, had lost them far before their time. But Eric, he had found the woman he loved. He found the woman he could spend an eternity with, a complete lifetime. They were each other's other half. They completed one another. They desired every possible part of the other, body and soul. Unfortunately, Eric had lost Ellie for those two long weeks, but she had returned to him. She had come home and they could be together once again, to never leave one another's side. But that couldn't occur if Eric was too scared to allow himself to love her completely. Love was about admitting your weaknesses, for accepting the other for all of their faults.

"There is no shame in vulnerability."

"You taught me that any weakness would only get me killed." Eric reminded sharply.

"I taught you wrong as it turns out." Godric smiled sadly. "I taught you many things that I find appalling today. Times have changed, and so have we. We cannot cling to the lessons of the past. We need to move forward, to evolve."

"I like who I was back then." Eric looked away. "I was a Viking, Godric. I was ruthless. I killed for sport when you turned me. That is who I am, not some vulnerable pathetic coward."

"You are not a coward, Eric." Godric sighed. "You are the furthest from a coward. You have found love, and you embraced it. The only cowards are those that think they are above falling in love. Love is the most powerful emotion you could possibly ever have."

"It's a weakness." Eric argued. "A weakness that I do not want."

"So you push her away? You make her believe you do not care? And for what reason, because you are afraid of whom you may become?" Godric raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "That is ridiculous, Eric. For thinking that way, you truly are a coward."

Eric growled, but didn't lunge at his maker like he would have any other day. Instead, he sat there, refusing to meet his gaze, and knowing that what Godric had said was true. It did make him a coward to act this way, but what else was he supposed to do? He couldn't lose her again. He had lost Ellie twice now; he couldn't go through that pain, that agony ever again. He would rather feel the torture the witches had put him through instead of watching her leave him, of seeing the light in her eyes disappear as her life was taken from her. He couldn't handle that pain. So he shoved it away. He locked it up and refused to acknowledge it. If he pushed Ellie away, if he became the vampire he was supposed to be, then he would never have to face that pain again. He could live in peace, act like he had always acted, and be happy.

But even he knew that wouldn't be true. He would never truly be happy without Ellie. He had never believed in soul mates, but he couldn't deny it any longer. She was his soul mate. She was his other half. And no matter how many years passed without her, he would always long for her, crave her body, her blood, and that sweet smile of hers. She had made him so happy those few days they had together. While their world was crashing down around them, nothing else seemed to matter besides their happiness. He had loved her in a way he never thought possible, and she had returned that love much to his surprise. He had never wanted those nights in his bed to end. He had wanted to keep her there, to hold her for an eternity. He could have that again in a heartbeat. All he had to do was say the word and she would be his once again. But he couldn't. He couldn't face the possibility of losing her again, of feeling that agony of losing his soul mate. So he had to push her away, to cut her out of his life. It would do them both good. Eventually he would forget about her, and she would do the same. They could live happier lives apart than to live with the possibility of pain and agony of being together.

"Don't push her away because of this." Godric pleaded with him. "She isn't going anywhere, Eric. She cannot die, not unless she willingly gives her soul to another or if she creates life. If you allow her to be by your side, you would never have to fear losing her."

"I've already lost her, Godric." Eric replied sadly.

"She's right here, Eric. She's here and all you have to do is let her in."

"I can't. The damage has been done." Eric stood, not able to talk about this anymore. "I love her, and I fear that I always will. But the pain of losing her again is greater than the pain of never having her in my life to begin with."

"You are making a mistake, my child." Godric shook his head.

"Maybe, but this is how is has to be." Eric couldn't look Godric in the eye as he turned to leave the room. "This is easier for the both of us."

"It's not, Eric. You'll only regret this one day."

"I can't do this anymore, Godric. I can't." A bloody tear slid down Eric's cheek and he wiped it away with his great speed. "I will not continue on like some weak human. I cannot. My love for her will never change, but the pain, that I can change."

Godric reached out for his progeny, but Eric was out of the room before he could stop him. Sighing, Godric shook his head and settled back in the chair, his head in his hands. Eric was destroying his only chance at happiness because of his fears, and he could do nothing stop him. He felt utterly powerless.


	18. Chapter 18: Felt Good On My Lips

**Chapter Eighteen: Felt Good On My Lips**

Time dragged by slowly over the next week. Nothing had changed at all, everything was still exactly the same. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. On one hand, the days I would visit Fangtasia, I found absolutely no trouble. No annoying vampires bothered me, and I didn't get into any fights with slutty dancers. But on the other hand, nothing between Eric and I had changed. In fact, I was beginning to think that everything was just getting a little bit worse between us. I would just sit there at the bar for hours, sometimes alone, sometimes chatting with Pam and Godric, but never did Eric even glance my way. Half the time he was locked up in his office and probably didn't even know that I was there. But I kept going, hoping that one day, he would just forgive me. Maybe not today, or maybe not tomorrow, but one day it was going to happen. It had to.

It was beginning to take a toll on me, however. I found myself awake at all hours of the night, trying desperately not to fall asleep. Because the moment I closed my eyes, I would dream of Eric. Sometimes it was just memories from the past, but other times, they were the sexual dreams that would just drive me insane. I couldn't handle the dreams any more; they were taunting me, swinging what I desired in front of my face before snatching it away so suddenly. It wasn't fair, not at all. So I drank galleons of coffee, kept myself busy, and even nearly put myself into a sugar coma, all to keep myself awake at night. Sookie had begun to notice something wasn't right, but she didn't once question me about it. I could see the worried glances she would send my way, but I was thankful she didn't bring it up. I had a feeling she expressed her concern to Godric however, as he did bring it up every so often. I would only change the subject, not wanting to talk about my fear of sleeping, of wanting to be close to Eric when I knew there was no way for that to happen.

In other words, my life was torture, pure torture.

At least someone's love life was working out. Sookie and Sam's relationship was blooming before my very eyes and I couldn't help but feel happy for them. A small part of me was jealous that their relationship was working out and mine wasn't, but I was genuinely happy that they had found one another and were in love. They both deserved to be happy and not be dragged down by my problems. If I couldn't be happy and in love, it didn't mean they couldn't be.

"Are you okay?" Sookie glanced over at me worriedly as we sat in the living room, Sookie reading a book and my eyes staring off into space.

"I'm fine." I offered her a small smile, though I knew it was forced.

I think she knew that as well as she set her book down on the coffee table and curled her feet underneath her on the couch.

"Tell me what's wrong, Ellie." She encouraged.

I shrugged from where I sat across from her in a comfortable chair. "Nothing is wrong. Really Sookie, I promise."

"I don't believe that." The blonde shook her head. "You haven't been yourself in days."

"I haven't been myself since I've been back." I pointed out. "And I won't be myself until I have Eric back. He's my other half."

"But you've been different." She chewed on her bottom lip. "I'm really worried about you, Ellie. You haven't been sleeping. I know you think I don't know, but I do."

I sighed and began fiddling with my hands in my lap. "I'm fine, really I am, Sookie."

"I don't buy that." She leaned forward. "You can't just go without sleep, Ellie. You're exhausted, I can see that. I'm sure Eric can see that too when you go over there."

"Except he doesn't." I frowned. "He doesn't even look at me anymore, and that's when he's even out of his office."

"I'm sure he still knows. He always knew when something was wrong with you." Sookie offered.

"Maybe he doesn't care." I spoke the fear that had been bubbling inside of me for days now. "Maybe he doesn't care after all and I've just been too clueless to get the hint."

"That's not true." Sookie shook her head, refusing to believe it. "He loves you; it would take an idiot not to know that. Don't give up, Ellie, it'll happen, I just know it."

"But what if it doesn't? What do I do then?"

"It won't come to that." She assured. "But if by some off chance it does, then we'll deal with it together, all of us. You aren't alone, Ellie, far from it. You have me, Sam, Godric, and heck, even Pam seems to be on your side. You can always count on us."

"I know I can." I nodded. "And I appreciate you all being here for me. I couldn't have done any of this without you."

Sookie pushed herself off of the couch and moved around the coffee table to sit on the arm of the chair. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I leaned towards her.

"Everything is going to work out, I know it, Ellie. It has to. You and Eric are meant for one another. I know I've given him heck in the past, but he'll come through, he will."

I hoped to god she was right.

"You need to sleep though, Ellie. This isn't healthy." She squeezed my shoulders.

"I have dreams of him." I admitted softly, staring down at my lap. "It's just hard."

"I know it is, but you have to sleep." Sookie insisted. "Just try and get a few hours, please, for me?"

I sighed but nodded. She was right of course. Not sleeping wasn't healthy. And I was sure if Sookie wasn't able to get through to me, then Godric would be the next to try. Just because he couldn't glamour me, it didn't mean he didn't have a great deal of power over me. In defeat, I let Sookie pull me out of the chair and towards the stairs, nudging me up them and to my bedroom.

"You'll wake me up in a few hours?" I turned to ask her hopefully, not wanting to be asleep for too long or else the dreams would become overwhelming.

"I promise." She nodded. "Now go. Before I drag your ass up there myself."

She may be a petite blonde, but hell, I knew she would do it.

* * *

"_You will never leave me again."_

_His voice was stern, demanding even as he trailed a finger down my naked stomach, dipping into the folds of my core. I squirmed as I hung from the chains above me, trapping me in the basement of Fangtasia. He had yet to go beyond just touching for the past hour, and it was driving me insane. I wanted him. I wanted every single part of him. I tried to move into his touch as his finger teased me, but not yet bringing me any release. He was torturing me, punishing me in the only way that he could without bringing me physical harm. But this was just horrible. I wanted to scream at him to fuck me already. I needed to feel him inside of me, to have him fill me up in every possible way._

"_Please..." I begged._

_Eric smirked as he removed his finger and raised it up to his lips to taste me. That only caused me to squirm even more, just begging for him to bring me to the mind blowing orgasm I knew was waiting for him._

"_You are mine, Ellie." He drew himself closer, one arm wrapping around my waist as his other hand cupped one of my breasts. I moaned in delight as he brushed his thumb over my nipple. That moan turned into a gasp of both pain and pleasure as he twisted the nipple roughly before doing the same to the other. "Say it."_

"_I'm yours." I didn't even hesitate, knowing just how true it was. I was his, and I would forever be his. "Please, Eric...oh!"_

_He flicked at my nipple a few times before gently rubbing around it with his thumb in a soothing manner. I thought my eyes were going to roll into the back of my head from that alone. I could feel my arousal peaking, and I was sure that if given time, I would have climaxed without him even touching me down there. But his torture continued as he removed himself off of me, taking a step away and disappearing behind me. I whimpered in displeasure, just wanting to feel his hands on me, for my release to be allowed already. The minutes passed painfully slow and he still kept his distance. I knew he was still there, I could hear his heavy breath on the back of my neck. But not once did he speak or touch me, knowing exactly what he was doing to me._

"_Eric, please!" I pleaded with him. "Please just fuck me already."_

"_Not yet, my sweet." He whispered in my ear, his tongue gliding up my neck before his extended fangs nipped at my earlobe. "Not yet."_

_For the first time since Eric had chained me up I began fighting against the chains. My feet barely grazed the ground as my arms were lifted straight above my head in an awkward and uncomfortable position. I wished at that moment that I was a vampire just so I could break my binds. But I couldn't. No matter how much struggling I attempted, there was just no getting out._

"_Patience, my beautiful Phoenix." Eric's hands slowly began to slide down my back in a teasing manner before rest on my hips. He grinded himself against me, his erection pressing into me and causing me to moan and struggle some more. "You're only going to hurt yourself. And I don't want that."_

"_Please..." I whispered, wishing he would just thrust that erection into me already._

"_Soon." He assured, kissing the curve of my neck. "But first I want to play."_

_One of his hands moved around me, his fingers dipping into my hot sex. I threw my head back, leaning it against his naked chest as he pumped two digits inside of me slowly and in a torturing manner. _

"_You will never leave me again, lover." His fangs pressed against my pulsing vein. "Never again."_

_And then those sharp fangs sunk into my neck, causing a scream of pleasure to emit from my lips._

My eyes just snapped open without any warning, my body jolting up into an upright position as I looked around the room wildly. When I found myself tucked into bed, though the bed sheets were now tangled around my feet, I let out a frustrated sigh and fell back against my pillows. Yet again, another dream. Except this one felt more erotic than the last couple. This one felt more personal, and only left me wanting Eric more than I've ever wanted him before. I could feel the ache in between my legs, and sadly, I could even smell my own arousal. I just wanted Eric's touch, his hands to run down my body just like in the dreams. Or at least for the dreams to finish so I could find some sort of release. I hadn't realized just how torturous this sex drought was really going to be. I wondered if Eric was left feeling like this as well. Then again, he had seemed perfectly fine having sex with other women, so I suspected he didn't even care.

"Oh god." I groaned, wiping the sweat off my forehead and glancing at the clock on the bedside table.

When I saw that it was 10 at night, I was mildly surprised. It was mid afternoon when Sookie had all but dragged me upstairs and into bed for a nap. I had told Sookie to wake me up in a few hours, and I wondered what had happened. Having that sexual dream was the last thing I had wanted. Now I was left sexually frustrated with the urge to find Eric right this minute and jump him.

"Oh fuck it!" I exclaimed, throwing my legs over the side of the bed and pushing myself up onto my feet.

I couldn't do this anymore. It's been nearly two weeks since I decided on this no sex rule. Two antagonizing weeks filled with frustration. If I didn't find Eric and have sex with him tonight, then I was going to end up doing stupid with some Bon Temps stranger. I couldn't deny myself anymore. I was folding and breaking my own damn rule, but I didn't give a crap. This had been the worst idea I've ever come up with, both times I was stupid enough to blurt it out. Never again. Never ever again.

I didn't care if it made me seem weak or desperate, I needed to find Eric pronto. I figured he would be at Fangtasia by the time I changed and got there, so I knew that would be my final destination. As for my clothing of choice, a wicked idea came to mind and I didn't think twice about it. I made a beeline for my closet, throwing things aside until I found the knee length black trench coat I remembered buying during my shopping trip with Sookie. I grinned widely as I pulled it out and threw it on the bed before rummaging in my bra and panties drawer. What I was planning on doing was the complete opposite of how I've always acted. But I just didn't care. Something had changed inside of me, snapped because of all those erotic dreams. I felt like a different person as I grabbed a matching pair of blood red lacy undergarments and quickly undressed to put them on. Once the two pieces were on, I grabbed the trench coat and pulled it on, doing up the few buttons and ensuring the belt was wrapped tightly around my waist. I didn't exactly want the whole world to know that I was wearing just about nothing underneath it. This was for Eric's eyes only. I just prayed to god he was around, or else I really was going to just die from sexual frustration.

Once I was sure no one would be able to tell I was practically naked underneath the coat, I slipped on a pair of ankle boots and left the room. I peeked into the kitchen searching for Sookie, but didn't find her and continued on into the living room.

"Hey, there you are." I greeted as I entered.

"Hey." Sookie looked over the back of the couch with an apologetic smile on her face. "Sorry for letting you sleep. I tried to wake you up but you were out like a light."

"That's alright." I offered her a smile. "Could I ask for a favour?"

"Of course." She nodded, her eyes roaming over my attire. "Are you going out somewhere?"

"I was hoping to borrow your car, if you don't mind. I know I keep asking, and I really should just get a car of my own, I just..."

"Don't worry about it." Sookie laughed as she nodded at the table beside the door where her keys were lying. "You know I support you one hundred and ten percent. Giving you my car is a small price to pay for you to get that man back."

"Thanks Sook, you really are a great friend." I flashed her a grin. "I should get going though."

"You're off in a rush. I haven't seen you this excited to go to Fangtasia in over a week." She raised an eyebrow. "Is there something I should know about?"

"No, no. I just feel all refreshed after that nap." I only half lied. I did feel better after getting in a few hours of sleep, even if I was haunted by very annoying dreams of Eric.

"Alright then." Sookie didn't look like she completely believed me. "I have a date with Sam tonight after he closes up Merlotte's, and I'm probably going to be spending the night, so don't rush home on my account."

"Spending the night huh?" I winked. "Is tonight the night?"

"No." Sookie blushed. "Maybe. I don't know."

"Oh you are so going to have wild monkey sex tonight." I smirked. "Have fun with that."

"Oh you are terrible." She rolled her eyes and turned back around. "You have fun tonight too."

"Oh I will." I muttered to myself as I hurried over to the door, grabbing the car keys and leaving the house without uttering another word.

I definitely planned on having fun tonight.

* * *

"You don't give up, do you?" Pam eyed me as I approached the entrance to Fangtasia.

"Not at all." I shook my head. "Is Eric here?"

"Not yet." Pam picked at her nails. "He will be."

"Alright. Can I wait in his office?"

"I'm not in need of it right now." A smirk spread across her lips. "So for the time being, yes."

My nose scrunched up at the thought of Pam with another woman and I quickly hurried on into Fangtasia. I felt down that Eric wasn't here yet, but at least he was coming. All I had to do was wait in his office. The last few days I've showed up, he's been stuck in that damn office all night, so I figured it wouldn't be too much of a long shot to believe he'd head in there tonight. And then once he did...well I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do. Just because I had a healthy appetite for sex and desired Eric more than anything, it didn't mean I was exactly experienced in the art of seduction. I was just hoping Eric would get distracted by my nearly naked body. I was irresistible as he had pointed out before, so I was hoping once again he wouldn't be able to resist me.

I sat in the office for hours it felt like. I just sat in his chair waiting for Eric to finally arrive. It was antagonizing to just sit there, staring around the boring office for the longest time. I was beginning to think that he wasn't coming, and was about to search out Pam to question her about Eric's whereabouts when the door to the office suddenly opened. I had unbuttoned my trench coat earlier and undid the belt, so the moment the door creaked open, I jumped to my feet and threw the front of the coat open. I was giving what I hoped to be my best seductive smile, only to be completely mortified when the person entering the room, or persons I should say, wasn't Eric at all.

I let out a screech as I quickly covered myself back up, holding the coat tightly around me as both Godric and Pam stood in the door way with surprised expressions.

"Oh no please, open that back up." Pam licked her lips with brightened eyes.

"Oh god." I groaned in embarrassment. I hadn't thought of the possibility of anyone else coming into the office. Stupid stupid stupid.

"Well this is quite a surprise." Godric coughed in discomfort, though as I stared at him through the hair I let fall into my face, I was even more embarrassed to fine a spark in his eyes. Oh he was definitely not going to let me hear the end of this. He had predicted that neither Eric nor I were going to be able to follow through with this no sex rule. But I had been adamant that it was going to happen. So much for that.

"Where's Eric." I squeaked out, my cheeks heating up the longer the two stared.

"He's not coming in tonight." Pam smirked, her eyes resting on my chest.

I shifted uncomfortable underneath her gaze. "But you told me..."

"I told you wrong."

"Where is he?" I asked, trying to direct the attention away from what they had walked in on.

"He went to Sookie's." Godric informed, the look of discomfort turning into a wicked grin now. "Were you not able to control yourself, Elizabeth?"

"Don't start Godric." I groaned.

"I did warn you about this, did I not?" He stepped further into the room.

"I so want to stake you right now." I ducked my head, wishing I was anywhere but there right now.

Godric snickered. "I would hurry up if I were you, before he leaves Sookie's and you'll end up only more in need."

I was speechless. I couldn't speak as I hurried out of the room and back into the bar. I began doing up the buttons and belt of the coat as I scurried through the bar and back out into the parking lot. I was thankful for the cool wind hitting my face, cooling my body down from that embarrassment. I had been stupid enough to not think about this at all. I hadn't thought of what would happen if Eric never showed up, or if someone else walked in on me. I just rushed over here, practically naked, just to jump Eric. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe I should just go back to Sookie's and call it a night...

Except Eric was at Sookie's. I don't know why, but he would be there when I got there. And Sookie was going out for the entire night. Maybe...

I found myself growing more and more excited as I slid into the small yellow car and revved up the engine. Damnit, I was going to get some tonight one way or another!

* * *

"Why the hell are you here?" Sookie questioned in disbelief as she opened her front door to find none other than Eric Northman standing on her front porch. She was just in the process of getting herself ready for her date with Sam when she had heard the knocking on her door. She had been expecting Sam to surprise her by showing up early, or perhaps Ellie had decided to come home early. But she hadn't been expecting Eric of all people to be outside of her house, his hands clasped behind his back with a look of boredom plastered across his face.

"Is that anyway to say hello?"

"What are you doing here, Eric?" Sookie crossed her arms and stood in the doorway ensuring that he didn't enter.

"May I come in?"

"No, you may not." Sookie shook her head. "Why are you here? Ellie isn't here, she's at Fangtasia."

"I know." Eric didn't look like he cared at all, frustrating Sookie even further. "I'm asking you out of kindness. You've already invited me in."

"And I can rescind your invitation at any time." She reminded. "If you know Ellie isn't here, then why are you here?"

"I knew she was coming to see me." Eric shrugged.

"So why did you come here?" Sookie was starting to become frustrated at his short answers. "And don't bullshit me, Eric."

"I didn't wish to see her tonight." he answered simply.

"Why not? She seemed excited to see you." Her eyebrows furrowed.

"That is none of your business." His eyes narrowed. "Are you going to let me in?"

"Not until you answer my questions." Sookie shook her head.

Eric sighed but he didn't make a move to enter the house or to leave. Sookie took that as encouragement to continue her questioning.

"Why did you come here? Couldn't you have gone home?" she wondered.

"She would have assumed I was there."

"Well why are you avoiding her then?" Sookie let her arms fall to her side in exasperation.

"As I said, that is none of your business." Eric stepped forward. "Are you going to let me in, or am I going to have to force my way in?"

"You don't have to be rude about it, Eric." Sookie stood her ground with a frown. "Why don't you try asking nicely, or I don't know, just tell me why you're avoiding her."

"I have my reasons, Ms. Stackhouse." Eric's patience level was beginning to crumble. "I will not ask again."

Sookie knew she didn't have to allow him in; she did have the power to ensure that he couldn't enter at all. But she was curious as to why Eric was avoiding Ellie. Maybe if she let him in, he would come around and just tell her. She knew it was doubtful, but perhaps she would be able to keep him there long enough for Ellie to come back. She could even call the brunette, informing her of his arrival. Sookie wanted those together just as much as it seemed Ellie had wanted her and Sam to finally admit their feelings for one another. Ellie thought she and Sam deserved love, well Sookie thought the opposite. Ellie and Eric had gone through so much over the past few years that Sookie just wanted them to be happy. She just wanted them to be together, to spend eternity with one another. If she could help in anyway, then she would.

"Fine, come in." Sookie finally stepped to the side, motioning for him to enter.

With his long strides, Eric was inside of the house in seconds and already settled in the living room. Sookie was about to enter the room after him when she caught sight of the time and was shocked to find Sam would be there shortly for their date.

"I have to finish getting ready for my date." Sookie stood in the doorway to the living room. "You can just...well just don't touch anything."

Eric raised an eyebrow with a smirk. "A date? Really? And who is the lucky dog?"

"Sam." She answered with a frown, knowing what he was going to say next.

"So he really is a dog then." Eric shook his head with a snort. "Don't worry, Ms. Stackhouse, I won't touch a single thing."

Sookie sighed and shook her head before hurrying up the stairs to her bedroom, but not before grabbing her cell phone and praying that Ellie had hers on her.

* * *

"I'll be right there, Sook." I spoke into the phone as I drove into Bon temps. "Whatever you do, don't let him leave."

"Oh I won't." Sookie assured. "I don't know why he's avoiding you, but he's going to have to face you."

"Oh, he is definitely going to face me." I eyed my trench coat, just wanting Eric to rip it off of me already. The mere thought sent a chill up my spine. "I'll be there in less than ten minutes."

Sookie and I hung up and I concentrated on driving. Though Eric just kept entering my mind. How could he not? He was always on my mind, at all times since I've come back. And even when I was stuck in the In-Between. Hell, back when he drove me insane in Chicago I still thought of him, and that was before I had regained my memories and fell in love with him. Without the sexual attraction, there was still something there that I couldn't put my finger on. But it drew me to him. He always occupied my thoughts. I always wanted to hear his voice, to be at his side. And I doubted that was going to change at all throughout my life.

I couldn't have been happier when I parked in the driveway of Sookie's house. I excitedly climbed out of the car, nearly forgetting to cut the engine before hurrying up the pathway to the front porch. I knew I wouldn't have long to seduce Eric. If he had come here to avoid seeing me at Fangtasia, then he would leave the minute he saw me. I had to work fast, and just hope Sookie was nearly ready to go so she wouldn't have to walk in on anything too traumatizing.

"Oh look who's here." Sookie threw the door open before I even had a chance to. "Ellie what are you doing here, I thought you were at Fangtasia. Look who's here, Eric."

She winked at me before ushering me into the house. I tried to mask my grin, and thought I did a pretty good job considering. The moment I saw Eric though, it didn't take long for my mood to falter slightly. He had snapped off of the couch, his eyes narrowing as he looked between Sookie and me suspiciously. Sookie just smiled innocently as she hummed a tune to herself and grabbed her hand bag.

"I'm just going to go wait for Sam outside." She quickly excused herself, and moments later, Eric and I were alone.

I held my breath as Eric and I just stared at one another for the longest time, neither of us speaking. I barely even blinked as I stared into those blue orbs, mesmerized like I always was. It wasn't until Eric spoke that I was jostled out of my trance.

"You planned this." He accused.

"Surprisingly, no." I shook my head.

"I don't believe that." His eyes were narrowed into slits as he stepped forward, not looking one bit happy that I was there.

"Believe what you want, but I was just on my way home when Sookie told me you were here." That wasn't exactly the entire truth, but it was close enough. I had a feeling that Pam had been the one to tell Eric I was at Fangtasia and he redirected his destination to here instead of the bar. I didn't want to get Pam or Godric in trouble for telling me where he was, so I just kept my mouth shut. He didn't need to know the total truth, it didn't matter. What did matter however, was the fact that we were alone and he was absolutely gorgeous in that leather jacket of his. I wanted to rip it off, along with my own jacket, and just start making hot and passionate love to this man. But I controlled myself, for the moment anyways.

"I'm leaving." He announced gruff, storming passed me and towards the door.

I knew I had to act quickly and as fast as I could I undid the buttons and belt on the jacket and tore it off of me.

"Eric, wait." I called to him, hoping he would turn back around.

The moment he turned around, his eyes grew wide in shock at my lack of clothing. His blue orbs roamed over my nakedness, his eyes stopping on my bra covered breasts. His fangs clicked out almost immediately, licking his lips as he took in the sight of me. I knew that he wouldn't leave, not with that look of hunger and desire in his eyes. The inner animal from within was showing through, and that animal wanted me, all of me at that moment. And I was willingly waiting for him.

"I want you." I spoke, taking a step forward, his eyes finally meeting mine. "I want you, Eric."

That was all that needed to be spoken.

In a matter of seconds, I found myself shoved right into the wall by Eric, his hands pinning my shoulders so I couldn't escape. But I knew I wouldn't. I needed this. I needed him. I needed him to just ravish me right now. His lips brushed against mine, his fangs grazing across my bottom lip and breaking through the skin. I moaned as he began tugging on my lower lip with his razor sharp fangs, sucking at the small wound no bigger than a paper cut. My hands travelled up to his chest as his own hands fell to my hips, grinding me against his hard erection. I gripped onto his jacket tightly, afraid that if I didn't, he would just disappear before my eyes.

"Eric..."

"Do not speak." He growled, pushing me back against the wall. "You are _mine_ tonight."

I shuddered as he spoke, the heat growing between my legs. Needing him now, I let one of my hands work its way down to the bulge in his pants, gliding over his erection and eliciting a low moan from the back of his throat. He grabbed my wrist suddenly, pinning it against the wall as he continued to suck on my bottom lip, his tongue flicking into my mouth every so often to meet my awaiting tongue. They danced together, Eric's gaining control just like he always did. I felt goose bumps on my nearly naked body as his free hand began roaming all over me, taking in every crevice, every single curve, before stopping on the crotch of my panties. I gasped in pleasure as he began rubbing my hot core through the panties, my hips grinding downwards to meet his movements. I so wanted those fingers inside of me, pumping me into oblivion.

"Please..." I whispered without thinking as he began to rub with force.

Eric had other ideas however, as he held onto my hip before driving me into another wall, my back meeting the front of a bookcase. A few of the books came tumbling to the ground as I winced at the impact. I knew he wanted control. I knew he wanted to be the one to choose what happens and when it occurs. But I couldn't help myself. I just wanted him so badly. I needed him. I craved for that erection, I yearned for those fingers. I just needed something. I tried to press myself against him at the right angle, trying to feel the erection still caught in his pants, but Eric only denied me once again and pushed me harder into the bookcase. He glared darkly down at me as one of his hands moved to the front of my braw, and with a quick tug, it was ripped right off of me and thrown onto the ground. His head dipped down to my right breast, his tongue swirling around the fleshy orb before latching his lips onto the nipple and sucking gently. I threw my head back, moaning as his fangs grazed against the sensitive nub. My hands weaved into his short hair, holding him to me, which only seemed to anger him as he suddenly grabbed onto my upper arms and slammed them against the bookcase without loosening his hold on my nipple. His roughness only drew me higher into my utopia of pure pleasure and my quickening moans nearly left me breathless.

When his fangs began sinking into my breast, I cried out in both pain and pleasure as he began sucking on both the nipple and my blood. My body was shaking fiercely as he continued to send shock wave after shockwave through me with such the simple action. He didn't even need to touch me anywhere else and I knew I would soon be rocking to my orgasm. Eric seemed to know this however, and squeezed my arms tighter, as if ordering for me to stop. I tried with all my might, biting down on my already bloody lip to try and cease the growing urge deep down inside of me. It didn't seem to help however, not until he tightened his hold on my arms so tightly that I had to let out a wince of pain, tears welling in my eyes. I knew I would have bruises on each arm in the morning, but I wasn't about to stop him now. I needed this more than anything. I didn't care how it happened, whether he made love to me or we continued with this rough housing. I couldn't have cared less. Right now I was Eric's, and that's all I would ever be if I had my way.

* * *

Eric couldn't control himself.

The moment he had turned around to find Ellie nearly naked, the raging animal from within erupted. He couldn't control his actions, he couldn't control his thoughts, and he just wanted her. He needed all of her, and he was going to get what he desired. He heard her winces, he heard her pleads, but he didn't care. He could smell he arousal and it only caused his nose to flare and his hunger to grow. He wanted to taste her. He wanted her to wither in pleasure underneath him. But he was going to bide his time. She had put him through hell those two weeks. She had destroyed him. She was still driving him insane even now. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. Here she was, giving herself to him, and at that moment, he didn't care about what he had admitted to his maker. He didn't care about losing her, about any of the pain. The only pain he wanted tonight was during their passionate primal sex, during her punishment. He was going to bring her over the edge, but he was going to do it his way. She had brought this on herself. She didn't realize just how irresistible she truly was. He had never been able to control himself around her in the past, but now it was magnified. He had yearned for her body for nearly two weeks now. It took all the self control in the world not to take her and fuck her right in his bar, not caring who was around. And now she was freely giving herself over to him, allowing him to ravish her in any way possible.

And he was going to use her up completely. He was going to ensure that even though he couldn't allow himself to be with her, she wouldn't be able to be with another soul. He would ruin her for all others. If he had to be miserable without her, then she would be miserable alone as well. She was his; he had claimed her long ago. That would not change. His claim to her would always remain true. Her body was his. She wouldn't be with another, not if he had anything to say about it.

"Eric, please..." she moaned out, her body shaking against his hold.

He growled with hunger as he removed his fangs from her breast, the blood running down her chest, staining her flawless skin. He followed the drops of blood down her flat stomach, his tongue licking up every last drop as it flowed to the hot sex he could feel pulsing as he cupped her panties with one large hand, releasing her arms as he did so. He came down to his knees, hooking one arm around her waist and drawing her towards him as his nose dove against her red panties, her scent driving him mad. He wanted to rip those panties right off of her, to take her right then and there. But he stopped himself. He would draw this out as long as possible before he would thrust his painfully throbbing erection into her sweet folds, tearing her apart and causing her to scream his name at the top of her lungs.

"Oh god, Eric, please just fuck me!" She pleaded, her hands grasping onto the shelves of the bookcase, her knuckles turning white.

Eric narrowed his eyes as he nipped her belly button, not hard enough to draw blood, but just enough for her to yelp out in pain.

"I told you to be quiet." He ordered. "Do not speak another word, or else I will leave. Do you understand that, my pet?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but as he cupped her panties, squeezing as hard as he could, she merely closed her mouth and nodded wildly, her eyes closing as sweat broke out across her forehead. He smirked at her reaction and resumed his admiration of her body. He ran his hands down her milky white thighs, her legs shaking as he did so. He braced her against the bookshelf to keep her steady before his tongue flicked out and began teasing her, slowly drawing up one thigh, lightly brushing over the crotch of her panties, before back down the opposite thigh. He could already taste her right through her panties, she was soaking wet and that only excited him further. She may try to hide it, but he knew she couldn't resist his touch, the feel of him pulsing inside of her.

"Soon, my pet." He laid a kiss just above the top of her panties. "But first, I want to play."

* * *

My mind was reeling as he spoke those words, my mind flashing back to the dream I had only hours ago. I wondered if it was my subconscious way of warning me of what was to come tonight. Maybe I should have listened to it. Maybe I shouldn't have started this game with Eric tonight. But as he licked, touched, and kissed every inch of my body, I knew there was no possible way to stop. Eric wouldn't allow it. He would take what was rightfully his with or without my consent at this point. And truthfully, my body needed him. It was shaking from head to toe just at his hot breath leaving trails of goose bumps along my body. My mind was taking a vacation, as was my self control as I clung to the bookcase behind me, trying not to let my weakened legs collapse beneath me.

I tried to hold back my pleas, my begs for him to just slide inside of me already. He had already ordered me twice not to speak, and while usually I wasn't one obey his every command, tonight I was all his. Tonight I was not a Phoenix; I was not the most powerful being in the world. Tonight I was only a desperate girl who wanted to be the woman Eric Northman ravished. I wanted to scream his name, to wither in pure pleasure.

I just wished he would hurry the hell up.

I was surprised when Eric rose and cupped both of my ass cheeks, raising me right off the ground. My legs circled around his waist immediately as his lips crashed down on mine, the need and desire almost overwhelming. Our tongues fought against one another as I felt Eric move, and in a flash he was pushing me down onto a hard surface. I felt around with my hands and realized Eric had laid me down on the dining room table, where Sookie and I sat occasionally for meals.

Note to self, clean the table before we eat here again.

I let out a gasp as Eric's fangs sliced right through the tip of my tongue, blood beginning to drip into my mouth before he began sucking hungrily at the new wound. I was moaning in pleasure, and almost couldn't breathe before I forced myself to breathe through my nose, though I was already beginning to feel light headed from the activities tonight. I wondered if I was going to be able to hold out until we came to the climax I knew would soon be here. I knew only a few touches from Eric and I would be thrown over the edge in an exploding orgasm. But I also knew he wouldn't allow it. He would only punish me further if I tried to find release before it was time. While that thought thrilled me, sending a chill up my spine, I was willing to play by his rules, at least for now so I could finally reach my peak.

* * *

The taste of her blood drove him insane. He wanted all of it. He could have drained her right then and there and at the moment, he wouldn't have cared. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't kill her. He would always love her, even if he couldn't be with her, even if he pushed her away. He would always be there to ensure not a single hair on this beautiful girl's body was harmed. He would tear apart any soul that thought they could touch his Phoenix. That would always be the case. He would never stop watching over her, ensuring that she was safe. Even from afar he would protect her in any way possible.

He parted his lips from hers, knowing that if he drank another drop of her blood, he would find himself ending this night quicker than he had wanted to. So he began kissing his way across her jaw, past her inviting neck, and to her breasts. He tweaked both of her nipples with his fingers, brushing his thumb over the sensitive nubs as his lips moved down her stomach and to her belly button. He sucked on her skin, her moans telling him all that he needed to know. He was tempted to bite her there, to drink even more from her, but he held himself back. He controlled himself just enough as his hands began trailing down her body and to her core, his fingers slipping into the sides of her panties and beginning to slide them down her perfectly sculpted legs.

The moment the panties were discarded, he couldn't stop himself as he allowed himself a taste. His tongue struck her without any warning and her body reacted, violently shaking in ecstasy on the table. He smirked as he licked her teasingly slow. He knew she was growing close, that she would explode if he continued. And that's exactly what he did. He pushed her continuously towards the edge, her moans growing into screams as her heart raced inside of her chest, a sound that was like music to his ears. But just as she was about to reach her peak, for her body to meet the sweet release it begged for, he stopped. She let out a frustrated groan, her body squirming as she tried to find that release as he drew away from her. He laid a hand on her stomach as he licked his lips, his eyes staring down at her moaning form. Her eyes were closed, unable to stare at him as she searched for a way to bring herself over the edge. He tapped at her cheek, wanting to stare into those beautiful green eyes he had dreamed of for so long.

"Come on, my pet, look at me." he urged, brushing his lips against her temple gently. "I want to look into those beautiful eyes of yours."

Ellie sighed, her eyes slowly opening and meeting his gaze. He saw the hunger, the desire inside of those orbs and his smirk widened. She knew exactly what she had gotten herself into and he couldn't wait to hear his name pass through her lips in ecstasy. He knew he couldn't wait for too much longer. He needed her, he needed her now.

"Eric..." her voice was barely even a whisper as her chest rose up and down. "Please..."

He shook his head as he brought his lips down to her earlobe, nipping at it harder than he normally would have. She yelped in pain as he circled an arm around her waist, pulling her against him before rising off of the table. She couldn't hold herself up and he carried her as he began towards the stairs. He would finish this in her bedroom, where she would be comfortable as he pushed her so far over the edge she wouldn't even remember where she was.

He was lying her down in the middle of her bed within seconds, his hand caressing back her damp hair. He kissed her forehead softly, beginning a trail of kisses down her cheek and brushing over her sweet lips. His tongue slid over her bottom lip, licking up the remnants of blood that was still there, the taste of her intoxicating life force sending him towards the release he could feel building up inside of him. He pulled himself away from her just long enough to rid himself of his own clothes before he straddled her small form. Her hands went straight to his chest, her fingernails dragging down his muscles. He growled and pinned her wrists to the bed, hissing in her face as he positioned himself over top of her. She moaned in delight as he pressed his erection against her opening, teasing her as he stayed still, watching as she tried to raise her hips to meet him. He kept her flat against the bed however, his fangs grazing across the curve of her neck, his natural instinct to just rip right into her neck. And he did. He sunk his fangs into that pulsing vein and allowed the blood to flood into his mouth, fusing with his own. Ellie gasped in pain beneath him and he chose that moment to thrust right into her without a hint of warning. She yelped in pain before moans of pain emitted from her lips, growing louder with every thrust. He moved painfully slow as he drank her blood, torturing her to a point of no return.

"Oh god...oh...oh...oh god!" she breathed out, her body growing tense as her hands curled into the bed sheets.

He released her wrists as he quickened his pace, her building release growing stronger and stronger. His own release was on the horizon, but he was holding off for as long as possible. With every thrust, her body would shake beneath him, squirm and only drive him in deeper. As he drank her intoxicating elixir, his hand ran down to her breasts, pinching a nipple between his fingers. She gasped out as he did so, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as the breath was caught in her throat. He listened to her heart beat for a moment, just resting inside of her without moving an inch. It was racing inside of her chest. He wondered how the human heart could beat at such a rate and not simply explode. He could feel the pounding heart as he pressed against her, it's thumbing matching every breath that left her lips. He couldn't help but become fascinated by the heartbeat. It had been a thousand years since he had felt the racing heart in his chest. It had been still for so long that he nearly forgot he even had one.

"Please...please..." she moaned her pleas. "Eric!"

It only took another long thrust into her until she was screaming out in pleasure, riding the cloud of ecstasy she had been begging to be on. He himself let himself go as he hungrily dove his fangs deeper into her neck. They climaxed together, intertwining and becoming one. At that moment, he didn't wish to part from her, not for awhile. At that moment, he forgot about the past, about the pain that surged through him at the mere thought of losing her. He just enjoyed the sensations that shot through the both of them. He let their bond flow, allowing for the love they shared for one another to mingle. He held her close to him, still inside of her as he continued to drink from her shaking body.

He never realized how much blood he had taken until he found Ellie falling limp beneath him, her breathing slowing as she fell back down from her waves of orgasms. He could feel the heartbeat, her pulsing vein, begin to slow faster than it should have been and only then did he retract his fangs. He lifted his head up, his eyes searching Ellie's sweat covered face. Her eyes were closed and as he listened closely, he knew she had fallen unconscious. He felt a pang of guilt, knowing that he had brought her pain. But he had also brought her pleasure, and that was what he cared about. This would not happen again, he knew that much. They couldn't find themselves in this position. He craved her, every single part of her, but it was dangerous. He could have stayed there, laid with her and curled up at her side until dawn. Being with her, even in the most sexual of ways, it connected them in a way that he couldn't allow. He needed to distance himself from her. He needed to remember his plan. He had to push her away, to leave her. He couldn't lose her again; he couldn't become that person he had evolved into.

So he slid out of her, pushing himself off of the bed and began to put his clothes back on. He never took his eyes off of her delectable body as he placed the thin bed sheet over her exhausted body, his eyes falling on the blood stains. He shook his head with a sigh as he leaned over and placed a single kiss on her lips before leaving the room, knowing that unless he wanted his heart broken again, he needed to let her go, to remove her from his heart completely.

"Goodbye, my sweet angel."


	19. Chapter 19: You Make It Real

**Chapter Nineteen: You Make It Real**

I woke up the next morning exhausted. I vaguely remembered all that happened between Eric and me, though a good portion of my memory was hazy from the pure pleasure of it all. My legs felt life 100 pound weights, while my arms ached whenever I moved them. My neck throbbed, and from my weakened state, I knew Eric had taken a bit too much blood. I tried to roll out of bed but found that I couldn't, and just stayed where I was for almost a good hour until I became stir crazy. Slowly, I pushed back the bed sheet that I noticed was stained with blood and I made a note to try and wash them later. It took a good ten minutes to merely move my legs over to the edge and touch the ground, while it took much longer to be able to sit upright and stay that way. My head was spinning and my stomach just dropped. I needed to eat something, to improve my blood sugar level quickly before I found myself falling unconscious again. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before pushing myself up onto my feet with my sore arms. I winced as I did so, and once I was standing, I found myself swaying and nearly fell onto the floor if I hadn't clutched onto the nightstand. I was breathing heavily as I tried to straighten, and even managed to do so after a few minutes. I shuffled across the carpeted floor to the opposite side of the room, grabbing onto a robe before slipping it on. I needed a shower to clean myself off, as I reeked of sex and sweat, not to mention there was blood caked to my skin. But I knew I needed a giant glass of orange juice before I did anything. Maybe two or three even. I just prayed that Sookie hadn't gotten home yet.

It felt like hours passed as I slowly made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. I had clutched onto the railing for my life, stopping ever two or three stairs until I was on the main floor. The moment I had the glass of orange juice in my hands, I began gulping it down. I nearly choked from how fast I was drinking it, but I didn't care. I fell into the chair at the table as I finished off the first glass, resting my forehead on my arms. I just sat there for the longest time, a strong desire to just fall fast asleep washing over me. I pushed that desire to the side however, and poured myself another glass of orange juice, drinking the juice until the colour began returning back to my face and I felt at least a smidge better.

When I found that I had enough strength to get a quick shower, I began the trek back up the stairs but stopped in front of Sookie's room. The door was open and as I looked in, it was obvious she hadn't come back yet. I thought about borrowing her bathtub instead of using the shower in the guest bathroom, knowing that my legs may not be able to hold me up for too long. Figuring Sookie wouldn't mind, I tip toed into her room and slipped into the bathroom. I let the water run, the warm water filling up the tub, before disrobing and slipping into the heavenly bathtub. I let out a moan of delight as my heavy eyelids closed. It felt like I was floating right out of my body as I just relaxed, trying to remember the previous night.

I hadn't been expecting last night at all. I knew I wanted him, and I knew I needed to have sex with him pronto. But I never expected how rough it was going to be, or how pleasurable it was going to end up as. It was mind blowing, and I was still feeling the after effects. How Eric had pleasured me last night, it was such a contrast to how we've ever made love before. It was raw animalistic primal sex, that was the only way to describe it. And it was wonderful. I don't know if I would choose to have sex like that all the time, but it was certainly a nice change.

I wasn't sure how long I ended up staying in the bath, but eventually I began to feel livelier. I was still sore, and the blood loss would take a toll on me for the rest of the day, but I felt good enough to get out of the tub and not waste the day away in here. After I drained the bathtub and ensured nothing looked out of place, I shuffled out of Sookie's room and into my own. I brushed my long tangled hair, pulling it over my one shoulder to hide the nasty fang wound on my neck that Eric didn't bother to heal at all. But that was just like him, ensuring that even if I wasn't with him, I was still his in every other way. He would always have claim to me, and I found myself perfectly alright with that.

After I pulled on yoga pants and a loose t-shirt, I found myself back downstairs, just curling up on the couch and watching daytime TV. I was just about to drift off into a nap when I heard the front door open. I blinked, rubbing at my tired eyes before turning to look over the back of the couch. I offered a smile as Sookie came walking into the house wearing the largest grin I've ever seen.

"Have a good night." I teased.

She shook her head, breaking herself out of her trance before glancing into the living room and blushing.

"Oh yeah, you definitely had a good night." I rested my elbow on the back of the couch.

"How did things with Eric go?" She quickly changed the subject as she walked over and sat beside me on the couch.

"Alright, I guess." I shrugged, though I couldn't stop the grin from growing on my own face. "Pretty great actually."

"That's really great, Ellie." Sookie smiled, reaching a hand over to grasp mine. "I'm glad you and Eric are...what the hell happened to your arm?"

I mentally slapped myself. I had forgotten about the bruises on my arms when I had gotten dressed. Had I been smart, I would have worn longer sleeves to hide the bruises. I knew Sookie wouldn't understand how they occurred. It wasn't like Eric hurt me; things just got a little rough while we were having sex. It hadn't really hurt at the time, and they were only aching now. But to Sookie, that wouldn't matter.

"Ellie?" She pulled my arm down off of the top of the couch, her eyes inspecting the bruise. I shifted so she wouldn't be able to see my other arm, but she must have realized what I was doing and grabbed my wrist. "Ellie what the hell happened to you?"

"Nothing Sookie." I assured her as she held my arms out, her eyes filling with worry at the sight of the purple bruises.

"This isn't nothing, Ellie." Her eyes rose to meet mine. "What happened? Why do you have bruises on your arms? And why are you so pale?"

I shifted uncomfortably under her scrutinizing stare, hoping she wouldn't think to look at my neck. But Sookie wasn't an idiot, and that's exactly where she looked next. I chewed on my bottom lip as she brushed the hair off of my shoulder, a gasp emitting from her lips.

"Oh my god, Ellie!" She drew closer, inspected my neck closely. "Eric did this to you, didn't he?"

"We were just having sex, Sookie." I promised. "He didn't do any of this on purpose."

"Are you sure about that?" She pulled back, a look of disbelief on her face. "Your neck looks really bad, Ellie. How much blood did he take?"

"Just a little bit." I mumbled in response.

"That I don't believe." She shook her head. "You're pale as anything."

"I'm fine, Sookie." I pulled my hair back over my shoulder to hide the wound from sight before wrapping my arms around myself. "Really, I am."

"No you're not." She frowned. "You're bruised, pale, and I can tell that you're sore. What did he do to you?"

"We had sex, that's it." I sighed.

"This doesn't happen when you have sex." Sookie pointed out with pursed lips.

"Okay, so we had rough mind blowing sex." I looked down at my lap. "But I'm fine, Sookie. I had some orange juice, and I took a bath in your bathtub I hope you don't mind. I feel fine."

She searched my face, looking for any lie I might have told. But I was fine. Sure I felt a bit weak and was aching, but after being with Eric last night, I felt better than I have in a long time. I wasn't sure if last night would amount to anything with Eric, but it was at least nice to have that one night with him. Even if it had gotten a bit rough.

"I'm going to give him piece of my mind when I see him next." She decided with a sigh. "He shouldn't be that rough with you. You might be a Phoenix, but you're still human."

"It was actually...amazing." a look of pure happiness swept across my face. "I never thought I could feel that way."

Sookie raised an eyebrow. "By him hurting you?"

"Oh he didn't do it on purpose." I assured her, taking her hand and squeezing it. "He's a vampire. He's a lot stronger than a human and I'm sure he forgets that sometimes. I wasn't exactly innocent. I was the one who brought it on. So it's not his fault Sook, really."

"I'm still not happy about this." She frowned, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Just as long as you don't stake him." I chuckled.

"One day, I tell you, one day." She mumbled before pushing herself off the couch. "I'm going to go make you something to eat; you look like you could use it."

"You don't have to do that Sookie." I shook my head.

"Yes I do. It will keep me busy so I don't drive over there and stake him while he sleeps."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Alright then, if it will keep you from doing that..."

"You just stay here and rest. Don't even think about moving or doing anything." She wagged her finger at me.

"Yes, mom." I stuck my tongue out at her, though I did appreciate how much she cared. I wouldn't trade Sookie for the world. I needed her in my life. I've never had a best friend like her before. I don't even recall having a best friend ever. I was always so withdrawn when I was younger. I didn't care much about it. I had my brother and that was all I needed. But right now, I desperately needed someone to lean on, and I was grateful to have both Sookie and Godric in my life.

* * *

By the time the sun had set, Sookie and I were both curled up on the couch, eating the pizza I had insisted on ordering so Sookie wouldn't have to make me another meal. We were watching He's Just Not That Into You and making little comments from our own experiences. Neither of us remembered there was even an outside world until the phone rang. I was about to get up to fetch the phone, but was pushed back down on the couch by Sookie as she went in search of it. I laughed and watched as she walked into the kitchen, not paying much attention as I went back to watching the movie.

"What do you mean he's going to leave?"

My eyebrows shot up as I turned around in the couch and looked towards the door way, pausing the movie and trying to listen in on the conversation in the other room.

"Does she know about this? Well someone needs to tell her!"

My stomach was beginning to churn and I knew this wasn't going to turn out well. I nervously bit on my fingernails as I continued to listen.

"I can't believe this. Why is he leaving? What the hell is wrong with him?"

I knew who she was talking about. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know this conversation was concerning Eric. I couldn't stop my eyes from welling up with tears, knowing that for whatever reason, Eric wanted to leave. Why? After our night last night, why did he want to leave me? Did he really not love me anymore? Did he really hate me that much? But that couldn't be true. He wouldn't have spent last night with me if he thought that way. So why was he doing this? Why did he want to leave?

"Yeah, I'll talk with her. Alright, thanks for letting me know Pam."

I quickly turned back around on the couch, rubbing at my eyes and hoping I didn't look as heartbroken as I felt. I heard Sookie walk back into the room but I kept my eyes glued to the TV.

"You heard, didn't you?" She guessed, sitting down beside me and taking my hands in hers.

I didn't even try to hide it as I nodded sadly and turned to look at her. "Eric is leaving, isn't he?"

"He plans on it." Sookie nodded.

"For how long?"

"Pam didn't say. I don't think she knows either. He isn't stepping down from his position, so I suspect it can't be for too long." Sookie shrugged.

"Just long enough." I felt a tear slip down my cheeks. "Why is he doing this? Didn't last night change anything?"

"I guess not." Sookie wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Ellie. I wish I could knock some sense into him, I really do."

"This isn't fair." I just let the emotions take over me, the tears streaming down my cheeks. "Why can't we just be happy? Why can't we just be together?"

"I don't know." Sookie hugged me tightly, my tears wetting the shoulder of her shirt. "He loves you, I know he does. I don't know why he can't just admit that."

I couldn't hold back the sob that passed through my lips, holding onto Sookie tightly. Why was this happening to me? Why was all of this happening? I came back here to be with Eric. I came back here despite all the pain and sacrifice so I could live the rest of my life with the man I loved. Why was he making it so difficult? He had to of loved me. I could feel it when he had let our bond flow. So why was he leaving? Why was he ripping my heart out and stomping on it? I just wanted to be happy for the first time in my life. I've lost so many people, so many loved ones. I couldn't lose Eric too. I needed him. He was my soul mate, he was my other half. I knew I was the same to him, so why was he tearing us apart, putting both of us through this agony?

"I'm sorry, Ellie. Maybe you can try and stop him."

"How?" I pulled away, trying to wipe away from tears but there were just too many. "How am I supposed to stop him? He doesn't want me."

"You and I both know that isn't true." Sookie shook her head. "He loves you. He's just afraid."

"I can't change that, Sook. I can't make him stay."

"Yes you can." She placed her hands on my shoulders, looking me dead in the eye. "You love him, don't you Ellie?"

"With all of my heart." I nodded while sniffing.

"Well then you damn well fight for him." there was a look of determination in her eyes. "You fight for the love you have for one another. He can be scared all he wants, but you two are meant to be together. Tell him that. Refuse to let him go. That's the only way anything is going to change."

A part of me knew she was right. I hadn't given up yet; there could still be hope for us. But the other part of me was scared. What if I only ended up getting rejected? What if he left anyways? I don't know what I would do if I lost him. I needed Eric in my life. I needed him like I needed oxygen to breathe. He was a necessity, one I just couldn't lose.

"You can do this, Ellie. I know you can. You love him and I just know he loves you. Give him a reason to stay. Do whatever you have to do, but just do it. You can't give up." She offered an encouraging smile. "Make him fall in love with you again."

"How?" I whispered.

"I don't know." She answered truthfully. "But just look into your heart, you'll figure it out. Just fight for him, Ellie. Because if you don't, you'll regret it until the day you die."

I nodded numbly, looking down at my fidgeting hands as I thought over what she said. As scared as I might be, I knew that I had to do this. I couldn't just let him walk away from this. I couldn't just let him leave, not without talking to me face to face and without sex looming over us. I needed to fight for Eric, just like Sookie said. I needed to look into my heart, figure out what I need to do, and then I just had to do it. I had to throw myself into the shark tank, risking everything, just to hopefully gain the love of my life back. I had to do it, there wasn't any other choice, there wasn't any other option. I loved Eric, and that would never change.

* * *

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Sookie leaned against the doorway to my bedroom as I slipped on a pair of royal blue heels.

I looked up and nodded, though there was still a hint of fear in my eyes, scared that it wouldn't work.

"It'll work." She assured as if she had read my mind. "I know whatever you're going to do, it's going to work."

"I hope so." I sighed sadly as I tucked my wavy hair behind an ear before standing up and adjusting the flowing dark blue dress I had decided on.

"Well you look amazing, at least." Sookie offered a smile. "He won't know what hit him."

I nodded, though I couldn't help but catch sight of the bruises on my arms in the mirror across the room. I looked down at each one them, letting my fingers trace the hand sized bruises and wincing slightly. Any normal person would have hidden them in shame. But I couldn't do that. Because I didn't regret what happened last night with Eric. That was a night I would surely never forget, and I wasn't about to cover up the bruises because they weren't socially acceptable. I didn't care about the stares I would get, the curious glances that would be thrown my way. I only cared about Eric and getting him back, that was it.

"Here's the CD you asked for." Sookie handed over the CD and I held onto it gingerly. "What are you going to do with it?"

"Win him back, hopefully." I looked up and met her gaze. "I should get going. Thank you for everything Sookie. You've always been so supportive."

"Hey, you kicked my ass in gear and made me realize that I could love again. It's only fair that I do whatever I can to help you and Eric get back together." She smiled widely. "It will happen, I know it will."

I walked over to her and hugged her quickly before grabbing my leather jacket and beginning down the stairs with Sookie on my heel.

"Call me if you need anything. I'll have Sam drive me over in a heartbeat." Sookie promised as we stopped by the front door. "Don't hesitate to call for help."

"I won't." I nodded as I swallowed back the lump rising in my throat. "This has to work, it just has to."

"It will." Sookie assured, having enough positive energy for the both of us. "Good luck, not that you'll need it."

I forced on a smile before leaving the house, Sookie's keys in one hand with the CD in the other. The moment I slipped into Sookie's car, my heart began racing just thinking about what I was going to do. I wasn't even sure if Eric would be at Fangtasia like Pam had assured us he would be when Sookie called. She had been wrong last night, so perhaps he wouldn't show up again tonight. I prayed that he would, that I would be able to go through with this before I chickened out. Every minute that passed as I drove towards Shreveport, the desire to turn back became greater. By the time I had entered the city, my fingers were just itching to turn the wheel around. I didn't though, and found myself in the parking lot of Fangtasia soon enough. I gulped as I stared up at the building, hoping to god everything would work out.

"He's inside." Pam appeared at the car door the moment I opened it. She ushered me out and slammed it shut behind me before pulling me towards the front entrance. "But he won't be for long."

"Why are you helping me, Pam?" I asked before we made it to the door. "He's your maker."

"A maker I would like to keep around." Pam answered. "He's been miserable for too long. You might not be my favourite human in the world, but you make him happy."

I nodded and didn't press it with Pam, knowing that was probably the nicest thing she would ever say to me. It was nice to know that she at least approved of our relationship. She meant the world to Eric; she was a part of him after all. So to receive her word of approval, it meant a great deal to me.

"What is that?" Pam nodded at the CD case in my hands.

"I need you to play this for me." I handed it to her.

"Why?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Because it's part of my plan. Just please play it." I looked up at her with pleading eyes.

She sighed but nodded, pushing me into the bar while taking the CD from my hands. I thanked her before raising my gaze towards the stage. I sighed in relief when I found Eric settled on top of the stage, his eyes focused downward to his phone. He looked relaxed, and I knew he didn't realize that I was here in his bar. The moment he did, I suspected he would do whatever he could to ensure he wouldn't have to talk to me. And I couldn't let that happen. Eric and I needed to talk, some way or another. We needed to figure things out, to work on our relationship. Before he leaves and all is lost.

"Good luck." Pam whispered to me before she left my side.

I wringed my hands as I slowly moved forward. As the music filling the bar suddenly just stopped, the patrons looks around in confusion, and even Eric's head popped up, a frown on his face. I was thankful that the bar was so packed, allowing me to walk towards the stage without Eric's knowledge. Not until the patrons began realizing who I was and parted, creating a path towards the stage, and ultimately, towards Eric. My gaze rose and my heart began pounding in my chest as Eric's eyes fell on me. The lump rose in my throat as I fought to keep myself calm. I was caught between wanting to run away right now and just jumping onto that stage and refusing to let go of him. I managed to control both urges however, and just continued to walk forward until stopping just before the stage. Eric had risen and was now staring down at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I wasn't sure if he was happy I was there, or trying to figure out a way out of this.

"Eric." I was surprised I was even able to speak, my tongue feeling like sandpaper.

"I want you to leave." He ordered, taking a step forward.

"Eric, please, I just came here to..."

"Leave." He growled, his eyes narrowing and his hands clenching at his sides.

"No." I shook my head. "Not until we get to talk."

"I don't wish to talk to you. Leave."

When I heard the music from the CD beginning to fill up the bar, I inhaled sharply before charging forward with what I had come here to do.

"Dance with me Eric." I asked hopefully as the music grew louder. "One dance, that's all I'm asking for and then I'll leave."

He stared down at me with such anger, I thought he was just going to stomp away. But I was surprised by the sigh that emitted from his lips before he slowly began down the stage stairs and stood in front of me.

"Just one dance, and then you won't have to see me again. Ever." I promised with a heavy heart. I was praying it wouldn't come to that.

He thought about it longer than I would have liked, but finally, he held out his hand for me to take. The corner of my lips twisted upwards as I laid my hand in his large one, a shock running through me as I did. His hand grasped mine before tugging me gently to the middle of the bar where the patrons had moved to the side, creating a dance floor for only the two of us. I knew every single person was now watching us, curious as to what was going on. But I couldn't have cared less. Because at that moment, it was only the two of us. Eric's arm hooked around my waist, drawing me closer as my one hand fell on his chest. I shuddered as I felt his toned muscles through his thin black tank, the memories from last night flashing before me.

_There's so much craziness surrounding me,  
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe  
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me,  
You make it real for me_

I looked up at him as we slowly began to dance, but he refused to meet my gaze. I gripped his hand as if my life depended on it, like he would disappear if I let go. And he really would. The moment this dance was over, the moment the last note was played, either I was going to have the man that I loved back in my arms, or else I was going to lose him forever. I was petrified. I was more scared in this moment, then I had ever been with those witches. It scared me to think that I could lose Eric tonight, that this effort would be useless and he would still leave me. It scared me to think that after tonight, I may never see him again. Because even if he did come back, it was evident that he wouldn't want to see me, that all hope would be lost. I would be forced to move on, and I just couldn't do that. How could I possibly look at another man the same way? Eric was it for me. He was the only man I craved for, the only man I would accept in my life. I couldn't lose him. Not yet. We've had only a short time together. I wanted decades. I wanted a lifetime.

"Eric..."

"Don't." He shook his head before his gaze finally fell on me. "Do not ruin this moment."

"We need to talk Eric." I looked into those blue orbs and felt the sudden desire to just cry. "Please, just talk to me. Why are you..."

"No." He growled, stopping suddenly.

I sighed and closed my eyes, willing away the tears that were beginning to form. After a moment, the dancing resumed, though my heart had begun breaking.

_When I'm not sure of my priorities,  
When I've lost sight of where I'm meant to be  
And like holy water washing over me,  
You make it real for me_

The seconds passed felt like an eternity. And I was glad for that. I never wanted this to end. I never wanted for that song to finish, for this dance to stop. I needed Eric. I needed to feel him; I needed to be able to see him, to hear him speak. How the hell was I supposed to go on without him? This was worst than having him die. I would know for the rest of my life that Eric was out there somewhere and that he didn't want me. That hurt worse than to know that person you loved died. At least then, you knew it was not their choice, that they still loved you and would be there with you if they could. But that wasn't the case with Eric. There was no threat to his life. There was no looming war. Eric was only being selfish; tearing apart this relationship for god even knows what reason.

"How did you know?" Eric asked after a moment, his voice low.

"How did I know what?" I opened my eyes and peered back up at him.

"How did you about the ring." His voice was strained as he spoke about the ring that had been haunting me since the day I returned.

I smiled slightly as I remembered that moment, when the reaper had shown me that scene. I still couldn't believe that Eric had bought me a ring. I didn't know when he had, but at some point, he had known we were going to spend eternity together. At some point, he knew we were soul mates. And that meant everything to me. That had been the sole reason I returned home. Not because of Death's plan, not because of anything else. It had been this man before me and the love he obviously shared. Where had that love gone however? I knew he still had to love me, he had to. It couldn't have just vanished so quickly. So what happened? Was this all because it took two weeks for me to decide to return home, or was there a bubbling problem that I wasn't even aware of?

_And I am running to you baby,  
You are the only one who saves me  
That's why I've been missing you lately,  
'Cause you make it real for me_

"How did you know?" he repeated, breaking me from my thoughts.

"When I was in the In-Between, the reapers, they showed me certain things." I explained softly. "Right before I made the decision to come back, they showed me you, in my old bedroom."

"With the ring." He muttered, sighing and closing his eyes as we continued to dance.

"With the ring." I confirmed. "I...I never knew you bought me a ring."

"I shouldn't have." He shook his head, his eyes opening and looking absolutely void of any emotion. "It was a mistake."

"I don't believe that."

"Believe what you want." He looked back away.

"I believe that you still love me." the hand on his chest began moving upwards to his cheek, cupping it and forcing him to look back down at me. "I believe that you never stopped."

"I don't." He assured, though even as he spoke, I still didn't believe him. There was no truth behind those words. I didn't need to be his maker to know when he was lying. I didn't need to be able to feel our blood bond to know what I could or couldn't believe. Because I knew Eric Northman, I knew everything about him that I needed to. And I knew that he loved me, that he wanted to be with me. Something was holding him back, and that's what I needed to find out.

"Just be honest with us both, Eric." I sighed. "You love me."

"I don't." His hand gripped mine so tightly I winced.

"You do." I looked him dead in the eye. "Because if you didn't, you wouldn't be dancing with me right now. You would have just kicked me out or pretend I wasn't even here. But here you are, Eric, dancing with the woman you supposedly don't love."

_When my head is strong, but my heart is weak,  
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty  
When I can't find the words, you teach my heart to speak,  
You make it real for me_

"Why can't you just admit it, Eric? What are you so afraid of?" I pressed. "Are you really this angry at me for taking two weeks to decide? Because I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"Stop." He snapped. "Stop saying you're sorry."

"Why? I am sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I put you through all of that. I'm sorry, Eric. I was confused, and I know I shouldn't have been. But you can't exactly blame me right now. I was scared to come back because of all the pain and agony that comes along with living. I've been through so much hell in my life that the thought of living in peace was welcoming." I felt the tears welling in my eyes. "And since I've been back, all I've felt is pain and agony. I just want to be happy, Eric. For once, I want to be happy, but I can't be without you."

Eric didn't respond as our hands began loosening. He took a step back, putting significant distance between us as we danced. That only caused me to move forward until I was pressed against him and our eyes were locked together. I tightened my hand over his and refused to let go. Because when I let go, I knew I would forever lose him.

_And I am running to you baby,  
You are the only one who saves me  
That's why I've been missing you lately,  
'Cause you make it real for me_

"I saw my brother." I informed him as I tried to blink away the tears. "When I was there. Death sent him as a ploy I guess."

Eric didn't say anything, he just stared down at be blankly.

I sighed and continued. "I never got to say goodbye to him before he died. It just...It happened so quickly. By the time I got to the hospital, he had been dead for half an hour already. It was so sudden. He wasn't supposed to die. He was too young. I was too young. I was only eighteen. I...I didn't know what to do without him."

It felt like someone was squeezing my heart as I spoke of my brother, but I knew I had to say this. Eric needed to hear it.

"He told me I should live." I felt a tear slide down my cheek but I ignored it. "He practically begged me to live, to have the second chance at life that he never had."

"Why are you telling me this?" Eric questioned with a frown on his face.

"Because you need to hear it."

He shook his head and looked away, but that was just fine. He didn't need to look at me; I was going to say this no matter what.

_Everybody's talking in words I don't understand,  
You've got to be the only one who knows just who I am  
And you're shining in the distance,  
I hope I can make it through  
'Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you_

"He wanted me to go back for you. He wanted me to fall in love, for him. He never found his soul mate, not like we did. He died before he could fall in love. He wanted me to come back here and just be with you, to be happy." Another tear slipped down my cheek and I was surprised when Eric wiped away without hesitance.

"I don't need to hear this."

"Yes you do." I whispered. "He liked you. He told me he approved of you, that he was glad I found you. He saw how happy you made me; even if you've been such an asshole for the majority of the time I've known you. You made me happy and that's all that mattered to him. And to me."

We had stopped dancing and were just standing there, in the middle of Fangtasia, with a crowd formed around us. But I didn't care. I needed to tell him this, to make him want to stay. I needed him to stay. I needed him to be here. Or else my return would mean absolutely nothing. I would rather be enslaved by Death, tortured by the frightening creature, than to have to endure this heartbreak.

"I love you, Eric. And I'm sorry I was confused. And I'm sorry I didn't come back to you sooner. But I'm here now. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I will never leave you, I promise you that. Why can't you just believe me? Why can't you just forgive me already?" I couldn't stop the tears as they began pouring down my cheeks.

_I guess there's so much more I have to learn,  
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn  
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run,  
You make it real for me_

"You make everything make sense, Eric. You make my whole existence mean something. Please don't leave me. Please don't do this to me." I begged him. I knew I looked pathetic and weak to everyone else in this bar, but I just didn't care. "Please, Eric. Please just forgive me. Please just love me again."

"I do forgive you." He sighed, both of his hands rising up to my cheeks, wiping away every single tear as they fell.

"Then why can't we be together?" I looked up at him through the tears. "Why can't we be happy?"

"Because we can't." He answered simply, his head shaking as he leaned down and laid a kiss on my forehead. "We can't be happy together, Ellie."

"Yes we can." I shoved at his chest suddenly, the anger swelling up inside of me. "We can be happy, you just have to try."

"I can't." He ducked his head down, unable to meet my gaze any longer.

_And I am running to you baby,  
'Cause you are the only one who saves me  
That's why I've been missing you lately,  
'Cause you make it real for me  
You make it real for me_

"But Eric." I grabbed onto his arms. "Please, Eric. Please just be with me. I need you. I can't...I can't do this without you. I can't exist for eternity without you. Please. I need you so much."

The music ended and Eric immediately dropped his hands to the side as he stepped backwards. Silence filled the room, silence except for the soft sob that emitted from my lips.

"Please Eric." I pleaded. "I can't lose you."

"You need to leave, Ellie." He looked away. "And don't come back."

"Please."

"Goodbye, Ellie." He brushed passed me and towards the stage.

"Eric, please, just..."

But he just ignored me as he walked up those stairs and sat back in his throne. He kept his gaze on the stage, refusing to meet my gaze. I was left standing there, every single pair of eyes concentrated on my shaking form as the tears spilled out over my cheeks. I couldn't move. I just stood there, wishing this was some horrible nightmare. But I knew it wasn't. This was reality. This was my horrible reality. Eric was leaving me. He was turning his back to me and slipping away.

And there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

* * *

**A/N: **so the song is You Make It Real by James Morrison. It inspired me when I first started writing this fic and I knew from the start that scene needed to happen. I hope you all can see the 18th chapter, and hopefully this one. this site likes to be annoying sometimes but hopefully everything is fixed now.


	20. Chapter 20: Goodbye My lover

**Chapter Twenty: Goodbye My Lover**

I could barely keep myself upright as I stumbled out of Fangtasia and into the cool night. My entire body was shaking from head to toe as tears streamed down my cheeks with no end in sight. I couldn't think, I couldn't even walk across the parking lot. I didn't notice the line of fangbangers watching me curiously, and I certainly didn't notice the rain that began to fall. The only thing that I noticed, the only thing that I even cared about, was my breaking heart. It was shattering right in front of me as my world crashed down around me. It felt like everything I had ever known was being ripped away from me. I was enduring pain that no one could possibly understand. I would take a thousand years of the pain and agony the witches had inflicted upon me rather than this. This was torture, and there was no possible way to change it.

Eric was leaving.

He was leaving and I didn't even know if he was ever going to come back.

I couldn't stop the sob that slipped from my lips, my legs weakening and before I knew it, I was collapsing on the ground, the sobs racking my body. I hid my crying face with my hands as I just sat there on my now scraped knees, not caring who in the world was watching me break down in public. It didn't matter. None of it mattered anymore. The only thing, the only person that had ever mattered was inside of that building, except he didn't give a damn about me. He was turning me away. He was throwing me to the curb when only weeks ago he had been begging for me to return. How had it changed so quickly? He was supposed to love me. He had to love me. How could he not? He had bought me a ring, did he just forget that? We were supposed to be happy together. I came back for him. I came back so we could be together for an eternity. And now he was leaving and my entire future seemed pointless.

"Elizabeth?" a voice sounded in my ear as a pair of cool arms wrapped around my shaking form.

"Godric?" I recognized the voice, my hands falling to my lap as I stared up at the vampire looking down at me with sorrow filled eyes.

"I'm here, Elizabeth." He assured, raising a hand to try and wipe the tears away, except it was useless. "We should get you home, my dear one."

"He's leaving." I croaked out, unable to stop the sobs that came one after another. "He's really leaving."

A fresh batch of tears came bursting out of my eyes, falling down my cheeks only for Godric to attempt to brush away. After a moment, and a sigh from him, I felt the arms tighten around me as he drew me up to my feet, only for him to sweep me right off my feet.

"Let's get you home." He kissed my forehead before suddenly taking off into the night sky, leaving both Sookie's car, and my shattered heart, there in that parking lot.

* * *

Godric slammed open the door of Fangtasia just as Pam was about to exit. The blonde raised an eyebrow at the ancient vampire, but quickly stepped to the side as he strode right on by her without a single glance in her direction. She had spotted him with Ellie after she had run out of the bar and knew just how furious he must have been. She was furious herself. Her maker was leaving, for absolutely no reason, and leaving the bar in her care. Normally she wouldn't have cared, even enjoying having Fangtasia's control in her power. But she knew better. She knew Eric was going off to be miserable, to spend however long in whatever shithole only to regret his mistake. Pam may not exactly like Ellie, but she had brought happiness to her maker she had never witnessed in the century she had known him. And that was a happiness she desperately wanted her maker to have.

"Stupid, stupid Viking." Pam shook her head before exiting the bar and into the night.

Godric however, was storming straight into Eric's office without even a knock. He didn't care. He was furious and raging like he never had before. If this had been any other vampire, he would have torn them apart, used physical force to destroy them. But he couldn't do that, not to his child, not to the vampire he had created. Just because he wouldn't allow him to use violence on his progeny however, it didn't lessen his anger.

He had watched Ellie cry herself to sleep. He had sat on her bed beside her, holding her hand and caressing her tear stained cheek for hours until finally she had worked herself up into such a frenzy she had exhausted herself out. He had stayed with her until he knew she would not wake before hurrying here before Eric went to ground. He needed to have a little chat with his progeny, and hopefully change his mind.

"You are truly an idiot, Eric." Godric stood before Eric's desk, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed. "She loves you and you're just going to leave."

"Must we talk about this, Godric?" Eric sighed. "I'm not in the mood."

"Yes, we are going to talk about this.

"I have things to do."

"How can you leave her? How can you possibly leave?" Godric demanded. "She loves you."

"I'm leaving Godric, and that's that." Eric frowned from where he sat behind his desk.

"You infuriate me, my child." Godric closed his eyes, his hands clenching at his side as he tried to control his growing temper. He had been able to deal with his progeny's selfishness and stubborn personality for over a thousand years and only on a few occasions had his patience been tested. But this moment, this very moment in time, Godric was close to snapping at the only vampire he had ever turned in his existence. "I love you. I will always care greatly about you, Eric. But I am losing my patience with you."

"Either command me to stay or just leave me, Godric." Eric rubbed the bridge of his nose, exhausted already from their conversation. "I'm leaving tomorrow night and unless you order me not to, that what's going to happen."

"How can you do this to her?" Godric's eyes snapped open and blazing with fury. "How can you torment her like this? Don't you love her?"

"Of course I do!" Eric growled, suddenly angered by his maker's accusation. "Of course I love her. It would take a fool not to fall in love with her."

"Then why do this to her?" Godric just could not understand why Eric was doing this, why he was putting both himself and Ellie through this agony. They loved one another; they could spend the rest of their lives together. Why was he leaving when weeks ago he had been praying for Ellie to come back to him?

"Because I have to." Eric looked away, his hands clenching in his lap. "I need to do this. It will be easier this way."

"It's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all."

"Do not preach to me, Godric." Eric sneered. "Can you honestly tell me you were better off falling in love with Kyra, only to lose her? You could have avoided it all, Godric. You could have saved yourself the agony and pain of losing her."

"Fearing what may or may not happen is no way to live, Eric." Godric shook his head. "You have to take risks in life; you of all people should know that. When has anything ever frightened you? I chose you on that battlefield, Eric, because you were invincible. You fought even when the odds were against you. And now look at you. You fear love and are running away from the one person who has made you happy."

"Do you regret turning me?" Eric glared up at his maker. "Do you regret giving me a second chance at life?"

"You're right Eric; I gave you a second chance at life. I gave you a chance to be happy, to find true happiness even if you were condemned to the shadows. For a millennium I've watched you grow from the Viking warrior you once were, to this creature I cannot even recognize." A look of disappointment crossed Godric's face.

"Perhaps you should have thought twice about making a child." Eric narrowed his eyes as he stood to his full height, towering over his shorter maker.

"I will never regret turning you, Eric." Godric stood there before his child, not intimidated at all by his great height. "I will never regret that night, not for a single day. But do remember, I am your maker, Eric. I do demand for some respect. Your intimidation tactics will not work on me."

Godric was furious with Eric. He claimed to love Ellie, only to leave her because of his fear. He hadn't turned Eric because of his fear. He hadn't turned Eric because he didn't believe he couldn't handle any situation. He had turned that Viking a thousand years ago because he saw a strength he found missing in himself. He had roamed the world as an eighteen year old boy for over centuries, alone and in agony over Kyra's death. He created bloodshed when there was no need for it. He was a savage, all because of the weakness inside of him. But Eric, this great Viking before him, he held a strength that he had never known in another, not since Kyra. So he had turned Eric, and by doing so, he found the strength he had thought to be lost.

But Eric no longer held that strength. He had lost it the moment he admitted to his fears and allowed them to take over. He was leaving the woman he loved on his own accord. Godric would have given anything to be with Kyra again, to love and cherish her. Eric could have that. Eric could have what he could not. And yet he chose to throw it all away. That infuriated Godric more than anything his child had ever done.

"I'm leaving Godric." Eric broke Godric out of his thoughts, his progeny back in his chair with his head turned to the side. "There's nothing you can say or do to stop me."

"I could command you." Godric reminded him. "I could order you to stay."

"I would only come to hate you."

"I could live with that hate as long as you and Elizabeth were happy." Godric didn't care what he had to do. He couldn't let either of them go through the same agony he and Kyra had gone through.

"But neither of us would be happy. I would begin to detest both of you and that would only put her through more agony."

"But you love her, Eric. You love her." Godric wanted to rip his hair out. Why was Eric acting like a stubborn child? He wanted to rush over to him and shake him, hit him until he came to his senses.

"It's because I love her that I have to leave." Eric looked down at his lap. "Do not make me beg you, Godric. I will only become miserable if I should stay here. Do you want that? Can you honestly look me in the eye and command my misery?"

Godric stared at his progeny and was unsure of what to say. Of course he didn't wish Eric to be miserable. He had always only wanted him to be happy. But he truly believed that Eric would only find himself more miserable elsewhere than with Ellie. They were soul mates. He had never seen two people more perfect for one another. Ellie was here, willing to give everything to Eric. And Eric only wished to leave, to torment the woman he loved because he was afraid.

"She will never forgive you, Eric." Godric had to look away before the anger burst right through him and he attacked his child. And that was the last thing he wanted.

"Will you? Will you ever forgive me?" Eric questioned.

"You are my child, I will always forgive you." Godric sighed. "I do not think what you are doing is right. In fact, I despise you right this moment for leaving the woman you love. I never had a second chance to be with Kyra, and it infuriates me to know that you do have that chance and yet you are leaving."

"I need to leave, Godric." Eric risked a glance up at his maker.

"Will you ever return? Forever is a long time, my child. She isn't like any other human, she will live for centuries." Godric reminded him.

"One day. One day I shall return." Eric glanced at the paper work on his desk. "I spoke to Sophie-Anne. If you accept, my title will temporarily be transferred to you."

Godric's gaze snapped over to his progeny. "Your title?"

"I do love her, Godric." Eric stood with a nod. "I could not leave without knowing she will be safe while I'm gone. The witches may be dead, but there will always be threats, she's the Phoenix. Without my power to ensure her safety, and with Sophie-Anne weakened, she could be in grave danger at any moment."

Godric wasn't sure what to say. Eric was leaving for an unannounced amount of time, long enough that the title of sheriff was being transferred to him. He wasn't sure what to make of any of it. He understood why Eric would do so. While he may not care for politics, and couldn't have been happier when he lost his position in Dallas, he did understand the risks if there was no authority in power to protect Ellie. She was a Phoenix, and for as long as she remained in an area without a Sheriff or Queen to protect her, any individual could come along and harm her. At least with him in power, at least until Eric realized his mistake and returned, he could protect Ellie better than he could without the title.

"Unless that is, you will not accept." Eric frowned at his silence.

"I will accept." Godric assured. "I wish you would reconsider, Eric. You could protect her far better than I ever could."

"No." Eric shook his head. "I need to leave, even just for a little while."

Godric sighed but nodded, knowing that unless he truly did command or order Eric to stay, nothing he said or did would change his progeny's mind.

"I've filled the paperwork out already; it only requires your signature." Eric motioned to the desk.

"Are you going to see her before you leave?" Godric questioned suddenly, not caring about some tedious paperwork. "If you are leaving tomorrow night, will you say goodbye?"

"I wasn't planning on it." Eric looked away, knowing his maker would not approve.

"You should. You owe her that much, Eric. If you love her, you will go to her one last time." Godric advised hopefully. Perhaps one last meeting would be all that it took.

Eric contemplated Godric's suggestion for a moment, but even he knew that it was true. Ellie deserved to be told goodbye. She deserved to know that he was leaving, and to be told from him, not some other source. He still loved her. He knew the love he held for her, it would never vanish, not as easily as he once thought it could be. Seeing her again, one last time, he needed it. He needed to hold her in his arms, to feel her smooth skin, to hear her voice. It would hurt the both of them, and he knew she would wish he hadn't of come. But he needed to see her.

"I'll see before I leave tomorrow." Eric agreed.

"Good." Godric glanced at the time. "It's nearing dawn, we should leave."

Eric nodded and began to move past Godric, only to stop in his tracks.

"You'll take care of her, won't you?" Eric glanced at his maker.

"Of course I will, Eric." Godric sighed with a nod. "I will always watch over her."

"Good. She'll need you."

"She'd rather you." Godric pointed out sadly. "She'd rather have you here than me."

"You're the best she's going to get."

* * *

"She hasn't come out of the bedroom at all today." Sookie bit her bottom lip as she glanced over the top of the couch towards the stairs. "I'm worried about her."

"She's just dealing with a broken heart." Sam wrapped an arm around her shoulders, tugging her against him. She gladly curled up at his side, laying her head on his shoulder. "You went through the same thing, don't you remember?"

"I never loved Bill like she loves Eric though." She pointed out with a frown. "I think I knew all along that I didn't truly love him. A part of me knew it was all a lie. He was just my first love; I didn't want to admit it to myself that it wouldn't work out."

"I'm glad it didn't work out." Sam admitted, smiling down at the woman in his arms. "Because then I never would have been able to snatch you up."

Sookie rolled her eyes, slapping his chest with her hand.

"It's true though, Sook. I know you went through a lot of pain when you found out the truth about Bill, but I've always loved you. I've always cared about you. I guess in a way I was happy it happened, not your pain, but the end of your relationship with him."

"It brought me to you." She smiled up at him happily. "As much pain as I went through, it did bring me to you, and for that I'm grateful."

"Sometimes life has a way or working itself out. And it'll happen for Ellie too. Whether or not she and Eric are meant to be together, things will work out, Sookie. All we can do is be there for her." Sam squeezed her shoulders. "Your heart mended and so will hers. It may take a couple weeks, or months, or even a few years. But eventually, she'll walk out of that bedroom and feel like a whole new person ready to start the rest of her life."

"I hope so Sam, I really hope so." Sookie sighed. "Thank you for being here. Not only for her, but for me as well."

"I'll always be here for you Sook." He assured, kissing her forehead. "I love you, and I know you and I haven't been seeing one another for all that long, but it's true. I do love you."

"I love you too." Sookie's smile widened as she cupped his cheek, pulling him closer until their lips touched. It felt like fireworks were going off around them as they kissed. It wasn't passionate, or primal. It was just a sweet kiss full of love. And that was all that was needed. "And thank you for being here right now instead of the bar. I know how you are, you hate leaving Merlotte's unless you have to."

"Terry and Lafayette are holding down the fort." Sam shrugged with a grin on his face, his hand running through Sookie's silky blonde hair. "I'd rather be here with you than to be apart from you."

"And for that, I love you even more." She pecked him on the lips quickly before managing to pull herself away from him. "I'm going to just go check up on her."

"You've been harassing her for the past hour nonstop. Give her some space." Sam grabbed her hand and pulled her back down next to him. "She needs to deal with this in her own way. And you and I have a few things to discuss."

"Oh?" Sookie raised an eyebrow in confusion.

Sam smirked as he cupped both of her cheeks before brushing his lips against hers. Sookie moaned in delight, her eyes fluttering closed.

"We definitely have a few things to discuss..."

* * *

There was no reason to wake up. There were no noises, there were no disturbing sounds. It was absolutely silent as I groggily sat up in my bed. I looked around the room, searching for any reason as to why I had woken up in the middle of the night. But there were none, not inside of the room that is. When my eyes fell on the window however, my heart just about stopped. There, floating right outside my second story window, was Eric Northman. I wasn't sure what to do when I saw him, his blue eyes boring right through the window at me. I could already feel the tears welling in my eyes, and part of me just wanted to roll over and pretend that he wasn't even there. But I knew Eric, he was persistent. He had come here for a reason and until I acknowledged him, he wouldn't leave. And that would only make things worse. Maybe it would be like a band aid. Maybe it would hurt less if I just ripped it off quickly.

Though I doubted a heart functioned that way.

After a moment of just staring at one another, my mind trying to figure out what to do, Eric impatiently tapped on the window, a frown on his face. I knew I couldn't just ignore him now. Sighing, I threw back my bed sheets and climbed out of bed. I shuffled across the floor of the bedroom until I reached the window. I inhaled sharply before opening the window a touch, just enough to be able to hear him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked softly, hoping he couldn't hear the emotion in my voice.

"We need to talk." He stared down at me, his hands clasped behind his back.

"You're still invited in, Eric; you could have just walked into the house."

"I didn't want to scare you." He frowned. "And it would be appropriate to talk outside, where there are no listening ears."

"It's freezing out, Eric." I pointed out, looking for any excuse not to step outside to see him.

"I'll keep you warm." He assured, his eyes softening. "Please, Ellie."

How could I possibly say no to him? Against my better judgement, I nodded and closed the window. I blinked once and he was gone, and I suspected he was waiting for me out on the porch. Shaking my head, I quickly pulled on a sweater over my thin tank top and slowly made my way out of the bedroom. I didn't rush, I didn't hurry, I just walked as slow as I could before hearing Eric's knocking on the front door, his patience nonexistent. Not wanting to wake Sookie or Sam up, I hurried down the stairs and to the front door, slipping outside as quietly as I could.

"Sit." I turned my head to find him sitting on the bench.

"I'd rather stand." I shook my head, leaning against the closed door.

His eyes narrowed and he patted the bench beside him. "Sit, Ellie."

I wanted to shake my head no, but I thought against it. I was tired of fighting with Eric. I was tired of doing this. Maybe if I just went along with everything, he would just leave and I could cry myself back to sleep.

"What do you want, Eric?" I asked once I was settled beside him on the bench, though I made sure to keep as far from him as possible.

"I'm leaving tonight." his voice was low as he spoke, his eyes gazing down at the porch.

I knew he was going to leave, I knew there had been nothing I could do to stop him. But to hear him say those three words, to know that these next few moments would be my last with him, it tore me to pieces. My mouth felt dry and my heart sank. I looked down at my lap as the tears began pooling in my eyes, threatening to escape. I tried to blink them back, not wanting to break down in front of him, but I knew the longer I was out here with him, the quicker I was going to fall apart.

"I came to say goodbye." I felt his gaze finally rise and fall on me. "I wanted to..."

"Don't." I shook my head and stood up, unable to sit next to him anymore. "Just don't, Eric."

"Godric thought I should see you one last time, and I agreed. I wanted to say goodbye, Ellie."

I felt his cool hand graze my hair and I quickly pulled away from him, leaning against the porch railing and keeping my back to him. I couldn't look at him, because if I did I knew I would only end up crying.

"Why?" I asked as I stared out into the night. "Why are you doing this, Eric?"

"I need to leave, Ellie." He spoke from the bench. "I didn't come here to explain my actions, I only wanted to say goodbye."

"Well then just leave then." I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep myself together. But I knew it was only a matter of time before I broke down, before the tears that were welling in my eyes would burst out. "Don't drag this out. Just leave."

"I can't." He sighed as he stood, his heavy footsteps now behind me. "I can't leave like this."

"Please don't do this, Eric." I closed my eyes tightly, wishing away the tears with all my might. I didn't want to break down in front of him again. "I can't...I can't do this. It's too hard, it's too painful."

"I need you to know something." I felt an arm slide around my waist, tugging me against him. My bottom lip quivered as his arm tightened around me to ensure I couldn't escape. I don't think I could have even if I did the choice. Even when all I wanted was to be miles away from him, I couldn't deny being in his arms. "I just need you to hear me out."

"It hurts, Eric." My body began trembling. "Please just go. I can't do this. Please."

"Ellie, my sweet Ellie." His nose nudged my hair away before coming to rest in the curve of my neck. I shuddered as his lips brushed across the wounds he had created only the other night. That night of mind blowing sex felt like eons ago. How had things changed so quickly? "I will never forget your sweet smell."

"Eric..." I couldn't do this. I couldn't hold back any longer. The tears began slipping down my cheeks one by one, not a single force in the world able to stop them.

"I forgive you, Ellie." He whispered in my ear, nipping gently at my earlobe. "I was so angry with you. I didn't understand why you hadn't wanted to be with me, why you would choose anything other than to live our eternity together. But I understand now."

I was breaking piece by piece as he spoke, as he kept himself pressed against me. I didn't know if I wanted to run away or turn around to kiss him.

"I understand you didn't want this. You never wanted the pain, or the hurt. And I am truly sorry I ever brought agony upon you." His own voice began wavering. "So I forgive you. I forgive you, Ellie."

But he was still leaving. He forgave me, but he was still going to leave and possibly never look back. I was still losing the man I loved, and for a reason I didn't even understand.

"I lost you too many times, Ellie. I never thought I could love you. I thought love didn't exist. I do not like to be wrong, admitting that is a weakness. But to you, my weaknesses only seem to be strengths. I was wrong. I was wrong to ever doubt love. You showed me the power of it." both of his arms were around me now. "But I'm not human, Ellie. I'm not supposed to love. I'm a monster, not some vulnerable human. I cannot be that person. I cannot be the man you wish me to be."

The tears only fell harder, no end in sight.

"I need to leave you Ellie, for my own sake. I cannot lose you, not again. I wouldn't be able to take it. So I need to go, I need to leave you." He softly kissed the pulsing vein in my neck before his arms dropped from my waist, his form stepping away from me. "I will never stop loving you. "

I grasped onto the porch railing tightly, my legs growing weak. I couldn't turn around, I couldn't face him. I was slowly breaking apart, and the moment he left, I knew my entire world would be shattered on this very porch.

"You should hate me, it would be easier."

"Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered out, the sobs beginning to emit from my lips. "Why?"

"I'm sorry, Ellie." He sighed but didn't reach out to me. "I need to go now."

As I heard his footsteps begin to leave me, I couldn't stop myself as I spun around, my eyes landing on his back.

"Wait!" I called to him, and the moment he turned back around, I had lunged at him, my arms being thrown around his waist as I held onto him so tight, I thought I would never let go. And I didn't want to. Because as soon as I did, he was going to leave me and I didn't want that to happen. Why couldn't he just be with me? I didn't care who he became. I didn't care about any of it. I just wanted him. I wanted to see that smirk on his face, those blue eyes. I wanted to wake up every single day with this man beside me. Why was he taking that away from me?

"Please don't go." I begged. "I love you. Please, just stay. I need you, Eric, I need you so much."

"You are the strongest person I know, Ellie. I envy your strength. You will get through this, I know you will." He wrapped his own arms around me, holding me to him. "I am not the man you should be with. I cannot be that man for you, Ellie. I'm a monster. I'm a vampire. I need to remember who and what I am. I can't let the love I have for you consume me, not anymore."

I shook my head, my arms tightening around him. "No. No you can't leave me. Please don't."

"I need to, Ellie. I need to go." He sighed as he laid his hands on my shoulders and pulled me away. I let out a cry and tried to draw closer to him but he only took a step back.

"Please don't do this to me, Eric. Please." I pleaded, the tears just streaming down my face. "Please, Eric. I love you."

"And I will always love you, my sweet angel." He turned away. "I'm sorry. But you need to let me go."

"I won't. I can't." I refused. "I'll use my powers."

Eric shook his head before taking a step forward and cradling my head in his hands. "You're a wreck, Ellie. I could glamour you right now if I wanted to."

"No." But I couldn't look away from those eyes, the eyes that I would never see again.

He looked down at me so intently, his face dipping lower until our gazes were level. I knew what he was trying to do, and I wasn't even sure if it would work. He had only been able to glamour me once before, and that was before I knew of what I could do, before my mental shields had grown so strong. But even he knew that those walls crumbled when I was emotional, when I was absolutely broken. And I was. I was destroyed. My entire world was crashing down around me and I didn't even care to strengthen my powers, to push him out. I think maybe a part of me wanted him to glamour me, for him to take away the memory of ever loving him. It would be easier than to remember the pain.

"My love," His voice was low, almost comforting even. I felt drawn to every word he spoke, every syllable that came out of his mouth. "I am so sorry for this, but it will be easier this way."

"Eric..." I breathed out before I found my mind growing hazy. It was like a fog was blinding me to the outside world, to everything around me. It was only the two of us; all I could concentrate on was what he was saying, only on his words.

"You and I fought tonight. You will remember that, won't you?" his eyes never left mine, and the funniest thing happened; I believed him. We had fought, hadn't we? I wasn't sure, everything felt hazy, nothing made sense anymore. What was going on? What happened tonight? Had we fought? I just didn't know. "You are going to remember our fight. That was how we left it. You yelled at me to stay, you told me that you loved me, but I didn't love you back. I never forgave you. I left because I didn't love you."

But that wasn't right, was it? He did love me. I knew that. But that was what he said tonight, wasn't it? I couldn't remember anymore. What were we even doing out here? What was going on? Were we arguing?

And then just like that, the haze, the fog, it all just vanished and I was left standing there, blinking and trying to understand what just occurred.

"Eric?" I looked at him in confusion.

"Goodbye, Ellie." He laid a kiss on my forehead before straightening.

"But Eric you can't go. Not like this." I shook my head. "You can't just leave after arguing like this. Please."

Eric smiled sadly, a sigh emitting from his lips as he merely turned and stepped down off of the porch. I went to follow him, except in a single blink of an eye, he was gone. He just vanished, just like that. And I was left alone, utterly and completely alone on that porch, knowing that I would never see him again.


	21. Chapter 21: You Wait For Rain

**Chapter Twenty One: You Wait For Rain**

It rained for days after Eric had left. The thunder could be heard for miles, lightning flashing across the sky angrily. The rain would pelt against the window of my bedroom constantly, the sun hiding behind dark grey clouds that painted the sky. I would just stare out the window from where I laid in my bed, my eyes blurring with the wet windows, my own tears falling nearly as hard as the rain. Time meant absolutely nothing to me anymore. It was almost like I was back in the In-Between. Everything felt grey and lifeless, just like those two weeks had been. I almost wished I was back there, with the annoying reaper driving me insane. I'd much rather Death's desire to enslave me for eternity than to feel this heartache for another day. But I was stuck here, forced to endure this pain. It was horrible. It felt like a dull fork was stabbing me in the heart. It was painful and drawn out. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted it all to stop. I didn't want to feel like I couldn't breathe, like my entire world was crashing down around me. I didn't want to feel like some pathetic girl crying over a boy. But he wasn't just a boy. He was Eric Northman, he was the love of my life, my soul mate, the only reason I had chosen life over death. And he had just left me, just like that, like it was the easiest decision for him to make.

I tried to remember that night on the porch, the night he had left. But everything felt hazy, like the details were forgotten. Maybe that was better. Maybe not remembering the painful good bye was better. I wouldn't have to remember watching him turn and just walk away. It would be easier that way.

Or so I thought. But nothing was easy anymore. Nothing mattered. What was the point of being happy? I loved him. I loved him with all of my heart and now he was gone. Even if he returned, he wouldn't want me; he wouldn't come back and beg for my forgiveness. Eric had left and that was that. I was alone, and I knew I would forever be alone. I couldn't love any other. Eric was my one and only. I had lost my virginity to him so many years ago, and even though I had been confused by my feelings for Godric for a bit, it had always been Eric. Even when I hated him, it was still him, and it always would be. There would never be another individual who could replace him, and I truthfully didn't want to replace him. It hurt, this was the most painful experience I've ever gone through, but just forgetting him, finding another and pretending Eric never existed, that was just too much, I couldn't bear to do that.

"_I'm worried about her, Sam."_ I could hear Sookie's worried tone from the other side of the closed bedroom door.

It was the same thing she had said since the day Eric left. I had hardly left the room, only to go to the bathroom and force down minimal amounts of food. I just didn't have an appetite. I didn't have much of anything anymore. Nothing mattered; nothing made me feel a tad bit better. Not even when Godric came by in an attempt to comfort me. Nothing worked, and part of me didn't want anything to. Because the moment I started to feel okay, the moment I started to move on, that really would be the end of our relationship and part of me wanted to hold onto him for as long as I possibly could.

"_She just needs time."_ Sam assured her, like he had in response every single day.

"_I hate him for this. How could Eric do this to her?"_

At the mention of Eric's name, I felt the tears sliding down my cheeks, matching the weather outside perfectly. I tried to draw my focus on the outside world, noticing that it was now night. It wouldn't be long before Godric would be here, offering his words of comfort. Part of me didn't want to see him. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to acknowledge the pain. I just wanted to be left alone in this room, cut off from the rest of the world.

"_Godric's here."_ I heard Sam's voice and inwardly sighed.

It wasn't long before I heard the soft tapping on the door, Godric's low voice wafting into the room.

"Elizabeth?"

I didn't answer. I never answered. He would come into the room eventually and sit on the bed beside me. He would run his hand up and down my back every so often, mumbling soft words of comfort. He would do that all night before either I fell asleep or dawn came. I had tried to pretend falling asleep, but that hadn't worked. Godric knew me a bit too well.

As I predicted, Godric did slip into the room, closing the door behind him. Sookie had never tried to enter, giving me the space I was grateful for. I didn't want to see her like this. Because I would only break down if I tried to speak, if she tried to hug me and assure me everything was going to be alright.

"My sweet girl, how are you today?" I felt Godric sit on the bed beside me, my turned back facing him. His hand reached over, brushing away the tears that were silently slipping down my cheeks before smoothing down my tangled hair. "I miss seeing that smile of yours."

I didn't anything. I just laid there staring at the pouring rain outside. There was a flash of lightning that lit up the entire room before it was masked in darkness once again.

"Have you eaten lately?" he asked worriedly.

I knew better to ignore his question. He had gotten frustrated the other day when I hadn't given him any sign if I had eaten or not. And while part of me didn't want Godric to be here, another part of me didn't want him to ever leave. Because I feared one day, he would run off just like Eric did and I would truly be alone. So I shook my head slightly, knowing he would see the response, before focusing back on the window. Godric sighed beside me, his hand still running through my hair, tugging out whatever tangle he came across. It was soothing in a way, I would admit that. It wasn't comforting enough to make everything go away, or for the pain to magically disappear. But it did cease the tears, at least for now.

"You need to eat, Elizabeth." His voice was soft. "You need to leave this bedroom."

"I do." I found myself speaking without a second thought, my voice raspy from not speaking in days.

"Going to the bathroom does not count."I felt him shift on the bed until he was lying on his side, his arm sliding around my waist and tugging me against his chest. He was a vampire, and his touch was cold. But when I was wrapped in his arms, there was a warmth that flowed between us. I wondered if that was due to my powers, but I wasn't in the mood to ask. I wasn't in the mood for anything. I just wanted to grieve in peace.

"Will you at least eat something? Sookie prepared something for you." He asked hopefully. "You need to eat. Please, Elizabeth, for me?"

I heard the desperation in his voice, and I knew that as the days passed, this was wearing him out. He came every single night the moment the sun dipped below the horizon and stayed nearly the entire night. He was used to watching Eric walk away. I'm sure it hadn't been the first time in a thousand years that he's done so. But he wasn't used to seeing me like this. He wasn't used to seeing me in this state. I didn't exactly blame him. He didn't need to come check up on me. Nothing had changed, not in the last few days. And yet he did come, and he put himself through this, hoping one night I would come to my senses and leave this room or talk about it all. He didn't force me to do anything. He never once threatened me to eat or to talk. He merely asked, begging for me to confide in him. And a small part of me did want to. It was hard, keeping it all inside. But the thought of going through that night, of speaking about Eric this soon, it just hurt so much.

But eating, it was the least I could do for him.

"Okay." I mumbled.

Godric sighed in relief. "Do you want to go out and see Sookie?"

I shook my head. If I was going to eat anything, I would do so in the confines of this room. Godric must have known that, as moments later he left the room, only to return not even a minute later with a plate that he set on the bedside table. I stared at it for a moment before sighing and pushing myself up into a sitting position. It was dark, and I could barely see a foot in front of my face until Godric flicked on the lamp in the room. I didn't risk looking up at Godric and just wiped at my eyes before grabbing the plate and setting it on my lap. I ate silently and slowly, Godric not saying a word. He sat on the bed before me, his eyes boring into me. But he didn't speak once. He just let me eat in peace. And I was thankful for that.

"You look far too pale, Elizabeth." Godric finally spoke as I set the half eaten dinner back on the nightstand and settled against the pillows on the bed. "You need to eat more."

"I'm fine." I stared down at my hands in my lap, though we both knew that was a lie.

"You're not fine. And that's okay." He reached over and grasped both of my hands in his. "No one is expecting you to be alright."

I shook my head, not wanting to get into this. Not now, not ever. I just wanted it all to go away.

"The pain, it's not going to just go away. It can't. You'll always love him." he sighed, squeezing my hands gently. "But that doesn't mean you can't be happy."

I wanted tell him to leave me alone, that he didn't know what he was talking about. But that was just it. He did know what he was talking about. If anyone knew a thing or two about losing the one you loved, it was him. He had lost Kyra after centuries of being with her. But then again, 1400 years later and he still was not over her. How did he expect me to get over Eric after only a few days?

"He doesn't want you to be miserable."

That did it. I couldn't just hold my tongue at that comment. I couldn't just remain silent and wish everything away.

"He left me, Godric, of course he wants me to be miserable." I snapped while glaring at him.

"You know that's not true." Godric shook his head.

"He left. He just left and didn't care. He made me miserable. If he didn't want that, then he would have stayed." I yanked my hands out of his grasp and crossed my arms.

"Elizabeth..."

"I don't want to talk about this, Godric." I turned my head to the side, refusing to look him in the eye. "You can just leave."

It was the most talking I've done in days, and I could feel my throat aching. But I couldn't just sit back and let Godric defend Eric's actions.

"I'm only trying to help."

"Well you're not."

I heard him sigh again before he got off the bed. He stood there for a moment, and as I eyed him out the corner of my eye, it looked like he wanted to say something. But instead, he shook his head and began around the bed, making his way towards the door. Before he left, he stopped and looked over his shoulder at me, though I kept my gaze on the wall.

"He loves you, Elizabeth. You may not want to hear that, but he does. And one day, he'll realize the mistake he made and he'll come back to you. But until then, you need to make the decision on whether you're going to waste away your life in this room, or move on."

"I can't just move on." I shook my head

"Then at least find yourself. You've gone through so many ordeals since the moment I met you three years ago. Find yourself, search for who you are, look for the happiness I know you desire. You don't have to let him go. You don't have to move on. But you need to live your life, with or without Eric being a part of it."

I didn't say anything in return, and a few moments later, he left the bedroom. The moment the door closed behind him, my shoulders slumped forward and the tears welled up in my eyes. I was alone again. I thought I had wanted that. I thought I wanted to stay in here alone for the rest of my life, to push away the rest of the world. But as soon as Godric had left, it felt like a part of me had followed him right out of the room. I just felt cold and empty, wishing there was some way to feel whole again. I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted to smile and laugh and not have to deal with any of this. But how was I supposed to do that? How was I supposed to just go on in live without Eric?

"_How is she?"_ I heard Sookie ask.

"_She's getting worse."_ Godric answered sadly.

"_Is that even possible?"_ Sookie sighed, obviously worried about my well being.

"_I'm afraid it is. I can't exactly blame her. I'm not the greatest role model for her. There are still times that I don't believe I'm over Kyra. I can't just expect her to get over Eric so quickly. Neither of us can."_

"_I just wish there was something we could do for her. I'm so worried about her, Godric."_ The sound of Sookie's voice almost made me break down completely.

"_All we can do is be patient. One day she'll walk out of that room and be a whole other person. We just need to wait for that day."_

I wondered if that day would ever come.

* * *

That day didn't come. Not for awhile. Weeks began passing. I wasn't exactly sure. Time felt different being cooped up in a room. It could have been months for all I knew. I still hardly left the room, only to use the bathroom before hurrying back into my room. I only ate when Sookie left a plate by my door and I would open it and slide it in. I knew I was being a handful, and I was surprised neither Sookie nor Sam hadn't stormed into the room already and dragged me out kicking and screaming. In fact, I was surprised Godric hadn't done just that. But the ancient vampire hadn't been around since the last time we had spoken, and I couldn't help but miss his presence. Had I pushed him away? Had he left just like Eric had? I didn't want to think that way, but my mind was making every possible assumption, thinking the absolute worse.

I sighed as I lay in the middle of the bed, my eyes staring up at the white ceiling. It was the middle of the day, the sun shining through the closed blinds. It had stopped raining long ago and part of me wished it hadn't. I could relate to the rain, to the dark gloomy clouds. With the sun though, it was taunting me, reminding me of days that were so much simpler. Days before I had ever fallen in love with Eric, days that I had shared with my brother before the trouble in my life began. Everything came falling apart after his death. I wished I could go back in time and change that, to have Matt here with me. He would know what to do, what to say. He always had. I desperately wished I could have talked to him.

I laid there for hours, not realizing the sun had gone down until I thought I heard the sound of Godric's voice. I sat up, a frown on my face as I listened, just waiting for him to come into my room. But I never heard his footsteps, or his voice getting closer. In fact, I waited a good ten minutes before realizing he wasn't coming to see me at all. And for some reason, that rattled me. He hadn't come at all for the longest time, making me feeling horrible and even more pained than before, and then when he does show up, he seems to forget I even exist. What was wrong with him? If he thought this was helping, he certainly didn't know anything about me.

Annoyed and wanting to know what he was saying, I pushed myself out of the bed, my bones cracking as I did so. I ignored the slight ache in my body as I shuffled across the room and laid my ear against the door.

"_It's been a couple of weeks, Godric." _Sookie spoke.

"_She needs time, Sookie. I'm giving her that time." _Godric sighed.

"_I don't think she needs time away from you though. I heard what she said the last time you were here, but I really think you just being here helps her. She doesn't want to lose you too."_ Sookie sounded worried. _"I heard her, Godric. Her mental walls, they're down. I can hear her sometimes. You disappearing, that's not helping anything at all."_

I was surprised to hear that. Sookie could hear me? I couldn't remember many times she had been able to hear my thoughts, my mental walls too strong. But I also had been a complete mess since Eric left. My strength, both mentally and physically, weren't as they should have been. It didn't surprise me, when I thought about it, that my mental walls had crumbled down during this.

"_She doesn't want to talk. And I won't force her to. But she needs to. She needs to talk to someone. If she doesn't want to talk to me, then I'm alright with that. But she can't stay in that room for the rest of her life."_

"_I agree with you, but I still don't think you should have just disappeared. She's missed you, Godric. She thought you just left like Eric did." _She must have heard that, as it really was what I had been thinking all this time.

"_And I feel terrible for that. But perhaps one day she'll realize everything she'll miss if she stays in that room. It's harsh, and I don't want to put her through anymore pain. But she needs tough love, Sookie. She can't stay in that room. She needs to eat; she needs to know she can be happy again. If I have to be a bit harsh for that to happen, then I'm alright with that. I wish there was someone there for me when I lost Kyra."_ Godric preached, and for whatever reason, that just fuelled an anger I wasn't even sure I had inside of me.

"_I'm right here. When she wants to talk, then I'll be ready to listen. But she has to make the first step, I can't force her to."_

I couldn't take hearing this anymore. Without even thinking about it, or caring how hideous I must have looked, I threw open the door with such force, it banged against the wall loudly. The chatter downstairs stopped, and I knew there was an audience waiting for me. I stormed right out of the room, my eyes adjusting quickly to the bright light in the hallway. I stomped down the stairs, a furious expression on my face as I walked right into the living room where Godric was already on his feet and waiting for me.

"I'm glad you've ventured out of your room." He offered me a smile.

And I just slapped that smile right off his face.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" I yelled, not caring to keep my voice down. The nearest neighbour Sookie had was Bill and he wasn't exactly around these days.

"Elizabeth." He rubbed his cheek where there was now a burning handprint. Well it seemed I hadn't lost all my strength over the last few weeks. My powers still erupted when I was highly emotional, and this was certainly one of those times.

"You want me to talk? Well here's me damn well talking!" I was clenching my hands at my sides. "What the hell is wrong with you? You can't just fucking disappear whenever the hell you want to!"

"I apologize for that, Elizabeth. I was only giving you space."

"I don't fucking want space from you Godric! I don't want space from anyone!" I was seeing red as I stood there. I felt a familiar warmth beginning to spread through me and I did what I could to try and control the power that would soon begin flowing.

"I know, and I'm sorry for what Eric has done to you but..."

"Don't but me!" I growled. "You can't just come around, trying to comfort me, and then disappear for weeks. That's not fair, Godric! I lost Eric; you can't make me believe that I've lost you too."

"Maybe it would help you realize that you cannot stay in that bedroom for the rest of your life." He pointed out with a calm expression on his face. An expression that I was itching to slap off. "I understand you're hurt, and you have every right to be. But pushing everyone away will not help anything."

"Fuck you, Godric." I spat. "Fuck you."

He sighed and shook his head. "I love you, Elizabeth. I've always cared about you, since the moment I brought you into my life. I don't want to see you like this. I'm afraid of what this might do to you."

"Oh now you seem to care. You didn't yesterday, or the day before that, or every other day you _haven't been here_." I narrowed my eyes. "Don't preach to me about moving on and all that crap, Godric. You're not even fucking over Kyra yet! 1400 years and you're still walking around whining about it!"

There was a flicker of hurt and anger that flashed in his eyes before he masked it. But I just didn't care. There was no stopping the words that were sprouting out of my mouth at the moment.

"I hate you." There was such venom in my voice. And honestly, I don't even think it was all towards him. Part of me was just so angry with Eric for doing this to me, for leaving and breaking my heart. I was just so angry that everything I was feeling, it was coming out full force and directed at the only other vampire I knew. "I hate you so much Godric."

"I'm only trying to help, Elizabeth." He bowed his head.

"If it wasn't for you, Eric and I never would have known one another. But you just pushed and pushed and forced us together. I could have been so much happier without him, but no, you just had to meddle and ruin everything!" I sent one of my curled fists right into his chest. It did absolutely nothing. He didn't move an inch, he didn't flinch. He just stood there as I shoved my other fist into his chest. "If it wasn't for you, I never would have fallen in love with him."

"He's your soul mate, it would have happened one way or another." He reasoned, not making a move to stop me as I just pounded his rock hard chest. It hurt me more than anything, but I just couldn't stop. I needed to hit something, to hit someone. All my anger, all the pain and hurt that was bubbling inside of me, it had just boiled over, flowing like it had never flowed before.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" I could feel the tears beginning to stream down my face as I hit him. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't feel like this!"

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head and just hit him until my hands tired. And even then I continued to hit him. It wasn't until his hands rose to my wrists, stopping my fists in mid air, that I stopped.

"I hate you." But the venom was long gone. I sounded like a broken hearted girl who just needed the man she loved but couldn't have them. And that was exactly who I wanted. I just wanted Eric. I needed him.

It just wasn't fair.

"I know sweetheart. I'm sorry." I felt his cool fingers brushing away what tears he could.

But it was no use. They only flowed harder, my whole body shaking to a point that my legs couldn't hold me up any longer. An arm slid around my waist, guiding me softly to the ground as I sobbed, every single emotion taking over me.

"I hate him." I sobbed out.

"I know you do. He hates himself, I'm sure of it." he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest as I just cried.

"Why did he do this to me?" I couldn't stop the sobs that were racking my body, the tears that were flowing harder than the rain had ever poured during those few days.

"I wish I knew, Elizabeth." He rubbed my back, holding me to him tightly.

I wish I knew too. Because maybe then I could have done something. Maybe then I could have stopped him. And then I wouldn't have felt this horrible aching in my heart, knowing I had lost Eric forever.

* * *

**A/N:** It's been a little bit since the last chapter, so sorry about that. This chapter was just hard to write for so many reasons. for one, I just couldn't get this chapter right. I wrote the beginning part so many times only to not feel it was right and delete it. and secondly, some of you may know from when I updated my other true blood fic, but there was a death in the family and writing heavy chapters isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. But it's been raining like crazy here (though not as bad as the US) and I got inspired to write this. so i hope you like! and I do promise, there will be some lighter times coming up. there's a happy ending at the end, so we're moving towards that. oh, and if you're a fan of the books, there's a few characters popping into Bon Temps very soon that you'll be familiar with.


	22. Chapter 22: A Little Bit Stronger

**Chapter Twenty Two: A Little Bit Stronger**

It felt like hours passed. I sobbed my eyes out, Godric's shirt surely drenched in my tears. We stayed on the ground of the living room for god even knows how long. I was vaguely aware that Sookie was there, though she didn't utter a word. She just let me cry into Godric's chest, weeping harder than I had the entire last few weeks. But it was a needed breakdown. It was a needed moment, for all of the pain, the anger, the agony to just flow out of me in the form of tears. Godric never once left. He just stayed there, his arms wrapped around me. Every so often, he would kiss the top of my head as he squeezed me gently. Only my crying sounded in the room until eventually, the sobs turned into whimpers before I was only silently crying. It was only when the tears began to dry, my hyperventilating calmed, and my heart returned to normal that Godric pulled me up onto my unsteady legs and brought me outside into the cool night. A soft blanket appeared shortly afterwards, Godric wrapping it around me to keep me warm as we just sat on the porch for the longest time.

I couldn't look at him as he sat there beside me, one hand on my back while he held my hand with the other. By that time, I had almost forgotten why I had been upset with him in the first place. Truthfully, I don't even think I was really upset with him at all. Everything I felt, the anger and pain, it was all directed at Eric. He had been the one to hurt me. He had been the one to rip my heart out and stomp on it, only to shove it back in and walk away. It hadn't been Godric. He had made some wrong decisions, but he was all I had left. There was Sookie and Sam, and I would always cherish them. But Eric and Godric, they had been there for me on a whole different level. I needed them. I never realized just how much I depended on both of those vampires until I had one taken away from me. Except Eric wasn't taken away. He left on his own accord, completely willingly.

And that hurt the most.

When I had died, or had been trapped in the In-Between, it hadn't been because I wanted to. Sure, I had stayed there for two weeks; two weeks longer than I should have. But I was confused. Wasn't it better to remain there until I knew exactly what I wanted? Eventually it had been Eric. Eventually I realized it had always been Eric and always would be. Was that why Eric had left? Was he confused? But something told me that wasn't true, or not entirely. Eric Northman did not get confused. He rarely felt emotions, he thought they were weak. But when he did allow himself that weakness, he always seemed to know what he wanted. That had been proven all of those times he had been possessive with me. He had claimed me so long ago, a day I almost forgot. And now he was just walking away? Now he was just letting me go? I couldn't even remember the reason, and I was sure he had said so when we had last spoken on the porch that night he left. All I remembered was arguing, but even that felt hazy and I wasn't even sure about it.

I think that only made it worse, the fact that I didn't even understand why he had left.

I let out a long sigh, the first sound I had made since I had stopped crying. I just wasn't sure what to do anymore. Where did I go from here? How was I supposed to move on? Eric was everything. I had only known him for such a short period of time; a few years, and two of those I didn't even know who he was with my lost memory. But he had touched my heart in a way that no other had. And I couldn't just ignore that. I couldn't just pretend that didn't exist. Because I loved him more than I could ever love another. He was it. He was Mr. Right. Girls spent years looking for The One. And I found him by chance. Well I suppose it wasn't chance. Godric had pushed us together. But what were the odds that Godric would find me that day in the alley, that he would save me, that his progeny would be Eric? It was all fate. And I truly believed that. Everything that had happened in my life, good or bad, had led up to that moment that I would meet Eric, that I would fall in love with him. It was a path that had been predetermined for me, for all of us. Fate was a funny thing.

Why the hell couldn't Eric see it that way?

He just left me here, not knowing what the hell to do with my life, and didn't even seem to care. Was I just supposed to stay here, live here and wait until he returned only for him to reject me once again? Was I supposed to leave, start a new life away from my new family? I could go back to Chicago. I knew Maggie wouldn't mind having me back, working in the bookstore and living in the apartment above it. But when I thought about that possibility, it just didn't make me happy. Chicago had been a needed step in my life. It was there in that city that Godric and the others found me, that I realized I wasn't alone. Those two years had been two of the hardest years of my life. But there had been a light at the end of the tunnel. And now I was home, and surrounded by those I loved.

Except one.

Except the one that mattered the most.

So what was next in my life? Where did I go from here, what did I do?

"No one is expecting you to have all the answers, Elizabeth." Godric spoke softly, his eyes resting on me. "You can take all the time in the world, no one is pressuring you."

"Is that what you call it?" I raised an eyebrow as I nodded at the house behind us.

"I apologize for taking time away. I truly thought giving you space would help. I realize now I was horribly wrong and I hope you can forgive me." He squeezed my hand. "I don't want to lose you."

I sighed and looked out into the front yard, the grass a mixture of green and brown. "I don't want to lose you either, Godric."

"We're in agreement then." His arm moved around my waist, tugging me towards him.

"I guess so."

We sat in silence after that, the thick air of tension between us vanishing. But the pain, the agony, the anger that was bubbling inside of me, it was still very much there. I wasn't sure how to ever get rid of it, if it was even possible. The only way to do that would be to move on, to let go of Eric. And I wasn't sure I was ready to do that, if I ever would be able to.

"I'm sorry." I found myself saying after a few minutes. "For yelling at you and all."

"I deserved it." He offered a small smile and I realized there was still a faint outline of the burnt handprint on his cheek. I raised a hand up, lightly caressing the burn I had created. He winced slightly, but didn't flinch away.

"I didn't mean to do that." I felt guilty for causing Godric physical pain. He didn't exactly deserve it. I had just been so angry and hurt, and he was the only one I could direct it at.

"It will heal." He assured.

"I don't know where the power comes from sometimes." I admitted

"Your emotions. Your powers are fuelled by emotions. It was the same for Kyra." He answered, a glint in his eyes as he spoke her name. I remembered back to when they had seen one another while trying to persuade me to go back home. The love they had for one another, the unconditional love, I thought it was what Eric and I had. I guess I had been wrong.

"You really loved her. You do love her."

"Exactly why I'm a hypocrite." He sighed, his gaze turning forward. "1400 years. It's been 1400 years and I still haven't gotten over her death."

"You had a lot of centuries with her." I pointed out. "It's natural."

"You've only had a few years and I suspect if you could, it would take 1400 for you as well."

I shrugged, not able to deny it at all. I would love Eric for eternity. I would die alone if I had to. There would never be another. It wasn't possible. He was my soul mate; it was as easy as that.

"I hope that isn't the case though." He lightly kissed my forehead. "You deserve eternal happiness."

"I don't think I'll ever be happy again. At least not without him." I frowned, knowing it was the complete truth. How could I possibly be happy without Eric, the love of my life, there at my side?

"You will. You just have to let yourself find that happiness."

"What's the point, Godric? What's really the point?" I could feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes and I tried to blink them away. "He's gone, and I doubt he's ever going to come back. What's the point without him?"

"You managed without him before." He reminded me.

"That was before I knew I loved him." I shrugged.

"You were going to leave two years ago. You loved him then."

"But I knew he didn't love me. Or at least not in the way I wanted him to. I needed to figure things out, try and find myself. It was different then."

"It's not so different from now, is it?" Godric held me tightly. "Perhaps this is a second chance at that adventure. You were lost for two years not even remembering who you were. You never had that opportunity you were searching for. But you have it now."

I looked up at him, searching those blue green eyes for some sort of clarity.

"You've gone through the worst situations anyone could possibly imagine, even before we ever knew one another. It's always been about someone else. Your parents died and you were put in the care of your teenaged brother. You had a rough childhood just surviving. And then after he passes, you're put through more trial and tribulations. You've never had a chance to grow, to find yourself as a person. And now, you're a Phoenix, and you've hardly had a moment to breathe and fully understand that." He brushed some of the hair out of my face. "You deserve a break, to just figure out who you are."

I thought about what he said. It was true in a way. I've gone through life without really ever knowing who I was. Even before I knew I was a Phoenix. I was just some girl who lost her parents. I've always felt guilty for burdening Matt, and tried my best to make it easier. But that didn't always mean I acted like myself. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life before my brother passed away and then I was forced into the real world, one filled with vampires and other supernatural elements. And then Godric came along, and in turn, Eric. And now I was a Phoenix and Godric was right, I've known about this for just over two years, but for the majority of that time, I had amnesia. I never had that opportunity to just sit down and understand what that meant, what I could even do. I mean, I could live for eternity as long as I never passed my soul onto another. I never really thought just how amazing, and yet horrifying that seemed. I was just thrown from one situation to another, never really finding myself along the way.

But did I really want to? Did I really want to just find myself, figure out who I was? I knew I wanted Eric, and that was all that mattered to me at the moment.

But what would living with that pain and agony do to me over the years, over the centuries? I'd be tormenting myself, driving myself absolutely insane. Was that really better than the alternative? Not that I knew what the alternative was, but maybe if I did this, found who I was, who I wanted to be, maybe it would make things just a little bit better. Then again, the heartache I felt, it didn't feel like it would ever go away, not truly. Eric would always be in my heart, no matter what.

Everything was just so confusing.

I needed someone to just tell me what to do. It would make everything so much easier.

"What should I do, Godric?" I asked softly, hoping he would give me the answers I sought out.

"I can't tell you that, Elizabeth." He offered a sympathetic smile. "Only you can decide what life you wish to live. I hope you choose happiness. But if you rather stay in that bedroom, mourning and grieving over Eric, then there's nothing I can do to stop you. You're certainly much stronger than I am, even if you don't realize that yourself."

I didn't completely believe that, but as I spied the healing cheek, I did realize that in a way, he was partially right; I was strong, stronger than I could ever believe.

"You don't have to make a decision now. There's no timeline."

"What do you think I should do?" I looked to him for guidance.

"I want you to be happy. I wish Eric was here, I wish he hadn't run off. But I can't change that. Neither of us can. What you can do is decide whether or not you want to more forward or not. That doesn't mean you have to forget him. That doesn't mean you have to pluck him from your heart. You can still move forward and love him. I suspect that will never change."

"I just wish there was some sort of sign." I sighed. "Something to tell me what I should do."

"Don't we all." He chuckled. "If only life were that easy."

I went to say something in response when Sookie came stumbling out of the house, a worried look on her face. Godric and I exchanged looks before questioning what was wrong. I held my breath, hoping it wasn't something terrible. I think we've all gone through enough the last little bit. We needed a break desperately.

"Pam called, Godric." Sookie looked between Godric and me. "She said you need to leave for New Orleans immediately."

"What for?" Godric untangled his arms from around me and stood. "What did she say exactly?"

"Not much, she just said you needed to leave immediately. Something about the Queen."

I watched as the concern crossed Godric's face. He immediately dug out his phone and pulled it up to his ear. He stepped around Sookie to the other side of the porch, speaking to who I presumed to be Pam in the language I really wished I understood some days.

"How are you doing?" Sookie asked in a whisper as she inched over to the bench, settling down beside me.

I shrugged. "I've been a lot better."

"It's good to see you out of the room." she reached over and took my hand in hers.

I gave her a small smile. "Thanks for putting up with me, Sook. I know I haven't been all that easy lately."

"Nonsense. You're my best friend and you've had your heartbroken. Believe me, I understand perfectly." I watched her eyes dart in the direction of Bill's house before she shook her head and glanced over her shoulder at Godric. "What do you think that's all about?"

"I don't know." I chewed on my bottom lip as Godric pushed his phone back in his pocket before walking back over. "What's wrong?"

"I need to go." He sighed, running a hand down his tired face. "As acting Sheriff, I need to be there, immediately."

"Is Sophie-Anne alright?" My heart skipped a beat. I hoped everything was alright. I really liked Sophie-Anne and I never had the chance to speak to her since Andre's death.

"I'm sure all is well." He assured, though Sookie and I didn't believe him one bit. "I hate to leave you, Elizabeth."

"Go." I urged. "If something is wrong then go. I'll be fine."

"This means you'll be unprotected while I'm gone." He frowned, not liking the idea at all.

"Who's going to try anything?" I shrugged. "I burnt your face, didn't I? I'll be fine. And I doubt there will be any trouble."

"There's always trouble." Godric pointed out.

"I'll be fine." I assured Godric. "I want you to go. Sophie-Anne is a friend and if she needs you, then you have to go. I'll kick your ass if you don't."

He sighed, his eyes searching my face for a moment before slowly nodding. "I'll have to leave tonight."

It would be hard to see him leave after seeing him for the first time in weeks, but I would feel better if he went to New Orleans, in case there was something desperately wrong. Sophie-Anne was misunderstood. She was one of the kinder vampire's I've ever met, and I truly liked her as a person. I hoped everything was alright. I didn't want her to go through more pain than she was already going through.

"Are you sure? I can have another go in my place."

I stood and walked over to Godric, laying my hands on his shoulders. "I want you to go Godric. You're the strongest vampire that I know, you need to be there. I'll be fine here, won't I Sookie? She and Sam will look out for me."

"We will." Sookie nodded.

"See, nothing to worry about." I tried to smile up at the vampire. "I'm a mess, I won't deny that. And I doubt I'm going to figure everything out in a few days. But you're right, about the whole, figuring out who I am stuff. And I get it; I need to move on in whatever way that I can. Will I go back into my room and cry? Probably. But I don't think I'll lock myself in there. I think..." I tried to find the right wording. "I think I needed this, needed to yell and scream and even hit you. And to cry."

"I hated seeing your tears the most." He cupped my cheek.

"I realize that Eric may never come back for me, and that I may never stop loving him. But I also realize that I can't wallow in a sea of pity all my life either. It won't be easy, and I'm pretty sure I'll take ten steps back every single day. But I think tonight was one step forward at least, don't you?"

"I believe that, yes." He nodded, kissing my forehead affectionately. "You are strong, Elizabeth. You'll get through this, I'm sure of it."

"Then go. Eric left you as Sheriff because he trusts you. Go to New Orleans, do your job. Everything will be the same once you get back."

"I'll have Pam keep an eye on you."

"Fine, as long as you'll go. And let me know how Sophie-Anne is." I hugged him tightly. "Thank you for not giving up on me Godric."

"I never will, my dear Phoenix."

* * *

I nervously stood inside my bedroom, one hand on the door handle while I chewed on the nails of the other hand. It was the next afternoon, and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Part of me wanted to turn back towards the bed and hide under the covers. That part of me didn't want to see another face. That part of me didn't want to talk, to try and be happy. That part of me only wanted to cry and grieve and pity myself. But the other part of me wanted to make Godric proud. I knew that he was right, even if that mourning part of me didn't want to admit it. I would always love Eric, that I knew. But was it right to waste my life away grieving over him when I could be finding myself, searching for happiness? It didn't mean I had to forget Eric. It didn't mean I had to be happy all the time or put on a smile. It will be hard; it will be extremely difficult, that much I knew. And I would have days when I would hide in my room and cry. But the logical side, the part of me that wanted to find happiness again, to understand who I was, didn't want to let the sorrow overtake me. I wanted to live. I had an eternity ahead of me. I couldn't just spend it in this room wishing for something that may never happen.

"I want to be happy." I whispered to myself, and I was surprised when I even believed it.

I did want to be happy. I didn't want to feel this pain and agony. It would take awhile, possibly even years, before I got over Eric, if that was even possible. But in the meanwhile, I could at least try. I could make the effort; I could put one foot in front of the other and try to move forward with my life.

That was all I could do now.

Inhaling sharply, my hold on the door handle tightened as I opened the door and took a step out. I was already dressed in a simple pair of jeans and t-shirt as I began the trek down the hallway and to the stairs. I could hear Sookie moving around in the kitchen, probably making lunch before she headed off to work. Shaking my arms out, trying to release the tension, I slowly walked down the stairs and over to the kitchen, leaning against the doorway.

"Hi." I greeted shyly.

Sookie whipped around from the stove, her eyes growing wide as she saw me standing there, dressed and actually looking presentable. "I wasn't expecting to see you out of the room."

"I wasn't sure I was going to leave." I admitted, taking a step into the room.

"Well I'm glad you did." Sookie beamed at me. "I was just making a grilled cheese, do you want one?"

"I don't want to trouble you."

"Oh come on Ellie, you could never trouble me." she wagged the spatula in her hands at me while rolling her eyes. "Sit down and I'll make you lunch."

"Thanks Sook." I sat down at the table. "And I mean for everything. Thank you. You and Sam, you guys have really been patient with me and I appreciate it."

"Honey, you're my best friend. I get it. You're hurt. I was worried about you, I won't deny that. But I'll always be on your side." She flashed me a smile before turning back to the stove and flipped the grilled cheese out of the frying pan and onto a plate. She set it down in front of me before beginning to make another one for herself. "How are you doing today, knowing Godric is gone and all?"

"Okay I guess." I shrugged. "It wasn't like the last few weeks where I thought he had just abandoned me like..."

I knew Sookie caught the fact that I hadn't been able to say Eric's name, but she didn't comment on it.

"He'll be back before you know it." Sookie nodded. "And you have Sam and I around, you can be sure of that."

"I don't know how long this will last." I took a bite of the sandwich. I let out a small groan, not realizing until now just how little I had eaten since Eric had left. "Tomorrow I might be bawling my eyes out again."

"The fact that you're trying is all that matters. We don't expect you to be 100% right away. It's going to take time. But you're trying."

"Yeah, you're right." I nodded. "I just...I miss him, Sookie."

"I know, Ellie." She finished making her own sandwich and sat down across from me. "You loved him, and we all thought he loved you. He does. He has to. Maybe...Maybe he just needs some time away to realize that, sort of like when you were in the In-Between."

"Maybe." I looked down. My heart ached just thinking about the tall blonde Viking. The pain was beginning to seep into my mood and I had to nip it in the bud. I was having a good day. A day I thought would be impossible a couple weeks ago. I wasn't better; I doubt I would ever be truly happy without Eric around. But as Sookie had said, I was trying.

And that's what counts, right?

* * *

**A/N:** So this fic has gained a life of it's own. I was planning on ending it around this chapter, in a whole different way. and then I got some AMAZING ideas and just had to continue. Things are starting to look up now for Ellie, admitting that she needs to find herself, that she needs to move forward while still loving Eric. It's going to be a bumpy road, but things are going to work out. and a new character from the books is popping in in the next chapter...I'm not going to ruin the surprise, but if you've read the books, you'll definitely like seeing him.


	23. Chapter 23: Starts With Goodbye

**Chapter Twenty Three: Starts With Goodbye**

"What's with the boxes?" I called into the kitchen as I stood in the front hallway a few days later. There were three boxes lined up in the hallway, just waiting to be opened.

"They came for you early this morning." Sookie popped her head out. "I was just making some coffee, would you like some?"

"Sure." I nodded, flashing her a smile before curiously walking over to the boxes. I gazed down at the top of them all, scanning over the information before stopping on the return address. "Chicago?"

"What?" Sookie walked back out of the kitchen a few moments later, holding two mugs of coffee in her hands. I gratefully took one before pointing to the boxes.

"They're from Chicago." I tried to rack my brain, trying to think of why I would be getting packages from the windy city. And then it hit me. "Maggie?"

"Oh that's right!" Sookie began nodding. "Before she went back to Chicago, after you...well after you died I guess, she said she would pack up your things and send them to us. With everything going on in the past little while, I completely forgot about it."

"I totally forgot about Maggie." I shook my head, mentally slapping myself. That woman had acted like a mother to me during those two years I had been lost and scared. She took me in, gave me a job, all while there were dangerous witches looking for me. And she knew that. She kept me safe, protected me from those horrible witches, all out the kindness of her heart. She had been taken, kidnapped by those witches, and I didn't even have the courtesy to call and tell her that I wasn't dead. I felt like a horrible person.

"I'm sure she'll understand." Sookie patted my arm. "You've gone through a lot since being back. It's understandable that you haven't called."

"I feel terrible." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I took a sip of the coffee, hoping the warm liquid would make me feel better. But it didn't. Nothing would until I got onto the phone and informed Maggie that I was very much alive. And ever so grateful for everything she's done for me.

"Go call her now then. I'll bring these to your room and we can unpack them when you're done." Sookie offered. "Use the phone in the kitchen."

"Thanks Sookie." I hugged her as best as I could without either of us spilling our coffees. "And you know, whenever you get tired of me, you can just kick me out."

"That will never happen." She assured with a wide smile. "I like having someone else around the house. Jason is off living his own life, and since Gran died, it's been lonely here."

"Well I'm glad, because I'm really feeling at home here." And it was the truth. While a part of me still considered Shreveport, and most importantly, Eric's house, home, I was starting to come to terms with the fact that this was now my home. Who knows if Eric would ever come back, if we would ever have a future together. Godric, and everyone else, was right. I needed to start moving forward. And by admitting that, by realizing that this was going to be my home now, that was a small step forward that I was allowing myself to make. "I better go make that call though."

"Go go, I'll worry about these." She waved me off into the kitchen.

I flashed her one last smile before ducking into the kitchen. I reached for the phone, settling down at the table as I dialled the familiar number. I circled the rim of my mug with my fingers as I listened to the ringing, hoping she hadn't moved or changed her number since I last saw her. I found a part of me was nervous as I waited for her to pick up. What if she hated me for getting her mixed up in everything? If it hadn't been for me, for hiding and protecting me when she didn't need to, she never would have found herself being kidnapped and enduring god even knows what at the hands of those bastards.

"_Hello?"_

"Maggie?" I had to force myself to speak, my hand clutching the phone tightly.

"_Dear god, is that you Ellie?"_

"It's me."

"_You're...you're supposed to be dead!"_ I could hear the shock in her voice. _"The last time I saw you, that vampire was carrying you out of the warehouse. You were dead Ellie."_

"Turns out I wasn't really dead." I explained, hoping she would understand. I knew this would be shocking for her. It wasn't everyday that you watch someone die, only to be talking to them on the phone nearly two months later.

"_Dear lord!"_

"I know it's a lot to take in, and I'm sorry it took so long to call you. Everything has just been...well things have just been hard lately." I admitted, looking down at the table as the memory of Eric leaving flashed before my eyes. "I'm so sorry for not calling right away."

"_I can't believe it. You're alive. You're truly alive. It's a miracle!"_

I was relieved to hear the happiness and relief in her voice. All of my fears vanished as I leaned back in the chair, feeling as if the weight of the world had just been lifted off my shoulders.

"_How is this even possible? Is it because you're a Phoenix?"_

"Yes. I can only die by my soul passing onto another. When I died in the warehouse, my soul was still intact. I was stuck in what's called the In-Between, between life and death. As a Phoenix, I couldn't truly die."

"_Oh my. This is truly a miracle Ellie. I thought we had lost you forever." _Hearing the emotion in her voice nearly brought tears to my eyes. _"I'm so grateful you're alive, sweetheart. You know you're like a daughter to me. I wish I could have protected you better."_

"You did everything you could. More than that even." I assured her. "You didn't have to protect me for as long as you did, but you did. Thank you for everything Maggie. You have no idea how much I appreciate everything you've done for me."

"_It's my pleasure, hun. How are you, now that you're alive? From what I understand, you got your memory back."_

"I did, it happened just before the fight at the warehouse happened."

"_I'm glad. You were just so lost and miserable trying to figure out who you were. I'm glad you were able to find yourself."_

I sighed sadly, knowing that was the furthest from the truth. But I wasn't going to burden Maggie with my problems. She had endured my troubles enough as it was.

"I just wanted to call and let you know I was alright. And thanks for sending all of my things; you didn't have to do that."

"_After we all thought you had...well died, I thought it was only fitting that your things were sent back to the only family you had." _

"Well thank you." I was touched at the thought. "That means a lot to me."

"_You meant a good deal to me, sweetheart. Know that you'll always have a home here whenever you want it."_ that motherly tone was evident in her voice.

I couldn't help but smile. "I know, thanks Maggie. You were like the mother I never had the chance to have."

"_I never had a daughter of my own; you're the closest one I've got. Don't be a stranger, alright? And keep yourself out of trouble."_

"I'll try my best. I should go. Thanks again for everything."

After saying our goodbyes, I hung up the phone with a long sigh. It felt nice to talk with Maggie, to remind myself of those two years. I had been so lost and unsure of everything, but I had grown to be independent during that time. I only had myself to depend on. I couldn't remember anything or anyone. Hell, I hardly even knew who I was. I was forced to rely on me myself and I, and somewhere along the way I had lost that. I had depended on Eric ever since the witches had come into the picture. I needed him to live. And now he was gone, the witches were dead, and I needed to find my way again. I needed to become independent, to realize that I only could truly rely on myself.

"Everything's in your room." Sookie entered the room after a few moments. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I nodded as I stood. "Just remembering my time in Chicago."

"It must have been scary, not remembering everything. I couldn't even imagine." Sookie shook her head.

"It was hard." I agreed. "But in a way, I think it was good. I grew to be independent. I didn't rely on anyone else. I've come to realize that I've relied on Eric for more than I should have. Everything revolved around him. I think I need to become that person again, you know?"

"I can understand that." Sookie laid a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "But you know, you'll always have us to lean on."

"I know." I offered her a smile. "You, Sam, and Godric, you guys have been amazing. But I think I need to find myself, just like Godric said. I lost myself somewhere along the way. I lost the little part of myself that I had and I want to get that part of me back."

"Well then I'm behind you 100%." She beamed at me. "I'm just glad you're starting to move forward."

"Strangely enough, so am I." I nodded as we linked arms. "Now, we have a crap load of stuff to unpack."

"We huh? Now you don't want to be independent?" She teased as we left the kitchen and headed for the stairs.

"Nah, I'd rather be dependent on you to help me unpack." I nudged her with a laugh. It was the first laugh that came out of my mouth in such a long time. It almost sounded foreign to my ears. I never thought I would smile or laugh again, not after Eric left. But here I was, weeks later, and I found myself starting to move on, to move forward with my life.

Maybe not all hope was lost.

* * *

Sookie and I spent a good part of the day sorting through all of the boxes, putting everything away where they should be. We had a good few laughs as I went through story after story of my time in Chicago. I did have a good time there. I was lost and scared and without my memory, but that hadn't tainted some of the really good times there. There would always be pain in the world; we just needed to remember the good times in order to get through this lifetime alive. Or at least try extremely hard.

It wasn't until Sookie had found the original belongings from the only bag that had been salvaged from the car accident two years ago that I found myself getting emotional. That bag had haunted me for so long until I shoved it into the back of my closet in Chicago. No matter how hard I had tried, it had been impossible to remember a single thing. And looking at that bag, and all of my former belongings, it was just hard. So I had forgotten they even existed. Until now that is. As I took item after item out of that bag, I felt a tug at my heart, remembering the days that led up to the incident.

"We can just keep everything in there if you want." Sookie offered, noticing the look on my face.

"No, it's alright. I'm just remembering how hard it was to look at everything and not remember anything at all." I explained, pulling out a dress I thought I had lost. "Wow, I haven't seen this in awhile."

"I remember that." Sookie surprised me by saying. "You wore it one night to Fangtasia."

"You remember that?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You despised wearing dresses back then." She chuckled. "You complained so damn much about them that I can probably remember them all."

I snickered as I looked the dress up and down, my hand running over the soft material. She wasn't the only one who could remember this dress. I still remember the night that I had walked out of the bathroom at Eric's and found it lying on my bed.

* * *

"_I have fantastic taste." Eric smirked as I stood before him, fidgeting nervously as he licked his lips, his eyes roaming over my entire body with what I could only describe as hunger. "You look good enough to eat."_

_My body stiffened as my eyes grew wide. I searched those blue eyes, trying to figure out if he meant that statement or not. I remembered that night had had bitten me not too long ago. He said it was to understand the importance of keeping me safe, of knowing just how special I was. I still didn't understand it. The thought of that night, of his ferocious attack, it chilled me to the bone. I wasn't supposed to fear the only one who could protect me. I was supposed to feel safe. And while I found during the day, while he protected me from my nightmares, I felt safe and comforted, the moment the beast within this vampire was awake, I couldn't help the bubbling fear inside of me._

"_Are you scared of me?" He raised an eyebrow in amusement._

"_You bit me." I reminded him hesitantly._

_His smirk grew. "And you taste just as delicious as you look."_

"_Don't say things like that." I shuddered. _

"_Am I making you uncomfortable?" he was behind me in a flash, his hot breath landing on my neck just below my ear. "Because I think I'm making you rather uncomfortable."_

"_Can we just go?" I tried to keep my voice even as I stared straight ahead. I yelped in surprise however, when I felt his hand slide around my waist, pulling me right up against him. I gulped as I used all the strength in the world not to push away from him. That would just give him more pleasure. He liked it when I fought._

"_Don't worry, Ellie, I won't kill you." His tongue flicked out, licking the length of my neck. "But I will taste you again. And you will enjoy it. Just like your enjoying this."_

_My face was burning as his hand lowered down to the front of my dress, slowly pushing the hem higher and higher up my thigh. I couldn't help but squirm as he did so, his cool digits growing closer to my hot core._

"_Oh yes, you certainly are enjoying this." He whispered huskily into my ear before he removed his hand from under my dress. "One day, my sweet little mystery."_

_He nipped my earlobe before taking a step away from me. I exhaled, letting out the breath I never knew I had been holding. I watched as he moved around me and towards the front door, his hand motioning for me to follow. It took me a moment to compose myself, pushing down the bottom of my dress before quickly following, wondering why in the world I had indeed found myself enjoying his intimate touches._

* * *

"Uh oh, what are you thinking? You're blushing." Sookie looked intrigued.

I shook my head, ridding myself of the memory. "Nothing."

"Oh I don't believe that. That's the look you get whenever you're thinking of something extremely dirty." She grinned wickedly. "What were you thinking about?"

"Just the night I got this dress. And...well and Eric." I admitted, caught between wanting to blush at the memory, and wanting to burst out crying at speaking his name. It was just so hard to think about that vampire without finding myself wanting to hide under the covers. Even back then he had a certain amount of control over me. He made me feel emotions I hadn't thought possible. And half the time, I still didn't think I could ever feel that way about anyone.

"It'll get easier, Ellie." Sookie reached over and squeezed my hand. "But one day, thinking about him, it won't hurt as much."

"Is that what happened with Bill?" I asked curiously.

"Sort of." She nodded. "Except with Bill...I didn't ever love him as much as you loved Eric, so I suppose it will be harder for you. But believe me, one day it'll hurt a little bit less. I promise."

"God I hope so." I sighed, digging into the bag and pulling out a shirt I definitely found myself remembering. "Of course I had to keep a shirt of his."

I clutched onto the dark green shirt of Eric's that had somehow managed to be packed along with the rest of my things that day so long ago. I guess even back then, I had wanted to have a part of him with me wherever I went.

* * *

"_Careful Eric, someone might think you care." I rolled my eyes as I pulled the large shirt over my head. Before he could turn around, I couldn't help but inhale his scent, finding it soothing and comforting._

"_Never." His eyes narrowed as he motioned towards the bed. "Just go to sleep already, you're annoying me."_

_I shook my head but crawled into the king sized bed, my hands travelling over the silk sheets as I pulled them over my bare legs. I should have insisted on going upstairs to fetch my pyjamas, but I felt a sense of comfort wearing a shirt of Eric's. We've only known one another for a few weeks, and we detested one another to the point that we were both counting down the hours until we could be rid of the other. And yet, I felt safer with him around than anyone else, maybe except for Godric. I wasn't sure if that was because he shared blood with Godric, and I could sense his maker whenever I was around Eric. Or maybe it was because every time I had another one of those nightmares, waking up in the middle of the day screaming bloody murder as I lived through that fateful night over and over again, he was there to comfort me, to protect me from my own horrible memories._

"_I don't hear sleeping."_

"_You can't hear someone sleep." I rolled onto my side, my eyes adjusting to the now dark room._

"_Exactly." He stared at me pointedly as he slid into the bed beside me. "Sleep."_

"_You're pushy." I found myself shifting towards his half naked body, wanting to be closer to the vampire I was supposed to despise._

"_And you're still awake." He drawled out, turning his head to glare at me. "Go to sleep Elizabeth."_

_I pulled a face. "Don't call me that."_

"_You allow Godric to call you Elizabeth."_

"_Yeah well, that's Godric." My nose scrunched up. "I hate being called Elizabeth otherwise."_

"_It's a beautiful name." He mused._

"_My brother called me Ellie...when I was just a little girl." I found myself blurting out. I didn't know why I said it. I hadn't spoken about my brother even to Godric, and yet here I was, blurting it all out to Eric Northman of all people. _

_Eric didn't say anything in response. He just laid there, and I wondered if he had fallen into a dead sleep. But after a moment, I felt an arm slide around my waist, tugging me right up against his side and holding me there._

"_Go to sleep Ellie." He murmured softly._

_I couldn't help but smile as I curled up beside him, my eyes beginning to close. "Goodnight Eric."_

"_Just shut up already."_

* * *

I couldn't help myself as I sniffed the fabric of the shirt, and was surprised to find that his scent was still faintly there. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, about having an article of his clothing in my hands, to be able to smell him, no matter how faint it may be. It was just another reminder of the heartbreak, of that night that he walked out of my life forever. But it was also a reminder of the better days we had, of the love we shared, the smiles we sent one another. And for that, I felt myself holding onto that shirt, as if I was trying to preserve some sort of happy memory. It wasn't healthy, and it certainly wasn't moving forward. But just as I had back then, I needed a part of Eric here with me now. It was a lot easier to carry around than a broken heart. And a lot less painful.

"Do you want me to get rid of it?" Sookie asked.

"No." I shook my head, holding the shirt tightly. "I think I'll keep it."

She nodded and didn't say a word. I just sat on the bed while Sookie finished unpacking for me. I was grateful for her help, not sure how much longer I could look through everything without getting emotional. It was hard enough that as I held that shirt in my hands, inhaling his faint scent, I found myself trying to remember that night he had left. It was still just so fuzzy. I had thought that after the initial pain that I would remember the night more clearly. But that didn't seem to be the case. I didn't remember much, hardly able to remember the conversation we had. All I could remember was him turning and walking away. That was it. It was the most painful part of the memory, and sadly, it was all I could remember from that night.

I tried to think back to a time where I didn't love him Eric, back to a time when I didn't have any sort of feelings for him at all. But I found it was nearly impossible. Even when I thought I had hated him, as I looked back now, I realized it hadn't been hate at all. I think I had always loved Eric, ever since the day we had met. And that love had only grown throughout the time we had known one another. No matter how confused I was.

* * *

"_That's the third one this week." I glared at the blonde that was stumbling into a cab waiting for her at the end of the driveway. She was yet another one of Eric's many whores that he had brought back to the house. I wasn't sure if he was trying to get a rise out of me, or if this was just his usual behaviour. I was considering the latter to be true, because why would Eric care what I thought? And it wasn't like I did care who he brought home. It didn't matter to me. So we had sex while we were in Dallas. That was a month ago and nothing had changed between us since then. There was nothing to care about, not at all. I didn't care about him, and I certainly didn't care what white trash he slept with. _

"_You sound jealous." Godric mused from where he leaned against the porch railing. _

"_I'm not jealous." I shook my head. That thought was just absurd. I had nothing to be jealous of. Eric and I were nothing. Just because we had some surprising chemistry in Dallas, it meant absolutely nothing. It was just the heat of the moment. I had saved Godric's life; we were all a little emotional. It was just a onetime deal. That was it._

"_You forget that I can feel every single emotion running through you." He flashed me a knowing look. "You say you don't care, but I know differently."_

"_I don't care." I crossed my arms. _

"_You like him." _

"_No I don't." I frowned. "I don't like him. It's Eric, why the hell would I like him?"_

"_You were happy with him, in Dallas." He reminded._

_The images of that morning flashed before my eyes and I couldn't help but blush. He was right. I had been happy that morning, and the night we woke up. Something had changed between us after we slept together. But the moment we had boarded that plane to leave for Shreveport, everything returned back to normal. And I was happy for that._

_Or at least, I think I was._

"_There's nothing wrong with desiring him." he pushed himself away from the railing and walked over to me. _

"_I don't." I shook my head. _

"_I don't believe that." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and offered me a smile. "And that's alright. You're allowed to find him attractive, to want him."_

"_I don't." I repeated, though my voice was barely above a whisper._

_I didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't like him, did I? Sure, he made me feel like I was on cloud nine whenever I was around him, like not even gravity could hold me down. And yes, he was gorgeous and I wouldn't mind a repeat performance of that morning in Dallas. But that didn't mean I liked him. That didn't meant I wanted him more than I've ever desired anyone else._

_Did it?_

* * *

I had loved Eric for longer than I wanted to believe. He had always been the one. I think a part of me had always known that, I was just never able to admit it. Part of me didn't even want to admit it now. Because it just hurt too much to know that my soul mate, the only man I would ever love was now gone, out of my life for good. And it had been of his own accord. He had chosen to walk away. He had chosen to end our relationship, to shred the happiness we had shared. He had ripped it all away, ruined what could have been, and just left. And no matter how hard I tried to think of happier times, I would always remember that Eric had left me, that he had just walked away. No matter how many steps I took in the process of moving forward, I would always be reminded of this pain. Maybe it would be by looking at this shirt in my hands, or having yet another dream of the vampire. Or maybe it would just be the little things, like missing his arms around me, or that annoying smirk of his, or even the snide remarks he would make in the worst of times. But I would always remember how much I had loved him. And how much I was now in agony, haunted by the past I so desperately wanted back.

"We should get out of the house." Sookie settled down beside me on the bed after everything had been put away. "You haven't left the house since...well for awhile."

"I don't really feel like going anywhere." I admitted, feeling the tears welling in my eyes.

"You look like you could use it though." She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Come on, we can grab a bite to eat at Merlotte's."

I sighed as I moved my gaze up to meet Sookie's. "It hurts."

"I know sweetheart." She squeezed my shoulders. "And it's going to hurt for awhile. But it'll get easier. It'll get better. I promise you, Ellie."

She didn't realize just how desperately I hoped that was true.


	24. Chapter 24: Don't Wake Me When It's Over

**Chapter Twenty Four: Don't Wake Me When It's Over**

"Oh just make out already." I rolled my eyes as I sat at the bar, watching Sam and Sookie make eyes at one another. It was sickening and adorable at the same time. The moment we had arrived at Merlotte's, those two looked like they just wanted to jump one another. I wasn't sure why they weren't showing affection in front of the regulars, but they were keeping a good enough distance between themselves. While practically eye fucking one another.

"Oh shush you." Sookie made her way around me as she hurried off towards a customer.

I snorted as I shook my head, turning my gaze onto Sam as he worked behind the bar. "You know you two are together now, which means you can make out and do all of that stuff, right?"

"Yes, we're aware of that." He chuckled as he pushed a beer towards me. I didn't object as I nursed the cold bottle of alcohol.

"So why does it look like you're in the second grade, scared of getting cooties?" I raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of the beer.

"You know how small towns get." Sam sighed as he leaned against the bar and gazed around the room. "People talk."

"And? It's not like you or Sookie are doing anything wrong." I reminded him. "Sookie has been single for two years and you...well I don't think I've ever seen you with anyone."

"It seems silly when you say it like that." His cheeks grew pink. "I just didn't want to make Sookie uncomfortable while we're at work. It's hard enough for her to block out everyone's thoughts."

"And that just makes you the world's greatest boyfriend." I smiled at the kindness Sam was showing. It was obvious he was out of this world in love with Sookie. He was determined to make her happy, to ensure nothing could bring the blonde down. Even if it did mean sacrificing some PDA. "But I don't think she'll mind if you act affectionate towards her. Sookie isn't the type of person to care what everyone else thinks. She's her own person and if someone doesn't like that, then tough shit."

"You're right." He nodded with an embarrassed smile.

"I always am, Sammy." I grinned at him.

"Oh don't start that." He rolled his eyes before pushing himself off of the bar and getting back to work. "Just finish that beer."

"Don't worry, I will." I winked at him.

It was the first time in weeks that I felt like myself. I could still feel the dull ache in my heart, a pain that I don't think will ever truly go away, not until I had Eric back in my life. But I did feel better, like I could breathe after being suffocated for so long. Maybe going down memory lane, remembering the good times and the bad, had helped in some way. Sure it had made me want to burst out crying and hide away from the world. But I hadn't. I had fought hard in that battle with myself and I won. I was here at Merlotte's, drinking a beer and laughing with a good friend. I was starting to win this long winded battle. It was going to take a lot more than this to make everything okay again, but this was a start at least.

The rest of the day went a lot smoother than this morning. I wandered over to an empty booth at one point, grabbing a bite to eat on Sookie's orders. Whenever the rush would die down, she would slip into the booth across from me and we would chat like we would have before all of this mess in our lives happened. It was a good afternoon, even I could admit that. I didn't let myself think too much about Eric, and focused on only the present. I had two amazing friends who would do anything for me and I hadn't given either of them enough of my time lately. Ever since I've been back from the In-Between it's been all about getting Eric back. I spent weeks trying to remind him of our love for one another. While I had managed to get Sookie and Sam together, I felt like I had missed out on some really great weeks with those two while I was off in my own little world. But Eric was gone now, and while part of me just wanted to sob and stay hidden all day, it was because of those two that I was here and willing to make a change. And the moment I had stepped through those doors of the bar, I felt lighter, like at least for now, there weren't any problems that we had to face.

Unfortunately, that train of thought didn't carry out past dusk. Only a few hours after the sun had dipped below the horizon, the freaks all seemed to come out. A few of the residence from Hot Shot came into the bar, and from what Sookie had whispered to me, they were nasty folks that weren't exactly all that human. I could feel that myself. I wasn't sure if I was just used to being around vampires and shifters, or if it was my powers, but I found I was able to pick out the two natured easier than I ever had before. And the moment they walked into the bar, I knew there was something off with them.

"Panthers, that's what Jason told me." Sookie whispered in my ear as I shifted over in my booth so she could sit. The dinner rush had faded, and Sookie was taking a much needed break before it picked up again. We both watched as the two from Hot Shot stormed over to a table Jason and Hoyt were sitting in and started causing a ruckus.

"Panthers?" My eyes grew wide at the new information. "Like really, panthers?"

"As long as what Jason said was true." Sookie nodded. "But then again, it is Jason. You have to take what he says with a grain of salt."

"True. But still, that's pretty...wow." I've been thrown into this supernatural lifestyle for years now, but even I could still be surprised by some of the things I find out. I've known a good deal of Weres, and Sam was a unique shifter, but being able to turn into a Panther? I had to admit, that was pretty cool.

"Oh no." Sookie groaned, shaking her head as we watched one of the men grab Jason and pull him right out of the booth. Hoyt immediately shot up onto his feet, pushing the one who had a hold of Jason. That only started a pushing match between him and the other man from Hot Shot while the first and Jason started yelling and going for shots at one another.

"Well this isn't going to turn out well." I spied Sam out the corner of my eye racing around the bar and over to the fight. "And there goes Sam."

Sookie's face paled as she watched Sam interject himself in the fight. I nudged her out of the booth before slipping out myself. Either of them looked like they could hit me with ease if I were to throw myself into the madness. But that was why I had these handy little powers, so I wouldn't have to do that. So I stood there, my hands outstretched before waving them both to the side. And just like that, the shifters were thrown to one side while Jason and Hoyt were thrown to another. Sam stood there in the middle, looking around in confusion before he caught my gaze. I gave him a small smile before keeping my hands outstretched, ensuring that both parties were frozen to the spot so the fight couldn't commence.

"What the fuck?" The shifters began fighting against the invisible force holding them still.

"What's going on here?" Sam crossed his arms, a look of anger sweeping across his face as he looked between the four grown men. "This is a nice establishment. I don't want fighting going on in here."

"He just grabbed me for so reason." Jason insisted, though even I could tell he was lying.

"Oh Jason, what did you do now?" Sookie sighed as she stood beside me, looking at her brother in disappointment.

"Nothing Sook, I swear." He must have forgotten about the fact that Sookie could read his mind.

"Look I don't care what the hell is going on here, take this outside." Sam ordered. "And far away from here. I don't want to call the sheriff, but I will."

At the mention of the police getting involved, the shifters grew silent, though they didn't look happy at all. One of them happened to catch my gaze as I was watching them, and the dirtiest look crossed his face.

"Oh look, it's the fangbanger." He spat.

My eyes narrowed, my fingers twitching.

"That's enough. Leave." Sam demanded before looking over his shoulder at me. "It's fine Ellie, you can let them go."

I was hesitant at first, but after a moment I sighed and let both parties go. I watched them all closely however, just waiting for someone to step over the line. But no one did. The Shifters left, though not before throwing me some nasty comments, and Jason and Hoyt went back into their booth with another round of beers to calm themselves down. Sam shook his head as he wandered over to us, Sookie immediately slapping his chest before wrapping her arms around him.

"You're an idiot for trying to get involved, Sam Merlotte. They're dangerous people!" Sookie reprimanded him.

I couldn't help but smile as I slipped back into the booth and watched the two whisper to one another, Sam trying to assure Sookie that he was fine. Eventually he was able to do so as they both went back to work, though not before sharing a sweet kiss that I swear got the few occupants of Merlotte's talking more than the fight had.

* * *

"It's so good to hear your voice." Godric sighed over the phone. "I've missed you, Elizabeth."

"I've missed you too." I couldn't help but smile as I leaned against Sookie's car, my gaze rising to the starry night sky. It was good to be talking with him. It had only been a few days since Godric left, but it felt like a lifetime. I felt like a whole other person from the last time we had seen one another. I wasn't completely healed, there was still a lot of pain in my heart, and I doubt that would change anytime soon. But I was starting to make progress. I was starting to move forward, little step by little step. And yes, I had taken a couple dozen steps back today while going down memory lane. But I was trying, and that in itself is progress.

"How have you been?"

"Better actually." I admitted, tucking the hair behind my ear. "I'm doing a lot better."

"I'm glad to hear that." And he did in fact sound relieved. I knew how worried he and the others have been. They've been so supportive these last few weeks and all I've done is push them away. But not a single one of them had given up on me. Especially not Godric.

"I mean, there's been some bad days, and I found myself remembering the past today." I sighed, trying to shake away the memories I had dug up earlier today. "But I want to be happy, Godric. I want to move on and not feel this way, I really do."

"The fact that you're admitting that you want to move on just shows you're ready to move forward with your life. It will be hard, and it will take time, but I have faith in you, my dear."

"Thanks for never giving up on me Godric. You're always saving me."

"And I always will, Elizabeth. I'll always be there for you, I promise you that." He vowed before I heard voices behind him. "While I'm glad to hear how you are, unfortunately that is not the reason I'm calling."

"What is it?" My breath got caught in my throat as I frowned. There was just something in his voice that worried me. Everything had to be alright, right?

"It looks as if I will be here longer than I initially expected." He informed me, my heart dropping the moment he spoke.

"Oh." I tried not to let my disappointment show in my voice, though I knew I failed horribly. "Well how long do you think you'll be stuck there?"

"A few weeks perhaps. Maybe a month. Or two."

My mouth dropped open. What was so important that required a couple of months of Godric's attention? I know I was being selfish, wanting Godric all to myself. He was now the Sheriff since Eric was off in his own little world. This was now Godric's responsibility. But I couldn't help but wish he was here, with me now. I wanted him to help me get through this, to know I could lean on him for support. It was a bit hard to do so when he was on the other side of the state.

"That long?"

"Unfortunately, yes." He didn't sound happy at all. Well at least that makes two of us. "I've spoken with Pam a few days ago, and she will be keeping an eye on you and Sookie while I'm here."

"I'll be fine, Godric, really. What could possibly happen?" I knew that was jinxing it. This was Bon temps after all, and really, I seemed to be a magnet for trouble. If it wasn't the fellowship of the sun it was demons and vampires and if all else fails, friggin witches. There was always someone out there that would want me, either for my powers or just plain dead.

"A lot could happen, that's what I'm afraid of." He sighed. "Should anything happen, I want you to go directly to Pam, do you understand?"

My frown deepened. Godric really wasn't joking around about this. He sounded perfectly serious, as if he knew more than he was letting on. Was there a threat I didn't know of? Was something going on in New Orleans I wasn't aware of? Why was he there in the first place?

"Godric you're starting to scare me."

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I never intended for that. I just want to ensure that you're safe." He tried to change his tone, to sound as if everything was alright. But I knew him better than that. "And Elizabeth, should I ever call you, and tell you to leave immediately, I want you to..."

"Okay you need to tell me what's up like right now." I demanded. "You're scaring me."

"I just want to ensure that should anything happen..."

"You said that, but that doesn't exactly comfort me." My heart began to race. "Please tell me everything is okay."

"Everything is fine Elizabeth." But I didn't believe him for a minute. "Just know that should anything happen, you can always turn to Isabel in Dallas. She would take you in in a heartbeat."

"Yeah, you're only making things worse, Godric." I began chewing on my bottom lip as the endless possibilities raced through my head. What could possibly be so wrong that we were having this conversation?

"I'm sorry I have to go, Elizabeth."

"Wait, you can't just leave!" I shook my head as if he could see my displeasure. "Tell me what's going on."

"Nothing is going on, I assure you." Yeah I really didn't believe him now. "I'll talk with you soon Elizabeth. I hope you continue to get better, that the pain will lessen. You're doing a marvellous job, and I'm so proud of you."

"Godric..."

"I love you, Elizabeth, I hope you know that." There was something strange in his voice that made my heart tighten painfully.

"I love you too, Godric." I swallowed back the lump that had started to rise in my throat.

"I'll talk to you soon." He bid goodbye before hanging up, not allowing me to say another word.

I sighed as I lowered the phone down, my head swimming with the possibilities of what could be going on in New Orleans. And every single one was only worst than the first. I could only pray that I was looking too much into this, that everything was really okay and I was just being paranoid.

But sadly, I knew it in my heart that wasn't the case.

* * *

"We need to talk." Were the first words out of Pam's mouth as she came waltzing into Merlotte's, the sound of her heels echoing in the empty bar. "We need to talk now."

"What's wrong?" I frowned, not liking the look on her face. Something was wrong, that was evident in her blue eyes that reminded me so much of Eric's. Was that it, was something wrong with Eric? Had something happened to the Viking? Was he alright?

"Outside." She grabbed my arm and yanked me right out of the booth before I could utter another word.

I didn't bother to break her grasp as she dragged me towards the door. Sookie and Sam sent me worried looks, but I only waved, assuring them I was alright. But that was a complete lie. My heart was racing a mile a minute, scared of what Pam was about to tell me. I could feel my whole world beginning to crumble around me and I didn't even understand why. So much has already happened to all of us, I don't think any of us could endear anymore punishment, either physically or mentally. We needed a few good months free of drama and pain. I just wanted to be happy. But that couldn't exactly happen when vampires were dragging you out of bars looking as if the world was about to end.

"Alright, we're outside, what's going on Pam." I pulled my arm out of her grasp the moment we were outside. "What happened?"

The moment we were out of sight of any others, the mask she always wore vanished. There was fear and pain in her eyes, and I knew that everything was about to change. And not for the better.

"I received a phone call from an associate in New Orleans." her eyes closed as she spoke, as if she was trying to control her own emotions.

"Okay." I nodded, wondering where this was going. "Did something happen?"

"There was an incident at the palace." Pam's voice was even, but I could hear the slightest waver as she spoke.

"What sort of incident?" I frowned, not liking the sound of this. I was beginning to realize that this had nothing to do with Eric, but instead, Godric. And that scared me. I felt the fear forming in my heart, a painful squeezing around my lungs as I began to breathe unsteadily. Something had happened, something big. I wasn't sure what, but I knew I had to be afraid. I knew that I had to be scared. Because I've never seen Pam like this, not in the years I've known her. That alone struck fear in me. "Pam, just tell me."

"There was a bombing at the Palace." Her eyes slowly opened, her blue orbs resting on mine.

It didn't register at first what she was saying. I could hear ringing in my ears, and part of me refused to believe any of this was real. Maybe I was just dreaming this. Maybe Pam was trying to get back at me for her maker leaving. Because this just couldn't be real. It couldn't be.

But it was. It was very real. I knew that the moment I noticed the bloody tears forming in the corner of her eyes. My heart sunk as it broke in two. I didn't think I could feel another ounce of pain. I was already in so much agony from Eric leaving that I had thought I had hit rock bottom. It couldn't possibly get worse. But I had been wrong. It could get worse. And it officially had.

"A bombing?" I was sure my heart was going to leap right from my chest. I was beginning to hyperventilate as I stood there before Pam, my hands shaking uncontrollably at my sides. "Pam what do you mean there was a bombing at the palace."

"A vampire walked into the palace, with a bomb strapped to themselves." She explained, her voice strained. "My associate had watched from a distance but was unable to stop the attack in time. The palace has exploded, along with the buildings surrounding it."

"No." I shook my head. "No that's not possible. I was just talking to Godric like an hour ago. This isn't real, it can't be."

I just couldn't believe this. No. I wasn't going to believe it. I had just spoken with Godric. We were just speaking. He couldn't be...the palace, it couldn't have...no, this was just some misunderstanding.

It had to be.

"I need to call Godric." I started fishing my phone out of my pocket, only for it to fall right out of my clammy and shaking hands and to the ground. I cursed but before I could bend down to grab it, Pam had grabbed onto my arm and stopped me. "He...he has to be okay. He just has to be. I was just talking to him, Pam."

"Ellie..."

"No, he's fine. You'll see, I just have to call him and then..." I trailed off, the tears beginning to well in my eyes. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't be. Godric was all I had left. I needed him. He was always supposed to be here. He had been there long before Eric had ever been. He had saved my life, from those wishing me harm and from myself. He had to be alright, he just had to be. Because I wasn't sure what would happen to me if I lost him too. I lost my parents and my brother, and now Eric was god knows where. I couldn't lose my last hope. I couldn't lose another member of my family. This was a nightmare, it just had to be.

"You can't." Pam shook her head.

"Yes I can. I'll call him right now and show you. He's fine." I insisted, though I didn't move a muscle as the tears begin flowing down my cheeks. "He has to be okay."

"There were no known survivors, Ellie. Everyone who was in that palace has been declared dead."

"No. No that's not true. Maybe he got out. Maybe he was able to escape and..." but the panic had already set it. This couldn't be happening. He was gone. But how? How could he be gone? This wasn't real. Please god, don't let this be real!

"Maybe. But as far as we know, he's dead Ellie. Everyone in that palace is dead."

* * *

**THE END...well until the next installment!**

**A/N:** Okay, I'm cruel, and this happened so suddenly. I was trying to go to bed last night and this idea came to me. I know, I'm now hiding from all the sharp objects your about to throw at me *ducks*. I made the decision to split this new revamped fic into two because a) I didn't want to taint what's already happened and b) I wanted to give the major storylines to come enough time and breathing room so I can give it all justice. there will be lots of action, lots of drama, and the next installment really will be the ending of this series. I know you all hate me right now, but I promise that I will be starting on the next installment the moment I finish posting this so it won't be too long until we find out what's happened. and just remember, this is True Blood...and it's me...I have a habit for throwing you some curve balls. so yes, this is the end of this fic, and the next shall start soon. I hope you'll all stick by me for this next installment. I can't believe I've already 4 fics! and you've all been amazing, reviewing and reading even though it's gone on so long. so I hope you keep with me as we get through the last lag of this series! and there is a happy ending for EVERYONE on the horizon, just keep that in mind.


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